"I love to Write" Day

It was yesterday

I didn't write yesterday. 

But I did today.

And that's okay.

I will give myself grace.

For being a day late.

And be proud of myself.

For writing today.

librarianintx 

Big Brother Season 25 Finale - My Thoughts - SPOILERS!!

LET'S GOOOOO!!

Congratulations Jag!!

Such a fun season - thank you houseguests! I had been in a television slump, and Big Brother brought me out of that. 

It was a terrific ending to a very entertaining season. It was down to a tie breaker for the final HOH, with Jag squeaking past Matt for the win. 

I am SO happy that Jag chose Matt to be in the finale two. 

Minute Men forever!

In my opinion, Jag made a better case for himself to win. Matt spoke of his game in terms of a partnership with Jag. Jag emphasized his individuality, the big plays he made to systematically evict his fellow contestants. 

Some people might argue that Jag was too forceful. But I think he felt he had to do that because he knew Matt is so well-liked. After Jag evicted Bowie Jane, he said to Matt, "You're about to win." I think it was important to Jag to stay loyal to Matt, but he also was still going to do everything he could to win. You don't spend 100 days in the Big Brother house and then give up during the interrogation. You fight for the win. That is exactly what Jag did. When he said to the jury, "Your blood is all over me" - he was right. He instigated every jury member elimination. Matt and Bowie Jane were in the mafia with him, but he was the leader.   

I WAS disappointed that Matt didn't win Favorite Houseguest, but I wasn't mad that Cameron did. Cam is an excellent player, and he was a big part of why the season was so fun. I hope he and Red were able to hug it out and rekindle their bromance. 

The reveal of Cirie and Jared's relationship was hilarious! 

Kudos to Big Brother for such a diverse cast, in terms of age as well as race, ethnicity and culture. 

Congratuations to Matt for being the first Deaf contestant, and Jag for being the first Sikh contestant. 

Thank you Big Brother!!

librarianintx

Big Brother Season 25 Finale Tonight!

Let's GO!! 

I am caught up and ready for the finale, baby! :)

I am so stoked to see what happens!

I love both Matt and Jag, and I will be thrilled with either one of them wins. 

I hope they are the final two, although I will understand if either one of them decides to take Bowie Jane and vote out the other. Their chances of winning will be better if they are not sitting next to each other. But I love their loyalty to each other, even though both of them have admitted to the possibility of voting out each other.

Matt and Jag both deserve to win, in my opinion. 

Bowie Jane does not. 

I would have rather had other people as the third person: Reilly or Cirie would have been my top choices.

If Bowie Jane does make it to the final two, I'm hoping that the jury members will appreciate and reward Jag and Matt's game play. Definitely Cam has already said that he's team Jag. The only person who I think could vote for Bowie Jane would be America. 

Can't wait for tonight!

librarianintx

 

Big Brother Season 25 - Final Week

I don't think it will happen, but I have a nightmare scenario where Bowie Jane and Felicia are the final two. 

Please no. 

Mama Fe has survived the block MULTIPLE times, more than any contestant this season. But does that make her worthy of being in the final two? She hasn't won a comp. And I don't know why of the houseguests talked game with her. Anything she heard came right out of her mouth to someone. And I certainly hope she didn't intentionally use Matt's deafness when she told him that Bowie Jane and Jag were talking about him. 

As for Bowie Jane - yes, she has won a few comps. Okay. But has she made a single game move on her own? No. She has let Cameron, Jag, and Matt do all the work. They told her what to do, who to nominate, how to vote, and she did it. The end.

No matter what happens though, I have thoroughly enjoyed this season. 

librarianintx

 

Dancing with the Stars - Most Memorable Year Nite

I usually love the dances on Most Memorable Year Nite, and this episode did not disappoint!! Yes, I saw a few wobbles too, but I thoroughly enjoyed nearly every performance.

First of all, I certainly liked all the chests I had the opportunity to oggle at. I'm talking to you - Mauricio, Artem, Harry, and to a lesser extent - Gleb and Sasha. I would like to extend my appreciation to the wardrobe department. :)

Let me also say that the tribute to Len was wonderful! Len will always be a part of the show, and we will forever miss him.

My top pair this week was Charity and Artem. That Contemporary dance was Charity's breakthrough performance. The athleticism and commitment she had, as well as her trust in Artem was breathtaking. Artem's beautiful choreography allowed her to shine and connect with the audience. She deserved that 10 from Carrie Ann.

I also thought that Lele, Mauricio, Alyson, and Mira had their best performances of the season. 

Xochitl retained her top spot on the leader board, this time tied with Charity, and I also thought Ariana was back in fine form with a lovely Viennese Waltz. I loved all the female empowerment and emphasis on mental health for all in these routines. 

Now for the performances that didn't work for me:

The judges declared that Jason was back in the game after his Quickstep. I also thought it was entertaining, and his personality and musicality were once again in fine form. But I thought he would get dinged for being out of hold too much. He wasn't.

I give Harry a lot of credit for all the lifts in his and Rylee's Contemporary routine. They were all well-executed and fully completed. So that is something. But in between the lifts, Rylee was the only one dancing. There has to be more to a performance than lifts. 

Finally, Barry and Peta's Paso Doble. Was I watching the same dance that the judges were? They were impressed. Derek even said that Len would have loved the routine. To me, it came across as comical when it was supposed to be fierce. He just stood and made shapes and then walked as Peta danced. I could also see Peta coaching him throughout the routine which I found distracting. It just did not work for me. But good for him that the judge liked it. That's what matters. 

Unfortunately we had to say goodbye to Mira and Gleb. She looked so sad. She certainly struggled with confidence, but it was evident that dancing means a lot to her.

librarianintx

"Dancing with the Stars" Disney Nite

Sorry, dance fans. 

I was not feeling Disney Nite. 

Once again the enthusiasm was overwhelming while most of the dances were disappointing. 

One team was a clear winner for me. 

A few dances were solid. 

One favorite dropped out of my best dances list, while a new pair slipped in.

Xochitl & Val's Paso Doble to a song from the movie Coco was tops with me and the judges. She was a little smiley for the Paso, but it was crisp, sharp, fast, and entertaining. I am amazed at her ability to inhabit and bring to life every character she is presented with. And her personality and musicality continue to be off the charts. 

The new pairing to make my list of top dances of the week was Lele & Brandon. She definitely listened more to the judges and less to her inner critic. Their Lion King Rumba was very solid. She had good hip action, nice musicality, and chemistry with Brandon. It was wonderful to see her pleased with her performance and proud of herself. 

On the flip side, Jason & Daniella slid out of my list of top dances. His Aladdin-inspired Foxtrot was honestly boring to me, even though I like him, and I love that song. His timing was off and he looked uncomfortable. Hopefully he will bounce back next week.

Two dances were in the good category for me this week: Ariana & Pasha's Contemporary to a song from Frozen 2, and Charity and Artem's Waltz from The Little Mermaid. Ariana looked beautiful, and I felt her emotion during the dance. But I agree with Carrie Ann that she could have done more. She looked slightly tentative for the first time, which took the dance from great to good. Charity and Artem's Waltz was lovely, but I wanted a little more. 

I'm sorry to say that everyone else was disappointing for me. 

Hopefully next week will be better. 

librarianintx

"Dancing with the Stars" Motown Nite

The first winner of Motown Nite IMO (In My Opinion) was the music. I love Motown music! 

The other three winners were my top 3 of the competition this season: Jason, Ariana, and Xotichl.

Jason and Daniella danced a Jive to the Contours hit "Do You Love Me?" Bruno proclaimed it looked like a scene from a movie. I think it looked like a deleted scene from "Dirty Dancing." Everything about the performance was so spot on. Jason said he was exhausted in rehearsals, but in the live show he had just the right amount of energy. He was so light on his feet; he made the dance look effortless. The musicality and personality was off the chart. It was a perfect song choice for a Jive. And there was plenty of Jive content too.

My second favorite dance of the night was Ariana and Pasha's Quickstep to the Supreme's hit "You Can't Hurry Love." Ariana rocked it! The dance was indeed quick, and they made it look easy. They covered the entire floor. I loved all the flourishes and personality, Ariana flirting with the audience. Her costume and hair were perfection as well. Style and flair!

Coming in an extremely close third was Xochitl and Val's Foxtrot to Mary Well's "My Guy." I am SO impressed with Xochitl! Seventeen years old, but she danced that routine with such sophistication and panache, plus a boatload of personality. She has nailed every dance so far in my opinion. Even the wardrobe malfunction didn't faze her. This performance was like musical theater, Old Hollywood style. Last week Rita Moreno...this week Rita Hayworth? I don't know about Val, but Xochitl definitely has "hella riz"!

Tyson and Jenna were eliminated. Tyson has struggled, but I think it should have been Maurico or Harry. 

librarianintx

Gloves

In typical Texas fashion, we went from the Hell's Front Porch of summer to Old Man winter seemingly overnight.

Saturday was sunny and steamy.

By Sunday afternoon, we were measuring temps by wind chills.

Stop laughing Northern states!

Anyway, Sunday night I pulled out my corduroy pants, fleece jacket, fuzzy socks, and overcoat. I was as prepared as I could be. Yes, I have a winter cap, but I was going to work, so hat hair was not an option.

But I was missing one item.

Gloves

Who cares? Snorts the Northern states. You'll only be outside for a minute. Just put your hands in your pockets. You'll be fine.

Nope.

Cold and windy hits my extremities immediately. 

I stayed up past my bedtime looking for my gloves. 

I know I have four pairs.

But where?

Not in the front closet.

Or in my closet.

Not in a drawer.

Of course I wasn't smart enough to leave a pair in my coat pocket.

Well, I thought, sounds crazy, but I'll wear socks on my hands if I have to.

Anything to avoid that bone-chilling feeling.

So with that plan in place I snuggled into my warm bed.

As I drifted off to sleep, I remembered!

My gloves are in a box on the desk in the living room. Hooray!

So today I am grateful for gloves, warm clothes, and a bus with heat.

librarianintx 

Dancing with the Stars: Latin Night

I know I'm weeks behind, but determined to catch up.

Luckily, I enjoyed Latin Night more than the first week of competition. I think everyone improved at least a little. And I loved the music - Bad Bunny, Daddy Yankee, Shakira, and Ricky Martin to name a few. I like the Latin dances better than ballroom.

My two favorites so far are Xochitl and Ariana, with Jason a close third. I completely agree with Carrie Ann - I saw Rita Morena (and a tinge of "West Side Story") in Xochitl's performance. I love how seemingly comfortable Xochitl and Ariana are with their bodies, and the musicality they embodied in their routines. 

My scores were in line with the judges, but I felt differently about two of the dances. I gave Ariana and Pasha a higher score than the judges did: an 8 from me, with 7's from Derek and Bruno and a 6 from Carrie Ann. I understand that they are the professionals and I am not. I loved Ariana's sensuality and I thought she had a good Samba bounce and rhythm. 

With regard to Alyson and Sasha's Tango - our scores were similar, but the judges liked the dance more than I did. Compared to the other dances, which were more fun and sexy, I found this Tango too stiff and emotionless. I understand that Alyson couldn't joke her way through this performance, but I found it rather boring. 

I do not agree with who went home. Jamie Lynn's Cha Cha was more perky than sexy. She looked like a high school cheerleader more than a ballroom dancer. But she was not the worst of the night. No one was terrible in my opinion, but despite nice lifts and decent hip action, Mauricio struggled to recover from an apparent mid-routine memory lapse. We should have been saying goodbye to him. 

Looking forward to Motown night!

librarianintx

Big Brother - Tonight's Episode (Duh, Spoilers!) :)

Let's Go!!!!

Whew! Jag lives to see another day in the BB house. 

But I have no illusions. 

His days are likely numbered. 

Even his Ride or Die is murmuring behind his back. 

But at least Bowie Jane and Matt managed to win for the alliance tonight. 

I was wrong that Blue was loyal to Jag. 

She was gunning for him as much as America was. 

So best that they are both in the jury house. 

Yay for live streaming!

librarianintx

 

 

Big Brother - SPOILERS!

The live double eviction episode starts in less than 18 minutes. 

I hope I can stream it.

I agree with Cirie.

I think Jag is making a mistake by targeting Blue.

Yes, Blue is better at competitions than America.

So he sees Blue as more of a threat.

But Blue is loyal to Jag.

At least for now.

Jag, please tell me you don't believe that America will keep you safe.

She already went behind your back to Blue.

And you blindsided her and her man.

She will not keep her promise to you.

One more thing.

Matt, Bowie Jane, and Mama Fe, y'all gotta step the hell up. Jag is an island right now. He's having to win everything. He's going to start drowning if he doesn't get some help. Alliance doesn't mean that one person does all the work. Someone that he trusts needs to win. 

librarianintx

"Be On Time Chronicles" - Dressed and Ready...

Monday morning.

And all was well. 

Until it wasn't.

I showered, dressed, took my medicine, did my skin care routine, even had time to make my bed and choose a bracelet.

I was outside at the appointed time. It was raining, so I put on my waterproof  jacket and dodged the drops and mosquitos for the required 30 minutes. 

No ride. 

At 8:35, I began my search for the truth.

I was transferred and put on hold three times. 

WHAT WAS HAPPENING?!

Was my ride still coming?

Was I no-showed?

Was my ride cancelled? 

Did my time change? 

At 8:55, I was finally informed.

When I learned that my intended vehicle had been involved in an accident, my attitude changed. I felt bad for the driver and passengers, and hoped everyone was okay. Since I had a meeting at 10, I decided to work from home rather than wait longer for a replacement ride. I was grateful for the ability to work remotely. Yes, it was frustrating to get ready and then not be able to go to the office. Inconvenience is annoying. But I was safe. I have understanding supervisors. I could salvage the day. I still had the opportunity to be productive. 

Focus on the good. 

librarianintx

The Challenge USA Season 2 Finale

I haven't blogged about it, but I watched every episode this season, and I really enjoyed it. 

I watched some Real World / Road Rules Challenge seasons, but I don't remember all of the vets. I remember Wes though - how much he has changed! 

My favorites this season were Tyler and Michaela. But I am happy for Chris and Desi. I am also proud of Cory - he did not give up, and fought back from a five minute penalty to come in second place for the guys. I felt bad that Michaela couldn't finish the course, but I hope she was proud of herself for all the times she faced her fears. I was also happy to see Bananas make it to the summit. 

These contestants were very fun to watch, no matter what they were doing - competing, celebrating, strategizing, fighting, smooching, and even puking. That "steel stomach" challenge was hilarious!

librarianintx

Big Brother Season 25 - SPOILERS!

I'm caught up!!

There's an episode tonight, but I'll be listening to the Astros game.

OMG!! That double blindside was THE BEST!!!!

Sorry, America, I am not "Team Comerica".

It was SO MUCH FUN watching Cory and America bask in their supposed safety and then have to sit their buts in the nomination chairs.

I felt a teeny bit sorry when America burst into tears, but then when she ripped into Jag I didn't feel bad for her anymore. America is responsible for what happened to her and Cory when she blabbed to Blue. America might be a super fan, but she is all talk and no game (except what happens under the sheets between her and Cory, which I don't want to think about, honestly).

I am SO GLAD that Jag came to his senses! I mean, I get it. He wants to go as far as he can with people are less deserving of a win. But he and Blue have been tight from the beginning. I did not want him to eliminate her before Cory and America. At some point, he may have to decide between Matt and Blue. 

Unfortunately, Jag is too good of a player. I know there is a good chance he won't win. He and Cam are the most deserving in my opinion. I will be most disappointed if America or Bowie wins.

librarianintx

 

Sources for free or reduced price books

Most people look forward to Fridays, and I do too.

But one of my favorite times of the week is Thursdays around 10 pm.

That's when I get the e-mail that lists the free "Hourly History" books for the week.

Hourly History publishes short books on a ton of historical people and time periods. 

If you sign up for their weekly e-mails, they will send you a list of about ten books that are offered free on Kindle. 

If I even think I might be interested, I get the book.

Why not - it's free! And they are e-books, so they aren't stacking up in my apartment.

Hourly History books are between 30 - 60 pages usually, and are designed to be a brief overview of a person's life or time period. I have read 12 Hourly History books so far. Some examples: Mary Todd Lincoln, Queen Mary I, Amelia Earhart, President John F. Kennedy, and Marie Antoinette. Here's the link if you want to sign up: https://hourlyhistory.com 

I like Hourly History books because they are interesting and short reads. The idea is that one can be read in an hour's time, but I don't read that fast.

Amazon has a plethora of Hourly History books. The ones that aren't free are usually $2.99.

Here are some other ideas for free or reduced price books:

Your public library! (says the librarian). Of course, you can't keep those, but they are free to borrow.

Freebooksy: https://www.freebooksy.com/ This is another site where they will send an e-mail (in this case daily), but not just for Kindle books. The majority of these books are free. I have found a few books this way.

Book Bub: https://www.bookbub.com/ - very low prices on e-books - also a daily e-mail.

Bargain Booksy: https://www.bargainbooksy.com/ - e-books for $5 or less. Also a daily e-mail.

Thriftbooks: www.thriftbooks.com - a site that sells print books in various formats (hardcover, paperback, mass market paperback) plus audio books, collectible books, movies, music, video games, and more at good prices. You can also choose the condition of the item: like new, very good, good, acceptable, and new. New items are going to be regular price. 

librarianintx

Connections Game

https://www.nytimes.com/games/connections

I enjoy games.

Especially word games.

My roommate introduced me to Wordle.

And then he got me into Connections.

The premise of Connections is simple.

Take the 16 words, and form them into groups of four. 

The words in each group will be connected in some way.

That's where the simplicity ends.

Figuring out how the words are connected is sometimes easy and sometimes maddening. To add to the frustration, sometimes a word will fit in more than category. But there can only be four words per category. 

Sometimes you have to know about music. Movies. Old slang. New slang. Parts of something. Examples of something. The possible connections are many. Some are very obscure.

Each group is assigned a color. Purple is usually the most difficult,  followed by blue, then green, then yellow. I sometimes call purple the "WTF" category.  Sometimes I only get it by process of elimination.

I'm getting better at the game. I'm learning to be more patient, to work it out on paper, and not to make hasty guesses. You only get three tries to make the connections.

I find it fascinating, because I used to hate being frustrated. If something was too difficult,  I would give up. Now I enjoy the process. Sometimes with this game, you have to stare at it, walk away, then come back to it. When you finally get it, when the light bulb comes on and you make sense of a bunch of words that seem to have no connection - it is a delicious feeling. 

I'll give you an example from a previous game. Take the word "booty." It can be slang for your butt. But it can also be slang for some kind of wealth. In that game, there were already four words that meant butt: buns, bottom, tail, and seat. So booty went with loot, swag, and spoils.

There's only one Connections game per day. Give it a try! It can take awhile to get the hang of it. Don't give up! Challenge yourself! Your brain will thank you.

librarianintx 

Dancing with the Stars Week 1

Yes, dance fans I'm two episodes behind!!

For me, the level of excitement in the ballroom was a 14, while the level of dancing...was around a 5.

I was over-stimulated, and underwhelmed. 

The show was super-sized, but the dances seemed short, so that frustrated me.

There isn't anyone that I'm excited about this season.

But enough bitching.

I still love the show.

I see potential in a few dancers.

Only two impressed me in this first episode: Charity and Ariana. Both did a Tango.

The dancers can work on their moves, Julianne can work on her hosting skills, and I'll work on my enthusiasm for this season.

librarianintx 

Big Brother - Last Week's Episodes

Haha on me!

"Bowie Jane is a floater" - and then she takes out arguably the best player of the season.

However, she would not have made that move if Jag had not given her intel about what Cam was saying about her. Plus he won the POV and took Mama Fe off the block, so...

Therefore,  I'm giving the cred to Jag, not Bowie Jane.

Cam played hard. I liked his sense of humor. I also liked how he was giving advice to Cirie on his way out. He's a good guy.

Who do I think deserves to win at this point?

Top Tier: Jag and Cory

Middle Tier: Cirie, Mama Fe, and Matt

Bottom Tier: Blue, Bowie Jane, and America

Who am I rooting for:

Jag

Matt

Cirie

librarianintx 

Big Brother - When Bowie Jane was HOH

I haven't watched this week's episodes yet, so I don't know what happened. 

I just thought it was hilarious that while the entire episode revolved around who Bowie Jane should nominate - hardly any of the conversations included Bowie Jane!! Everyone else was talking about who she should nominate. To me, that just emphasized her floater status. And for me, she lived up to that status by making a very boring decision. She didn't nominate the two best players currently in the game: Cory and Cam. She didn't attempt to break up the showmance: Cory and America. No, she nominated Felicia and Cirie. I don't consider them floaters, but they have no alliances and likely don't have a high probability of making it to finale night. 

Bowie Jane's decision didn't make anyone happy, but also showed she's not someone who will make a big move when given the opportunity. I understand her loyalty to Cam, but why not nominate Cory and America? Cory didn't protect her when he was HOH; he had bigger fish to fry.

Maybe a bigger threat got back-doored...

BTW, I'm still enjoying this season. Zombie week was so much fun!

librarianintx 

Ageism Awareness Day

https://www.asaging.org/ageism-awareness

October 7th is Ageism Awareness Day

Ageism is as insidious as racism, sexism, ableism and other forms of discrimination. 

Older people can and are productive, active, contributing members of society. 

Modern medicine and good lifestyle choices such as eating well, exercising, sleeping well, and taking care of your mental and emotional health can keep people living longer and prevent chronic conditions.

If you are an older person, live well, stay active, keep learning, and be a role model.

If you are a younger person, don't buy in to and promote stereotypes and negative attitudes toward older adults. 

I am an older adult. 

I am learning Spanish and sign language and how to sight read braille.

I play Connections, Wordle, and Blossom every day.

I try to exercise and eat healthy every day. 

I use a rollator and a shower chair and I have a cane. My assistive devices help me stay safe and active. No one should be ridiculed or teased for needing assistive devices. I hate entertainment that includes negative depictions and stereotypes of older adults. That includes the "over the hill" / "old person" gag gifts and greeting cards. They are insulting. 

Aging can be challenging, but it's also something to be grateful for. 

We are given time to develop, grow, learn, succeed.

We are given the opportunity to be both a witness to, and an active participant in, history.

And we are privileged to watch future generations follow in our footsteps. 

#reframingaging

#bethechange

librarianintx

Tech Support

It was a good week for this technology-challenged librarian.

These were the problems and how I solved them:

Problem: Home printer wasn't working

Reason: power strip wasn't plugged in properly

Solution: crawled under the desk and pushed the plug into the outlet

Problem: Alexa wasn't working

Reason: Cord wasn't plugged in properly

Solution: got behind the chair and pushed the plug into the outlet

Problem: Fire TV wasn't recognizing the remote

Solution: Followed the onscreen instructions to fix the issue (holding buttons on the remote for ten seconds)

Problem: Needed to know how to shorten a URL for a work blog post

Solution: googled it! (Go to https://tinyurl.com/app, put in your long URL, and it creates a tinyurl.com URL. You can also use http://bitly.com, but you have to create a free account and can only do 10 links per month.)

So okay, the problems weren't difficult. But I still figured them out by myself. :)

librarianintx 

tWitch Remembered

Stephen "tWitch" Boss would have celebrated his 41st birthday yesterday. 

He died by suicide earlier this year.

I met tWitch briefly after a So You Think You Can Dance tour performance in Austin. But I didn't know him. He was a celebrity I watched on television. He was always smiling, always laughing,  always dancing. He had a beautiful wife and three precious children. From my vantage point, he had the perfect life: fame, fortune, love, health.

I was gutted when I learned of his death. I still am. How could someone who had a seemingly perfect existence choose to end it? 

In the beginning I wondered if there was some dark secret he was hiding from everyone. Financial problems? Guilt over infedility? Something from the past he didn't want to surface?

Any of that is possible. But I realized the reason could be simple and heartbreaking: tWitch may have suffered from imposter syndrome. He had family, friends, and fans around the world who adored him. I never heard anyone say a bad word about him. But he didn't feel worthy. He didn't feel deserving of love and respect. He was in too much pain. He couldn't stay.

Having people in your life who care about you and support is very important. Everyone needs that.

AND - 

Love yourself.

Believe in your worth.

Know you are here for a reason.

We miss you tWitch.

librarianintx 

Loneliness

I attended Yom Kippur services virtually again this year. 

For the first time in quite awhile, I watched Kol Nidre services as well, plus Yizkor. This gave me the opportunity to hear three sermons, all of which were excellent and thought-provoking. 

When the rabbi began her speech about loneliness by showing a picture of Taylor Swift, the congregants (and me) giggled at first. But very quickly I understood the point she was making. Because during the pandemic I have been learning about loneliness and the effect it can have on our emotional and physical health. Taylor Swift is an incredibly famous celebrity. Thanks to her talent and hard work, the world is her oyster. She can afford to do just about anything. There is no doubt she has many friends. But because she is so famous, her life is restricted. She likely has to have bodyguards everywhere she goes. She can't go for a walk or catch a movie on a whim. Fans love her, but they also constantly want something from her. Anonymity is not an option, unless she considers going incognito. 

So you might say, "Well, I'm not gonna feel sorry for Taylor Swift. Her money can buy her happiness." And I get that. But loneliness is still loneliness. 

Chronic loneliness can cause depression, anxiety, even thoughts of suicide. It can lead to abuse of alcohol and drugs. It can also contribute to chronic health conditions such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. Loneliness can be as dangerous as smoking.

People of any age can experience loneliness. Older adults and people with disabilities can have the added difficulties of lack of reliable caregivers, accessible transportation, mobility issues, and financial limitations that make it difficult to be social. 

There is help available if you are lonely. While social media like Facebook can actually increase feelings of loneliness, the Internet can lead to sources for connection, such as meetup groups for hobbies, support groups, book clubs, companionship, and lifelong learning - both in person and online. If you are a person of faith, consider contacting a local house of worship to find out about in-person and streaming events. With anything you try, it's important to attend more than once. Friendships and connections are usually not instantaneous. It can take time to feel comfortable in a new group. 

librarianintx

Falls are not a normal part of aging

Falling doesn't have to be in your future. 

It is true that older adults are more prone to falls, and more likely to injure themselves when they do fall. 

Falls can lead to injury, immobility, fear of future falls, and loss of independence. Immobility, even for short periods of time, can make you susceptible to infections, blood clots, and pneumonia. 

Lifestyle changes can greatly reduce your risk of falling. Here are a few examples:

1) Remove throw rugs and reduce clutter to avoid tripping

2) Have adequate lighting in your home

3) Be aware that some medications have side effects of dizziness and/or drowsiness

4) If you must drink alcohol, drink in moderation

5) Ascend and descend stairs cautiously

6) See a doctor if you are experiencing dizziness

7) Consider physical therapy to address balance concerns. Some physical therapists will work with you at home. You can also find balance exercises on YouTube. Yoga and Tai Chi will also help with balance. Cardio and strength training are important forms of exercise, but so is balance.

Finally, if you are falling, or close to falling, no matter how old you are, please consider a mobility device such as a cane, walker, or rollator. Don't let pride, ageism, or stigma stop you. A mobility device will not 100% prevent you from falling, but it will reduce your chances, and will also give you the stability and confidence to keep moving. A functional medicine specialist or physical therapist can assist you on deciding which device is best for you.

For more information, visit: https://www.ncoa.org/older-adults/health/prevention/falls-prevention

librarianintx

Keys to Longevity

 Jimmy Carter will celebrate his 99th birthday tomorrow.  

 Ninety nine years on this earth is an impressive accomplishment. 

For President Carter, it is even more more reason to celebrate, given the factors that could have shortened his life. 

His father and siblings died of pancreatic cancer. 

In 2015, he was diagnosed with melanoma that spread to his liver in brain. 

In 2019, he had a series of falls that resulted in broken bones. 

Seven months ago, he entered hospice. 

Most people are in hospice care for six months or less. 

The 8 general principles of good health are:

    fresh air

    hydration

    sunlight

    nutritious food

    sleep 

    exercise

    meditation

    feeling in control

The article I'll include at the end of this post outlines four habits that have likely contributed to President Carter's longevity: 

#1: A sense of purpose: Community involvement and volunteering have been a hallmark of Jimmy Carter's post presidential existence. Through his work with Habit for Humanity, he has helped to build, renovate, and repair thousands of homes in more than a dozen countries. 

Helping other people can help you.

#2: Strong family ties: Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter have been married for 77 years, and maintain close relationships with their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  

Family keeps you young, engaged, connected.

#3: Regular exercise: President Carter was a runner into his early 80's, then switched to swimming and walking. He's also been an avid bike rider. 

Exercise is good for mental as well as physical health. 

#4: Faith: For nearly forty years, President Carter regularly taught Sunday School at the Plains, Georgia Baptist church where he and Rosalyn attend services. 

Faith fuels your spirit. Feeling connected to a Higher Power can help your body and your mind. 

Evidence is showing that lifestyle can influence both your quality as well as quantity of life. Making positive changes in the eight principles of good health and other habits can help you prevent chronic conditions, even if you have a family history of disease. 

librarianintx

https://news.yahoo.com/jimmy-carter-turns-99

 

Big Brother 9/17 episode

I'm behind as usual.

But I'm still in mourning over Izzy's eviction.

While I don't like it when players leave abruptly when they're voted out, and of course I do not condone any form of violence, I laughed out loud when Izzy pushed Cam away and said, "I'll be seeing you next week, Piggy." It was just the right amount of playful sass, but I know she was also so upset that Cam's plan to get her out worked.

My other thought:

Jared is playing a terrible mental game. He and Cirie are still in the game because luckily he can win comps. Cory was absolutely right in everything he said about Jared and Cirie. Jared was trying to bulldoze his way through multiple lies. And Cirie has become entangled in too many alliances.

I'm rooting for Matt and Jag.

librarianintx 

Big Brother 9/7 Episode - Spoilers

Oh BB, how you toy with us Jag fans.

First you made us think Jag was going out on a unanimous vote when Cam was HOH.

Then you led us to believe the majority was going to flip and kick out Jag instead of Red when Jared was HOH.

But they didn't. 

Jag survived another week.

Whew.

But this week - Cam is in power again, and everyone except Bowie Jane is waiting for the ax to fall.

My prediction: Cam will nominate Matt and Jared. But Izzy and Cirie are also strong possibilities. 

Cam had to watch his bromance partner walk out the door. He is out for revenge. 

I don't dislike Red. I think he was a good competitor. But he made a huge mistake when he believed Jared and didn't have a heart to heart with Cam. I don't believe Cam was throwing Red under the bus. He was simply telling Jared what J wanted to hear. He was playing the game.

librarianintx 

Memories

Relationships can be difficult. 

With family

With friends

But it's important to nurture and grow relationships.

To build connections. 

To avoid loneliness and isolation.

To learn from each other.

And to make memories that will sustain you.

Yesterday we remembered someone on his special birthday.

Memories of fun times, inside jokes, and shared laughter brought smiles and comfort to ease the grief.

This is what life is all about.

Make your mark on the world.

Share yourself with others.

Live to be cherished ... celebrated .... by your loved ones who will instill your legacy in future generations. 

The body dies, but the spirit ... and the memories ... are everlasting. 

librarianintx

Big Brother 8/31 Episode - Spoilers!

I haven't seen Sunday night's episode yet, and I'm late posting about Thursday. 

But I have to say THANK YOU to Matt for saving Jag!! My excitement might be short-lived. Cam or Red could have won HOH, and could have targeted Jag again, or Matt if they found out who thwarted their plans.

But for right now I'm happy. It was so delicious to be in suspense, wondering if Jag was going to walk out the front door. Yay Matt for making a big move!

I would love to see Matt, Jag, and Cirie as the final three.

It will be interesting to see how Jared reacts to someone saving Jag instead of Blue.

librarianintx 

Big Brother - My Thoughts BEFORE the POV Comp

I think it's smart to keep Hisam in the dark and plan to back door him.

But it IS a dangerous plan - because Hisam is a strong competitor.

If he is picked for POV, he could win.

And then what will Felicia do? Keep the noms the same?

Neither Cameron or Jag are in her alliance, so she likely will. 

It's so hard - I like everyone!

I don't even dislike Hisam - I just think he's playing a bad game. 

He's not a terrible person, but he needs to work on not talking down to people - especially women - who are the majority of his alliance. 

It will be interesting to see what happens. 

There should have been drinking a game with Sunday's episode - take a swig every time Hisam said how happy he was to be safe for the week.

librarianintx

Salads

You may have heard the term "girl dinner" lately - for me this summer has been all about salads.

I haven't been much of a salad eater until now. I have had trouble chewing and swallowing lettuce, and I felt like I needed to concentrate on higher calorie food to maintain my weight.

But I know salads can be very healthy, and I am enjoying experimenting with different ingredients. My salads are not unique or elaborate. But I have liked everything I've made. And it feels good to create something that is fresh, healthy, and usually quick to assemble (some faster than others). Here are a few:

Quinoa chicken salad:

Quinoa

Diced chicken 

Grape Tomatoes

Cucumbers

Homemade dressing:

Olive oil

Apple Cider vinegar

Cumin

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Italian Seasoning 

Salt

Shrimp spinach salad:

Shrimp

Baby Spinach

Avocado

Grape Tomatoes 

Avocado goddess dressing 

Cobb salad:

Diced chicken 

Hard boiled egg

Baby Spinach

Avocado

Grape Tomatoes

Avocado goddess dressing

Chicken salad:

Diced chicken 

Grapes

Ground walnuts

Mayo

Italian Seasoning 

Onion powder 

Salt

Baby Spinach

I want to experiment more. I know yogurt is a healthier alternative to mayo, but I haven't tried that. I've also made tuna salad, salmon salad, egg salad with avocado, and pasta salad with chicken.

Librarianintx 

Big Brother - My Thoughts So Far

I haven't been watching television lately, so it feels good to be watching a show again.

I have not seen last night's episode, so I don't know who was voted out.

I'm very pleased with how diverse the cast is. Honestly, there isn't anyone I don't like yet. But that can change on a dime. I still like Hisam, but I think his emphasis on truth and transparency is coming across as controlling and being arrogant. He needs to check himself before he wrecks his game.

While I don't have a favorite yet, I will say I'm a big fan of Cirie, and would love to see her go far. I think she has the fortitude and game play to win, but I do worry that she and Jared are being seen together too much, and she was showing motherly concern when he was in the Nether World.

Kudos to BB for having a Deaf houseguest this season. I read a lengthy article about the work they have done and the technology they have implemented to level the playing field for Matt, including making sure the audio veto competition from Wednesday night was accessible for him.

librarianintx 

Trying...and Doing

It wasn't such a big thing.

People do it all the time.

She's done it before 

Made it to work after a poor night of sleep.

Doing it doesn't make her special 

Or inspirational 

Or important

But it did make her proud of herself 

Something she is learning to be

And she felt resilient

An adjective she's longed to feel worthy of

She accomplished more than she thought she could

Both with her brain and her body

Fatigue did not win today.

Each time she has even a small victory.

She congratulations herself

And makes a space to remember 

The next time she tells herself she can't 

librarianintx

Orange Clothes

I promise, this is not a post about college football.

It's just a background story.

I went to UT for grad school.

My mom's side of the family is mostly an Aggie dynasty.

If you're from Texas, or know about college football, you get it.

I have never owned a stitch of orange clothing.

When I went to UT, I bought a school shirt that was not orange (not easy to find)

But things change.

People change.

My family still bleeds maroon.

THAT hasn't changed.

But I decided I don't have to dislike orange anymore.

I now have two orange shirts 

One long sleeve, one short sleeve.

I have an orange jacket.

I even have orange undies. 😊

Call it orange

Tangerine

Dreamsicle?

Coral?

It's new and different and I like it.

Change can be fun.

librarianintx

Brown Sandals

Silly how happy my new sandals have made me.

But it has been a journey finding BROWN sandals that fit my tiny feet. Little girls do not pine away for brown sandals apparently (See what I did there?)

But I have been. I wear brown quite a bit. The brown sandals I've been wearing for years were looking like the Velveteen Rabbit. They were hanging on by a thread. And this matchy girl can not wear another color sandal with brown pants or capris. Shudder.

My mother did her best. She lives for a shopping challenge. Before the pandemic she went to MULTIPLE stores looking for size two brown sandals. Not just the size, but there were other requirements: I can't wear backless sandals. Little to no heel. And the new trend where the strap comes high up on the ankle - can't do it.

My mom had her work cut out for her.

After an exhaustive search, she found two pairs for me. One was more of a nude color. Not brown. The other pair were the color of mud. Not cute. But they were the best she could find. And I appreciated her efforts.

Then came the pandemic. Other problems took precedence, and I forgot about trivial pursuits like new sandals.

But recently I renewed my quest. And it was MUCH easier this time. Amazon had several brown sandals to choose from. Buying shoes online can turn out great or badly. But yay, finally success! Cute brown sandals that fit!

I am on my way to work. The library is freezing. But fashion over comfort, girl. I couldn't wait to wear them.

Thank you for your years of service old brown sandals.

librarianintx 

You Can Not Win and Still Succeed

Reality shows have demonstrated that we can come up short in one aspect of our journey but still succeed in life.

Plenty of "American Idol" contestants have failed to win the crown, but have used the exposure from the show to craft careers in the entertainment business. Jennifer Hudson is a primary example of this. She finished seventh in her season. Now she has a Tony, an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Grammy. And a talk show.

Ali Stroker and Alex Newell both competed on the reality show "The Glee Project." Neither won the show. But both ended up on "Glee." And both are now Tony award winners. Further, both are history-making Tony award winners. Ali is the first wheelchair user and Alex shares the distinction of being the first non-binary individual to win a Tony (J Harrison Ghee won the same night).

Ali and Alex are shining examples of two important life reminders:

Failure is often one (or more) steps in the path to success.

Success is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself. 

"Corny" but true.

See what I did there? :)

librarianintx 

Mobility Aids

I was 16 years old when I got my first mobility aid - a scooter called an Amigo.

I used scooters to get around at undergrad and grad schools, and portable wheelchairs when I went to places off campus that required a lot of walking. 

As an adult I experienced a lengthy stretch when I rarely needed a mobility device. I wasn't cured; I still had Muscular Dystrophy. But I was stable. My form of MD is static, or very slowly progressive. I wasn't traveling much,  and I didn't go to many places that required a lot of walking. Only very occasionally did I use my portable wheelchair. More often I would borrow a wheelchair or scooter at the place where I went, such as a museum or a convention center.

Walking, more specifically balance, became an issue during the pandemic, as I was also going through menopause (a fantastic combo, let me tell you!) I wasn't falling, but I became fearful of falling. And my legs ached. The hills in my apartment complex became difficult to manage, as I strove to continue exercising. 

I delayed the inevitable, but finally admitted to myself that I needed an assistive device. Because I want to keep walking for as long as I can, I chose a rollator this time instead of a scooter. 

My friends got me a petite rollator, designed for someone vertically challenged. :) "She" is purple and I named "her" Poppy. I also now have a cane. "He" is blue and another friend came up with the name "Cobalt" for him.

I could feel sad that I need assistive devices again. But I choose to look at the situation more positively. I am lucky there are mobilty aids available that can keep me both ambulatory and safe.

There are days I still struggle with ableism, and ageism. Rollators and canes are for "old" people. They are often used as fodder for jokes and ridicule. But when I use Poppy and Cobalt, I hold my head up and walk with confidence. I know I need them, and my life is enriched by having them, and using them.

I gave them names because I name all of my medical equipment. And because I think telling people their names if the subject arises can be an ice breaker. It's not because I'm trying to act like a child. It's just a quirky aspect of my personality. 

librarianintx

American Idol

I have no one to blame but myself. 

I know better.

The last time I seriously watched, I voted religiously for James Dubin.

He finished fourth.

I was wrecked for him.

But we all know that you don't have to win AI to become a star.

Many times, it's better not to win.

But We'ani deserved better than Top 5.

She is a star.

She will have a career.

I can't wait to hear the music she creates.

In the meantime, I will savor her AI performances - especially "Something's Got a Hold On Me," "I Have Nothing," and her audition song, "Anyone."

Don't give up We'ani.

Continue to be "diligent"

You will have your place in the "Diva Club" 

Not "diva" as in attitude -

"Diva" as in talent.

librarianintx 

May is National Osteoporosis Month

Here's a great site about National Osteoporosis Month from the Bone Health and Osteoporosis Foundation: https://www.bonehealthandosteoporosis.org/awareness-month/

On the site you can find

a social media toolkit

kick off events

on demand webinars

a Four Day Bone Health Challenge (starts on May 18)

podcast episodes

information on support and how to share your story

Many people think that osteoporosis is a disease you get when you're older. And for some, that is true. But young people can develop the condition as well. 

Osteoporosis means that you have low bone density. This can lead to fractures. 

Risk factors include:

• Getting older
• Being small and thin
• Having a family history of osteoporosis
• Taking certain medicines, like steroids
  
• Being a white or Asian woman
  

Taking vitamin D + calcium and eating calcium-rich foods can help keep your bones strong.

Exercise can also help, especially strength-training exercises such as working with weights and resistance bands. Certain yoga poses are also good for your bones. Walking outside and stair climbing can be beneficial. But if you have osteoporosis, consult a doctor before you begin an exercise regiment. 

Balance and fall prevention are also important components of osteoporosis treatment. 

There are medications to treat osteoporosis. Some are oral medicines, while others are injections and infusions. An endocrinologist can inform you about the risks and benefits of each medication. 

For women who are peri-menopausal or menopausal, hormone replacement therapy can help maintain bone density.

Osteoporosis medicines can be controversial, as can eating dairy and taking supplements for the condition. Consult with a doctor, preferably an endocrinologist, to create a care plan that works for you. 

I was diagnosed with osteoporosis at the age of 38. Because of swallowing difficulties, I have not been able to take oral medications. So far I have done the following to treat my osteoporosis:

two years of daily injections (Forteo)

one infusion (Reclast)

and two doses of Prolia (twice a year injection)

I am also on hormone replacement therapy, I take a calcium and vitamin D supplement, I eat calcium-rich foods (cheese, milk, cottage cheese, yogurt), and I exercise (walking, weights, balance exercises, and some yoga).

I have been extremely fortunate that what I am doing seems to be helping. After a dip in my bone density following the stoppage of oral contraceptive use, I have seen gains in my bone density, likely due to the Prolia. In particular, the bone density in my femoral neck increased quite a bit. I am now officially in osteopenia (a precursor to osteoporosis) in my forearm and femoral neck. I am still in the osteoporosis range in my hips.

It's never too early to think about keeping your bones strong. If you don't like dairy, or are sensitive to it, you can eat things like leafy greens and beans. Be active - weights, walking, and hiking are better for your bones than bike riding or swimming. Learn about what medicines can make you more susceptible to bone density issues.

Learn more about osteoporosis here: https://www.niams.nih.gov/health-topics/bone-health-and-osteoporosis

librarianintx

Disability Book Week

Disability Book Week occurs every year during the week of April 23 - 29. It is a worldwide celebration of books with disability characters or themes. 

Learn more about it at https://disabilitybookweek.org 

 

Here are some memoirs I've read, written by people with disabilities:

Being Huemann by Judy Heumann

Every Day is a Gift by Tammy Duckworth

If At Birth You Don't Succeed by Zach Anner

I'm Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves by Ryan O'Connell

Haben: The DeafBlind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma

Find Another Dream by Maysoon Zayid

Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jouard

Not Fade Away by Rebecca Alexander

The Pretty One by Keah Brown

We Carry Kevan by Kevan Chandler 

Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running from Madness by Suzy Favor Hamilton

Laughing at My Nightmare and Strangers Assume My Girlfriend is My Nurse by Shane Burcaw 

It's Not What It Looks Like by Molly Burke

 

And here are some fiction titles with disability themes / characters that I've read:

The Fundamentals of Caregiving by Jonathan Evison 

Wonder by R.J. Palacio

Good Kings, Bad Kings by Susan Nussbaum

Out of My Mind by Sharon M. Draper

The Weight of Zero by Karen Fortunati

 

And here are some titles on my wish list:

How Lucky: A Novel by Will Leitch

Just Don't Fall: A Hilariously True Story of Childhood, Cancer, Amputation, Romantic Yearning, Truth, and Olympic Greatness by Josh Sundquist

The Sign for Home: A Novel by Blair Fell 

Sitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary, Resilient Disabled Body by Rebekah Taussig

Access Your Drive and Enjoy Your Ride: A Guide to Achieving Your Dreams From a Person with a Disability by Lauren Spencer

Disability Visibility and Year of the Tiger: An Activist's Life by Alice Wong

 

Disability representation is so important. People with disabilities need to see themselves represented in books. 

 

Ali Stroker, Tony award winning actress, and wheelchair user, has written two middle grade books where the main character is a female wheelchair user: The Chance to Fly and Cut Loose!

 

Maysoon Zayid, comedienne and activist with Cerebral Palsy, will release a graphic novel next year called Shiny Misfits, about a dancer with Cerebral Palsy. 

 

And Ryan O'Connell, actor with Cerebral Palsy, has written a book called Just By Looking at Him: A Novel, about a gay TV writer with Cerebral Palsy.

 

librarianintx

 

Colors

Growing up, I don't remember wearing the color orange. It wasn't a part of my fashion to my knowledge. Pink, especially light pink, is the color I have been drawn to and obsessed with for most of my life. I see a pink shirt. I want it. The end.

Football at any level is a BIG DEAL in Texas. Texas A&M and the University of Texas have a huge rivalry. My mother, who did not go to A&M but is one of their biggest supporters, watches UT games specifically to root AGAINST them. Now that's a rivalry.

My family has bred, raised and graduated a pack of Aggies, including an uncle, cousins, my sister and my three nieces. Marrying Aggies has become a dynasty in my immediate family: my sister and two of nieces have or will soon marry men they met at A&M.

I earned my Master's degree at UT. I would have attended A&M but they don't have a Master's in Library Science. 

A&M colors are maroon and white. University of Texas colors are burnt orange and white. 

During my time at UT, I bought exactly one UT shirt. It was not burnt orange. I did not attend any sporting events. 

By the way, I didn't like oranges or orange juice when I was younger either. That's how far the indoctrination went..

But as you go through life, your likes and dislikes change. I like oranges and orange juice now. And - gasp - I am dabbling in wearing the color orange. Not burnt orange - there IS a diffence. This is regular orange. 

I now own two orange shirts - one long-sleeve and one short. I also have two pair of orange indies and a pair of orange socks.

I have firmly told the other clothes that there will be no discrimination or bullying of the orange clothing. My closet is an inclusive space where all colors are welcome.

Change is good.

Change is growth.

But while all colors now have a place, pink still reigns Supreme.

Some things stay the same.

librarianintx 

Dalai Lama

Yup. I'm going there.

I was disgusted before I saw the video.

Now I'm even more disgusted. 

By his actions.

And by the people trying to justify what he did because he's a "spiritual leader", a "holy man".

The justifications are ridiculous. 

"He was just joking around."

"In Tibetan culture, this was not scandalous "

Please tell me this is not true.

In what culture is it acceptable for a man to forcibly kiss a child on the lips and then ask him to suck his tongue?

It's not the least bit humorous either. 

What started as an innocent request by the boy for a hug became a completely inappropriate and potentially traumatizing situation for that child, as an audience sat there laughing nervously. 

Hopefully no parent will ever let their child near him again.

If any good comes out of this, maybe we can have more conversations about the importance of a child's bodily autonomy and their right to say no at any point to physical affection, from anyone, even if they were the one to initiate it.

librarianintx 

Movement

I wrote a post similar to this on February 20th. But I want to emphasize the importance of movement here. Any movement is helpful. If you can move - do it.

Movement can benefit your mental as well as your physical health. Movement can help you battle depression and chronic health conditions such as high blood pressure and diabetes. Movement can also help you maintain a healthy weight.

You don't have to shell out a lot of money for gym memberships and fitness equipment. YouTube is a treasure trove for free movement videos - yoga, pilates, chair fitness, dance, just to name a few.

You don't have to follow a structured plan. Do what you enjoy. Do what feels good to you, what makes you smile and gives you enjoy. Mixing up what you do can be fun too. 

I find it very helpful to listen to music or an audiobook while I move. Sometimes I watch a TV show.

Start out slow and work your way up.

Drink water and eat protein after movement. 

Some people are daunted or scared off by the term "exercise." That's why the word movement can be helpful.

Finally, "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." If you have a routine and don't feel like doing the whole thing, do half. Part. Ten repetitions instead of twenty. And don't consider it failure. Congratulate yourself for what you DID accomplish. Silence that inner critic with positive self-talk.

And make time for movement. 

Movement is part of self-care and a healthy lifestyle. 

librarianintx 

"Be on Time Chronicles" - The Gratitude List

No waiting for BOTH rides!

DIRECT morning ride!

Heat on in the "short" bus

Remarkably smooth ride for a "short" bus

The lift on the short bus - I still want to try the stairs sometimes, but they have become a bitch

The handle to hold on the lift

The driver dropping me off on 12th street instead of Brazos, so I don't have to be walked across the street like a grade schooler.

Good list, especially for a Monday.

Librarianintx 

Storms

I always hoped it would happen, but as the years went by and nothing changed, I figured I would be this way forever. 

Terrified of storms. 

In reality, my phobia has evolved. I have been able to pinpoint the aspects of a storm that scare me the most: wind and tornadoes. 

And the anticipation.

It was the anticipation that would actually cause me the most distress. 

Because I was convinced I could not make it through a severe storm by myself. 

This thought pattern caused me so much stress and anxiety. 

It made me worry uselessly for days and do things that were embarrassing and made me feel so bad about myself. 

I could say that I did everything I could think of to change - but it's not true. 

I WANTED to change. But I lived with this fear - and in the storm of this phobia - for decades. 

I didn't do anything different - I made the same mistakes over and over and over and over. 

And then two nights ago - it happened. 

I knew a threat was looming. I haven't completely altered how I deal with an approaching storm. I watched the weather. We were under a level one - slight risk. A front was coming in from the Pacific. Warm, humid air clashing with cold, drier air. Strong winds aloft. And the lift in the atmosphere needed to generate the severe storms. 

Yeah, I know the lingo. That's what happens when you watch the weather religiously. Some people who know me say I should have become a meteorologist. But I couldn't, for two important reasons: 1) I'm not good at science and 2) Nobody is going to hire a meteorologist whose heart pounds and hands shake and barely controls the urge to run when there's even a mention of bad weather. 

So I can't be a meteorologist, but there has always been a fascination aspect to my fear, which has helped to root me to my phobia. As scared as I am, I have wanted to ride in a storm chaser car for as long as such a vehicle has existed. Why? Not because I wanted to be that close to a storm. But because I would be with someone else, and we would be in a vehicle that could flee if there was too much danger. As a person who cannot drive, I have always feared a looming deadly tornado that I could not escape from, even though trying to out-drive a tornado is never recommended. No one said plans made in terror are the intelligent choices. 

So, back to two nights ago. I knew there was a threat. Not a high one. A low end chance. And that definitely helped. We were not under an enhanced or moderate risk. The last update I heard was storms were expected around 11 pm. We were not under a watch, but counties just north of us were. 

The time was around 9 pm. I was at my computer. My roommate walked in from work. IT WAS ONLY THEN that I noticed the deep, low, CONSTANT rumble of thunder. I said, "Is that thunder?" "Yes," he replied, "Lots of lightning out there too." 

I had not noticed. 

No pounding / racing heart. 

No fight or flight response.

No pacing.

No constantly checking every tv channel, news and weather app, radar, favorite weatherperson on Facebook

No planning to get somewhere safe. 

I had FINALLY learned how to feel safe. At home. By myself. 

GAME. CHANGER.

We were under a severe thunderstorm warning. 

I didn't know. 

And the most amazing thing: I didn't CARE.

I'm not calling myself cured. I will still be scared sometimes. And having a healthy fear of storms is not a bad thing. 

But to have FINALLY achieved this level of comfort and independence - it means the world. 

It is never too late.

librarianintx

"Be on Time Chronicles": The "Take Time to Smell the Flowers" Edition

I wish I had the option today.

It is an exceptionally abundant wildflower season so far, and we haven't reached the usual peak yet. 

Now, on my ride home especially, I see bluebonnets and other wildflowers - the pink and yellow ones - blanketing the sides of the freeways and side streets, even the lawns of schools, businesses, and homes. The colors are gorgeous and make me smile no matter what mood I'm in. 

I thought about asking the driver if we could pull over somewhere and take the obligatory "Texan in the wildflowers" photo. And by Texan, I mean adult, teenager, child, toddler, infant, dog, cat, heifer, steer, horse, pig - you name it, someone will sit it down in a field of bluebonnets and take a picture of it. Especially around Easter, you will see plenty of families pulled off on the side of the road, posing for phone photos or video to send to grandma and grandpa, or to post on social media. Bonus points if Fido or Fefe is there too, and if everyone is smiling and looking in the same direction. 

But anyway, I didn't ask, because I already knew the answer. Schedule! Gotta keep to the schedule! Plus all the liability issues.

Don't feel bad for me, Blogosphere. I have plans for a wildflower excursion soon. So today I just enjoyed the scenery. 

librarianintx

Free photo from the Internet

"Be on Time Chronicles" - The Post-Oscar Hangover Edition

No, I didn't imbibe any alcohol during the Academy Awards - I just felt like I did when I woke up. My post-COVID body requires an absolute minimum eight hours of sleep - and I did not get that. Add the fact that it was a Monday, AND the first workday after the fresh hell known as the time change (Why the HELL is it SO DARK outside?!) and you get my morning. 

PLUS: newly dyed red hair makes the morning routine a bit longer (my secret is out.) 

Also: jeans first worn after a washing can be a bitch to button. Keepin' it real for y'all. 

How about one more delay? The Universe gave it to me. The zipper on my red jacket...would...not...move. Tug. Pull. Nada. Repeat.

But ha ha on you, Universe! This is when librarianintx sashays over to her FORTY PLUS collection of jackets. Red jacket zipper stuck? Simply grab ANOTHER red jacket! Psych! I have three!

Now the one I substituted is technically a sweater jacket, and is slightly dressier than the red jacket I ordered from Amazon in the boys department (I'm giving ALL the secrets today.) Still, I didn't think any of the twelve people I saw today would look at me, eyes wide and mouth agape, and utter, "Really...that sweater with.... jeans?!" I mean, c'mon. Florence Pugh wore a nude-colored gown with a slit wide enough to display her black booty shorts at the Oscars last night. Clearly my fashion, or lack thereof, is completely irrelevant. 

After all of that though, the Universe was kind for the rest of the day when it came to rides. NO waiting for either trip! In both cases, they were early and waiting for ME. I saw the morning ride as I was headed for jacket #2. The afternoon van was parked in front of the library as I raced out after peeing. The driver was not in the van - likely she was inside, also peeing. But I peed upstairs and she has to pee downstairs. TMI? #reality

The morning ride was completely full - two drivers (one in training) and four passengers. You don't see that very often. I didn't have to crawl into the far back seat, so I was relieved. (did you catch the pun? See paragraph above.)

All three young women we picked up were from the same group home. I initially panicked when one of them talked about how she was handling her pregnancy, but the driver was calm in her line of questioning - "What are you going to name him/her?", "What will he / she like to eat?" - so I relaxed into their world of fantasy. 

Sorry to end the post on a downer, but again - #reality. Entirely possible that she could be pregnant, but I don't think she is. Either way, none of my business, so I didn't ask. This is Texas, so I'll say "thoughts and prayers" - and mean it. 

librarianintx

"Be on Time Chronicles" - The Birthday Edition!

Since I've been going in to work an hour late post-COVID, I don't have to rush on the mornings I journey to the library. (Cue Irene Cara singing "What a Feeling")

At some point I'll have to see 6 am again. But for now, I get a nice shower, and the luxury to pee at least four times before I have to ride for who knows how long. 

I even had time for a wardrobe crisis. Does this jacket REALLY go with this shirt? Maybe this one is better? I held up the second jacket. Mmmm, I don't know. Dang. What color IS this shirt anyway? Pink-y? Lavendar-ish? Why did I choose this shirt?! Fine. Lavender jacket wins. That was the OG pick if you're wondering.

Since it was chilly outside, I decided to forgo looking pathetic and waiting at the curb like I'm supposed to. I despise waiting outside, dealing with the weather, sometimes ants and mosquitos, and watching people exercising, walking their dogs, and worst of all, getting in their cars and driving themselves wherever the hell they want to go. But this is the deal I have with Metro. "We'll waste your time for thirty minutes (or more) and THEN we'll give you a ride." That is in the manual!

How many people thought there was actually a manual for paratransit?

Anyhoo, not yesterday, dear Metro! Yesterday my time was not wasted. I used my thirty minute window wisely. I made my bed (SO nice to come home to a made bed). I wrote in my daily journal. I peed again. TMI? Get used to it.

Since this post is already too long, I won't go into detail on the rides to and from. Just a few phrases. New drivers. More on them later. Passenger making incessant noises. Non-new driver saying passenger's name to get him to stop. Successful for about 10 seconds each time. But I was serene. Cause it was my birthday.

And I knew I was coming home to a bed I had time to make.

Little things matter.

librarianintx 

The Frustration of Contraindications in My Health

I'm not sure if contraindications is necessarily the correct terminology here. 

What I am referring to is that taking one medicine is helpful for one condition but could make another situation worse. 

And one exercise is beneficial for one condition but detrimental to another. 

Two examples:

My thyroid medicine is necessary is for my hypothyroidism, but too much thyroid medicine can exacerbate my osteoporosis.

Strength training exercises are helpful for at least maintaining bone density, but these exercises can further weaken pelvic floor muscles. Both conditions can worsen as you age. 

Sigh. 

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. 

My endocrinologist monitors my TSH levels (thyroid) and I get a DEXA (bone density scan) once a year. My thyroid levels are steady. My bone density is dropping, but I am on medications, supplements, and an exercise regiment to at least slow or hopefully halt the bone loss. 

I am doing both strength training and pelvic floor exercises. I don't know what else to do. 

In the case of the thyroid / bone density connection, my doctor informed me of this and laid out the treatment plan. 

In the case of the strength training / pelvic floor exercise conundrum, I read about that online. 

Makes me wonder what else I don't know about when it comes to my health. 

librarianintx