Regret

One of our friends' cats passed away two days ago; we got the news yesterday. This passing was especially hard because the cat was friends with our cat (if cats actually can be friends, lol). They played in the courtyard of our former apartment complex together, and they would have "play dates"; they would lay on my bed and nap together. Our friends moved to another state several years ago, so I haven't seen the cat in a long time, but I still feel the loss. And I wonder how our cat felt when our friends moved away. She is a completely indoor cat now, and doesn't have any friends. I don't let any other animals in the house, because I'm concerned she will mark her territory. She is definitely an alpha cat, and I know we could not bring another cat into the apartment to stay.

Whenever anyone in my life passes away, person or animal, I always feel huge amounts of regret, believing that I wasn't good enough or nice enough to them, didn't help them enough or spend enough time with them. I replay in my mind the times that I was hard on them or fought with them or ignored them. I know it will be very difficult when our cat dies. This is my first time to raise a cat, and I have made many mistakes. She is stubborn, as all cats are, and unfortunately she also seems to have a mean streak. Maybe I caused her to develop that, I don't know. But I have been very hard on her sometimes, and she has been hard on me. She has mellowed as she's aged, and we have lovely times together. She sits on my lap sometimes. And she gets in bed with me every night; I fall asleep petting her as she curls up against my leg. CJ and I lovingly tease her about laying in the hallway between our rooms, and standing at the refrigerator door waiting for wet food. We have good times with her. But unfortunately, there has been a lot of bad times as well.

Our friends' cat was six months younger than our cat. Our cat just passed her tenth birthday. I was very busy around the time of her birthday, and have only recently realized that I completely forgot to celebrate her birthday. Ten years is a milestone, and yes, she is *only* a cat, but I still feel I should have done something. She would have liked a toy. If I had sung "Happy Birthday" to her, though, she probably would have bitten me. She hates it when I sing. Can't blame her on that one.

librarianintx

A pioneer in the field

Harriet McBryde Johnson died yesterday:

http://www.charleston.net/news/2008/jun/05/harriet_mcbryde_johnson_dies43458/

An example of a life lived fully, in truth, fearlessly. Lawyer, author, speaker, civil and disability rights activitist. Even though I may not have always agreed with her, she was an important voice for our cause.

librarianintx