I've got one more for ya...
"Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season."
This was sent in an e-card to me from an acquaintance. I'm sure I've mentioned to him more than once that I'm Jewish. But maybe I didn't. Or maybe he didn't care. He was going to get his point across anyway.
If you're confused, read the entry before this one.
librarianintx
Monday, December 31, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Joy to the World
On Thursday of last week I answered a reference call at work, and assisted a very nice man. We discussed his request and I told him about the information I would be sending him. He complimented the program I work for and the friendly staff, and I thanked him for his comments. As is my custom at this time of year, I ended the call by wishing him "Happy Holidays." He thanked me and then cheerily said through the phone line, "Keep the Christ in Christmas!"
This line reserved for clearing my throat.
This line reserved for pulling out my stepstool.
This line reserved for dragging my crippled ass up on my soapbox.
Its very simple really. I am not Christian. But I understand that I live in a Christian society. A melting pot of religions? Or the acceptance of people with no religious beliefs? Please. As if. Yes, we have the FREEDOM in this country to persue whatever religion we choose to, or to refrain from any religious pursuits. And that is certainly very important. But in everyday life, Christianity is pervasive in this country. People just naturally assume that everyone is Christian, and everyone celebrates Christmas. People might occassionally say, "Happy Holidays," like I do. But way more often its "Merry Christmas!" "How is your Christmas shopping going?" "Are you ready for Christmas?" "What are your plans for Christmas?"
I don't want to be rude to people. They are trying to be friendly, conversational. In some cases if its a salesperson talking to me I know they have been mandated by their employers to say "Christmas" rather than "Holiday." Wal-Mart is an example. Wal-Mart, the epitome of American capitalistic society.
Only on a rare occassion, when I've really had enough, do I say, "My Hanukkah was great, thanks." Or "I don't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Hanukkah." Sometimes when someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, I want to say "Happy Hanukkah" to them. But I usually don't. Because that's my point. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I pretty much figure that they don't celebrate Hanukkah. Two wrongs don't make a right.
In my brain, "Happy Holidays" is the perfect term to use during this time of year. Its inclusionary, not exclusionary. "Holiday" could mean Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or even the Winter Solistice. Problem solved...in my opinion.
But of course not everyone thinks like me. And why should Christians think like me. They're in the majority. They're running the ship. They are in charge. And for them, any voice of change is not seen as an agent of inclusion, but an agent of destruction. They don't see a shift from "Christmas exclusively" to "Holiday inclusionary," they see a denial of their right to freedom of religion and freedom of speech. People like me are trying to "take away Christmas." That's why there's this "Put the Christ in Christmas" campaign.
I don't think the two sides will ever be able to see each other's viewpoint. I'm not trying to take away Christmas; I am simply trying to make the season a time when everyone feels included. That really is what its all about for me.
Let me just tell you a bit about what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Door decorating contests at school where Jewish symbols weren't allowed. Art projects that involved making Christmas tree ornaments. My sister and brother-in-law's neighboorhood mandating that everyone line their driveways with Christmas lights and erect Christmas symbols in their front yards (they lined their driveway with blue and white lights, and found a giant star and dreidel somewhere (Home Depot? Garden Ridge?) to put in their yard, after initially refusing to comply with the mandate.) The school Christmas parties. The dorm Christmas parties. The office Christmas parties. The nativity scene in the dorm cafeteria. This is what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Or for those who celebrate Kwanza. Or for those who do not celebrate any of the three.
I have a couple of close friends who are Christian. And as I've said before I am a big Clay Aiken fan, and he is a devout Christian. I have learned much about the true Christian spirit from these people. They have helped to heal some of my wounds regarding Christianity. My struggle goes much deeper than Christmas, and is a topic for future blogs. My friends understand that I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I'm trying to make room at the table for everyone.
I often feel like an outsider in life. I haven't found a place where I feel like I truly belong. This time of year unfortunately serves to magnify those feelings.
Happy Holidays.
librarianintx
This line reserved for clearing my throat.
This line reserved for pulling out my stepstool.
This line reserved for dragging my crippled ass up on my soapbox.
Its very simple really. I am not Christian. But I understand that I live in a Christian society. A melting pot of religions? Or the acceptance of people with no religious beliefs? Please. As if. Yes, we have the FREEDOM in this country to persue whatever religion we choose to, or to refrain from any religious pursuits. And that is certainly very important. But in everyday life, Christianity is pervasive in this country. People just naturally assume that everyone is Christian, and everyone celebrates Christmas. People might occassionally say, "Happy Holidays," like I do. But way more often its "Merry Christmas!" "How is your Christmas shopping going?" "Are you ready for Christmas?" "What are your plans for Christmas?"
I don't want to be rude to people. They are trying to be friendly, conversational. In some cases if its a salesperson talking to me I know they have been mandated by their employers to say "Christmas" rather than "Holiday." Wal-Mart is an example. Wal-Mart, the epitome of American capitalistic society.
Only on a rare occassion, when I've really had enough, do I say, "My Hanukkah was great, thanks." Or "I don't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Hanukkah." Sometimes when someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, I want to say "Happy Hanukkah" to them. But I usually don't. Because that's my point. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I pretty much figure that they don't celebrate Hanukkah. Two wrongs don't make a right.
In my brain, "Happy Holidays" is the perfect term to use during this time of year. Its inclusionary, not exclusionary. "Holiday" could mean Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or even the Winter Solistice. Problem solved...in my opinion.
But of course not everyone thinks like me. And why should Christians think like me. They're in the majority. They're running the ship. They are in charge. And for them, any voice of change is not seen as an agent of inclusion, but an agent of destruction. They don't see a shift from "Christmas exclusively" to "Holiday inclusionary," they see a denial of their right to freedom of religion and freedom of speech. People like me are trying to "take away Christmas." That's why there's this "Put the Christ in Christmas" campaign.
I don't think the two sides will ever be able to see each other's viewpoint. I'm not trying to take away Christmas; I am simply trying to make the season a time when everyone feels included. That really is what its all about for me.
Let me just tell you a bit about what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Door decorating contests at school where Jewish symbols weren't allowed. Art projects that involved making Christmas tree ornaments. My sister and brother-in-law's neighboorhood mandating that everyone line their driveways with Christmas lights and erect Christmas symbols in their front yards (they lined their driveway with blue and white lights, and found a giant star and dreidel somewhere (Home Depot? Garden Ridge?) to put in their yard, after initially refusing to comply with the mandate.) The school Christmas parties. The dorm Christmas parties. The office Christmas parties. The nativity scene in the dorm cafeteria. This is what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Or for those who celebrate Kwanza. Or for those who do not celebrate any of the three.
I have a couple of close friends who are Christian. And as I've said before I am a big Clay Aiken fan, and he is a devout Christian. I have learned much about the true Christian spirit from these people. They have helped to heal some of my wounds regarding Christianity. My struggle goes much deeper than Christmas, and is a topic for future blogs. My friends understand that I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I'm trying to make room at the table for everyone.
I often feel like an outsider in life. I haven't found a place where I feel like I truly belong. This time of year unfortunately serves to magnify those feelings.
Happy Holidays.
librarianintx
Friday, December 14, 2007
Reality Show
Yes, when I first heard and read about the CBS reality show "Kid Nation," I was pretty shocked. Forty kids left in a desert ghost town for forty days by themselves? C'mon. There were injuries. Parents were claiming they hadn't been fully informed. There was discussion of the show violating child labor laws. On and on. I wasn't going to watch it. I'm all about most reality shows (I do draw the line at the Bachelor and Temptation Island, etc) , but it seemed like this one was really a bad idea.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/
But the producers urged the viewers to give it a try. Watch the first episode, and see if your pre-conceived notions turn out to be unfounded. So I watched the first episode. I missed a few along the way, but I was there for the finale....and I cried during the last thirty minutes of the show. It wasn't the first time I had shed a tear during the run of the show.
Overall I thought it was good. Was it the best show on tv? No. But it was funny. It was exciting. And it was heartwarming. Kind of Survivor meets the Waltons meets the Andy Griffith show. Not that the kids were angels or anything. There was arguing, sometimes a lot. There was near punching a few times. There was even some foul language! They got a little crazy sometimes. They're real kids!
But there were a lot of heartwarming moments. They really pulled together and helped each other. Many of the kids grew up right in front of our eyes. They had to make some tough decisions. When they won a reward, they usually had to choose between two rewards...one was something they needed, like a washing machine or fresh vegetables or clothes, and one was something fun, like pizza or a swimming pool or a giant stereo. In just about every case, they made the decision to go with what they needed over the luxury item. Not everyone was always happy about the decision.
There were big themes in Kid Nation, life stuff that everyone has to deal with at some point in their existence. They had to deal with socioeconomic, cultural, religious, and age differences. They had to exist in a class society, and often had to face the repercussions of people refusing to do their jobs. They had to work in order to earn money, and learned to go without what they wanted when they didn't have the money to buy items. They even had to deal with some issues that most people will never have to face, like killing a chicken if they wanted to eat meat, and repairing an outhouse if they wanted toilet facilities.
At the end of every episode the town council awarded one of the kids a gold star that was worth $20,000. My one regret of the show is that some of my favorite kids never got a gold star. I would have really wanted to see Mike and Laurel get one especially. I was definitely happy that Michael, Sophia, and Morgan each got one, and I think Sophia and Morgan also each won a second one at the end of the show. The three gold stars at the end were worth $50,000 each. In a way, though, maybe its fitting that some of the most deserving kids didn't win a gold star. Sometimes you work hard your whole life, you're a nice, good, deserving person, but you don't get a lot of recognition and nothing big ever happens to you. Such is life sometimes.
I don't know if there will be another Kid Nation show, but I'm glad I watched this one. I think those kids were afforded the opportunity of a lifetime to be involved with the show. I was impressed by the way they handled themselves. I think their parents will be as well.
librarianintx
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/
But the producers urged the viewers to give it a try. Watch the first episode, and see if your pre-conceived notions turn out to be unfounded. So I watched the first episode. I missed a few along the way, but I was there for the finale....and I cried during the last thirty minutes of the show. It wasn't the first time I had shed a tear during the run of the show.
Overall I thought it was good. Was it the best show on tv? No. But it was funny. It was exciting. And it was heartwarming. Kind of Survivor meets the Waltons meets the Andy Griffith show. Not that the kids were angels or anything. There was arguing, sometimes a lot. There was near punching a few times. There was even some foul language! They got a little crazy sometimes. They're real kids!
But there were a lot of heartwarming moments. They really pulled together and helped each other. Many of the kids grew up right in front of our eyes. They had to make some tough decisions. When they won a reward, they usually had to choose between two rewards...one was something they needed, like a washing machine or fresh vegetables or clothes, and one was something fun, like pizza or a swimming pool or a giant stereo. In just about every case, they made the decision to go with what they needed over the luxury item. Not everyone was always happy about the decision.
There were big themes in Kid Nation, life stuff that everyone has to deal with at some point in their existence. They had to deal with socioeconomic, cultural, religious, and age differences. They had to exist in a class society, and often had to face the repercussions of people refusing to do their jobs. They had to work in order to earn money, and learned to go without what they wanted when they didn't have the money to buy items. They even had to deal with some issues that most people will never have to face, like killing a chicken if they wanted to eat meat, and repairing an outhouse if they wanted toilet facilities.
At the end of every episode the town council awarded one of the kids a gold star that was worth $20,000. My one regret of the show is that some of my favorite kids never got a gold star. I would have really wanted to see Mike and Laurel get one especially. I was definitely happy that Michael, Sophia, and Morgan each got one, and I think Sophia and Morgan also each won a second one at the end of the show. The three gold stars at the end were worth $50,000 each. In a way, though, maybe its fitting that some of the most deserving kids didn't win a gold star. Sometimes you work hard your whole life, you're a nice, good, deserving person, but you don't get a lot of recognition and nothing big ever happens to you. Such is life sometimes.
I don't know if there will be another Kid Nation show, but I'm glad I watched this one. I think those kids were afforded the opportunity of a lifetime to be involved with the show. I was impressed by the way they handled themselves. I think their parents will be as well.
librarianintx
Monday, December 03, 2007
Observations
Yesterday I was at my Mom's-side-of-the-family Hanukkah party. We don't have a Dad's-side-of-the-family Hanukkah party. Even though most of my Dad's relatives live only about three hours away, we rarely see them. I'm sure part of the reason is because my father died many years ago. Then again, my mom is still alive, most of her relatives live in the same city as her, and yet we only gather together in any significant number twice per year, at Hanukkah and Passover. Last year we had to have the Hanukkah party in January because everyone was so busy.
I should re-phrase that next to the last sentence though. My mom's two brothers and their wives and families get together quite often, in various groupings. My aunts and uncles have been on vacations all over the world. My aunts go on spa trips with their daughters. The families travelled to Massachusetts to watch my cousin M. race in the Boston Marathon this year..
My mother, sister, and I are not included. The activities are mentioned in front of us. More than that. They are discussed, planned, dissected, and regaled in front of us. They're usually more than happy to share pictures and stories from their great adventures. But that is the closest we get to inclusion.
Luckily, my sister doesn't have to wait around for invitations that never come. She and her husband of twenty years are hard-working people. They have a nice house with lots of nice things, three beautiful, healthy daughters, and money for travelling. They have been on several trips across the country with their children. Last year just the two of them went to Brazil for their anniversary, and next week they will visit Italy for a week. My brother-in-law's job includes a great deal of travelling. He literally has seen the world: Canada, Singapore, Kuwait, China, Yugoslavia, India, Algeria. Sure, he's been to those places for work, but he has had opportunities to sightsee as well.
My mom is catching up. As a single mother that included raising a daughter with a disability, there wasn't money in the budget for travelling. Now as a senior, semi-retired, there still isn't really money for travelling. But she manages. Cruises are her thing. She has been to Canada, Alaska, the Carribean, Mexico. She also goes to Las Vegas at least twice a year. It still hurts her that her family never includes her. It more than hurts her. It has shaped who she is.
I have not left my home state in nearly twenty years.
Interestingly, that wasn't what I was going to blog about initially.
Back to the party. My middle niece gave me a t-shirt as an early Hanukkah present. Its perfect for me, pink with a picture of a cat on it. The youngest niece approached me as I was admiring the gift and thanking her sister. Of the three girls, the youngest one bears the closest resemblance to me. She looked at me and said sweetly, "I'm sorry, I don't have a present for you." Without needing to think, I replied "You don't have to have a present for me. All you have to do is love me. That's your gift to me!"
The words "have to" weren't spoken to imply force. The written word conveyed without tone and setting can have an altering effect. She understood what I meant. That material possessions aren't important to me. Its her love that means the most to me. She grinned and exclaimed, "I do," her smile made even brighter by her shiny braces with the blue wires. Orthodontia sure has come a long way since I had braces twenty years ago. You can now get colored braces. Of course that costs extra. But when you can afford two international trips, at least three continental trips, dish network, new floors, granite countertops, a new bed, fresh paint, and G-d knows what else all in the span of one year, what's the big deal about a few extra bucks for colored braces? Oh, I think there was a new sports car in there too. But maybe that was last year.
See? I keep digressing. It happens after I've been around my family. Some members of them anyway. My bag gets full. That's colloquial for: I've had enough of the shit.
Unfortunately, my spontaneous ranting has caused the crux of this post to appear completely untruthful. What I came here to explain today is that material possessions DON'T matter. Its the love that matters. And hopefully I can illustrate that point now.
My nieces love me. Yes, I give them small gifts at Hanukkah and their birthdays. But that's it. Okay, and at their Bat Mitzvahs (two down, one to go). But not really other times. They know I don't have money. They have seen my apartment. They know I don't travel. They know I only work part time, and that I'm not married.
But they love me. They love me because I spend time with them. Our time together is not perfunctory the way my relationship is with the majority of my relatives. With everyone else at the party, it was a peck on the cheek (maybe), a "how are you?" and a "how's work going?" That's it. Period.
Not so with my nieces. We play games. We listen to music and look at funny stuff on you-tube. I listen to them. I am interested in what they have to say. I send them cards to say hello. They are .49 cent cards. There are no money or gift certificates in the envelopes. Just a little note to say "hello" and "I'm thinking about you." I know that the middle niece likes cats and the youngest one is a fanatic for the color blue and the oldest one loves being in the marching band. Two of them are teenagers now, and the youngest one is almost there, and every day I think, "The next time I see them they are going to be in that 'rotten teenager phase' where they hate everyone, including me." It hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will. But what I came here today to say is that it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if one day they come to hate me. I will love them forever. Some people in your life are like that. There are people in everyone's lives that they will love for their entire existence. I have other people that I feel that way about. There is even one person that I have never met. But I believe I will care about him forever.
I actually developed this observation before this weekend. I was thinking about the relationship between my mom and my sister, and that is when I had the epiphany. My sister and my mom are cut from the same cloth. That is why I notice a tenfold rise in tension a majority of the time that they are in the same room together. They can't communicate. I keep thinking they would be much happier if they could.
My sister is very hard on my mom. Its painful for me to watch. As it was painful for me to see my mom be hard on my grandmother. But my mother will love my sister forever. As I'm sure my grandmother loved my mom.
I know that love can die sometimes. It can burn out in a flash or it can fizzle away. But I think in many cases it endures, through hardships and celebrations, through anger and reconciliation, through loneliness and shelter, through agony and comfort.
librarinintx
I should re-phrase that next to the last sentence though. My mom's two brothers and their wives and families get together quite often, in various groupings. My aunts and uncles have been on vacations all over the world. My aunts go on spa trips with their daughters. The families travelled to Massachusetts to watch my cousin M. race in the Boston Marathon this year..
My mother, sister, and I are not included. The activities are mentioned in front of us. More than that. They are discussed, planned, dissected, and regaled in front of us. They're usually more than happy to share pictures and stories from their great adventures. But that is the closest we get to inclusion.
Luckily, my sister doesn't have to wait around for invitations that never come. She and her husband of twenty years are hard-working people. They have a nice house with lots of nice things, three beautiful, healthy daughters, and money for travelling. They have been on several trips across the country with their children. Last year just the two of them went to Brazil for their anniversary, and next week they will visit Italy for a week. My brother-in-law's job includes a great deal of travelling. He literally has seen the world: Canada, Singapore, Kuwait, China, Yugoslavia, India, Algeria. Sure, he's been to those places for work, but he has had opportunities to sightsee as well.
My mom is catching up. As a single mother that included raising a daughter with a disability, there wasn't money in the budget for travelling. Now as a senior, semi-retired, there still isn't really money for travelling. But she manages. Cruises are her thing. She has been to Canada, Alaska, the Carribean, Mexico. She also goes to Las Vegas at least twice a year. It still hurts her that her family never includes her. It more than hurts her. It has shaped who she is.
I have not left my home state in nearly twenty years.
Interestingly, that wasn't what I was going to blog about initially.
Back to the party. My middle niece gave me a t-shirt as an early Hanukkah present. Its perfect for me, pink with a picture of a cat on it. The youngest niece approached me as I was admiring the gift and thanking her sister. Of the three girls, the youngest one bears the closest resemblance to me. She looked at me and said sweetly, "I'm sorry, I don't have a present for you." Without needing to think, I replied "You don't have to have a present for me. All you have to do is love me. That's your gift to me!"
The words "have to" weren't spoken to imply force. The written word conveyed without tone and setting can have an altering effect. She understood what I meant. That material possessions aren't important to me. Its her love that means the most to me. She grinned and exclaimed, "I do," her smile made even brighter by her shiny braces with the blue wires. Orthodontia sure has come a long way since I had braces twenty years ago. You can now get colored braces. Of course that costs extra. But when you can afford two international trips, at least three continental trips, dish network, new floors, granite countertops, a new bed, fresh paint, and G-d knows what else all in the span of one year, what's the big deal about a few extra bucks for colored braces? Oh, I think there was a new sports car in there too. But maybe that was last year.
See? I keep digressing. It happens after I've been around my family. Some members of them anyway. My bag gets full. That's colloquial for: I've had enough of the shit.
Unfortunately, my spontaneous ranting has caused the crux of this post to appear completely untruthful. What I came here to explain today is that material possessions DON'T matter. Its the love that matters. And hopefully I can illustrate that point now.
My nieces love me. Yes, I give them small gifts at Hanukkah and their birthdays. But that's it. Okay, and at their Bat Mitzvahs (two down, one to go). But not really other times. They know I don't have money. They have seen my apartment. They know I don't travel. They know I only work part time, and that I'm not married.
But they love me. They love me because I spend time with them. Our time together is not perfunctory the way my relationship is with the majority of my relatives. With everyone else at the party, it was a peck on the cheek (maybe), a "how are you?" and a "how's work going?" That's it. Period.
Not so with my nieces. We play games. We listen to music and look at funny stuff on you-tube. I listen to them. I am interested in what they have to say. I send them cards to say hello. They are .49 cent cards. There are no money or gift certificates in the envelopes. Just a little note to say "hello" and "I'm thinking about you." I know that the middle niece likes cats and the youngest one is a fanatic for the color blue and the oldest one loves being in the marching band. Two of them are teenagers now, and the youngest one is almost there, and every day I think, "The next time I see them they are going to be in that 'rotten teenager phase' where they hate everyone, including me." It hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will. But what I came here today to say is that it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if one day they come to hate me. I will love them forever. Some people in your life are like that. There are people in everyone's lives that they will love for their entire existence. I have other people that I feel that way about. There is even one person that I have never met. But I believe I will care about him forever.
I actually developed this observation before this weekend. I was thinking about the relationship between my mom and my sister, and that is when I had the epiphany. My sister and my mom are cut from the same cloth. That is why I notice a tenfold rise in tension a majority of the time that they are in the same room together. They can't communicate. I keep thinking they would be much happier if they could.
My sister is very hard on my mom. Its painful for me to watch. As it was painful for me to see my mom be hard on my grandmother. But my mother will love my sister forever. As I'm sure my grandmother loved my mom.
I know that love can die sometimes. It can burn out in a flash or it can fizzle away. But I think in many cases it endures, through hardships and celebrations, through anger and reconciliation, through loneliness and shelter, through agony and comfort.
librarinintx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)