The Election

RE-ELECTED And it feels SOOOO GOOD!!!!! Forward!!!!

Big Brother

This was arguably one of the best seasons of Big Brother. This installment had it all: epic fights, an ejection, a few crushes, a showmance, crazy competitions, and some of the most shocking blindsides the game has ever seen.

In the end, Ian, the boy wonder / superfan came away with the win. He was up against former coach Dan, who has already won once. Dan played one of the dirtiest games in Big Brother history, possibly worse than Evil Dick and Dr. Will. An outspoken Christian who often read the bible while in the house, Dan swore on that bible, as well as on his wife's life, his wedding ring, and promised his father's gold cross to a player as he backstabbed, blindsided, and lied his way through the season. I was very happy to see that the jury did not reward Dan's bloody play with a win. In fact, the only vote he received from the seven members was from Danielle, who in my opinion will need intensive therapy to recover from her obvious case of Stockholm Syndrome. Yes, Dan was her coach, and he did help her get far in the game. But how do you still vote for someone who tricked you into getting your "boyfriend" evicted from the house, convinced you to give up on the first of the three part final HOH competition, AND found out during the live show that Dan made a pact with both herself and Ian to get to the final two, when just the day before he swore that all of his evildoing was so she, his "protege", could win the grand prize. I do understand that Big Brother is just a game. And its a social game and a mind game as much as it is a physical game. But I just don't agree with swearing on the bible and your loved ones lives in order to get to the end.

In my opinion, Ian played the best game. He won four HOH's, and I believe two POV's. He had to get his hands dirty; he had to make some big moves. He broke his alliance with Boogie and Frank to join the "Quack Pack," and he had to put his crush, Ashley, on the chopping block, which resulted in her eviction. Although I didn't really want to see Dan make it to the final two, I absolutely understand why Ian chose him. After all, if Dan had not blindsided Shane, Ian would have been out of the game. Plus, Ian had a better chance of winning against Dan than Dani. If it had been Danielle and Ian in the finals, I believe that at least Frank, Shane, and Dan would have voted for Danielle. I think it would have been a very tough choice for Brit and Ashley.

I was happy to see Frank win the fan favorite award. Also a supfan of the show, Frank fought hard to stay in the game, constantly winning POV's so he could save himself after being nominated multiple times.

And in the final live show, Mike Boogie redeemed himself in my eyes with his praise of Ian. Boogie was more than a little immature in my opinion when he was blindsided, in large part due to Ian being the mole of the Quack Pack. But last night he was very classy in his comments to and about Ian.

Thanks for a great season, Big Brother!

librarianintx

So You Think You Can Dance

Wasn't a fan of last night's show. They had the dancers re-create some of choreographer Mia Michael's most famous performances from previous shows. I understand that dances are often performed by various dancers, just as plays and musicals have different actors. But the dances they chose to re-create are so iconic...I identify the original dancers so much with the pieces, that the re-creations fell flat for me, even though I think this season's cast is just as talented as previous dancers. For me, no one can perform "The Bench" like Travis and Heidi did; I don't want to see anyone but Katee and Twitch dance "The Door." Kupono wasn't necessarily my favorite dancer in his season, but the intensity, the fire, the evil he brought to his portrayal in "Addiction"...as amazing as Cole is, he did not bring that same level of performance for me. He did it for Mary Murphy and for Nigel, but not for me. Even the "Butt Dance," which was never a favorite of mine, and Randi and Even were not my favorites in their season, while I adore Amelia and Will...even with that dance, Randi and Evan did it better. So I was disappointed. And very sad to see Amelia and Janelle get eliminated, although I'm a big fan of Lindsay too. librarianintx

Glee Project results

I thoroughly enjoyed this season of the Glee project. I thought the cast was refreshingly diverse and uber-talented, and I really could see all of them as characters on Glee. Their group numbers were superior to last season's cast in my opinion. Basically I was pleased with the top 3 contestants, although I thought Lily deserved to be in the finale as well. I thought I would be happy with whoever won, because I think all three showed themselves to be hard-working, accomplished individuals. But there was definitely one person I was rooting for, and she didn't win. When Kevin McHale was cast as Artie, Ryan Murphy and company defended their decision to hire an able-bodied person to play a person with a disability by explaining that they were unable to find a person with a disability who could act, sing, and dance. On this season of the Glee Project, they found that person. Ali is beautiful; has a Broadway-style voice; could play a heroine, a manipulator, or a combination, and more than kept up with the choreography on the show. She never used her disability to get out of tough situations, like the slushie shoot, or the grueling gym video. She won the homework assignment multiple times, and was the only contestant to never be in the bottom. She only had to do a last-chance performance one time, and that was when all the contestants had to perform. Ali sailed through every part of the competition - studio work, choreography, and video shoots. Her fellow contestants adore her, the judging team recognize her talent, and she is easy to work with and takes direction well, unlike some of the other people this season. I hope other opportunities happen for Ali. She is so talented, but the road is tough for a performer with a disability. I congratulate Blake, and I think he will do a good job on Glee. He is a very good actor, and will be popular. I wish Ryan would consider hiring some contestants from this season for at least short-term roles, and see how they do. In my opinion, people like Ali, Lily, Aylin, Dani, Charlie, Abraham, Nellie, and Mario are what Glee is all about - being a little different and finding your place in the world. Look at what happened with the season one Glee Project cast. Alex, who was a runner-up, arguably made a bigger splash and had a much more compelling storyline than co-winner Damian. It has already been announced that Damian will not return for season four, but there's been no word yet on Alex. librarianintx

Anxiety

The only good thing about a day of anxiety...the one redeeming quality of a long, frustrating, emotional day...is when I become aware that the anxiety has finally retreated. Sometimes I can actually feel it slink away, usually when I am in bed, my body finally becoming more fluid, my stomach and leg muscles no longer rigid, my mind no longer racing to worst case scenarios, my heart easing into a natural rhythm. Other times, it disappears without me noticing because I have been able to focus on something else. In times like those, I suddenly become aware of the changes in my body and mind, and I smile and say to myself, "All right. I've survived it again." No matter how it happens, its a cause for quiet celebration each time. And moments to reflect and remind myself, "See...you are always stronger that it is. You will beat it every time. It will never win. No matter how much it twists your body into knots or causes your mind to ruminate, you will make it through to the other side." Is it worth all the hard stuff, to have those few moments of feeling at least relatively proud and strong? I'm not sure it's exactly worth it. It's definitely not an even trade off. But its better than never feeling proud or strong at all. Last night my girls saved me. As they have done many times before. Concentrating on their energy, their enthusiasm, their uninhibited, fearless zeal for life, I climbed aboard their train of teenage giddiness and left my blanket of anxiety on the tracks. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning once again swaddled in that familar cloak. But I know I'll make it through, and at some point in the day I will realize I have shed that straightjacket once again. librarianintx

Time managment

I listened to a webinar at work a few weeks ago on time management. That is the aspect of my job that I struggle with the most. Well, actually, public speaking is the hardest for me. But time management is second on the list. The webinar gave me a lot to think about. Procrastination is a big enemy in my life, and not just at work. There are many reasons for procrastination, and all of the ones the presenter mentioned affect me at one time or another: fear, boredom, perfectionism, feeling overwhelmed, poor planning. Procrastination results in stress, sloppy work, and is a waste of time and energy. It makes me feel unproductive and bad about myself. I'm also learning to recognize time wasters in my work day. Facebook is the biggest culprit. We are only supposed to check Facebook on our work computers during breaks or before 8 am. But of course I have Facebook on my phone. I also have other distractions on my phone, like Scramble, or Words with Friends. And personal e-mail. And texting. I don't do any of this excessively. But a few minutes here or there add up, and also make it hard to re-focus on work. My inner ear disorder also complicates the situation; it can affect my concentration, energy level, focus, mood, and anxiety level. It can also cause headaches, dizziness, imbalance, and nausea. This was not mentioned in the webinar, but I think even the food I eat affects my work performance. Bread is known as a breakfast staple, but bread, especially the kind I prefer, breaks down into sugar in my body, and can contribute to fatigue and poor concentration. I'm trying to eat more protein in the morning - hard boiled eggs, cheese cubes, and vegetarian sausage. Finally, I'm going to try structuring my day according to my energy peaks and valleys. I tend to have a dip around 11 - noon most days, and during that time I plan to do something more physical and less mental. Something that would require moving around more - unpack boxes, shelve books, file periodicals, organize my cubicle. The presenter also stressed the importance of taking regularly scheduled breaks. I rarely take a scheduled break, because 1) I only work part time, and 2) I take a minute here and a minute there during my work day. Taking a scheduled break will help keep me on task and make me feel organized. We are allowed one fifteen minute break for every four hours of work, and I work five or more hours per day. The one piece of advice the presenter made that I excel at is to be a list maker! :) librarianintx

Productivity

I was amazingly productive yesterday, and it felt SO GOOD! Considering it was my first day back at work from a week's vacation, AND it was a Monday, you would think that everything went wrong yesterday, but it didn't. One new thing I did yesterday - I read during the trip to and from work. Unfortunately this resulted in mild bouts of carsickness, but I did it anyway. I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey on my nook in the morning, and read a bit more of that in the afternoon. I got to page 55, which is quite a feat for me. I'm not a faster reader, but somehow I am able to read more quickly on the nook, and with better comprehension. Then on the way home I continued reading Mennonite in a Black Dress, which I have been trying to finish for months and months. It felt great to read that much in one day. And I think because I didn't just sit in the car and do nothing, I got to work feeling more energized and ready to work. I had good focus during the work day, and was nicely productive. I finished the day with thirteen hash marks for requests completion, and a lot of work put toward a big request that I should be able to finish today. I also had time to journal a bit yesterday, type up a few brief reviews on Goodreads, and write a card to my younger cousin Katherine at camp. I unloaded the dishwasher, did my daily chores, watched the new episode of Push Girls, and was in bed by 11. Of course there were things I didn't do that I should have. I didn't do my breathing exercises. I didn't do any exercising. But let's focus on the positive. It was a good, successful day. I'm happy. And my drought-plagued city got rain for the second day in a row!!!! librarianintx

Little accomplishments

A few days ago I was able to open two jars.

I successfully cleared a paper jam in the copier at work.

And I figured out how to use my vaccum cleaner for the first time.

Little moments that mean a lot.

It feels so good not to have to ask anyone for help.
Not that there's anything wrong with needing help sometimes. We all do.
But self-sufficiency still feels great.

librarianintx

You are what you eat...and do

Interestingly, since I made that last post I think I have improved in at least one or two of those areas. I still don't get enough exercise, but it's on my list of things to do. I am very grateful that at least for right now I seem to be in a good sleeping pattern. I still don't get to bed on time, but I am sleeping through the night more than I was. Two nights this week (during the work week) I got full night's sleep on the bipap. Oh, it feels so good!

And I have eaten pretty good this week. Well, better at least. I had vegetable soup yesterday for lunch. And two nights this week I had spinach salad. It boggles my mind that I am eating spinach salad. I never liked any form of spinach, and I rarely ate salad because of chewing issues. Now I do ruin some of the nutrition by eating it with a good amount of ranch salad dressing, but at least it's light dressing. Spinach salad with tuna. YUM.

And I have been getting some good fruit in too, thanks to my wonderful roommate. He made smoothies twice this week. Blueberries, peaches, strawberries, orange juice, plus almond milk and flaxseed. SO healthy for me, and delicious too!

I have also been pretty good this week about taking my multi-vitamin and D supplement. I was quite tired earlier in the week, but I also had a very busy weekend and I worked a conference on Monday and Tuesday.

A friend likes to say that caring for your health is like a full time job. It can be, especially if you have health issues. Little changes can really help though.

Now I need to work on reducing my sugar intake. Too many oreos. :)

librarianintx

Ways to boost energy levels

from Real Age:

1) sleep
2) exercise
3) stay hydrated
4) cut back on sugar
5) spend time in the sun
6) sip tea
7) increase magnesium intake
8) power nap
9) eat mini meals

Number nine is the only one I'm currently successful at. :/
But I'm working on some of the others.

librarianintx