Antidepressant Part 2

This isn't a further political rant. 

I want to talk about something that I didn't expect my antidepressant to help with. 

It wasn't on my radar at all. (unintended pun) 

Antidepressants help with depression and anxiety. 

I didn't know they can also help with phobias. 

I have had a severe weather phobia for as long as I can remember. 

I know I have blogged about it previously. 

Was it a coincidence that my phobia improved when I started taking the antidepressant? 

I don't think so. 

My weather phobia made my life very difficult at times. 

Living in Texas, severe weather can happen year around. 

I would obsessively check weather forecasts, worry for days, and go to great lengths to make sure I wasn't alone during a storm. 

It was exhausting, frustrating, and negatively affected my physical and emotional health. 

I am not cured of my weather phobia, but it is SO MUCH better. 

I don't check forecasts like I used to, and I understand that forecasts can change, so there is no reason to worry days in advance. 

I rarely have the physical symptoms like a racing heart, restlessness, and feelings of fight or flight. 

I have finally learned to feel safe. The wind can howl and the rain can beat on the windows, but I know I am protected, even if I am alone. 

Weather doesn't rule my life anymore, and I am grateful every day for the calmness I can experience, even in the height of a storm. 

librarianintx

Antidepressants

 I don't usually get political in my posts. 

Not because I don't want to. 

I refrain for professional reasons. 

But a recent topic has spurred me to act. 

Transparency is important. 

Representation is important. 

Honesty is important. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 

So here goes. 

I have lived with anxiety my whole life. 

About five years ago I started taking an antidepressant. 

The effect has been life changing. 

I wish I had made the decision years ago. 

I would have lived so much easier and fully. 

My antidepressant medication has dramatically improved my anxiety. 

I can do so much more than I used to.

I am grateful for it every day. 

Now our government has begun a campaign to "deprescribe" SSRI medications. 

This initiative includes financial compensation for doctors who work with their patients to reduce or discontinue antidepressant medications. 

I understand that antidepressants are not for everyone. 

There are usually side effects with these meds, especially in the beginning. 

Sometimes it takes a while to find the right medicine at the right dose. 

But for many, these medications mean a fuller, happier life with achievements they hadn't thought possible. 

While I am a proponent of these meds, I am also a firm believer in holistic treatments and lifestyle activities to alleviate depression and anxiety. 

Yoga, Tai chi, meditation, acupuncture, breathwork, art, music, journaling, exercise - all fantastic and helpful for overall health and wellness. For some people, these might be all they need. 

But many other people need pharmaceutical intervention.  

What works for me is a combination medication and lifestyle activities. 

I take a medication, and I also exercise, journal, listen to music, draw, etc. 

These medications are all legal. 

Doctors are allowed to prescribe them. 

Patients are allowed to take them. 

The decision to taper or stop should be in the hands of the patient, not the government. 

Period. 

librarianintx

Dealing with an acute illness when you have a chronic illness or disability

I'm speaking for myself. 

Not all people with a chronic illness or disability

I have a very hard time with self-care when I have an acute illness. 

The general advice when you have an acute illness is to rest. 

Give your body time to recover. 

But resting can make me weaker. 

If I lay down too much, it takes me longer to get my strength back. 

If I sleep too much during the day, I mess up my sleep cycle. 

I've been exercising more consistently recently. 

And now, after only a few days of not exercising, I feel like I'm losing those exciting and important gains. 

I try to find a balance between getting some extra rest without losing strength when I'm sick. 

There's also the topic of over-the-counter medications. 

I am an adult who is very underweight, and I can't swallow most pills. 

So, I buy medications intended for children. 

I bought two varieties of pain reliever this time - chewable tablets, and liquid. 

Both were problematic. 

Even when I managed to cut through the wrapping and open the (expletive) childproof cap, the liquid was in a bottle that you had to squeeze to get the medicine out. Even when I squeezed as hard as I could, I only got a few drops at a time. I need 15 ml per dose. That's the equivalent of about 3 teaspoons. (Don't be impressed. I googled it.) 

The chewable tablets come in those blister packs. If you try to punch a hole in them with scissors or a knife, you're going to break the tablets into smithereens. I have to patiently tug on the corners of the blister pack, peel back the foil that DOES NOT want to peel, and work to get the tablets out of their little hole. Three of them per dose. 

My five-year-old great nephew would probably be more successful than I am with these childproof meds for children. 

Struggling with opening meds when you're sick is SO frustrating. 

At least the cough drops are easy to open. 

Please don't put those in a blister pack. 

librarianintx

Survivor 50 Finale: My Thoughts

 Honestly, I'm conflicted. 

So many people are saying that Abry deserved it. 

She played the best game.

But did she? 

Did she play a better game than Jonathan? 

That's what I'm struggling with. 

I think they were both strategic.

I think they both made big game moves. 

I think they both fought hard and made good points in the final tribal council. 

Abry only won ONE immunity challenge. 

But it was the last one. 

Arguably, the most important one. 

I think Abry was well-liked by the jury. 

Jonathan, not so much. 

We don't get to see what goes down at Ponderosa. 

We aren't privy to conversations and strategizing. 

Is it a disappointing season when the person who wins the show only wins one challenge?

I'm a huge fan of Cirie, and she never wins anything. 

I was thrilled that she won the fan vote. 

So why wasn't I thrilled that Abry won? 

In one sense, it's cool that someone can win without being a competition beast. 

The goal of Survivor is to "outplay, outwit, and outlast"

You don't HAVE to win challenges to accomplish that. 

One of my other favorite players of all time is Cochran. 

I think the only challenge he won in his two seasons was a gross food eating challenge. 

Yet he played a masterful game and won by a unanimous vote the second time that he played.

So, is it a popularity thing for me? 

Am I not thrilled that Abry won because I like Jonathan better? 

All I can say is that I think Jonathan played a better game. 

I also think he presented a strong case at the final tribal council. 

I was surprised and disappointed that he only got three votes. 

I liked many of the players this season: Cirie, Jonathan, Joe, Kamilla, Kyle, Q, Mike, Charlie, Kyle, Tiff, Cody

It was a fun season. 

librarianintx 

 

Survivor 50: Who will win? Who should win?

I'm down to the wire here.

Who will win?

I don't know. 

If Tiff can make it to final 3, I think she should win.

There are rumors, though, that Abry takes it.

As long as it's not Rizzo, I'll be okay with the results. 

But I am Team Tiff.

Jonathan would be my second choice.

So many players that I like came back for 50, so there were some tough eliminations.

Let's see how it plays out!

Librarianintx 

Hudson and Connor

In these trying times, the universe has sent us Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie. They are the stars of the Crave / HBO Max breakout show Heated Rivalry, about rival hockey players who (spoiler alert) fall in love.

The show is great.

I haven't read the book series that the show is based on, but I plan to.

Both Hudson and Connor are so charismatic, so engaging, not to mention so fricken hot. I love watching interviews with them. Their humor is effortless. They are personable and thoughtful. They are an interviewer's dream.

Separately they are a joy; together they are beyond that. Their chemistry is as strong offscreen as it is onscreen. They are men who are fearless in their friendship and affection for each other. Their bromance is addictive. They complete each other. 

Both of them are coping with their sudden fame brilliantly, at least in public. I hope becoming famous doesn't ruin them, as it has so many others. They are both so ridiculously talented. I hope they can navigate the complicated waters of fame with their integrity, sanity and friendship intact.

I'm grateful for them and I hope they both have long, successful careers. In this time of uncertainty and concern, Hudson and Connor are two of my delightful distractions. 

librarianintx 

John Davidson MBE and the BAFTA's

I'm going to say make a few comments about the controversy:

First, if you think he said the expletive on purpose, you need to educate yourself about Tourette Syndrome, specifically coprolalia, which is a tic disorder associated with Tourette. 

Number two, why was the expletive not bleeped or covered up? It was not a live broadcast. They took out "Free Palestine " from an acceptance speech, but not THAT?!

Number three, I think Mr. Davidson should have apologized. He should have apologized for the EFFECT that the word had. I didn't feel this way initially, but after reading some comments from other people with disabilities, I came to a different conclusion. 

Someone with epilepsy posted that they hit someone while experiencing a seizure. They apologized, even though there was no intent to harm

Something similar happened to a man whose CPAP machine malfunctioned during the night. He thrashed around, unable to breathe, and smacked his wife accidentally. 

Someone with cerebral palsy also posted about accidentally hitting someone. They apologized. 

Words can hurt too. They can cause trauma. 

Mr. Davidson's comments were about himself - his gratitude to those who understood his comments were not intentional. No mention about the effect that word had - on the presenters onstage, people in the audience, and those who viewed the broadcast. 

I'm not suggesting he apologize for having a disability. I'm asking him to think about that word in particular, it's history and significance in our society.

Lack of intent doesn't always mean no pain was inflicted.

librarianintx 

Driving with a Disability

If there is one piece of advice that I can give parents of kids with disabilities, it is this:

Let them learn how to drive.

Not only let them

Encourage them to learn how to drive

Don't let fear stop them, or you.

Yes, driving carries a certain amount of risk.

But so do many aspects of life.

Driving affords people with disabilities agency and independence.

They can go where they want, whenever they want, for as long as they want, with whoever they want.

Give them these important opportunities. 

They will live smaller with more stress if they have to rely on paratransit. 

And if they are wheelchair users, options like ride shares are limited. 

So, please, do what you have to do.

Research specialized driver's Ed if that's what they neeed.

Research funding options for vehicles and adaptive equipment

Start a savings account when they're born.

Know that if they are working or going to school, more funding options are available to them.

Encourage them to put in the effort.

They will thank you by having a busy, happy, enriched life.

The kind of life that everyone deserves.

librarianintx 

Allison and Twitch

Allison Holker and Twitch Boss, both alumni of the show So You Think You Can Dance, were married and appeared to have the perfect life - they were madly in love, successful, raising children - they were living the American Dream. 

Then Twitch died by suicide at the age of 40. 

He was a beloved celebrity - always smiling, always dancing - the picture of mental and physical health. 

Allison was devastated, and society rallied around her - the devastated widow with a teenager and two young children to raise alone. 

Then Allison wrote a memoir, that in part detailed Twitch's mental health struggles, drug use, and suggested that Twitch may have been a victim of sexual abuse. 

Many fans turned against her, saying she had no right to expose Twitch's life, and that she was trying to profit from his pain. Twitch never spoke publicly about any of this. 

Now Allison has announced that she is engaged. Her fiancé proposed to her on her birthday. She called it "the best night of her life" and gushed about him being her person. 

Again, the fans took to social media to express their outrage, saying she should have been more restrained in her enthusiasm, thinking about her late husband. 

It is a very complicated situation. I can see both sides. 

I believe with all my heart that Allision deserves to be happy. I am glad she has found another love. Life is short. I don't believe that someone has to grieve for the rest of their life to show that they love someone. You can feel grief and joy simultaneously. 

Still, as a fan of Twitch, who feels like I will never fully process his death, I do understand the pain that the fans are feeling. But do we have a right to feel this way? None of us knew the "real" Twitch. We know the Twitch that he presented to the world. And that Twitch was likely both perfect and flawed, as we all are. 

And Allison and Twitch's marriage was likely both wonderful and difficult as well, as most marriages are. Look at Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. They presented to the world an image of two people enjoying a long, happy marriage. Keith always looked completely in love with Nicole. And now they are divorced. Do we the fans truly know what happened? No. Is it our business? Definitely NOT!

Consider also the story of Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. They were figure skaters, married and madly in love. Sergei died suddenly in 1995 of an undiagnosed heart condition. In 2002, Ekaterina married skater Ilia Kulik and they had a child. Ekaterina had two great loves. I thought she and Ilia were still together. But no, they divorced in 2015, and five years later she married David Pelletier. She is still married to him. So, my point is, you can have more than one love in your lifetime. 

I still grieve for Twitch, even though I didn't know him personally. But my grief doesn't matter in this situation. As happy as she is now, I am certain that Allison still grieves too. I am glad she has found someone that makes her happy. I do not believe that anything she has done was done with the intention to hurt Twitch or besmirch his memory. In the end, you either believe in the goodness of someone, or you don't. I believe in Allison. 

librarianintexas