I said no to a cookie!

Last Sunday I bought a container of chocolate chip cookies for a co-worker's birthday. For the rest of that day, those cookies were in my apartment, hidden in a re-usable grocery bag, yes, but I knew they were there. I could have easily swiped a cookie without anyone knowing. But I didn't.

On Monday morning, I put the container, total number of cookies intact, on my co-worker's desk with the card that we had all signed. A few minutes later, I noticed that the cookies had been placed in the communal snack area, by the printer in the office services section of our department. Usually when someone has a birthday we bring in treats to share, and that's where they go, so you can grab a cookie or a handful of goldfish or a piece of Godiva chocolate as you pick up papers from the printer, or grab a stack of envelopes, or a notepad, or a new pen that doesn't leak.

My work for the day necessitated several trips to Office Services. I had printed documents from the Internet and Microsoft Word. I had sent addresses to the label printer from our patron database. I had to make some copies. At least four or five times I found myself in that area, staring at those cookies. Some had disappeared, but definitely all. In the blink of an eye, one of them could have found its way into my hand, then in my mouth, on the way to my stomach. But each time I said no, and kept on walking.

At the end of the day, I went back to my apartment, and I made myself a sugar free chocolate protein shake. I was very proud of myself for avoiding the cookie.

Several months ago I wrote a blog post about sugar. My decision at that time was that I enjoyed my sugary snacks, and I didn't want to give them up. My afternoon cookies or brownies were one of the highlights of my day. Sugar is a staple of the average American diet; can it really be that bad for you?

But since then I have read more, especially about the link between sugar and metastatic breast cancer. Now, I am on a birth control pill, so I am already at a higher risk for breast cancer. I will probably have to go on hormone replacement therapy when I achieve menopause, so that will also increase my risk. And even though I am trying to reduce my sugar intake, I believe I will never completely eliminate sugar from my diet. So why am I trying at all?

I guess I'm hoping that reduction is at least better than no change at all. Since I started to reduce my sugar intake in early January, I think I've only had a sugary snack three times. I had nutella once, a cookie once, and yesterday I indulged in chocolate cake when I took a friend out to lunch for her birthday. The cake was amazing, and I did enjoy it - but not as much as I would have before this new year. I feel better about myself when I avoid eating something high in sugar.

I have been pretty successful with the daily treats. I actually like the taste of the sugar free shakes. I also like the taste of honey in tea instead of sugar. But I am struggling with giving up my daily fruit bar, which has a lot of sugar in it. I haven't found a worthy substitute. I also like yogurt, but I am trying to eat cottage cheese instead.

I miss the carefree days of ignorance. But making healthy eating choices is beginning to feel as satisfying as that chocolate chip cookie hitting my taste buds. I know I won't always say no to a cookie or a piece of cake or scoop of ice cream. But if I can limit sugary treats to special occasions, that would be the new normal I would like to achieve. For now, I would be happy with that.

Time for a shake!

librarianintx

The Ups and Downs of My Grocery Store Experience

Sunday morning in Austin, Texas. A BEAUTIFUL last day in January. Temperatures in the 60's, on the way to a possible record high in the 80's.

Downside #1 of said shopping trip:
There was a re-stocking apocalypse in the fruit and vegetable area, which just happened to be the location of the majority of the items on my carefully crafted list. Evidently most of my fellow shoppers had a similar list, because that section of the store was teeming with frazzled mothers, impatient fathers, hungry children, distracted millennials, shopping carts acting like bumper cars, small dollies, boxes of produce, and harried HEB employees trying to do their job.

But there was an upside to this downside. A very nice female employee went out of her way to track down a black case filled with bags of kale, an important ingredient that I did not want to leave the store without purchasing.

Downside #2:
My driver was less than enthusiastic about helping me with my bags. It's her job, but that doesn't mean she has to like it, and she disliked it quite openly this morning. She was cranky when I politely gave her directions to my apartment, and reminded me that she has picked me up several times from the store. In fact, she seemed to be more than implying that she wished I would shop at a time and day when I would not be on her schedule. Like I can make THAT happen. She actually said  to me, "Do you shop EVERY Sunday morning?" Yes, I do, lady. I shop every Sunday morning for the specific reason to make your life difficult. Actually, I don't shop every Sunday morning.

Related downside to downside #2:
I had to pee like I was nine months pregnant. The kind of needing to pee when your lower abdomen is causing you significant discomfort, and all you can think about is the fact that it might be as long as thirty minutes before you have access to a bathroom. And when you finally get on the bus and you find out that the driver has another pick up before you get to go home - further prolonging what has become a code yellow pee emergency - you can't seem to concentrate on any subject except your brain repeating I HAVE TO PEE like an old record player with a stuck needle. Have I now lost anyone born after 1990?

And now for the upsides of downsides #2 and #2.5:
I killed the driver - WITH KINDNESS PEOPLE! I killed her with kindness. Yeesh. I thanked her profusely when she helped me carry my bags to the door. I smiled and said, "Thank you SO much, and I hope you have a great rest of the day."

Also, I made it to the bathroom without peeing myself. Definitely the biggest accomplishment of the day. Even bigger than walking out of the store with the elusive bag of kale.

But I have one more upside to the grocery store experience, and there is no downside associated with it, which is very exciting. Somehow, even though I am four foot eleven and there are items that I cannot reach, this morning my stretching ability was enhanced. I was able to secure the jar of pickle relish, the box of shredded wheat, AND the usually completely unattainable pack of two black markers from their high perches. Today I did not have to stand in a deserted aisle and stare forlornly at each needed thing, hoping that someone would come around a corner and I would summon the nerve to ask for help. No help required today. An end of January miracle happened there.

librarianintx

My bus ride yesterday morning

For the past few weeks, every Thursday morning I have been on the paratransit bus with a young woman who is blind and mentally challenged. I have been a passenger with her several times over the years. She talks a lot, to the driver and to herself.

Yesterday morning she kept talking about her gynecological visit. She mentioned having a pap smear several times. She also cursed a few times. I have never heard her say dirty words before. Her swearing and talking about her pap smear didn't seem to have a connection. She wasn't cursing about her pap smear. Then she would suddenly let out a loud shriek. Again, the shrieking apparently didn't have anything to do with the gynecology experience. She was simply shrieking.

I am unnerved by sudden, loud noises. And I did not want to hear about pap smears at seven o'clock in the morning. I don't ever want to think about pap smears: mine, her's, or anyone's.

Such is life when you ride the paratransit service. You don't know who you are going to ride with, or how they are going to behave. You have no control over the route, the time, who your driver is, or your fellow passengers. It is a SHARED RIDE SERVICE. I have ridden with incessant talkers; movers and shakers; complainers; terrible singers; foul mouthed, racist old ladies; and people who have peed and pooped on themselves. I have also had the pleasure to ride with many sweet, intelligent, hardworking, caring, funny, happy individuals. I have met a few people that have lived in Austin for decades, and offer memories and stories about the little town that has burgeoned into a major metropolis. I have seen some of the grandest homes in Austin, and some of the seediest apartment complexes. I have enjoyed the hilltop views around Loop 360, witnessed the continued gentrification of the East Side, and felt the desperation of the 7th Street ARCH.

It's not a great situation. But I get where I need to go, and I usually get there on time. I can choose to be upset about the downsides of paratransit, or I can find the humor, the humanity, and the history in what I experience. Most days I opt for the latter.

librarianintx

One entire month

For the entire month of January, 2016, I have been consistent.

An entire month of going to bed on time on Sunday and week nights: by 10:40 pm.

An entire month of getting out of bed on time during the week: by 5:50 a.m.

An entire month of keeping the kitchen clean.

An entire month of taking my medicine daily.

An entire month of doing my morning skin care routine.

There's more, but you get the idea. I don't think I've ever been this consistent for an entire month. It feels great. Consistency makes me happy. Consistency keeps me calm. I am so pleased when my surroundings are organized and look nice. Now when I come home from work, I get my clothes and jewelry ready and make my food for the next day instead of waiting until eight or nine o'clock at night to do it, which makes me run late for eating dinner and getting into bed. It feels so good not to feel rushed. I feel so much better now when I wake up in the morning. That extra thirty minutes to an hour of sleep does wonders for me. I feel more alert and have better energy. And I am usually ready five to ten minutes earlier. Some days I even have time for a quick breakfast. 

Now I need to make time for the activities I enjoy - reading, journaling, blogging. And I still desire a social life. I don't want my existence to focus on keeping organized. There needs to be more to my life than that. When I reflect at the end of each day, I want to have memories, experiences, interesting stories. I want more from my life than "I went to bed on time," or "I didn't leave any dishes in the sink." I want to have time and energy for the organization and the experiences.

librarianintx

New Year's Resolutions 2016

Call them what they are - Don't beat around the bush. They are New Year's Resolutions, and I have a whole list of them. Will I keep the resolutions? Will I achieve the goals I set myself? I don't know. I'll probably have both success and failure like we all do. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

Here's the list, in no particular order:

1) Cut down on sugar
2) Eat better
3) Exercise
4) Get out of my own head!
5) Meditate
6) Stay motivated
7) Write and blog more
8) Look for extra ways of making money
9) Procrastinate less
10) Have experiences. Make memories

librarianintx

Books I read in 2015

My goal was to read at least one book per month, but unfortunately that didn't happen. I read nineteen books in 2015. Here is the list (not in order):

Seeds of Yesterday by V.C. Andrews
Garden of Shadows by V.C. Andrews
Good Kings, Bad Kings: A Novel by Susan Nussbaum
Peony: A Novel of China by Pearl S, Buck
Wifey by Judy Blume
The 100 by Kass Morgan
Wayward Pines (Book One) by Blake Crouch
The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule
The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon
Prince Harry: Brother, Soldier, Son by Penny Junor
I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
We were There: Revelations from the Dallas Doctors Who Attended to JFK on November 22, 1963 by Allen Childs
Infinite Sacrifice by L.E. Waters
Behind the Scenes, or Thirty Years a Slave and Four Years in the White House by Elizabeth Keckley
Adrenalized: Life, Def Leppard, and Beyond by Phil Collen
Say What You Will by Cammie McGovern
A Lincoln: His Last 24 Hours by E. Emerson Reck
Born Into the Children of G-d by Natacha Tormey
Burn Down the Ground by Kambri Crews

Of these nineteen, I read three of them on audio: Wayward Pines, The Stranger Beside Me, and A Lincoln: His Last 24 Hours.

librarianintx