Book Review

I FINALLY finished the book I was reading....

Too Late to Die Young: Nearly True Tales From a Life by Harriet McBryde Johnson. I think it was a very well-written book, AND some parts captured me while others didn't. I was much more interested in the disability/advocacy aspects of the book than in her political life. She lost me during the chapters on her run for the county council seat, but found me again in most of the rest of the book. I especially enjoyed reading about her trips to Cuba, and to Chicago for the Democratic National Convention.

I don't agree with all of her convictions, but of course I agree with her right to have them and express them. While I also feel that the Telethon centers way too much on the pity aspect, I do not agree with protesting its existence. The Muscular Dystrophy Association does a lot to help people with neuromuscular diseases, and I am just one small example of that. Rather than spend time and energy protesting the telethon, I would like to see people who benefit from the organization working together with the association to make the telethon more reflective of who we are as people with neuromuscular diseases...adults and children who want to lead active, productive lives. Ms. Johnston is a testament to this. She is not a person dying of Muscular Dystophy; she is an individual living with the disease. And in order to live our lives as fully as possible we need assistance...assistive technology and mobility devices, attendant care, rehabilitation and medical care, therapy, training, etc. And it all takes money. Plus there is the very important research aspect, which is making so many strides toward treatments and possible cures.

I know the above paragraph is pollyanna to a degree, because I have a feeling that the protesters would say they have tried to work with the organization, and they have refused to change the telethon. I believe that is true, and that is very unfortunate. What is also extremely unfortunate is some of the comments Jerry Lewis has made, both about the protesters and about other subjects as well. As the years go by I find his comments both on the telethon and in the media degrading to women especially. But having said all this, I do feel that the telethon has made some strides toward the portrayal of people with disabilities in a more positive light.

I am definitely in her corner regarding her thoughts on Terri Schiavo, although this topic wasn't covered much in her book. I read an article where she addressed this, and thought it was awesome. I think anyone with a potentially debilitating disability needs to fear what happened to Terri Schiavo. And unfortunately, her case is not isolated. It has just received more publicity.

I also realized that I really resonate with the title of her book. She talks about how the message in the media that people with neuromuscular diseases die when we're young is so pervasive that she wondered for years if she should even bother to do anything in her life. Why get a degree when I'm going to die soon. Why get a job? Why develop friendships? Why have a life?

And then suddenly she was approaching middle age. And she is a lawyer and an activist and she lives a rich, full life. She did not die young, as predicted by society. And she did not let that pronouncement stop her from achieving much in her life. And she continues to be an active, productive member of society.

I am really glad she wrote this book, and I am equally glad that I read it. I think it was very important that I read this book, and that I discovered it when I did. Everything happens for a reason.

librarianintx

Disbelief

I am truly in disbelief to learn about this blog from what a contributor to a very liberal, progressive publication. Unbelievable. My head is spinning:

http://www.thestranger.com/blog/2006/11/should_the_handicapp.php

Is someone really writing this in the year 2006?

In case the link doesn't work or is eventually taken down, this woman is writing about how she was late for work and blames it on the "handicapped" riders taking too long to board an express city bus in Seattle. She muses about the possibility of being able to ban wheelchair users from express buses, since in her opionion they render the bus "non-express" and cause the non-disabled riders stress and discomfort and potentially make them late for work as well.

To which I reply:
Get over yourself, lady.

And, "Its 'people with disabilities.' Not 'the handicapped.'" We're not a nameless, faceless group, or inanimate objects. We're people. And we have every right to be on that bus, or anywhere else in society.

I am so sorry you were inconvenienced. Perhaps you should take an earlier bus. Perhaps you should drive youself to work. Perhaps you should spend a day in a wheelchair, and be observant of what you encounter. Sidewalks with poor curb cuts, if any. Bus operators who don't know how to work the lifts properly, or secure a wheelchair properly. Bus riders who stare, mutter under their breath, or take their sweet time moving their feet or property out of the way of the chair. Pedestrians who don't watch where they are walking. People who don't hold doors open. Buildings that are inaccessible. Other facilities that claim to be accessible, but aren't. Drivers who park in van accessible parking spaces. Should I go on?

I was going to post a comment on her blog, but many other people already did. They pretty much said everything I would have said, and said it better than I would have.

One good thing to come out of this whole thing...I discovered a bunch of bloggers with disabilities out in cyberspace. I knew they were there, I just had not done the research yet. One blogger provided links to a BUNCH of them. I checked out a few, and plan to look at more.

Writing is like a muscle. If I want to be good at it, I need to exercise it. And I need to get past the mental barrier of feeling like I'm not good enough to be doing it.

librarianintx

Twelve Years in the Making

Its like the milk ads....

Got Congress?

YES WE DO!!!

And it feels SOOOO good!

Some people will view this as gloating. I'm not. I have not said a word to my Republican family and friends. Its not about throwing it in people's faces. Its about relief. Its about a sense of belonging. Its about issues and programs that I consider meaningful and important, and the hope that this group elected to lead will work toward implementing such programs and standing up for said issues.

More than anything else, this election is a clear testament to the power of the election process. If you do not vote you cannot effect change. AND EVERY VOTE COUNTS.

The pundits said we weren't going to take the Senate. It would be close, but we wouldn't pull through.

Thank you to everyone who voted. Thank you especially to every person who voted Democratic in Virginia.

librarinaintx

Being Grateful

Sweater Grrl has returned!

My message for today is very simple:

CELEBRATE YOUR HEALTH.

Even if you're not in perfect health, rejoice in whatever health you have. Chances are you're healthier than a lot of people in this country, no matter what your situation might be. So rejoice. Revel. And be grateful. Don't waste this precious day crying about what you no longer have or what you can no longer do. Appreciate what you still have and what you can continue to do. And be thankful. G-d, Jesus, Mohammed, Mother Nature, Buda, whoever you believe in and if you don't believe at all, just say thank you. I learned that lesson from Oprah. Oprah says, no matter whether in good times or in bad, just say "thank you." Often saying "thank you" when times are bad can be quite comforting. I'm still learning how to say "thank you" when times are bad. I certainly haven't been saying thank you very much during the past three months. But I'm saying it now. And hopefully I'll remember to say it when the darkness rolls in again. As I understand that it will.

This is not designed to be a guilt trip. Just a suggestion. And I'm not saying that negativity isn't allowed. Everyone takes those trips. Jealousy, Frustration, Anger, Guilt...I have been there many times. Not nice places to visit, and I don't want to live in any of them.

Therefore, this post.

librarianintx

Tip of the Day

Get a massage.
Find the money...find the time...find somebody...and get a massage.
Massage benefits body and mind.

Find a way and go get one. Most people view massage as a luxury. For me it is becoming a part of my wellness routine. Especially if you suffer from chronic pain, massage should be a part of your life.

I know I said find somebody a second ago, but its true, you do need someone who knows what they're doing. I'll try to post some links later. Luckily, I know someone who knows what they're doing. I had a massage yesterday, and I am a different person today. Calmer especially. Better concentration too.

A tip within a tip:
If you get a massage, particularly a deep muscle or deep tissue massage...BE SURE TO DRINK SEVERAL GLASSES OF WATER AFTER. Fruits and vegetables that contain a lot of liquid are good ideas as well, such as tomatoes or melons.

The reason is that when you have a massage, toxins are released from your muscles when they are massaged. Its important to flush out those toxins. The first time I had a massage, I did not listen to this directive, and I was sick for two days. I mean in bed sick; I felt like I had the flu. I was sick to my stomach, I was weak, and I hurt all over. Every time since then, I have consumed at least three 8-ounce glasses of water post-massage. None of the massages have made me ill since that first one. And this was no small feat for me, because I used to be a non-water drinker. The only time I would drink water would be if it was the only source of liquid wherever I was and I was desperately thirsty. Otherwise, I would just be thirsty.

I have now graduated to the ability of sucking down a glass of room temperature tap water when necessary. If I can do it, I bet you can.

So quit reading. Go get a massage! And don't forget the water!

librarianintx

Across the Miles

"Tiny Victories: The Sweater Grrl Lifetime Original Picture"

I think there already was at least one Lifetime movie called "Tiny Victories." So I'm not very original this morning. Nothing new with me. Most of my humor is borrowed from someone else.

I have three nieces. The eldest started high school yesterday.

A moment to process that information. That tiny baby I held in my arms, my first baby to feed and dance with and change a diaper...that baby is now fourteen years old. And she is everything I never was at that age...beautiful, multi-talented, outgoing, popular, mature, and amazingly self-confident. She's also incredibly compassionate and intuitive. To me, she is everything you would wish a daughter to be. I know she's not perfect. And I know she battles with her parents. But what a great kid she is. Outstanding. She makes smart decisions. She goes after what she wants, and she gets it.

I find myself fascinated with her life. It is a childhood and especially an adolescence that I never had. Her life is about parties and trips to the mall and movies with friends. She has been to Disney World never every year of her life, she has been to New York and seen Broadway musicals, she and her family even lived out of the country for two years. They are an active family - lots of excursions to neighborhood parks, museums, water parks, and the beach. She has had the blessing of a healthy, happy, comfortable, loving upbringing. She is adored and admired within the family, and she radiates that love back. She is the first grandchild on one side of the family, and that is usually quite a coveted spot.

But I live here and she lives somewhere else, and it is one of my life regrets that I have missed so much of her upbringing, and the other two as well. I haven't been there for the piano recitals and the band concerts and the gymnastics routines. I think I've been to one thing in all of their years of pursuits...a soccer game when the eldest was probably about six or seven. That's it. Pitiful.

When I am with them, it is quality time. The thing we do the most is play games. We all love games. Rummy cube, Scrabble, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Yatzee!, whatever. We also just hang out and talk and I get to hear about all the exciting things they've done, how they feel about things, what they want to be when they grow up.

They love me. They really love me. I don't understand why. I can't keep up with them. They are all so healthy and energetic and beautiful. I keep waiting for them to reject me, to figure out that I'm boring and ugly and not worth their time. Everyone says the youngest one looks so much like me when I was her age. She does. But I'm waiting for her to look at me and say sweetly, "But I'm not going to look like you when I get to be your age, am I, Aunt Sweater Grrl?"

They miss me. And I miss them, so much. But I just don't think I can live with my family. I love them all, but I'm too different. I don't fit in. My health is not good enough. I don't think the way they do about many topics. I don't have the money. And I'm a Democrat.

I like to live vicariously through their lives...I like hearing about the parties and museums and friends. The middle niece will tell you everything you want to know, as will the youngest, but the oldest is more reserved. She doesn't share as much, and I don't want to be pushy. At some point she'll probably become difficult and resentful. They all will. Its a sad but true fact of adolescence. But I believe that tide will turn, and each one will come out the other side even more amazing than they are now. I look forward to each new chapter in the tales of the three butterflies.

Appreciation

I consider it a successful day when I can walk into work this morning with someone I consider an important person in the building, and have my hair combed, my face washed, and at least a clean shirt on my body. So my day thus far has been successful.

Yesterday my team leader at work, who is one of the nicest people I have ever met, and I have met many nice people, asked me some questions about appreciation. She had recently attended a managers seminar and I was her "guinea pig" to try out a concept. She was asking me what my supervisor(s) / fellow employees could do to show that they appreciate me and the work that I do.

The question and answer time turned into more of a therapy session. That's not too shocking for me. I have often felt that I needed to fork over payment to quite a few co-workers and friends for listening to me drag out, sort, wash, dry, and fold laundry in various stages of cleanliness. But even I was a bit surprised by some of my comments. I told her that I didn't really need appreciation in the workplace. I'm always happy to receive it, its always special to me, but I don't want to need it or crave it. I want appreciation to come from within. I want to feel good about what I do internally. I don't want to expect appreciation.

I have someone in my life who is quite demanding of appreciation, and her expectations always seem to fall short of reality. So she lets everyone know that she never gets the reaction that she feels she deserves. Its very sad to me. I don't want to live my life that way. When I do something for someone, I want it to be because I wanted to do it, not because I want the gratitude that I feel should be an outcome of the good deed. I want to do something because I enjoy it and because it makes me feel good inside and because it will make the other person happy, more comfortable, less stressed, etc. But not because I'm expecting or craving compliments or appreciation.

I am extremely accomplishment-oriented, and on a daily basis its hard for me to feel like I've been useful or purposeful with the gift of life that I am so grateful to have. Nearly every day I say to myself, There is another day gone by when I didn't do all these things that I wanted to do. I didn't read, I didn't journal, I didn't help anyone, I didn't learn anything, I didn't try to do something that scared or intimidated me, I didn't find my courage, I didn't use my voice like the people I admire do. I didn't work on becoming that strong person that I want to be. But then I try to say to myself, I did more than I think I did. I may not have started the great American novel today, or volunteered at a homeless shelter, or advocated for equality, or helped build a house. But I got out of bed. I made the effort to make it to work, where I have the opportunity to make someone's life a little easier. And maybe along the way, I told a joke that made someone smile. Maybe I used my voice to say a racial slur offended me. Maybe I gave advice to someone who is going through something that I have been through. Maybe the positives and negatives of my life have the power to educate others. And likewise, I learn from the classroom that is the lives of the people I come into contact with. And then I use the power of the written word to convey it to anyone who happens to stumble across my tiny corner of the W-E-B.

I think I may have mentioned before that "CJ" is a singer. This morning I heard him singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" in my head as I travelled to work. That made me smile. Anything that can make me feel good on a weekday morning is a blessing. He is gift, and his voice is a gift.

Vacation, all I ever wanted

"Vacation, all I ever wanted...
Vacation, had to get away...."

Yes, I am a child of the 80's. For the most part, a teenager of the 80's. And since our society recycles decades, the 80's have come back around anyway.

A vacation isn't all I ever wanted, and I didn't have to get away, but it does feel good to have a few days off and be in a different place. I am visiting the family. I'm very grateful that I have family to visit, and I am not unhappy to be here. A vacation of my dreams would be more like a lakehouse, or some kind of plush safari (no roughing it), but I am definitely not complaining about where I am and what I'll be doing in the next few days. I get to spend time with my precious nieces who are rapidly approaching teenager status (one of them is already there but she still likes me), I get to go shopping and hang out with my Mom (and fellow Claymate), and I get to spend time with friends that I don't get to see very often. I bet more shopping will be in order with them. There goes that tutor money I had saved up.

*off for lunch and probably a nap*

Gratitude list

My gratitude list for this morning:

1) sleep
2) air conditioning
3) not currently residing anywhere in the Middle East
4) motivation

and reason 5)
We FINALLY have a title for the new album!!!!!!!!!!

Another title revealed for me. I am a Claymate. I love Clay Aiken. I have loved him from the beginning of American Idol. I could talk about him all day. But I won't. At least not today.

We have been waiting and waiting AND WAITING for news. It finally came late last night. The name:

A Thousand Different Ways

I like it.

Shiny, happy people

"Feigning Normality: The Sweater Girl Lifetime Original Picture."

Its something everyone does at some point in their lives, I'm sure. Feigning normality. Some people do it a lot. Do I do it a lot?

I went to an InterFaith Community Service about a month ago. Over fifty clergy of a variety of faiths. It was wonderful. A rabbi gave the main address, the sermon if you want to call it that. I'm rarely good at concentrating on speeches, but he said something that seems to be changing my life. For most of my life I have often felt so angry at G-d...for taking my father when I was nine years old, for making my mother's life hard, for making my life hard. Even as I tried to be a good Jew (another title revealed), I struggled with anger. I can't say I don't anymore. But when Rabbi Baker said, "G-d isn't trying to hurt us...he suffers along with us," that reached me. Now when I start to get angry, I let those words wash over me. They comfort me. I don't feel so alone.

I know there are many many people suffering much more than me. I am so very grateful for what I can do and what I have and who chooses to be in my life. Still, there are days when my corner doesn't see a lot of sunlight.

My family plays the pain competition game. Feel sorry for me. I'm sick, I'm depressed, I have a hurt toe, everything went wrong today, we need to talk about me. A family member's favorite expression is, "Well, don't feel like the lone ranger," as she launches into her perils and maladies of the day. I adore games, but I detest the pain competition game. I was a contender when I was younger. Quite experienced at that one. But now, I ain't playin'.

I understand why she does it though. I don't like it but I comprehend it. She wants someone to listen. She wants someone to care. I do my best to listen. And I always care. But it probably doesn't come across that way very often. Especially given what I've just said. But I do care. Immensely.

*Searching for that sunshine on a cloudless Monday*...

a Sunday in July

Today is one of those odd days for me, when I feel at the same time both a little out of sorts and yet quite contented at the same time. In many ways it is a quiet Sunday afternoon, a comfortable time for me. Nowhere I have to go; nothing that I absolutely have to do. My roommate is studying at the dining room table; our cat is napping somewhere in my room; the only noise in the apartment is coming from the hum of the dryer and my fingers tapping on the keys. A day of few responsibilities, no pressure or stress to go anywhere or do anything. A lazy summer day. It feels good. And at the same time, it doesn't. I'm having trouble concentrating. I can't seem to focus on one thing for more than a few minutes. I read a page or two of a book. I watch a few minutes of a show. I search the 'Net. Nothing holds my attention.

I am hurting a lot today. Unfortunately, I am able to focus on that. I am looking for a successful diversion.

I was thinking the other day about titles. We all have them. I think most of us have multiple ones. I think its a good idea, when you're feeling down, and you don't think that you're getting anywhere in life, you should think about all the titles you have. It will help you realize that your life matters and there are people who care about you. For example, here are my titles: Daughter, Sister, Sister-in-law, Aunt, Cousin, Niece, Friend, Librarian, Teacher, Tutor, Roommate, Mother (to a cat, that counts), Message Boarder, now a Blogger, and as of this past Friday, a Trainer. I have other titles too, but I'll reveal those later. I should also include Student, because we are all learning throughout our lives.

I acquired the title of Trainer this past Friday because I began training two people at my work. I'll reveal more on this later. I'm not happy about the reason why I'm doing the training, but I will say it was pretty cool to be doing it. It was nice to be able to show what I know. For a lot of my life, people didn't listen to what I had to say, didn't believe me when I said something, and didn't seem to care about what was important to me or what I was good at. So even though I was a little nervous, and it was a bit exhausting, at the end of the day it felt good that I made the extra effort to look professional on a Friday, and show two people, both of them higher on the food chain than me at work, that I can do the work that I was hired to do.

"Tiny Victories: The Sweater Girl's Lifetime Original Picture"
Another inside joke here. I watch a fair amount of Lifetime movies, and some of them have pretty bizarre titles, like "She Woke Up Pregnant." "CJ" and I laugh about it, and have started coming up with our own titles. That one I just did. Our usual one is: "Moments of Evil," with someone's name after it. Yesterday I even did one about our kitchen trash can: "Back in the Closet: The Sweater Girl and 'CJ's' Trash Can Lifetime Original Picture."

Find a reason to laugh at least once a day. Its my tip for the day.

Second time as good as the first?

Yes....I think so. :-)

Ohhhhh....I'm looking around my new home here, and I just discovered text colors. I LIKE text colors. I like colors. Most of them anyway. I am a pink person. The layout of my blog is the closest I could get to pink. I think its actually more of a lavender. I don't know, I'll have to see it again. I only saw it briefly this morning, and I was in a rush because I was at work and I'm not supposed to be using the Internet for personal stuff.

I'm working on that.

There is no pink text color here. But that's okay, because it probably wouldn't show up anyway.

ANYWAY. Enough about colors. My plan for this blog is to talk about topics that are important to me, and hopefully be able to inform people who happen to slide in for a visit. Because you see, I'm a librarian. We like to inform. And help. I think you will see that my interests are quite varied, as are my opinions. I'll include those too, possibly more than you would like.

I'll start off with a quick review of the book I just finished reading:

LOVED IT!!!!!

Oops, I should probably give you the title: Memoirs of a Geisha. Yes, you're right, I'm about two years behind the geisha craze. At least I finally got there. That was one of the best books I have ever read. I could not put it down. I could sit here at the keyboard and compose a scholarly review, but I'm not going to. Just get the book and read it. It seriously rocks. I don't want to say anything else, so I won't give anything away. Just read it. And yes, I plan to see the movie, and yes, I know the movie is not as good as the book, but I want to see the movie anyway.

Quit reading my blog and go get that book. I would loan you my copy, but I've already loaned it to my co-worker. She asked first. Sorry.

I could talk about the book I'm reading now, but I'll save that for another time. I think I've blabbed enough for this entry.

Oh wait...the origin of Sweater Grrl. That is one of the nicknames bestowed upon me from my friend (and roommate) "CJ" (you'll be hearing a lot about him, so get used to it.) We went to graduate school together, and I would always get cold in the classes, so even when it was like August and freakin' hot in Texas, I would be wearing a sweater with shorts. Voila...Sweater Grrl. We have a friend, "KJ" (no relation to "CJ") who also went to grad school with us. She carried a backpack with her a lot, so "CJ" called her Backpack Woman. Backpack Woman and Sweater Grrl...can you tell that one of his favorite things is comics?

Should I post a picture? Something to consider for next time. *waves*

My first time

OMG...its my first post on my very own blog. I am finally a blogger. A new title I now have. And if I don't keep this short, I'm going to acquire another title: unemployed. So I shall say goodbye now and post again later, with more info about moi. Until then, stay tuned!

Librarian in Texas

BTW, you want to know where I got the title "Sweater Grrl?" You'll have to check back to find out!