Another one

I've got one more for ya...

"Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season."

This was sent in an e-card to me from an acquaintance. I'm sure I've mentioned to him more than once that I'm Jewish. But maybe I didn't. Or maybe he didn't care. He was going to get his point across anyway.

If you're confused, read the entry before this one.

librarianintx

Joy to the World

On Thursday of last week I answered a reference call at work, and assisted a very nice man. We discussed his request and I told him about the information I would be sending him. He complimented the program I work for and the friendly staff, and I thanked him for his comments. As is my custom at this time of year, I ended the call by wishing him "Happy Holidays." He thanked me and then cheerily said through the phone line, "Keep the Christ in Christmas!"

This line reserved for clearing my throat.
This line reserved for pulling out my stepstool.
This line reserved for dragging my crippled ass up on my soapbox.

Its very simple really. I am not Christian. But I understand that I live in a Christian society. A melting pot of religions? Or the acceptance of people with no religious beliefs? Please. As if. Yes, we have the FREEDOM in this country to persue whatever religion we choose to, or to refrain from any religious pursuits. And that is certainly very important. But in everyday life, Christianity is pervasive in this country. People just naturally assume that everyone is Christian, and everyone celebrates Christmas. People might occassionally say, "Happy Holidays," like I do. But way more often its "Merry Christmas!" "How is your Christmas shopping going?" "Are you ready for Christmas?" "What are your plans for Christmas?"

I don't want to be rude to people. They are trying to be friendly, conversational. In some cases if its a salesperson talking to me I know they have been mandated by their employers to say "Christmas" rather than "Holiday." Wal-Mart is an example. Wal-Mart, the epitome of American capitalistic society.

Only on a rare occassion, when I've really had enough, do I say, "My Hanukkah was great, thanks." Or "I don't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Hanukkah." Sometimes when someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, I want to say "Happy Hanukkah" to them. But I usually don't. Because that's my point. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I pretty much figure that they don't celebrate Hanukkah. Two wrongs don't make a right.

In my brain, "Happy Holidays" is the perfect term to use during this time of year. Its inclusionary, not exclusionary. "Holiday" could mean Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or even the Winter Solistice. Problem solved...in my opinion.

But of course not everyone thinks like me. And why should Christians think like me. They're in the majority. They're running the ship. They are in charge. And for them, any voice of change is not seen as an agent of inclusion, but an agent of destruction. They don't see a shift from "Christmas exclusively" to "Holiday inclusionary," they see a denial of their right to freedom of religion and freedom of speech. People like me are trying to "take away Christmas." That's why there's this "Put the Christ in Christmas" campaign.

I don't think the two sides will ever be able to see each other's viewpoint. I'm not trying to take away Christmas; I am simply trying to make the season a time when everyone feels included. That really is what its all about for me.

Let me just tell you a bit about what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Door decorating contests at school where Jewish symbols weren't allowed. Art projects that involved making Christmas tree ornaments. My sister and brother-in-law's neighboorhood mandating that everyone line their driveways with Christmas lights and erect Christmas symbols in their front yards (they lined their driveway with blue and white lights, and found a giant star and dreidel somewhere (Home Depot? Garden Ridge?) to put in their yard, after initially refusing to comply with the mandate.) The school Christmas parties. The dorm Christmas parties. The office Christmas parties. The nativity scene in the dorm cafeteria. This is what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Or for those who celebrate Kwanza. Or for those who do not celebrate any of the three.

I have a couple of close friends who are Christian. And as I've said before I am a big Clay Aiken fan, and he is a devout Christian. I have learned much about the true Christian spirit from these people. They have helped to heal some of my wounds regarding Christianity. My struggle goes much deeper than Christmas, and is a topic for future blogs. My friends understand that I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I'm trying to make room at the table for everyone.

I often feel like an outsider in life. I haven't found a place where I feel like I truly belong. This time of year unfortunately serves to magnify those feelings.

Happy Holidays.
librarianintx

Reality Show

Yes, when I first heard and read about the CBS reality show "Kid Nation," I was pretty shocked. Forty kids left in a desert ghost town for forty days by themselves? C'mon. There were injuries. Parents were claiming they hadn't been fully informed. There was discussion of the show violating child labor laws. On and on. I wasn't going to watch it. I'm all about most reality shows (I do draw the line at the Bachelor and Temptation Island, etc) , but it seemed like this one was really a bad idea.

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/

But the producers urged the viewers to give it a try. Watch the first episode, and see if your pre-conceived notions turn out to be unfounded. So I watched the first episode. I missed a few along the way, but I was there for the finale....and I cried during the last thirty minutes of the show. It wasn't the first time I had shed a tear during the run of the show.

Overall I thought it was good. Was it the best show on tv? No. But it was funny. It was exciting. And it was heartwarming. Kind of Survivor meets the Waltons meets the Andy Griffith show. Not that the kids were angels or anything. There was arguing, sometimes a lot. There was near punching a few times. There was even some foul language! They got a little crazy sometimes. They're real kids!

But there were a lot of heartwarming moments. They really pulled together and helped each other. Many of the kids grew up right in front of our eyes. They had to make some tough decisions. When they won a reward, they usually had to choose between two rewards...one was something they needed, like a washing machine or fresh vegetables or clothes, and one was something fun, like pizza or a swimming pool or a giant stereo. In just about every case, they made the decision to go with what they needed over the luxury item. Not everyone was always happy about the decision.

There were big themes in Kid Nation, life stuff that everyone has to deal with at some point in their existence. They had to deal with socioeconomic, cultural, religious, and age differences. They had to exist in a class society, and often had to face the repercussions of people refusing to do their jobs. They had to work in order to earn money, and learned to go without what they wanted when they didn't have the money to buy items. They even had to deal with some issues that most people will never have to face, like killing a chicken if they wanted to eat meat, and repairing an outhouse if they wanted toilet facilities.

At the end of every episode the town council awarded one of the kids a gold star that was worth $20,000. My one regret of the show is that some of my favorite kids never got a gold star. I would have really wanted to see Mike and Laurel get one especially. I was definitely happy that Michael, Sophia, and Morgan each got one, and I think Sophia and Morgan also each won a second one at the end of the show. The three gold stars at the end were worth $50,000 each. In a way, though, maybe its fitting that some of the most deserving kids didn't win a gold star. Sometimes you work hard your whole life, you're a nice, good, deserving person, but you don't get a lot of recognition and nothing big ever happens to you. Such is life sometimes.

I don't know if there will be another Kid Nation show, but I'm glad I watched this one. I think those kids were afforded the opportunity of a lifetime to be involved with the show. I was impressed by the way they handled themselves. I think their parents will be as well.

librarianintx

Observations

Yesterday I was at my Mom's-side-of-the-family Hanukkah party. We don't have a Dad's-side-of-the-family Hanukkah party. Even though most of my Dad's relatives live only about three hours away, we rarely see them. I'm sure part of the reason is because my father died many years ago. Then again, my mom is still alive, most of her relatives live in the same city as her, and yet we only gather together in any significant number twice per year, at Hanukkah and Passover. Last year we had to have the Hanukkah party in January because everyone was so busy.

I should re-phrase that next to the last sentence though. My mom's two brothers and their wives and families get together quite often, in various groupings. My aunts and uncles have been on vacations all over the world. My aunts go on spa trips with their daughters. The families travelled to Massachusetts to watch my cousin M. race in the Boston Marathon this year..

My mother, sister, and I are not included. The activities are mentioned in front of us. More than that. They are discussed, planned, dissected, and regaled in front of us. They're usually more than happy to share pictures and stories from their great adventures. But that is the closest we get to inclusion.

Luckily, my sister doesn't have to wait around for invitations that never come. She and her husband of twenty years are hard-working people. They have a nice house with lots of nice things, three beautiful, healthy daughters, and money for travelling. They have been on several trips across the country with their children. Last year just the two of them went to Brazil for their anniversary, and next week they will visit Italy for a week. My brother-in-law's job includes a great deal of travelling. He literally has seen the world: Canada, Singapore, Kuwait, China, Yugoslavia, India, Algeria. Sure, he's been to those places for work, but he has had opportunities to sightsee as well.

My mom is catching up. As a single mother that included raising a daughter with a disability, there wasn't money in the budget for travelling. Now as a senior, semi-retired, there still isn't really money for travelling. But she manages. Cruises are her thing. She has been to Canada, Alaska, the Carribean, Mexico. She also goes to Las Vegas at least twice a year. It still hurts her that her family never includes her. It more than hurts her. It has shaped who she is.

I have not left my home state in nearly twenty years.

Interestingly, that wasn't what I was going to blog about initially.

Back to the party. My middle niece gave me a t-shirt as an early Hanukkah present. Its perfect for me, pink with a picture of a cat on it. The youngest niece approached me as I was admiring the gift and thanking her sister. Of the three girls, the youngest one bears the closest resemblance to me. She looked at me and said sweetly, "I'm sorry, I don't have a present for you." Without needing to think, I replied "You don't have to have a present for me. All you have to do is love me. That's your gift to me!"

The words "have to" weren't spoken to imply force. The written word conveyed without tone and setting can have an altering effect. She understood what I meant. That material possessions aren't important to me. Its her love that means the most to me. She grinned and exclaimed, "I do," her smile made even brighter by her shiny braces with the blue wires. Orthodontia sure has come a long way since I had braces twenty years ago. You can now get colored braces. Of course that costs extra. But when you can afford two international trips, at least three continental trips, dish network, new floors, granite countertops, a new bed, fresh paint, and G-d knows what else all in the span of one year, what's the big deal about a few extra bucks for colored braces? Oh, I think there was a new sports car in there too. But maybe that was last year.

See? I keep digressing. It happens after I've been around my family. Some members of them anyway. My bag gets full. That's colloquial for: I've had enough of the shit.

Unfortunately, my spontaneous ranting has caused the crux of this post to appear completely untruthful. What I came here to explain today is that material possessions DON'T matter. Its the love that matters. And hopefully I can illustrate that point now.

My nieces love me. Yes, I give them small gifts at Hanukkah and their birthdays. But that's it. Okay, and at their Bat Mitzvahs (two down, one to go). But not really other times. They know I don't have money. They have seen my apartment. They know I don't travel. They know I only work part time, and that I'm not married.

But they love me. They love me because I spend time with them. Our time together is not perfunctory the way my relationship is with the majority of my relatives. With everyone else at the party, it was a peck on the cheek (maybe), a "how are you?" and a "how's work going?" That's it. Period.

Not so with my nieces. We play games. We listen to music and look at funny stuff on you-tube. I listen to them. I am interested in what they have to say. I send them cards to say hello. They are .49 cent cards. There are no money or gift certificates in the envelopes. Just a little note to say "hello" and "I'm thinking about you." I know that the middle niece likes cats and the youngest one is a fanatic for the color blue and the oldest one loves being in the marching band. Two of them are teenagers now, and the youngest one is almost there, and every day I think, "The next time I see them they are going to be in that 'rotten teenager phase' where they hate everyone, including me." It hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will. But what I came here today to say is that it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if one day they come to hate me. I will love them forever. Some people in your life are like that. There are people in everyone's lives that they will love for their entire existence. I have other people that I feel that way about. There is even one person that I have never met. But I believe I will care about him forever.

I actually developed this observation before this weekend. I was thinking about the relationship between my mom and my sister, and that is when I had the epiphany. My sister and my mom are cut from the same cloth. That is why I notice a tenfold rise in tension a majority of the time that they are in the same room together. They can't communicate. I keep thinking they would be much happier if they could.

My sister is very hard on my mom. Its painful for me to watch. As it was painful for me to see my mom be hard on my grandmother. But my mother will love my sister forever. As I'm sure my grandmother loved my mom.

I know that love can die sometimes. It can burn out in a flash or it can fizzle away. But I think in many cases it endures, through hardships and celebrations, through anger and reconciliation, through loneliness and shelter, through agony and comfort.

librarinintx

A brief quote

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they do"

Olin Miller, quote in In Motion magazine

For anyone who has struggled for years with image problems, self-consciousness, anxiety in public places...this simple quote speaks volumes. One sentence really can change your life...

if you let it.

librarianintx

Landslide

"I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know

Well I've been afraid of changin
'Because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too

So, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down"

"Landslide"
by Stevie Nicks

Okay, really TWO book reviews this time

Let's get right to it, shall we?

Fallen Leaves: The Memoir of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter
by Adeline Yen Mah

Wow. Joan Crawford ain't got nuthin' on the stepmother in this book. Actually, the whole family is very dysfunctional. This book reminded me quite a bit of Memoirs of a Geisha, in that its amazing that the two women survived the emotional and physical trauma of their childhoods without losing their minds.

I was riveted; it was hard for me to put the book down. Since I read the back cover of the book before I bought it, I knew that she survives, and I knew what ultimately becomes of her. But the book was still engrossing, because there is much more to the story than her breaking free of the tyranny of her family. This is due to the fact that she never really does gain independence of them. For long after she is an adult, has a successful career and family of her own, and lives on another continent from much of her relatives, they continue to exert emotional torture on her. Her lifelong desire for love and respect from her family causes her to be susceptible to mental blackmail and financial difficulties. You have to read the whole book, because the person you think is behind the whole campaign against the author turns out to be only partially responsible for all that she goes through. As I said at the beginning, the stepmother is a real piece of work, but she isn't the only one. And even family members that the author insists are on her side make you wonder as you go through the pages.

And now for something completely different...

Be forewarned: Possible language/sexual content

Dork Whore: My Travels Through Asia as a Twenty-Year-Old Pseudo-Virgin
by Iris Bahr

How could I not buy this book? I had to buy it for the title alone. But it also has so many elements that interest me. She is Jewish, she was born in one place but grew up in another place, she has neuroses, its a biography, she is visiting foreign countries, she has a brother with a disability, and she is scared of sex.

My kind of book.

Its also absolutely freakin' hilarious. I was frequently laughing out loud as I read it. Its raunchy, its funny, its totally gross in places. Do not read this book if you are prude, or if you can't handle reading about bodily functions. I actually came close to gagging over one passage, even as I was laughing at the same time. Its that kind of book.

So now you're going to ask me, "So? Does she get laid by the end?" And my answer, of course, would be, "Read the book and find out!"

To tie in both of the reviews, people often ask me why I read what they consider to be depressing books. I read a lot of Holocaust literature, as well as the kind of books like Fallen Leaves, where someone is physically or emotionally scarred. But to me, they're not depressing books. I mean they are to a certain extent, but I don't read these kinds of books to focus on the bad stuff that happens. I read these books because they tell stories of people triumphing over adversity. "See what all she had to go through, and she managed to succeed. She beat the odds." I also read these kinds of books because they help me cut down on my bad habit of self-obsessing. When I read what others have had to go through in their lives, it makes my problems feel much less insurmountable.

librarianintx

A sad Survivor finale

I know...two posts in one day...shocking!! And I still need to do that second book review (thanks to the person who commented on the earlier review!)

But I have to rant about Survivor for a minute. Yeah yeah yeah, I know. "Its just a tv show." And "the motto of the show is 'Outwit. Outplay. Outlast." Or something like that. In other words, contestants are supposed to lie, cheat, and steal in order to win. Its the way the game is played. So why am I upset?

I am upset for several reasons. Number one, the best player did not win. Number two, one of the nicest people to ever play the game did not win. Number three, one of the nicest people who played one of the cleanest games did not win. Number four, two of the final three contestants, one of which was the winner, did not deserve to be in the finals in my opinion. Both of them were hangers on, letting other people figure out the strategies and win the challenges, while they voted as they were told to vote. Number five, the reason why Earl won, and by a unanimous decision for the first time in Survivor history, was NOT because he was the best player in the game. It was because his closest competitor in the final three, Dreamz, went back on a promise he made to Yau-Man. Yau-Man, one of the least likeliest people to win Survivor, was just about to do exactly that, when Dreamz destroyed all of Yau-Man's careful strategy and determination to win several challenges.

If you watched the season, you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, you probably don't care. So I don't think I need to go into the whole story. But I am really sad about the whole thing. I'm not really pissed off, I'm just sad. Its one of those moments that causes a neon "Remember, no one ever promised you that life would be fair" sign to flash before my eyes.

For me, the only thing worse to ever happen on Survivor (besides Rob and Amber's engagement right before she won, ewww) was Johnnie Rotten (or whatever his name was) pretending that his grandmother died so he could get some sympathy attention and perhaps keep from getting voted out. In Johnnie's case, I think he could be mentally ill, and I hope he gets professional help before he hurts himself or someone else. But Dreamz is not mentally ill. He is simply a liar. Yes, there was strategy in Yau-Man's decision to give Dreamz the truck in exchange for immunity later on. Of course there was strategy involved. But there was also goodness involved as well. Yau-Man knew that Dreamz desperately needed and wanted a car. He knew how Dreamz grew up. Dreamz was not shy about his rough upbringing. He played Yau-Man by promising to G-d that he would give up immunity if the situation came about. And he played everyone else by pretending to agonize over his situation. He even brought his son into the mix, saying he had to do right to set a good example for his child. But in the end, greed won out over goodness. And he couldn't even admit to the depths that he had sunk. "Oh, its ok," he says with a wave of his hand. "Its a game. Its not real life. Everyone else cheats and lies in this game. Its how you win."

The one thing I can be grateful for is that the members of the jury did not reward treachery of this magnitude. Dreamz did not receive a single vote, and he was skewered by several of his fellow contestants, especially when he claimed at the final tribal council that he would "use the money to do a lot of good." Good for who, Dreamz? And would anyone want money that was "earned" in the face of such betrayal? I think its also sad that again for the first time in Survivor history, all three finalists were individuals of color. That is a good thing. The sad part is that one of them got there by lying and the other two got there by letting others do all the work.

I hope Dreamz' son is proud of him. I hope Dreamz can sleep at night.

And I hope Yau-Man has good Karma for years to come. He didn't win a million dollars, but he won a whole bunch of respect, and a ton of fans. Life may not be fair, but I believe good things will come his way. Its always fun to root for an underdog, and Yau-Man was the reason I kept watching this season. Congrats Yau-Man!

librarianintx

Its O-fficial!!

Whoo-hoo!!!

The best show you're not watching is giving you a second chance to watch! NBC has decided to renew "Friday Night Lights"....YEA!!!!!!!!!!

If you go to www.nbc.com, and choose "Friday Night Lights" from the "shows" pull down menu, you can watch episodes from last season. Go! Get caught up now! The new season will be here before you know it. And make plans now to be home at 8 pm Central Time on Friday nights for Season 2 of "Friday Night Lights" (or Tivo or DvR it)

librarianintx

TWO book reviews

My appetite for reading has picked up again, and I am very happy about that. It took me quite awhile to get through the first book, but the second one I read in less than a week! Quite an accomplishment for me these days.

Book #1
In My Brother's Image: Twin Brothers Separated By Faith After the Holocaust
by Eugene L. Pogany

This was a long book, over 350 pages, and the first 75 or so were a bit arduous for me. I had some trouble getting into the story. But after that I really got immersed and had trouble putting it down. I have read a lot of Holocaust literature, from survivors in different countries and even of various faiths. This book was a different spin from others I've read because the main characters did not convert to Catholicism to escape persecution. They converted long before the war began, but were persecuted anyway because they had been born Jews. This book also helped me understand the bitterness that many people have toward the Catholic Church and the role it played during World War II. Although many priests did baptize Jews with the intent of saving them from persecution, some refused to, and the Catholic Church as a whole allowed itself to be railroaded by the Nazi Regime.

I think this book also resonated with me because my maternal grandparents converted to Christianity when I was very young. My grandfather converted when he was dying from cancer soon after I was born, and my grandmother remained a devout Christian until her death five years ago. Her religion was a source of great joy for her and much pain and consternation for the rest of the family. For many reasons I have harbored a disdain for Christianity my whole life, but I am coming to terms with religion now. Clay has been one source for my healing, as I see the love, the good works, and the sense of peace that spirit affords him. Close friends have been another source, as I have had some devout people in my life that are the kindest, generous, and most selfless that I have come to know. And books like this one has been a part of my journey as well. In the case of the author's grandmother, she was born a Jew, but always felt the spirit of Christ in her. When she converted, that is when she felt whole. And she remained a Catholic until the day she died. I have a close friend who converted the opposite way. She was born Christian, but wanted to be Jewish from an early age. She converted when she was in her early twenties. Her family had a hard time at first, but they are very accepting now. My friend is now around thirty years old, married to a Jewish man, raising three Jewish children, and she is way more Jewish than I have ever been. :-)

I heard a quote once that religion is responsible for most of the war in the world, and I do not doubt that at all. I think that is so sad. Having religion in your life can bring such joy and peace. I know it sounds pollyanna, but I wish we could just be happy for the way that anyone finds their path, either with or without religion, and not constantly battle over which religion is the right one. And certainly not persecute each other for being a different religion, or for not being religious at all.

Stay tuned for book #2.

librarianintx

An Update on Ashley X

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/05/08/ashley.ruling/index.html

The jist of this article is that the hospital broke the law in the state of Washington because a court order was not secured before the procedures were implemented. The hospital did admit the error, but also claimed that the family consulted a lawyer beforehand, and they were assured they did not need a court order.

Does this mean that such a case will never happen again in the future? Unfortunately, no. But at least there was wrongdoing alleged and admitted to. It doesn't do a damn thing to change what Ashley went through. But maybe it will make it harder on the next family that wants to do this to their child.

librarianintx

My new favorite song

"Unwritten"
by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah

Its more than just the words of the song, the music is so great too, very uplifting.

Love it.

"...Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten..."

librarianintx

Thoughts for a family member

I don't usually write about extended family members.
My extended family is pretty dysfunctional. I realize now that most are.
But that's not what this post is about.

One of my cousins is running in the Boston Marathon today.
I've been reading about the terrible Nor'easter.
Race officials are concerned about hypothermia with the runners.

The last time I saw my cousin was in January. I guess he has a runner's body, but to me he looked painfully thin. I'm having visions of him soaked to the skin, teeth chattering, determined to finish something that he has worked very hard to achieve.

My thoughts and hopes are with him. I hope he makes it to the finish line, and I hope he's okay.

We may be dysfunctional, but there is love and caring there too.

ETA: He finished! I don't have any other details, but he did it! Congratulations M!!

librarianintx

The Best Show You're Not Watching

Okay, you're right...I plagarized the title from Entertainment Weekly. But really, this is the best show you're not watching...and you should be watching it! Because it is darn awesome!

I was flipping channels the other day (yes, I am a female flipper), and I landed on this show. In fifteen minutes I was completely hooked. I am now addicted. And the season is over. But I am hoping hoping hoping that there will be a season two. I just heard that six more scripts have been ordered. Whoo-hoo! But no decision has been made yet on a full season two.

I am a tv person. I watch a lot of television. And I can admit that some of what I watch is crap. But this show is not crap. It just won a Peabody Award! What is a Peabody Award? Honestly, I'm not sure. But evidently its prestigious.

Okay, the suspense is over. The show is:
http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/

You can watch episodes from the season on the website. Check it out. Its REALLY REALLY good.

I know there are several quality shows out there that are struggling in the ratings. Only a few of them will be saved from cancellation. I hope this is one of them.

ETA: After reading over this entry, I felt I should say more, to explain why I think the show is so good, without giving away the plot. So here goes: First of all, its not just a show about football. And its not just a show about high school. Its an ensemble cast, with excellent writing, great storylines, so much goes on in every episode that it feels almost like a mini movie every week. It tackles many tough issues facing people in this country today. And for someone who has grown up in several places in this great state, I can tell you that the portrayal of small town Texas, and the residents who live therein, is spot on.

If I say too much more, I'll start giving aways plotlines, and I don't want to do that. Follow the link. Try the first episode (hopefully its still available!) I hope you get hooked.

librarianintx

My Thoughts on Ashley X

Its often nervewracking for me to talk about or write about hot button topics. Because my opinion didn't matter and wasn't solicited when I was growing up, I learned not to have one. What's the use of having a position on something if you aren't allowed to express it, right?

But as an adult, I am learning to develop that critical thinking, and finding the voice to express it. Its scary. I don't want people to think I'm dumb. And I don't like to argue. I want to be articulate and persuasive in both oral and written communication. But many times on important topics, I read what others have written or stated, and usually come to the conclusion that they were able to state their viewpoint much better than I could have. I usually agree with their position, but feel that they said it better.

So it is with this trepidation that I plunge headfirst into the debate of Ashley X, definitely a hot button topic with multiple viewpoints, lots of emotion, and no easy answers.

I have not read everything there is to read in cyberspace about the case of AshleyX, and I am not a medical professional. I am also not a caregiver for a person with a severe disability. However, I have read quite a bit. And I don't think I have to be a doctor or a caregiver in order to have an opinion on this.

One think I have done is read the parents' blog. Here is the URL if anyone wants to go there: http://ashleytreatment.spaces.live.com/blog/ I have read it twice. My position is that, while I do have compassion for what the family is going through, and I do believe they made these decisions out of love for their child, I am very much against what was done to the child. I see their logic, but I do not agree with it. And I feel much anger for the doctors, who are supposed to be highly trained professionals with a code of ethics. I cannot understand how an entire team of supposed experts thought it was ok to do these things to this child.

For me, most of what was done to this child just does not make sense. The parents talk repeatedly in their blog about prevention. Much of what was done to Ashley was accomplished to prevent possible problems later in her life. But the key here is POSSIBLE. There was no guarantee that Ashley would develop breast or uterine cancer. There was no way to know for sure that she would develop large breasts that would cause her discomfort. They also make the argument that, "Well, she didn't need those things anyway. She was never going to breast feed or bear children." I'm never going to bear children or breast feed either. Does that mean its okay to remove these organs from my body? If you want to take that extreme, why didn't they remove her teeth as well? She doesn't use them to eat. She can't hold anything, why does she still have her arms? They also claimed that having breats and a uterus would make her more of a target for sexual abuse. Again, I don't agree. Ashley could be violated with or without breasts and a uterus. True, she can't get pregnant now. But a less invasive procedure could have been done to protect her from pregnancy. She also could have been given medication to stop her menstrual cycle. A hysterectomy at six years old was not necessary. For me, the reasons stated are not good enough to justify what was done to that child.

For me, the story of Ashley is a very sad testament to how bad life can be for people with disabilities and their caregivers in the year 2007. If Ashley's family had adequate financial assistance, quality respite and attendant care, and ongoing community support, I do not believe such drastic measures would have been necessary. While it is very admirable that the parents want to continue caring for her at home with no outside assistance, they need to undstand that the day will come when they are no longer able to do so. There is a good chance that Ashley will live for many years. Keeing her small will help them in the short run, but it is inevitable that one day they will become too old and too feeble to care for her on their own. So then what will they do? Obligate their other children to take on the responsibility? What if their children refuse, or become disabled themselves, or do not outlive their sister? Keeping her small is a short term solution to their long term situation. And while I understand that I am not a medical professional, I do not agree that stunting her growth will make her less likely to develop pressure sores, pnuemonia, and other complications. I have a friend with a disability who is a bit taller than Ashley and around the same weight. She has experienced pressure sores, pneumonia, and has had a blood clot in her lung. Perhaps the incidences are lower. But how much lower? Enough to warrant the procedures done to Ashley?

Out of everything that I read on the parent's blog, this paragraph frightened and sickened me the most (bolding is mine):

"If people have concerns about Ashley’s dignity, she will retain more dignity in a body that is healthier, more of a comfort to her, and more suited to her state of development as George Dvorsky, a member of the Board of Directors for the Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies, alludes to in a related article4: 'If the concern has something to do with the girl’s dignity being violated, then I have to protest by arguing that the girl lacks the cognitive capacity to experience any sense of indignity. Nor do I believe this is somehow demeaning or undignified to humanity in general; the treatments will endow her with a body that more closely matches her cognitive state – both in terms of her physical size and bodily functioning. The estrogen treatment is not what is grotesque here. Rather, it is the prospect of having a full-grown and fertile woman endowed with the mind of a baby.'"

Oh my G-d. Please do not tell me in the year 2007 that a person, A HUMAN BEING, does not have a right to her body, her internal organs, her skin and tissue, because of a diminished mental capacity. Ashley may have a brain that does not function correctly, but her body was normal and healthy. Why is it okay to alter that? And why are we allowing the parents to encourage other families to do the same?

As an isolated case, the story of AshleyX is disturbing enough. But the fact that such medical practices, and the thought processes behind them, could become an acceptable facet of our society, truly frightens me. Anyone who does not see the potential of a slippery slope in this case is in denial, in my opinion. In denial because they are most likely currently healthy in mind and body. Individuals with well-being have the voice and the ability to steer their course, to manage their destiny. And people with less health, more and more must live in constant fear, of losing their autonomy, losing their voice, losing their basic human rights. You think I am going too far with this? I don't. Not when people with disabilities are being abused every day. Physically abused, emotionally abused, starved, tortured, neglected, AND forced to undergo unnecessary medical procedures. Every single damn day. I appreciate that the family made these decisions out of love. But medically unnecessary procedures undertaken out of love are still medically unnecessary procedures. Bottom line.

librarianintx