"Living Under the Threat" - storms - 4/29

I didn't sleep well.
I was anticipating the storm.
It's what I always do.
Then I was awake during the storm.

So I slept in.
I'm starting work late today.
There aren't any perks to living during a pandemic.
But there are perks to telecommuting.
As long as I get my work done, I can basically start whenever I want to.
It is quite a luxury for me.
When I go to the office, because of riding para-transit, I have to be ready at a set time.
No way to change it.
I either ride, or I stay home, or I pay for a ride share.
I don't have any other options.

It was very helpful to have the option to sleep in a bit this morning.

Today will be beautiful.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - patio - 4/26

My patio is small and unassuming. Maybe 100 square feet, probably less. Orange walls (I did NOT choose the color.) It is sparsely furnished with three green plastic chairs and a short, white, plastic table. The view is the apartment parking lot - parked cars, a row of garages, pavement. But there are trees that are currently lush and green due to the abundant spring rain. Today the sky is a brilliant, cloudless blue. The temperature is in the 80's. A picture-perfect day in the ATX.

My patio isn't much to look at or admire, but it is my haven these days. I am out here as much as possible, especially on the weekends.

I read.

I look at social media.

I talk on the phone and video chat.

I watch shows.

I do my exercises.

This morning I had breakfast on the patio.

I blog out here too. ☺️

My patio is my happy place these days.

I could wish for a bigger patio, with better furnishings and a fancier view.

But I choose to be content and fulfilled with what I have and where I am right now.

#livinginthemoment

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - virtual events - 4/25

It is truly astounding how many virtual events there are now.

Everything from concerts to plays to zoo and museum tours to celebrities reading books to kids.
You can take free online classes - art, singing, sign language, history, meditation, yoga, and so much more
There are wonderful opportunities out there.
There really is no reason to be bored.

I have been compiling these resources, but I haven't taken the time to do anything virtually except for work meetings and webinars.

On Thursday I took 30 minutes out of my work day and viewed the virtual tour of the American Writer's Museum.
Oh my goodness!!
I didn't even know there was an American Writer's Museum!
It is SO cool!!
I want to go there in person.
There are so many interactive elements.
I could be there all day.
The virtual tour was super neat.

I want to make more time for stuff like this.
No time like the present.
At some point I hope I can go back to a more regular life.
So this is my opportunity to take advantage of all these free resources.

A few events I'm currently interested in:
A virtual tour of Frank Lloyd Wright houses
sign language classes
exercise videos - especially chair yoga
meditation exercises
museum tours
PBS 7 part series on the Roosevelt family - This aired a few years ago. Normally you would have to pay to watch online, but it's currently free and available until May 25th. Each episode is 2 hours long, so I need to get watching! 

Thursday afternoon was also great because I did a video chat with my two book club friends. I didn't know if Facebook would let me chat with both of them at the same time, but it worked because we had created a group for the three of us. It wasn't the same as being with them in person, but it was wonderful to see their faces and spend some time with them. It was social interaction, human connection.

What we need so desperately these days.

Physical distance is what we must do for our health and safety.
But communication is something most of us need to still feel connected.
Bonding
Sharing
Commiserating over the negative
Celebrating the positive

Getting through it - #alonetogether

librarianintx












#alonetogether

"Living Under the Threat" - mask update - 4/25

I finally ventured outside wearing a mask yesterday -
I actually went on TWO walks in the apartment complex!
The first was a short excursion BEFORE work - shocking!
The second was a full circle around half the complex, which I haven't done in several days.

I did okay wearing the mask.
It will take more getting used to.
It feels so weird.
Did we ever think we all would have to wear a mask when we go outside?
We don't have to wear a mask when exercising, but I think it's a good idea for me to wear one.
I just have to get accustomed to it.
Learn how to breathe in it.
Not feel claustrophobic.

It felt good to get out and walk.
It was a beautiful, sunny spring day in the ATX.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - goals part 3 - 4/25

There was one day this week when I actually achieved all of my goals before 10 pm!
I was so happy that day!
I do NOT like procrastinating!
I'm pleased that I'm still doing most of my exercises every day, and taking most of my medicine, but I often wait until late in the day to get everything done, and there is no need to do that.
I have all day - why do I wait until the last minute sometimes?
Doesn't make me happy, but I still try to give myself credit for doing the activities that hopefully will keep me healthy.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - goals follow up - 4/21/20

So how did I do on my goals list from yesterday?

Good.
But not perfect.
Story of my life.

I had six goals.
Really, I had seven.
I forgot to include taking all my medicine as a goal.
I did that.

I did everything except one - learning a new exercise.
I didn't get to that one.
And I had to stay up late to get everything else accomplished.
But I did it.

I did most of my exercises outside on the patio for the first time ever.
Does that count as a new exercise?
No.
Don't cheat.

Still, six out of seven goals met is pretty darn good.
Today I need to do it all earlier, so I'm not trying to finish everything when it's late and I need to go to bed.

Always room for improvement.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - goals - 4/20/20

I've been procrastinating, and I hate that.
So here are my goals for the day.
Often my goals list is too long and unattainable, and then I feel bad about myself.
I have endeavored to make this list realistic.

1) eat fruit
2) drink at least 32 ounces of liquid
3) do all my exercises
4) try one new exercise
5) get my steps in (by walking outside or pedaling)
6) finish the book I'm reading

I can do it!

Happy Monday!

I'll post my results tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - two of my favorite historical women - 4/19/20

As many people know, two of my favorite women in history are Anne Frank and Laura Ingalls Wilder.

CNN says that this is Day 51 of the pandemic.
51 days of the fear of getting deathly ill, of being alone in a hospital and separated from loved ones
51 days where many have lost jobs or been furloughed.
51 days of fear of food insecurity
51 days of uncertainty, anxiety, the unknown

Anne Frank, her family, and four others endured 761 days living in fear of being captured by the Nazis and sent to a concentration camp.
They lived in an annex above a warehouse, where they had to spend part of every weekday tiptoeing around, talking in whispers, and not being able to flush a toilet.
They relied on a very small circle friends for food and supplies.
They could not go outside.
Even going downstairs was a risk.

During the long winter of 1880-81, Laura Ingalls Wilder and her family endured great suffering. Because of constant blizzards in her town of De Smet, South Dakota, trains bringing food and supplies could not get through. The Ingalls family survived on a diet of brown bread and a few potatoes. They burned twisted hay to keep from freezing. Even though they lived in town at the time, they felt isolated from the other families because the weather made any travel outside their house too dangerous. They ran out of potatoes just as the chinook winds began to blow, and the first train was finally able to get through.

What we are going through IS difficult; there is no doubt about it.
Our lives are filled with uncertainty.
Some of us are dealing with anxiety and depression.
Some have lost their jobs and are facing serious financial difficulties.

What I am saying is that there are still many reasons to be grateful that we are not faced with what Anne and Laura experienced.
We are not in danger of being sent to concentration camps. 
Some of us may not have money for food, but there are programs to help.
We are not in danger of starving or freezing.
We can go out and enjoy nature.

We can hope for brighter and safer days.

"I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains."
Anne Frank

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - masks - 4/19/20

Mask-wearing is now a regulation in ATX, and thanks to a dear friend I am now the proud owner of two masks that fit me. I am waiting for more that I've ordered to come in the mail.

It's tough to find not only masks that fit me, but also ones that I can put on by myself. It defeats the purpose of social distancing if my roommate or caregiver has to help me get the mask on. And they aren't always here. But of course, right now I'm not going anywhere. Still, masks will likely be part of our attire for quite some time. So I will need some whenever I get to re-join society - in whatever limited capacity that may be. I don't have to wear one when I go to walk in the apartment complex, but it also couldn't hurt to do that, if I can breathe well enough while wearing one.

Last night CNN said it was day 50 of the pandemic. That would mean according to them, the outbreak began on February 29th. I looked back in my daily journal, and the first time that I mention the Coronavirus is on March 6th. I made a note of it because that was day SXSW was canceled. At the time many people were outraged that the huge music and movie festival that brings in millions of dollars to the city was canceled. Now most people think that was absolutely the right thing to do. People from all over the world come to SXSW. We would have likely become a hotspot like New Orleans if SXSW had been allowed to happen.

Fifty days already - fifty one to be exact. Fifty one days that has changed all Americans. And of course parts of the world have been affected longer than that. So much is different now.

How long will this new way of life last?

No one can say for sure.

Which is why it is a time of so much stress and anxiety.

All we can do is take everything one day at a time.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Learning how to move on - 4/18/20

"Every day is an opportunity to do better, to be better."

After spending part of Thursday and most of Friday beating myself up emotionally and getting next to nothing accomplished, I feel like I'm back on track today.

I was upset because I recorded my session for the Texas Library Association conference on Thursday afternoon, and I felt like my Power Point was less than. My presentation was okay - I wasn't hardly nervous, because it was only a recording and I wasn't having to be on a podium in front of people, so the talking part was quite easy. I was just sitting at the dining room table in my apartment, watching my neighbors walk by out of the corner of my eye. It was quite surreal really. I had been so nervous and anxious about presenting at TLA, and then there was a period of a few weeks where we didn't know if the conference was going to be canceled or not, and that caused even more stress. I didn't feel it was safe for me to be there, but I didn't want someone else presenting for me, because that would have been an easy out for me. Then the in-person conference was canceled, but the organizers decided to do a virtual conference for the first time, and I was so happy that my presentation was going to be recorded for the virtual conference.

But I just found it hard to finish the Power Point. I've been able to concentrate on finding pandemic-related information, but I dragged my feet on finishing the Power Point, of which the topic is not virus-related. And when I recorded the session, I realized that the Power Point was lacking. There was information I should have included, but didn't. I am disappointed in myself. It's just not my best work. Is it terrible? No. But it isn't great. I would give it a "B" overall. I only want to do "A" work. I'm not happy with anything less.

So I was upset and brooded about it for the rest of the day on Thursday. I woke up Friday morning with the same thoughts in my head. I struggled to concentrate on anything on Friday. I didn't do my exercises until 11:00 that night. I barely ate. I was a mess.

That is my personality, my head space sometimes. I have a very hard time moving on from something upsetting. I finally had to say to myself, "It's over. It's done. You got through it. It wasn't your best work, but it wasn't a disaster. Move on, and do better next time. That's all you can do."

You always have an opportunity to do better next time.

Today has been a better day.

I'm moving on.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - feeling overwhelmed 4/15/20

There are days when it just feels overwhelming -
the fear
the uncertainty
the number of sick and dead
the feeling of isolation and loneliness
the arguing about when to open the country
the posts on Facebook from people who need...
     food
     masks and PPE
     toilet paper
     hand sanitizer
     money
     a job

Sometimes even all the individual and community endeavors can feel overwhelming.
People offering -
     to make and donate masks
     to donate and deliver food
     to donate clothing
     to donate money
     to do odd jobs for those who can't

Of course I'd rather be overwhelmed by the latter than the former.

People are stepping up and doing what they can to help.

It's a beautiful thing to witness.

Yes there's anger and frustration and finger pointing

But there's a lot of caring and helping each other too.

#alonetogether

librarianintx    

"Living Under the Threat" - grateful 4/14/20

I've mentioned numerous times how grateful I am for the job that I have.

Today I am especially grateful for the State Librarian and the management team. I felt so relieved after the agency virtual meeting that we had this morning. I know that careful consideration will be given before the agency is open again, and everyone in authority is committed to the health and safety of all the employees. Social distancing will continue, and likely telecommuting as well, with staff working in the office on a rotating basis. I know that I will be able to express my concerns about returning to the library, and they will work with me to ensure that I will be as protected as possible. Nothing in life is guaranteed of course. But I am so profoundly lucky to work for such a terrific organization. Everyone is valued and appreciated, and individual needs are thoughtfully taken into account. I'm still nervous because my job cannot be accomplished completely remotely. But I am trying to be calm and figure out the next right steps when the time comes.

In other news, ATX now has a mandatory face covering rule. We went from 0 to 100 in one day - the mandate went into effect at midnight last night. What about the people don't have masks yet, and don't have the material to make any? What about the people who cannot afford them? What about the people who can't wear one, either because they can't physically put one on, or because they can't breathe well when wearing one? Mayor Adler is not only urging everyone to wear one, he is actually advocating the public policing each other. So you could get shamed for not one wearing one; you could also get berated for not wearing one. This is not a time for us to be turning on each other.

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
Unfortunately, it looks like we won't be seeing any warm smiles in public for a long time.
It will be such a different way of life.
We will need to smile with our eyes.
And speak words of kindness - through a mask.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - 4/13/20

I wore a bright yellow shirt today. I even put on a necklace and earrings.

It was a beautiful day in the ATX, sun shining and clear blue sky.

But it was too chilly for me to go outside.

If it's even safe for me to be outside.

It was a busy, productive work day. I made two great contacts that will hopefully help our library patrons that don't have Internet access. It was so great to talk with someone who was as excited as I was about networking and resource sharing. That made my day.

Unfortunately after work I spent too much time on Facebook and watching television. Watching the news is always my downfall. Too many unknowns. Too many stories that scare me and make me second guess the decisions that I'm making. Too much frustration and anger over talk that society might open up too soon. Too much anxiety because I don't know when it will be safe for me to live a normal life again. Too much sadness over the current loss of the independence I worked so damn hard to achieve.

I have to break the cycle of fear and anxiety and frustration when it washes over me. So I exercised. I listened to music. I drank water. And I repeated to myself in my head,
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.

Be present.
Live in the moment.
Don't sit and around and wait for something bad to happen.
Know and understand that in this moment you are okay.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - The best laid plans 4/10/20

Today was going to be a very successful day.

I was going to get a lot of work done.

I was going to do a bunch of chores too:
laundry
run the dishwasher
maybe even vacuum.

I was expecting deliveries too. I would need to put away groceries and things.

And I had planned to do my exercises and get a walk in.
I wasn't going to wait until the end of the day to do that.

And I was going to drink more water and take my medicine on time.

The best laid plans.

Life intervened.
Specifically, a broken refrigerator.
Did it have to die during the pandemic?

I guess it was a good thing that I was home and recognized that my food was not feeling or tasting as cold as it should.
Luckily, the apartment maintenance staff came right away.

It's hard to do social distancing when someone is helping you save a fridge and freezer full of food. 
But it had to be done. 

In the end, I did nearly everything I wanted to do.
I just didn't get to vacuum or walk.
Not bad, considering.
And now I have a clean, new refrigerator with nicely organized food.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Passover 4/9/20

Passover started last night.
Usually I would be going home tomorrow, to celebrate with family.
A fun Seder
Delicious food - matzoh ball soup, gefilte fish, Mom's charoset.

We did a Zoom meeting this afternoon - Mom, sister, brother-in-law, nieces, nephew, and dogs.
It wasn't a Seder.
We just wanted to see each other, catch up.
It was fun.
There was barking, giggling, teasing, even a power failure due to a thunderstorm
But it wasn't the same as being together.

We all agreed we should do that more often, even after the pandemic.

And hopefully we will be celebrating in the same place next year.

librarianintx 

"Living Under the Threat" - Dreams - 4/9/20

I had two very nice dreams last night.

In the first one, I was at a concert, seeing my favorite band.
It was a new, beautiful, intimate venue.
I was so excited to be there.

In the second dream, it was our first day back at work after the pandemic.
We were all hugging each other, so happy to be there and back to our regular lives.

And then I woke up.

Sleep is such a wonderful thing.
It can make you forget what is going on in your life, in the world.
And then you wake up.
And remember.

But at the same time, the beginning of another morning hopefully brings us one day closer to the end of this incredibly difficult time.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Rough Day 4/8

It's a humid, airless evening, but I'm sitting on my patio. I need to be away from my computer for awhile. I've even pecking out this post on my phone.

I was locked out of my computer all afternoon. Valuable time wasted. I could still work some, but not the work I need to do most. So frustrating. The problem seemed to finally be resolved. We'll find out when I try to log in tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed.

I felt bad about getting so upset when I learned that a co-worker has been dealing with that issue multiple times. I feel sad for him and our IT staff. 

I was worn out and feeling overwhelmed this afternoon. So I sat outside for about an hour, and then I took a walk. I think it's been over a week since I walked. Then I came in, ate dinner, drank water, and did my exercises. I feel better now.

One day good. The next day not so much. That's just life. Not necessarily during a pandemic. It's every day life. Stuff happens. Computer problems. Other problems. You deal with them, and you move on. 

Life gets a little dark, and then it gets brighter.

You make it through the glitches.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Perks - 4/7/20

I am not in the least making light of this pandemic.
I understand how serious a situation we are in.
I wouldn't be sitting in my apartment if I didn't.

But I have to be honest and say there are good things for me about this time at home.

The main bonus point is no commute.
In the old days (meaning less than a month ago), I would get up at 5:45 am, be ready to leave an hour later, and get home around 4 pm. That was on a regular day. If it was grocery day, or physical therapy day, or a doctor appointment, I might not get home until 5:30 or 6. I know other people have longer days than that. But that is a lot for me.

Now I can roll out of bed by 7 and be at my computer, ready to work, showered and dressed, by 8. I may be tired from the anxiety of our situation, or by the hours of searching for resources, but I'm not worn out by my commute, or any extra activities.

Being at home has given me more time to do things to take care of myself. I can now take an extra few minutes in the shower to use medicated shampoo on my itchy scalp. I make sure I eat at least one fruit and one vegetable each day. I can eat more often if I want to. I don't have to worry about long rides so I can drink as much water as I want. I have more time and energy to exercise too. And I'm taking care of my mental health by writing more. My days are still busy, but not nearly as hectic or as tiring. The routine is easier.

Working from home has many benefits for me. But of course I miss the interaction with my co-workers. And right now we can't serve our library patrons as well as we normally would, and we all feel bad about that. We care and worry about them.

I don't have to deal with irritating para-transit passengers, or long rides and frustrating wait times. I don't have to be nervous about the unpredictable library elevators. I don't have to deal with inclement weather, or how freaking cold the library is EVERY DAY. I may have my nickname of sweater girl stripped from me because I don't have to wear a sweater or hoodie every day, even in the oven of a Central Texas summer.

This post is about the perks, the positives, the bright spots of working from home and being home all day. But of course there are downsides too. I have lost my independence because it is not safe for me to go anywhere. I have to rely on both my roommate and my caregiver to shop for me and get my prescriptions. I've been able to get some deliveries, but not many. I am so very grateful to have my roommate to talk to and spend time with, although even he and I are social distancing. We sit across the room from each other, or stand in separate rooms to converse. Otherwise, my social life has shrunk to the people that I can e-mail, text, video chat, or talk on the phone with. No book club nights. No trips to Houston and San Antonio. No museums, no shopping, no eating out. No movies. No concerts or other special events. None of that.

So do the positives outweigh the negatives?
Definitely not.
But focusing on the good parts of this new way of life does help.
I hope when I go back to regular life I can continue some of the things I'm doing now, like eating better and exercising. And staying connected to family and friends in other cities.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Exercise 4/6/20

Consistency doesn't work for everyone.
Not everyone needs a routine
I need both.

Every day since I've been working from home I have showered and dressed.
Even on the weekends.
No exceptions.
Some days I was only wearing jeans and t-shirt.
But still - no pajamas or nightshirt all day for me.
It's just how I am.

I have also done my exercises every day.
Not necessarily all of them.
But most.
Balance exercises.
Leg exercises.
Arm exercises.
And either walking, pedaling, or rarely both.

In the beginning I was going for a fifteen to twenty minute walk around my apartment complex.
It was one of my favorite parts of the day.
Getting outside felt good for my physical and mental health.

But rainy / chilly weather and concern about social distancing, even in my apartment complex, has complicated my daily walks. I don't know how safe it is to be outside. I sit on my patio, and that's nice, but it's not exercise.

So I have had to be more creative about exercising.
Walking back and forth in my building breezeway when no one is around
"Jogging" from my bedroom to the front door and back
Walking in place a few times a day, for about 3 minute intervals
Plus pedaling 10-20 minutes per day.

Exercise has become very important to me.
I have osteoporosis, which is only going to get worse as I age, so I have to do what I can to stay as active as possible, which will help my bones and muscles.
And that is where consistency comes into play.
I can't take a day off from exercise.
Not a single day.
If I do, I fear I'll stop trying.

I can't let the pandemic take away the progress I've made in exercising.
Exercising used to be hard, taxing, tiring.
Now it usually feels good.
I'm even trying to add some new exercises to my regiment. 
My last bone scan actually showed improvement in one area.
I have to keep going.
And I want to be as healthy as possible when I return to my normal daily routine.

So it's now 10:51 pm
I have done my balance and leg exercises.
But I haven't pedaled yet.
I've been blogging about exercise instead.
So I better get to it.
Pedal exerciser, here I come!
Even five minutes is better than nothing. 

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Work 4/6/20

I am grateful for my job.
Every. Single. Day.
I am grateful to be able to work.

Now, more than ever, I am grateful for my job.
Not only for the obvious financial security.
But because working gives me a focus.
It gives me an escape from worry and fear of both what is happening now and what might lie ahead.
The work that I do is intended to help people.

And that is my primary goal these days with my job - finding resources to help people, especially senior citizens and people with disabilities, during this pandemic.
A variety of resources, including, but not limited to:
Sources for obtaining food
Mental health information
Guides for various disabilities and health conditions, from Alzheimer's to neuromuscular disorders
Specific resources for people with vision or hearing impairments
Information on scams and fraud
Virtual resources that provide entertainment, education, personal enrichment, and support

The fact that so many resources are now available for free on the Internet is terrific. The developing landscape of tele-health is something that has been needed in this country for years. However, because of the digital divide, many people do not have access to these resources. Much more needs to be done in this area, both now, and after this crisis is over.

I'm home, but my days are busy and productive, with hours of research and webinars that provide helpful information. Every new resource is a gem that I am doing my best to share with others. Some days are stressful - information overload and not enough time to process, organize, and disseminate it. But it's stress I gratefully accept - I want to rise to the challenge.

I am a librarian, specifically an information and referral coordinator.
It's what I do.
I live it and breathe it every day.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Family Time - 4/5/20

It was a busy day.

Lots of time with family - virtually, of course.

First a long video chat with my middle niece. We always have a lot to talk about.

Then a first - a Zoom birthday "meeting" for my cousin in Colorado. I was able to see and interact with my mom, sister, two aunts, uncle, and some of my first and second cousins. At its peak there were seventeen people on the chat if I'm counting correctly, including myself. It was busy, fun, there were a lot of giggles. One of my cousins was wearing a festive hair decoration. One of my young male second cousins was using a computer program to morph into pictures of various animals. It was crazy at times. I really enjoyed it. It's not the same as being in the same space together. But we were able to see each other, check in, catch up. And we are all healthy. That's what matters. It took a pandemic for us to start doing this, but hopefully we'll do it more often.

During the past week or so I was able to virtually:
Chat with two of my best friends.
Watch my oldest niece's puppy run around in his back yard.
See my mom's roses blooming on her patio.
Admire my middle niece's artwork.
Celebrate the successful bread-making of both my youngest niece and a friend from a recipe I shared on Facebook.

COVID-19: bringing families together in new ways 

We are all: #alonetogether

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - food - 4/5/20

I've never been a food waster - at least I don't think I am. But it's true - sometimes I wouldn't eat the crusty pieces of a loaf of bread. Sometimes I would toss a few old pieces that were still edible if I had a fresh loaf. Occasionally fresh produce would go bad before I had a chance to eat it. Or part of a bag of shredded cheese.

But since the pandemic I have made a conscious effort not to waste any food. This week I ate every slice of bread in the fridge before I started on the new loaf that was delivered on Tuesday. The hummus has a "best by" date of April 6th, so I'm working on that. If I open a can of corn, I finish it before I open a can of green beans. It can take me three days to finish a can of vegetables - I eat about a half a cup a day.

But yesterday I realized there has been a cucumber in the fridge for nearly two weeks. I sliced it and ate a few slices with my hummus and it was fine. But today, the slices are slimy and I detected an odor when I smelled them. So, they are going in the trash. I'm not stupid. My goal to not be a food waster will always be usurped by my determination to avoid food poisoning at all costs.

Food insecurity has been one of my biggest fears during this pandemic. It was so surreal to go to the grocery store and see so many empty shelves. Plus deliveries are hard to come by. I, like most people in my life, have never known food insecurity, and it is something we should always put at the top of our gratitude list. We have always been lucky that we can just walk in a store, find what we want, and buy it. Now, I think food insecurity will always be a nagging fear in my life. I have never let myself get low on food before I go to the store, but now I will be even more cognizant of that. I feel like I will need to strike a balance between having enough food and feeling like a hoarder because I fear not having food.

I focus on the fact that we WILL get back to our normal lives.
But I also believe that we will be forever changed by this experience.
Some change will be for the better.
Some change will be trauma-induced and difficult to overcome.

librarianintx

Living Under the Threat 4/4/20

I've written a few blogs since the pandemic began, not as much as I should. And I can't promise I'll feel like or have time to write every day. But here is the first entry of "Living Under the Threat."

Today was the first day that I was able to concentrate on something other than work. I watched the Netflix limited series "Unorthodox," including the making of the series. It was very good. Now of course I want to read the book that the show was based on. But I'm already trying to read three books, so I'm going to wait. It felt good to be able to concentrate on something entertainment-oriented. I also started another Netflix series: "Cheer."

But then this evening I lost focus on anything. All of a sudden it was after 8 pm and I had not eaten dinner, done my exercises, or did the load of laundry I wanted to do. It was a chilly, rainy day, and I sat on my ass most of the day, so I needed to get some exercise. So I did what I needed to do. In the span of three hours I ate dinner, washed dishes, did my balance exercises, laundered my jeans and towel, and pedaled for fifteen minutes. I felt better having accomplished all of that.

Late this afternoon a woman that I corresponded with through the Next Door app dropped off four cloth masks for me. I had ordered some masks through Etsy but they won't arrive until sometime next week, so I was hoping to find someone in the neighborhood who was making some, and I did. I'm not the most trusting of people, and I've been nervous about reaching out to strangers, but all went well with this transaction. She was wearing a mask and she only stayed long enough to hand me the plastic bag as I stood on my patio, trying not to get close to her.

Do I think wearing a mask is a good idea? I'm conflicted about it. I'm not convinced that cloth masks will help much, honestly. But the government is suggesting that everyone out in public should wear one. The city of Laredo, Texas is actually fining anyone who is caught outside without wearing a mask. So I want to have some in case Austin goes to that extreme. I'm glad I was able to find some that were reasonably priced, but I have no idea what the quality is. The handmade ones seem well-made and sturdy, but again, how much protection will they actually provide? And will people be able to wear them without adjusting them and touching their face, which will put them more at risk?

I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, but I still took a shower, dressed, I even put on earrings. Since it was a chilly day, I wore my new lavender hoodie that I received as a birthday gift. The hoodie fits me perfectly. It made me happy to wear it. You have to do things that make you happy. Even during a pandemic.

A month ago today I went to San Antonio with friends. We were part of a tour at the Museum of Art. We stood in line to order lunch at the Cove. We walked around Buc-ees, which is always bustling. Were we nervous about going? I was, a little. But I went anyway. Looking back, we should not have made the trip. We put ourselves at risk. Still, I'm glad we have those memories. What a difference a month makes. Being close to other people. Eating in a restaurant. Touching things. Being in a different city. Who knew that just one month later, so much in our lives has changed.

librarianintx