"Living Under the Threat" - Mindfulness / Meditation apps

 Here are a few mindfulness / meditation apps.

They should be available for both iOS and Android devices:

Headspace

My Life

Insight Timer - free

Calm 

Buddhify

10% Happier

Headspace is not free. Most of the others have both free and paid subscriptions.

Also, both Alexa and Google Home offer free daily meditations.

Mindfulness and meditation take time to adjust to. Don't give up if you can't the hang of it right away. Be patient with yourself. 

Benefits of meditation:

Reduces stress and anxiety

Improves sleep

May improve cognition and memory

May be linked to other health benefits:

Lowering blood pressure

Reducing risk of stroke

Reducing risk of heart disease

librarianintx

 

 

"Living Under the Threat" - A Luxury of the Pandemic

I have a few luxuries because of the pandemic. 

Lack of a commute is a big one.

Ability to set my work hours throughout the day is another.

I used to wake up at 5:40 am, and had to be ready to leave my apartment by 6:45.

Now I wake up around 7:30, shower around 8, walk, and usually start work between 9-9:30.

I stay in bed, drifting, relaxing, enjoying the comfort that laying down affords my body - no aches or pains in my legs, my back, my neck. I know once I get up I won't be this comfortable for the rest of the day.

I feel guilty for the luxury of that time and that comfort - but I take advantage of it every single day.

I am grateful for those moments of rest, of freedom. My pain is not immense by any means, but it's still not easy.

It doesn't feel right to have luxuries during a pandemic, but I do. 

And I am appreciative.

librarianintx

Turning a Rough Morning Better

When you wake up feeling worn out...

You don't know if you can do your morning walk...

You not only walk...

You take the more arduous route.

And then you sweep into the apartment belting out Cher's "Stronger," surprising your roommate and making you both laugh.

That's two ways to make a rough morning better:

Do something you didn't think you could manage (taking a walk)

Do something you really shouldn't do (sing in the presence of anyone, especially your roommate who IS a singer)

😁

librarianintx

Better Today

Two fruits today

One vegetable

Almost 32 ounces of water

All my medicines and supplements

Exercises, including a quick morning walk

And ready for bed shortly after 11

So today was better than yesterday.

Maybe tomorrow will be even better than today.

That is what I strive for.

librarianintx

One More Exercise Update

A surprising update...

I just performed an unassisted bicep curl with my LEFT arm!!

My left hand might be slightly stronger, but my left arm is not. I haven't been working out as consistently with my arms as I have with my legs, but I have never been able to do a bicep curl with a one pound weight with my left arm. I've had to hold the little barbell with both hands to do a curl with my left hand.

And then tonight - I did it!

Not once - but FOUR times!!

I was tired tonight.

I almost skipped the arm exercises.

You never know when you're going to be able to do something that you previously had been unable to do.

Keep trying.

Don't. Give. Up.

Life can surprise you.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - new exercise classes

This week I tried TWO new exercise classes by Zoom.

The first is called "Osteo Strong" - a free class from Ballet Austin.

The second is from an organization called Angel Eyes Fitness and Nutrition, based in Georgia.

Both classes turned out to be too difficult for me.

Too much cardio

Too much work with weights

Too long in duration

They were just more than I could do.

But in both cases I didn't quit.

I stayed for the hour both times, and I did as much as I could do.

I may not attend these classes every week.

The Osteo Strong one is during work time, so that's a complication.

But I may do them every once in awhile.

I can take what I've learned in these classes and incorporate those moves into my evolving routine.

And I will continue to look for more classes.

I felt disappointed after the first class.

But not after the second.
Because I understand that I have health conditions, and I'm not going to be able to keep up with a regular exercise class, even ones that are designed for older persons, or people with disabilities.

I have to go at my own pace, and be happy with what I can do.

Any movement is good.

I also have to understand that in doing these classes, I can improve.

If I don't try, if I just say "I can't do it," then I won't have any possibility of improving my balance or gaining bone or muscle strength.

Confucius said, "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop."

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - this past week

Today is August 1st, and I'm setting a new goal for the month:

Blog at least 15 times

Not necessarily 15 days

Just 15 blog posts

Goals are important.

So here is blog #1.

I think I had a small milestone this past week.

Or maybe it isn't so small.

Anyway...

I walked every weekday this work week...

OUTSIDE

and

BEFORE work!

I consider that an achievement.

I'm not promising I can do it every week.

But I was able to do it this week.

I knew I was doing something good for my physical and emotional health.

And that made me happy.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" Gratitude List 7/28/20

Today I am grateful for (not in order of importance, just thinking and typing):

Fresh strawberries

Grocery delivery

Getting lost in a book

Much-needed, cooling rain

Still having a job

An in-person (outdoor, mask-wearing, socially-distanced) visit with a co-worker

Seeing some of my family on video chat

Motivation

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - A Better Schedule

Nearly four months into the pandemic, and I'm finally getting on a better schedule.

Not perfect, but better.

I'm procrastinating less.

I'm not waiting until 9 pm or later to eat dinner.

I'm not finishing my exercises close to midnight.

I'm figuring things out.

Last night I ate dinner around 6:30 and I had my exercises finished before 8 - except my arm ones. I still did those late.

Every day this week so far I have walked in the morning, before work.

That has helped tremendously.

Because of the heat, if I don't walk in the morning, I have to wait until 8 or 8:30 at night.

Today I have been very tired.

I only did a short walk.

But it was still a walk.

I've been listening to an audio book on my walks, which has been nice.

Something to concentrate on, to help me not focus on my achy legs and fear of falling.

I've also been remembering to take my medicines earlier.

Eating and taking my medicines late have resulted in some rough nights of heartburn.

Not good at all.

Had to fix that.

So now I have more time to relax in the evenings.

Watch shows.

Read.

I'm still staying up too late, but not as late.

And it's not because I'm procrastinating.

So I'm happy about that.

If something isn't working, fix it.

Make your life better.

Find that balance.

It's 7:25.

Time to do those exercises.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Today Will Be Perfect

Today will be the perfect day.

Or as perfect as possible.

I will be productive with work.

I have several meetings and webinars scheduled, so I think productivity will be a given.

I will not procrastinate with my exercising.

So far so good on this one.

I already got my walk in.

I will drink a lot of water.

My first 8 ounces is on the table near me.

I won't go to bed at midnight.

Fingers crossed.

I will have time for something enjoyable too - a show or two, some reading.

I already listened to my audio book on my walk.

Yay me!

I will be happy today.

I won't worry.

I'll concentrate on what is good in my life.

I'll be grateful.

I'll live in the moment.

And it will be a fantastic day.

Even during a pandemic.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - My Favorite Day of the Week

Wednesdays are my favorite day of the week.

Not because it's hump day.

I do enjoy the camel commercials.

Wednesday is my favorite day because it's grocery delivery day.

I start holding my breath on Sundays.

Will we be able to get a delivery?

Will the store be out of important items?

Will the store have to institute restrictions because people are hoarding again?

Both my roommate and I have dietary requirements.

So I breathe a sigh of relief when the friendly and helpful delivery people deposit the grocery bags at our door. 

I am so happy when I don't receive a text that the store has run out of something important.

I feel so grateful when I know we are stocked for another week.

And I try not to automatically start worrying about the next week.

librarianintx

Not Listening to the Little Voice

Sometimes I get to the end of the day, and I haven't reached my step goal.

The little voice in my head says, "It's okay. You can miss your goal today. You'll probably achieve it tomorrow."

But I don't listen.

I get out the pedal exerciser.

Or I walk in place.

Or I make multiple trips from one room to another.

So I can reach my goal.

There are many mornings when I don't want to do my bridge exercises.

They're not easy.

They are the first exercise that I do.

Usually I'm half asleep.

"You could do them before you go to bed," the little voice says.

"Or just skip them. Just for today," she pushes.

But I don't listen.

I do the bridges.

I'm often so tired at night.

The last thing I do before I brush my teeth is take a tablespoon of flaxseed oil.

It's a new health-related activity.

It's one of my least favorite things to do in a day.

I do not like the taste.

But I believe it is good for me.

I can't swallow the huge fish oil pills.

"It's gross," the little voice says.

"You know you don't like it."

"Just don't do it today."

But I don't listen.

I take the supplement.

My little voice is terrible.

She works against me.

She tells me not to do the things that are good for me.

She encourages me to avoid and procrastinate and delay.

She also tells me that I'm going to fail in my goals.

It is a daily struggle to ignore her.

Maybe one day she will shut the hell up.

librarianintx

My Least Favorite Exercises - And Why I Do Them

It's only been within the last few months that I have become compliant with exercising. During the pandemic, exercise has become even more important for my physical and emotional health. I try to do a variety of exercises every day:

1) ten to fifteen minutes of walking outside

2) a mix of sitting and standing balance, leg, and hip exercises

3) bed exercises (some with one pound weights) that work my legs and hips

4) climbing stairs

5) walking in place (indoors and outdoors)

6) arm exercises with one pound weights

7) using a pedal exerciser

I don't do all of this every day.

But occasionally I actually do all seven.

I try to get at least 3,000 steps in daily, with a mixture of walking inside and outside, pedaling, and sometimes stairs.

Plus I do the bed exercises every day, and a set of standing balance, hip, and leg

exercises.

I have become very compliant with the balance and leg exercises, and the walking/pedaling.

But I am struggling with the arm exercises.

I have not been doing them every day, and I think because of that, they are difficult, and it has been too easy for me to say, "Oh, I'll try them tomorrow."

I'm working to change that mentality.

My test results show that exercise IS helping my bones.

I had a Reclast infusion three years ago.

Since then, I have regrown bone in my hips every year.

But I lost a little bone in my arms last year.

I believe that could change if I did my exercises every day.

I need to keep trying.

I did my arm exercises yesterday and today.

Yesterday I did ten reps of each type.

Today I did twenty of each.

I want to do twenty every day.

I want it to get easier.

But even if it doesn't, I need to keep doing it.

When it comes to my other exercises, my least favorite ones are bridges and squats (at least my version of a squat).

They're not easy.

But I firmly believe they are good for me.

So I keep doing them.

Listening to music or an audio book, or watching television is very helpful when I am exercising.

It makes the time go by faster, and keeps me from focusing on any discomfort that I'm experiencing.

Even though I struggle some days, I am very grateful for my ability to do any form of exercise.

librarianintx

Cheat Foods Taste So Good!

I've mentioned before that I'm dealing with high potassium of unknown origin.

My kidneys and adrenal glands seem to be working fine, which is great news.

But I have been unable to eat many foods in my diet for months: potatoes, tomatoes, tomato sauce, bananas, avocado, beans, milk, chocolate, etc. It has been a difficult situation.

But now my doctor is allowing me one cheat food per day.

Hooray!

It has been so nice to add some foods back in.

One would think that chocolate would be the first food I would return to, but I haven't.

I've been adding healthier options - usually 1/3 of a cup of beans, or a medium banana, or a dish with mushrooms in it. Occasionally a few bites of avocado.

I'm eating a snack that has cocoa in it, which has enough of a chocolate taste to satisfy my cravings but doesn't have potassium.

When you haven't been able to eat a certain food - and then you can - missing that taste makes it so wonderful to have it again! There is something called mindful eating - when you just focus on the food you are ingesting, and not doing other activities while you eat, like reading or watching television or scrolling through social media. I have been practicing mindful eating lately, and that has felt really good. The food tastes better when you practice mindful eating, and it is a more enjoyable experience than just shoveling food in while you're focused on another activity.

Last night I ate refried beans with shredded cheese. I used to eat beans with cheese, tomatoes, AND avocados - potassium city! I miss the tomatoes and avocado, but the beans are so creamy and tasty - YUM! Because I can only eat about a 1/3 of a cup, one can lasts for three meals.

Try mindful eating. It is a very pleasant experience, and good for your digestion too.

librarianintx   

ATX TV Festival - Shows featured / mentioned

Here are the shows that were featured / mentioned during the festival.
Because the weekend was virtual, we couldn't see any screenings.

Current shows:
New Amsterdam - NBC / Hulu
Unbelievable - Netflix (limited series)
The Chi - Showtime
Nancy Drew - CW
Stargirl - DC Universe
Vida - Starz (ended)
You - Netflix
Mandelorian - Disney+
Search Party - HBO Max
Sherman's Showcase - AMC
David Makes Man - OWN
Grownish - Freeform
Snowfall - FX
Diary of a Future President - Disney+
Bold Type - Freeform and Hulu
Room 104 - HBO
Psych - USA (ended)
Black Lady Sketch Show - HBO
Dave - Hulu

New / Upcoming shows:
Call Me Kat - Fox - premiere date?
Taste the Nation - Hulu - June 18
Perry Mason - HBO - June 21
The Good Lord Bird - Showtime - August 9 (limited series)
I'll Be Gone in the Dark - HBO- June 28 (limited series)
I May Destroy You - HBO - (available now)
P-Valley - Starz - July 12
Outcry - Showtime - July 5 (limited series)
Legendary - HBO Max (available now)
Little Fires Everywhere - Hulu (available now, limited series)
Barkskins - National Geographic (available now)
Dads - Apple TV+ - June 21 (documentary)

librarianintx

ATX TV Festival

My person is super excited.

"ATX TV...from the Couch!" starts tomorrow!

ATX TV is an annual event, similar to SXSW, but on a much smaller scale, and all about tv. There are screenings, premieres, and panels with writers, producers, stars, and others in the TV industry. Last year Lou Diamond Phillips, Phylicia Rashad, Eric Dane, Zendaya, and Kevin Bacon were some of the stars in attendance.

My person attended for the first time last year, and she loved it! She was thrilled to be part of a conference, to be downtown wearing a badge, meeting new people, seeing new shows before their tv premieres. She reveled in the fact that she was able to walk a few blocks and eat yummy grilled cheese sandwiches and fries at the Alamo Drafthouse theatre. She had the rare opportunity (for her) of being downtown at night.

She had been nervous beforehand, wondering if she could handle it.

She not only survived.

She thrived.

So this year the festival is all virtual.

She will miss the electricity of the in-person events.

She has learned how fulfilling it can be to feel the anxiety and walk through it.

But she is still looking forward to it.

And best of all - this year it is free!

She'll be busy, so I'll be in my usual spot in her room all weekend. 

It's okay. 

Me and the other stuffies will have our own party.

She still hasn't noticed when some of her snacks are gone.

Little Bow

New Shirt

My person wore a new shirt today. Land's End. Baby blue. Nice color, but pink would have been better. Soft, comfy shirt. 

No one saw her except her roommate and me. But she wore it anyway. Because she wasn't wearing it for anyone. She was wearing it for herself. Wearing new clothes feels good. It made her happy. It's a summer shirt, and today was a warm, summery day. Now is the time to wear a shirt like this.

She even wore a dress yesterday! Simply because she wanted to.

She could have saved the shirt until the pandemic is over and she is back in the community - going to work and being social with friends and family. But who knows when that will be? Probably not this season. 

So she decided not to let the shirt sit in the closet. 

She chose to wear it, to enjoy it, to feel good in it.

I just want her to be happy.

Little Bow

Great Book!

My person highly recommends this book. She read it as an audiobook, but it's available in print and as an e-book. It's not new; it's been out for a few years. It's a novel but based on real life events - historical fiction, she called it.

"Don't spoil the plot," she admonished me.

"I won't," I replied indignantly. 

There are books you can read about the real events that inspired the novel.

Little Bow

It Finally Came!

My person is SO excited!!

Her London to Vegas Def Leppard DVD / CD box set just arrived - a few days early after being delayed due to COVID-19.

She is thrilled.

I reminded her that she still needs to exercise, but she's ignoring me.

I can understand - These guys are rockin'!

Little Bow

Survivor: Winners at War finale: My Thoughts

Okay, so I'm only two and a half weeks late in commenting about the Survivor finale. That's not too bad, right?

I really enjoyed the season. There were so many good players, obviously, because they were all previous winners of the show.

Tony was not my favorite player, but he is definitely a worthy winner. I am very happy for him and his family. I think he is a very entertaining player to watch. I enjoyed his mad searches for hidden immunity idols, and his spying on his fellow contestants.

I thought Natalie had an amazing journey this season, and I was happy to see her make her way back into the game. I would not have been unhappy to see her win, but I agree with many fans that her decision not to make fire against Tony likely cost her $2,000,000.

So who did I want to win? I had several people that I was rooting for, including Jeremy, Nick, Ethan, Yul, and Denise. It's hard for me to narrow it down from those five, but if I had to choose one, I think I would say Jeremy. But I really love them all. Actually, there is only one person that I didn't like this season. I understand why Sandra was chosen to be on this season. She is a two-time winner. But her attitude drives me crazy. And it was disheartening to see her quit when she was voted out, although it did not surprise me. She considers herself the Queen of the show, but Denise earned the title of Queen Slayer with one of the greatest blindsides the series has ever seen.

Of course one of my favorite parts of the season was seeing the families reunited, especially the players on the Edge of Extinction getting to spend time with their families. That was one of the best segments ever in the history of the show.

Thanks for a great season, Survivor, and congratulations to all the contestants who appeared on the show.

"Little Bow Chronicles" - Friday afternoon work - 5/29

Little Bow says, "I spent the afternoon with my person while she worked. She spoke to a client, updated a fact sheet, and found some online resources that made her very happy. 

Here's one of them:

One Day University

https://www.onedayu.com/

Learning is fun!

Having access to so many enrichment opportunities remotely is fantastic!

That's what she said to me, anyway.

This one isn't free, but it's reasonably priced.

Now her work day is done, and it's the weekend!"

"Little Bow Chronicles" - Intro - 5/29/20

Probably a short-lived series, because there may be a limitation of places in the apartment that I can photograph her, since we're both at home, living under the threat.

But here goes.

This is Little Bow.

I call her my emotional support animal.

Today she came out of my room and hung out with me while I worked.

Little Bow is looking for "CTRL" in her life. 😀

But she's still happy.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - life in a bubble - 5/14/20

If you are around my age, you might remember David Vetter. Likely you don't remember him by name; you knew him as "the boy in the plastic bubble." Not the cheesy 1976 movie with John Travolta. David Vetter was the real boy in the plastic bubble. You can read more about him here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Vetter

Basically, David was born with an inherited condition that made him extremely vulnerable to germs. His older brother died of the condition. So when David was born, doctors decided that the best chance he had at life was to live in a bubble, without any human touch.

He lived in a hospital for the first few years of his life. Everything he came into contact with - clothes, diapers, toys, food, had to be sanitized first. Medical personnel and his family touched him wearing big, thick gloves that were attached to the bubble. As he grew older, a series of bubbles were constructed so he could move around. He did everything in these bubbles: slept, ate, played. Eventually he attended school remotely. NASA designed a space suit that allowed him to go outside and explore. But the suit was uncomfortable, and there were so many protocols to follow that he only wore it a few times.

When he was 12, David agreed to an experimental bone marrow treatment. He did not want to live in a bubble forever. Unfortunately he became ill a few months after the transplant, and was removed from his series of bubbles. He died a few weeks later. Much was learned from his life, and death. Children with his condition can now live normal lives.

I mention David Vetter because I cannot imagine living without human touch for twelve years. I have now lived without human touch for a little more than two months, and it is so difficult. I am physically distancing from the two people I come into contact with: my roommate and my caregiver. I am doing this as an added precaution, because I am high risk for the virus. The last time I remember touching anyone was March 10 - my birthday. And I don't know when it will be safe for me to stop the physical distancing. 

Most of us need physical touch in some form - a hug, a pat on the back or arm, hand holding, etc. Physical touch keeps us grounded, connected, it positively impacts our mental and emotional well-being. I think not only of David Vetter, but also people in psychiatric hospitals or solitary confinement in prisons. They are severely isolated as well, sometimes for years or even decades. I cannot imagine what that feels like. I don't want to experience it any longer than I have to. And that's part of the problem. I don't know how long I need to.

I am a person who likes touch.
I like to hug.
I like to be close to people.
Not uncomfortably close.
I don't invade personal space.

I like to hang out with people. I'm in an introvert; I need my alone time. But I enjoy spending time with others. My activities with friends and family are invaluable to me: eating out, going to book clubs, movies, concerts, etc. I miss all of that tremendously. Video chat is great, but it doesn't replace in person contact.

I am so grateful that I get to spend some time with my roommate: watching tv shows, movies, and talking, but even he and I are usually at least half a room apart.
No sitting on the couch together.
No hugs in times of celebration or sorrow or anxiety.
No silly times in our small kitchen together.

Together, but separate.   

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - daily grades - 5/14/20

As I'm climbing into bed at night, I've started reviewing the day and assigning it a grade. I go over what was bad about the day, and then I outline what was good about the day. And then I think about how to make the next day better.

Here is the review from yesterday:

Grade: B-

The bad:
My presentation was marred by technical issues.
I was really tired.
My legs were hurting. I was in pain.
We didn't get some of the groceries we ordered.
I had to do my exercises late.

But here was the good:
I survived the presentation, and I was glad for the opportunity.
I was in pain, but I still took a walk, and I exceeded my step goal.
We got most of the groceries we ordered.
I did my exercises, and took all my medicine.
My roommate and I watched the season finale of Survivor, and we were satisfied with the outcome.
I read thirty pages of a new book. 

And my goals for today:
Drink more water
Do my exercises earlier
Eat more fruit
Find time to read

I start with the bad, and finish with the good, because that is important. We focus on the negative. We have a negativity bias. And focusing on the bad is terrible for us. It weakens our immune system. It affects our mental and emotional health. It can make us feel worse about ourselves and our existence. We need to focus more on the good. So I start with the negative and finish with the positive. And I try to have more good than bad points, even on a day that doesn't get a good grade. I think of the bad events, but then when I list the good events of the day, I'm turning some of the negative aspects into positive ones, such as "My presentation didn't go as planned, but I still did it."

Find a way to see the negative in a more positive light.
Doing this will reduce stress and anxiety -
And will build resilience. 

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Good Saturday - 5/3/20

Yesterday was quite a good day.

I did ALL my exercises AND pedaled for ten minutes BEFORE noon!

I made a cheese omelette for breakfast, and ate fresh blueberries with lunch.

I finished reading one book and started another.

I spent some time on the patio.

I started watching "The Roosevelts" on PBS.

I finished organizing a stack of grocery receipts.

So I was productive, focused, and I did not procrastinate. 

I made good use of my time.

I had a "me" day, and it was enjoyable.

Except when I thought about the fact that I'm having this nice day at home because I don't feel it's safe for me to go anywhere.

Except when I went on Facebook and saw people getting together with friends, going out to eat, having parties.

Except when the reality hit me that life will go back to at least some sense of normalcy for some people, but not for me.

Except when I thought about the unknowns of how long I will have to stay home and how will I know when it's safe for me to be out in public again.

Except when I think about the fact that rejoining society for me will mean taking public transportation, which will put me more at risk.

So it was a great day, except when all of these "excepts" pushed their way into my consciousness.

Each time, I tried to take a breath, push them away, and focus on something else.

The "unknowns" will become "knowns" in time.

I have to be patient.

And continue to find my happiness, my fulfillment at home.

#mindfulness

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - storms - 4/29

I didn't sleep well.
I was anticipating the storm.
It's what I always do.
Then I was awake during the storm.

So I slept in.
I'm starting work late today.
There aren't any perks to living during a pandemic.
But there are perks to telecommuting.
As long as I get my work done, I can basically start whenever I want to.
It is quite a luxury for me.
When I go to the office, because of riding para-transit, I have to be ready at a set time.
No way to change it.
I either ride, or I stay home, or I pay for a ride share.
I don't have any other options.

It was very helpful to have the option to sleep in a bit this morning.

Today will be beautiful.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - patio - 4/26

My patio is small and unassuming. Maybe 100 square feet, probably less. Orange walls (I did NOT choose the color.) It is sparsely furnished with three green plastic chairs and a short, white, plastic table. The view is the apartment parking lot - parked cars, a row of garages, pavement. But there are trees that are currently lush and green due to the abundant spring rain. Today the sky is a brilliant, cloudless blue. The temperature is in the 80's. A picture-perfect day in the ATX.

My patio isn't much to look at or admire, but it is my haven these days. I am out here as much as possible, especially on the weekends.

I read.

I look at social media.

I talk on the phone and video chat.

I watch shows.

I do my exercises.

This morning I had breakfast on the patio.

I blog out here too. ☺️

My patio is my happy place these days.

I could wish for a bigger patio, with better furnishings and a fancier view.

But I choose to be content and fulfilled with what I have and where I am right now.

#livinginthemoment

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - virtual events - 4/25

It is truly astounding how many virtual events there are now.

Everything from concerts to plays to zoo and museum tours to celebrities reading books to kids.
You can take free online classes - art, singing, sign language, history, meditation, yoga, and so much more
There are wonderful opportunities out there.
There really is no reason to be bored.

I have been compiling these resources, but I haven't taken the time to do anything virtually except for work meetings and webinars.

On Thursday I took 30 minutes out of my work day and viewed the virtual tour of the American Writer's Museum.
Oh my goodness!!
I didn't even know there was an American Writer's Museum!
It is SO cool!!
I want to go there in person.
There are so many interactive elements.
I could be there all day.
The virtual tour was super neat.

I want to make more time for stuff like this.
No time like the present.
At some point I hope I can go back to a more regular life.
So this is my opportunity to take advantage of all these free resources.

A few events I'm currently interested in:
A virtual tour of Frank Lloyd Wright houses
sign language classes
exercise videos - especially chair yoga
meditation exercises
museum tours
PBS 7 part series on the Roosevelt family - This aired a few years ago. Normally you would have to pay to watch online, but it's currently free and available until May 25th. Each episode is 2 hours long, so I need to get watching! 

Thursday afternoon was also great because I did a video chat with my two book club friends. I didn't know if Facebook would let me chat with both of them at the same time, but it worked because we had created a group for the three of us. It wasn't the same as being with them in person, but it was wonderful to see their faces and spend some time with them. It was social interaction, human connection.

What we need so desperately these days.

Physical distance is what we must do for our health and safety.
But communication is something most of us need to still feel connected.
Bonding
Sharing
Commiserating over the negative
Celebrating the positive

Getting through it - #alonetogether

librarianintx












#alonetogether

"Living Under the Threat" - mask update - 4/25

I finally ventured outside wearing a mask yesterday -
I actually went on TWO walks in the apartment complex!
The first was a short excursion BEFORE work - shocking!
The second was a full circle around half the complex, which I haven't done in several days.

I did okay wearing the mask.
It will take more getting used to.
It feels so weird.
Did we ever think we all would have to wear a mask when we go outside?
We don't have to wear a mask when exercising, but I think it's a good idea for me to wear one.
I just have to get accustomed to it.
Learn how to breathe in it.
Not feel claustrophobic.

It felt good to get out and walk.
It was a beautiful, sunny spring day in the ATX.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - goals part 3 - 4/25

There was one day this week when I actually achieved all of my goals before 10 pm!
I was so happy that day!
I do NOT like procrastinating!
I'm pleased that I'm still doing most of my exercises every day, and taking most of my medicine, but I often wait until late in the day to get everything done, and there is no need to do that.
I have all day - why do I wait until the last minute sometimes?
Doesn't make me happy, but I still try to give myself credit for doing the activities that hopefully will keep me healthy.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - goals follow up - 4/21/20

So how did I do on my goals list from yesterday?

Good.
But not perfect.
Story of my life.

I had six goals.
Really, I had seven.
I forgot to include taking all my medicine as a goal.
I did that.

I did everything except one - learning a new exercise.
I didn't get to that one.
And I had to stay up late to get everything else accomplished.
But I did it.

I did most of my exercises outside on the patio for the first time ever.
Does that count as a new exercise?
No.
Don't cheat.

Still, six out of seven goals met is pretty darn good.
Today I need to do it all earlier, so I'm not trying to finish everything when it's late and I need to go to bed.

Always room for improvement.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - goals - 4/20/20

I've been procrastinating, and I hate that.
So here are my goals for the day.
Often my goals list is too long and unattainable, and then I feel bad about myself.
I have endeavored to make this list realistic.

1) eat fruit
2) drink at least 32 ounces of liquid
3) do all my exercises
4) try one new exercise
5) get my steps in (by walking outside or pedaling)
6) finish the book I'm reading

I can do it!

Happy Monday!

I'll post my results tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - two of my favorite historical women - 4/19/20

As many people know, two of my favorite women in history are Anne Frank and Laura Ingalls Wilder.

CNN says that this is Day 51 of the pandemic.
51 days of the fear of getting deathly ill, of being alone in a hospital and separated from loved ones
51 days where many have lost jobs or been furloughed.
51 days of fear of food insecurity
51 days of uncertainty, anxiety, the unknown

Anne Frank, her family, and four others endured 761 days living in fear of being captured by the Nazis and sent to a concentration camp.
They lived in an annex above a warehouse, where they had to spend part of every weekday tiptoeing around, talking in whispers, and not being able to flush a toilet.
They relied on a very small circle friends for food and supplies.
They could not go outside.
Even going downstairs was a risk.

During the long winter of 1880-81, Laura Ingalls Wilder and her family endured great suffering. Because of constant blizzards in her town of De Smet, South Dakota, trains bringing food and supplies could not get through. The Ingalls family survived on a diet of brown bread and a few potatoes. They burned twisted hay to keep from freezing. Even though they lived in town at the time, they felt isolated from the other families because the weather made any travel outside their house too dangerous. They ran out of potatoes just as the chinook winds began to blow, and the first train was finally able to get through.

What we are going through IS difficult; there is no doubt about it.
Our lives are filled with uncertainty.
Some of us are dealing with anxiety and depression.
Some have lost their jobs and are facing serious financial difficulties.

What I am saying is that there are still many reasons to be grateful that we are not faced with what Anne and Laura experienced.
We are not in danger of being sent to concentration camps. 
Some of us may not have money for food, but there are programs to help.
We are not in danger of starving or freezing.
We can go out and enjoy nature.

We can hope for brighter and safer days.

"I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains."
Anne Frank

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - masks - 4/19/20

Mask-wearing is now a regulation in ATX, and thanks to a dear friend I am now the proud owner of two masks that fit me. I am waiting for more that I've ordered to come in the mail.

It's tough to find not only masks that fit me, but also ones that I can put on by myself. It defeats the purpose of social distancing if my roommate or caregiver has to help me get the mask on. And they aren't always here. But of course, right now I'm not going anywhere. Still, masks will likely be part of our attire for quite some time. So I will need some whenever I get to re-join society - in whatever limited capacity that may be. I don't have to wear one when I go to walk in the apartment complex, but it also couldn't hurt to do that, if I can breathe well enough while wearing one.

Last night CNN said it was day 50 of the pandemic. That would mean according to them, the outbreak began on February 29th. I looked back in my daily journal, and the first time that I mention the Coronavirus is on March 6th. I made a note of it because that was day SXSW was canceled. At the time many people were outraged that the huge music and movie festival that brings in millions of dollars to the city was canceled. Now most people think that was absolutely the right thing to do. People from all over the world come to SXSW. We would have likely become a hotspot like New Orleans if SXSW had been allowed to happen.

Fifty days already - fifty one to be exact. Fifty one days that has changed all Americans. And of course parts of the world have been affected longer than that. So much is different now.

How long will this new way of life last?

No one can say for sure.

Which is why it is a time of so much stress and anxiety.

All we can do is take everything one day at a time.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Learning how to move on - 4/18/20

"Every day is an opportunity to do better, to be better."

After spending part of Thursday and most of Friday beating myself up emotionally and getting next to nothing accomplished, I feel like I'm back on track today.

I was upset because I recorded my session for the Texas Library Association conference on Thursday afternoon, and I felt like my Power Point was less than. My presentation was okay - I wasn't hardly nervous, because it was only a recording and I wasn't having to be on a podium in front of people, so the talking part was quite easy. I was just sitting at the dining room table in my apartment, watching my neighbors walk by out of the corner of my eye. It was quite surreal really. I had been so nervous and anxious about presenting at TLA, and then there was a period of a few weeks where we didn't know if the conference was going to be canceled or not, and that caused even more stress. I didn't feel it was safe for me to be there, but I didn't want someone else presenting for me, because that would have been an easy out for me. Then the in-person conference was canceled, but the organizers decided to do a virtual conference for the first time, and I was so happy that my presentation was going to be recorded for the virtual conference.

But I just found it hard to finish the Power Point. I've been able to concentrate on finding pandemic-related information, but I dragged my feet on finishing the Power Point, of which the topic is not virus-related. And when I recorded the session, I realized that the Power Point was lacking. There was information I should have included, but didn't. I am disappointed in myself. It's just not my best work. Is it terrible? No. But it isn't great. I would give it a "B" overall. I only want to do "A" work. I'm not happy with anything less.

So I was upset and brooded about it for the rest of the day on Thursday. I woke up Friday morning with the same thoughts in my head. I struggled to concentrate on anything on Friday. I didn't do my exercises until 11:00 that night. I barely ate. I was a mess.

That is my personality, my head space sometimes. I have a very hard time moving on from something upsetting. I finally had to say to myself, "It's over. It's done. You got through it. It wasn't your best work, but it wasn't a disaster. Move on, and do better next time. That's all you can do."

You always have an opportunity to do better next time.

Today has been a better day.

I'm moving on.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - feeling overwhelmed 4/15/20

There are days when it just feels overwhelming -
the fear
the uncertainty
the number of sick and dead
the feeling of isolation and loneliness
the arguing about when to open the country
the posts on Facebook from people who need...
     food
     masks and PPE
     toilet paper
     hand sanitizer
     money
     a job

Sometimes even all the individual and community endeavors can feel overwhelming.
People offering -
     to make and donate masks
     to donate and deliver food
     to donate clothing
     to donate money
     to do odd jobs for those who can't

Of course I'd rather be overwhelmed by the latter than the former.

People are stepping up and doing what they can to help.

It's a beautiful thing to witness.

Yes there's anger and frustration and finger pointing

But there's a lot of caring and helping each other too.

#alonetogether

librarianintx    

"Living Under the Threat" - grateful 4/14/20

I've mentioned numerous times how grateful I am for the job that I have.

Today I am especially grateful for the State Librarian and the management team. I felt so relieved after the agency virtual meeting that we had this morning. I know that careful consideration will be given before the agency is open again, and everyone in authority is committed to the health and safety of all the employees. Social distancing will continue, and likely telecommuting as well, with staff working in the office on a rotating basis. I know that I will be able to express my concerns about returning to the library, and they will work with me to ensure that I will be as protected as possible. Nothing in life is guaranteed of course. But I am so profoundly lucky to work for such a terrific organization. Everyone is valued and appreciated, and individual needs are thoughtfully taken into account. I'm still nervous because my job cannot be accomplished completely remotely. But I am trying to be calm and figure out the next right steps when the time comes.

In other news, ATX now has a mandatory face covering rule. We went from 0 to 100 in one day - the mandate went into effect at midnight last night. What about the people don't have masks yet, and don't have the material to make any? What about the people who cannot afford them? What about the people who can't wear one, either because they can't physically put one on, or because they can't breathe well when wearing one? Mayor Adler is not only urging everyone to wear one, he is actually advocating the public policing each other. So you could get shamed for not one wearing one; you could also get berated for not wearing one. This is not a time for us to be turning on each other.

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
Unfortunately, it looks like we won't be seeing any warm smiles in public for a long time.
It will be such a different way of life.
We will need to smile with our eyes.
And speak words of kindness - through a mask.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - 4/13/20

I wore a bright yellow shirt today. I even put on a necklace and earrings.

It was a beautiful day in the ATX, sun shining and clear blue sky.

But it was too chilly for me to go outside.

If it's even safe for me to be outside.

It was a busy, productive work day. I made two great contacts that will hopefully help our library patrons that don't have Internet access. It was so great to talk with someone who was as excited as I was about networking and resource sharing. That made my day.

Unfortunately after work I spent too much time on Facebook and watching television. Watching the news is always my downfall. Too many unknowns. Too many stories that scare me and make me second guess the decisions that I'm making. Too much frustration and anger over talk that society might open up too soon. Too much anxiety because I don't know when it will be safe for me to live a normal life again. Too much sadness over the current loss of the independence I worked so damn hard to achieve.

I have to break the cycle of fear and anxiety and frustration when it washes over me. So I exercised. I listened to music. I drank water. And I repeated to myself in my head,
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.
I am not sick today.

Be present.
Live in the moment.
Don't sit and around and wait for something bad to happen.
Know and understand that in this moment you are okay.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - The best laid plans 4/10/20

Today was going to be a very successful day.

I was going to get a lot of work done.

I was going to do a bunch of chores too:
laundry
run the dishwasher
maybe even vacuum.

I was expecting deliveries too. I would need to put away groceries and things.

And I had planned to do my exercises and get a walk in.
I wasn't going to wait until the end of the day to do that.

And I was going to drink more water and take my medicine on time.

The best laid plans.

Life intervened.
Specifically, a broken refrigerator.
Did it have to die during the pandemic?

I guess it was a good thing that I was home and recognized that my food was not feeling or tasting as cold as it should.
Luckily, the apartment maintenance staff came right away.

It's hard to do social distancing when someone is helping you save a fridge and freezer full of food. 
But it had to be done. 

In the end, I did nearly everything I wanted to do.
I just didn't get to vacuum or walk.
Not bad, considering.
And now I have a clean, new refrigerator with nicely organized food.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Passover 4/9/20

Passover started last night.
Usually I would be going home tomorrow, to celebrate with family.
A fun Seder
Delicious food - matzoh ball soup, gefilte fish, Mom's charoset.

We did a Zoom meeting this afternoon - Mom, sister, brother-in-law, nieces, nephew, and dogs.
It wasn't a Seder.
We just wanted to see each other, catch up.
It was fun.
There was barking, giggling, teasing, even a power failure due to a thunderstorm
But it wasn't the same as being together.

We all agreed we should do that more often, even after the pandemic.

And hopefully we will be celebrating in the same place next year.

librarianintx 

"Living Under the Threat" - Dreams - 4/9/20

I had two very nice dreams last night.

In the first one, I was at a concert, seeing my favorite band.
It was a new, beautiful, intimate venue.
I was so excited to be there.

In the second dream, it was our first day back at work after the pandemic.
We were all hugging each other, so happy to be there and back to our regular lives.

And then I woke up.

Sleep is such a wonderful thing.
It can make you forget what is going on in your life, in the world.
And then you wake up.
And remember.

But at the same time, the beginning of another morning hopefully brings us one day closer to the end of this incredibly difficult time.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Rough Day 4/8

It's a humid, airless evening, but I'm sitting on my patio. I need to be away from my computer for awhile. I've even pecking out this post on my phone.

I was locked out of my computer all afternoon. Valuable time wasted. I could still work some, but not the work I need to do most. So frustrating. The problem seemed to finally be resolved. We'll find out when I try to log in tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed.

I felt bad about getting so upset when I learned that a co-worker has been dealing with that issue multiple times. I feel sad for him and our IT staff. 

I was worn out and feeling overwhelmed this afternoon. So I sat outside for about an hour, and then I took a walk. I think it's been over a week since I walked. Then I came in, ate dinner, drank water, and did my exercises. I feel better now.

One day good. The next day not so much. That's just life. Not necessarily during a pandemic. It's every day life. Stuff happens. Computer problems. Other problems. You deal with them, and you move on. 

Life gets a little dark, and then it gets brighter.

You make it through the glitches.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Perks - 4/7/20

I am not in the least making light of this pandemic.
I understand how serious a situation we are in.
I wouldn't be sitting in my apartment if I didn't.

But I have to be honest and say there are good things for me about this time at home.

The main bonus point is no commute.
In the old days (meaning less than a month ago), I would get up at 5:45 am, be ready to leave an hour later, and get home around 4 pm. That was on a regular day. If it was grocery day, or physical therapy day, or a doctor appointment, I might not get home until 5:30 or 6. I know other people have longer days than that. But that is a lot for me.

Now I can roll out of bed by 7 and be at my computer, ready to work, showered and dressed, by 8. I may be tired from the anxiety of our situation, or by the hours of searching for resources, but I'm not worn out by my commute, or any extra activities.

Being at home has given me more time to do things to take care of myself. I can now take an extra few minutes in the shower to use medicated shampoo on my itchy scalp. I make sure I eat at least one fruit and one vegetable each day. I can eat more often if I want to. I don't have to worry about long rides so I can drink as much water as I want. I have more time and energy to exercise too. And I'm taking care of my mental health by writing more. My days are still busy, but not nearly as hectic or as tiring. The routine is easier.

Working from home has many benefits for me. But of course I miss the interaction with my co-workers. And right now we can't serve our library patrons as well as we normally would, and we all feel bad about that. We care and worry about them.

I don't have to deal with irritating para-transit passengers, or long rides and frustrating wait times. I don't have to be nervous about the unpredictable library elevators. I don't have to deal with inclement weather, or how freaking cold the library is EVERY DAY. I may have my nickname of sweater girl stripped from me because I don't have to wear a sweater or hoodie every day, even in the oven of a Central Texas summer.

This post is about the perks, the positives, the bright spots of working from home and being home all day. But of course there are downsides too. I have lost my independence because it is not safe for me to go anywhere. I have to rely on both my roommate and my caregiver to shop for me and get my prescriptions. I've been able to get some deliveries, but not many. I am so very grateful to have my roommate to talk to and spend time with, although even he and I are social distancing. We sit across the room from each other, or stand in separate rooms to converse. Otherwise, my social life has shrunk to the people that I can e-mail, text, video chat, or talk on the phone with. No book club nights. No trips to Houston and San Antonio. No museums, no shopping, no eating out. No movies. No concerts or other special events. None of that.

So do the positives outweigh the negatives?
Definitely not.
But focusing on the good parts of this new way of life does help.
I hope when I go back to regular life I can continue some of the things I'm doing now, like eating better and exercising. And staying connected to family and friends in other cities.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Exercise 4/6/20

Consistency doesn't work for everyone.
Not everyone needs a routine
I need both.

Every day since I've been working from home I have showered and dressed.
Even on the weekends.
No exceptions.
Some days I was only wearing jeans and t-shirt.
But still - no pajamas or nightshirt all day for me.
It's just how I am.

I have also done my exercises every day.
Not necessarily all of them.
But most.
Balance exercises.
Leg exercises.
Arm exercises.
And either walking, pedaling, or rarely both.

In the beginning I was going for a fifteen to twenty minute walk around my apartment complex.
It was one of my favorite parts of the day.
Getting outside felt good for my physical and mental health.

But rainy / chilly weather and concern about social distancing, even in my apartment complex, has complicated my daily walks. I don't know how safe it is to be outside. I sit on my patio, and that's nice, but it's not exercise.

So I have had to be more creative about exercising.
Walking back and forth in my building breezeway when no one is around
"Jogging" from my bedroom to the front door and back
Walking in place a few times a day, for about 3 minute intervals
Plus pedaling 10-20 minutes per day.

Exercise has become very important to me.
I have osteoporosis, which is only going to get worse as I age, so I have to do what I can to stay as active as possible, which will help my bones and muscles.
And that is where consistency comes into play.
I can't take a day off from exercise.
Not a single day.
If I do, I fear I'll stop trying.

I can't let the pandemic take away the progress I've made in exercising.
Exercising used to be hard, taxing, tiring.
Now it usually feels good.
I'm even trying to add some new exercises to my regiment. 
My last bone scan actually showed improvement in one area.
I have to keep going.
And I want to be as healthy as possible when I return to my normal daily routine.

So it's now 10:51 pm
I have done my balance and leg exercises.
But I haven't pedaled yet.
I've been blogging about exercise instead.
So I better get to it.
Pedal exerciser, here I come!
Even five minutes is better than nothing. 

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Work 4/6/20

I am grateful for my job.
Every. Single. Day.
I am grateful to be able to work.

Now, more than ever, I am grateful for my job.
Not only for the obvious financial security.
But because working gives me a focus.
It gives me an escape from worry and fear of both what is happening now and what might lie ahead.
The work that I do is intended to help people.

And that is my primary goal these days with my job - finding resources to help people, especially senior citizens and people with disabilities, during this pandemic.
A variety of resources, including, but not limited to:
Sources for obtaining food
Mental health information
Guides for various disabilities and health conditions, from Alzheimer's to neuromuscular disorders
Specific resources for people with vision or hearing impairments
Information on scams and fraud
Virtual resources that provide entertainment, education, personal enrichment, and support

The fact that so many resources are now available for free on the Internet is terrific. The developing landscape of tele-health is something that has been needed in this country for years. However, because of the digital divide, many people do not have access to these resources. Much more needs to be done in this area, both now, and after this crisis is over.

I'm home, but my days are busy and productive, with hours of research and webinars that provide helpful information. Every new resource is a gem that I am doing my best to share with others. Some days are stressful - information overload and not enough time to process, organize, and disseminate it. But it's stress I gratefully accept - I want to rise to the challenge.

I am a librarian, specifically an information and referral coordinator.
It's what I do.
I live it and breathe it every day.

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - Family Time - 4/5/20

It was a busy day.

Lots of time with family - virtually, of course.

First a long video chat with my middle niece. We always have a lot to talk about.

Then a first - a Zoom birthday "meeting" for my cousin in Colorado. I was able to see and interact with my mom, sister, two aunts, uncle, and some of my first and second cousins. At its peak there were seventeen people on the chat if I'm counting correctly, including myself. It was busy, fun, there were a lot of giggles. One of my cousins was wearing a festive hair decoration. One of my young male second cousins was using a computer program to morph into pictures of various animals. It was crazy at times. I really enjoyed it. It's not the same as being in the same space together. But we were able to see each other, check in, catch up. And we are all healthy. That's what matters. It took a pandemic for us to start doing this, but hopefully we'll do it more often.

During the past week or so I was able to virtually:
Chat with two of my best friends.
Watch my oldest niece's puppy run around in his back yard.
See my mom's roses blooming on her patio.
Admire my middle niece's artwork.
Celebrate the successful bread-making of both my youngest niece and a friend from a recipe I shared on Facebook.

COVID-19: bringing families together in new ways 

We are all: #alonetogether

librarianintx

"Living Under the Threat" - food - 4/5/20

I've never been a food waster - at least I don't think I am. But it's true - sometimes I wouldn't eat the crusty pieces of a loaf of bread. Sometimes I would toss a few old pieces that were still edible if I had a fresh loaf. Occasionally fresh produce would go bad before I had a chance to eat it. Or part of a bag of shredded cheese.

But since the pandemic I have made a conscious effort not to waste any food. This week I ate every slice of bread in the fridge before I started on the new loaf that was delivered on Tuesday. The hummus has a "best by" date of April 6th, so I'm working on that. If I open a can of corn, I finish it before I open a can of green beans. It can take me three days to finish a can of vegetables - I eat about a half a cup a day.

But yesterday I realized there has been a cucumber in the fridge for nearly two weeks. I sliced it and ate a few slices with my hummus and it was fine. But today, the slices are slimy and I detected an odor when I smelled them. So, they are going in the trash. I'm not stupid. My goal to not be a food waster will always be usurped by my determination to avoid food poisoning at all costs.

Food insecurity has been one of my biggest fears during this pandemic. It was so surreal to go to the grocery store and see so many empty shelves. Plus deliveries are hard to come by. I, like most people in my life, have never known food insecurity, and it is something we should always put at the top of our gratitude list. We have always been lucky that we can just walk in a store, find what we want, and buy it. Now, I think food insecurity will always be a nagging fear in my life. I have never let myself get low on food before I go to the store, but now I will be even more cognizant of that. I feel like I will need to strike a balance between having enough food and feeling like a hoarder because I fear not having food.

I focus on the fact that we WILL get back to our normal lives.
But I also believe that we will be forever changed by this experience.
Some change will be for the better.
Some change will be trauma-induced and difficult to overcome.

librarianintx

Living Under the Threat 4/4/20

I've written a few blogs since the pandemic began, not as much as I should. And I can't promise I'll feel like or have time to write every day. But here is the first entry of "Living Under the Threat."

Today was the first day that I was able to concentrate on something other than work. I watched the Netflix limited series "Unorthodox," including the making of the series. It was very good. Now of course I want to read the book that the show was based on. But I'm already trying to read three books, so I'm going to wait. It felt good to be able to concentrate on something entertainment-oriented. I also started another Netflix series: "Cheer."

But then this evening I lost focus on anything. All of a sudden it was after 8 pm and I had not eaten dinner, done my exercises, or did the load of laundry I wanted to do. It was a chilly, rainy day, and I sat on my ass most of the day, so I needed to get some exercise. So I did what I needed to do. In the span of three hours I ate dinner, washed dishes, did my balance exercises, laundered my jeans and towel, and pedaled for fifteen minutes. I felt better having accomplished all of that.

Late this afternoon a woman that I corresponded with through the Next Door app dropped off four cloth masks for me. I had ordered some masks through Etsy but they won't arrive until sometime next week, so I was hoping to find someone in the neighborhood who was making some, and I did. I'm not the most trusting of people, and I've been nervous about reaching out to strangers, but all went well with this transaction. She was wearing a mask and she only stayed long enough to hand me the plastic bag as I stood on my patio, trying not to get close to her.

Do I think wearing a mask is a good idea? I'm conflicted about it. I'm not convinced that cloth masks will help much, honestly. But the government is suggesting that everyone out in public should wear one. The city of Laredo, Texas is actually fining anyone who is caught outside without wearing a mask. So I want to have some in case Austin goes to that extreme. I'm glad I was able to find some that were reasonably priced, but I have no idea what the quality is. The handmade ones seem well-made and sturdy, but again, how much protection will they actually provide? And will people be able to wear them without adjusting them and touching their face, which will put them more at risk?

I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, but I still took a shower, dressed, I even put on earrings. Since it was a chilly day, I wore my new lavender hoodie that I received as a birthday gift. The hoodie fits me perfectly. It made me happy to wear it. You have to do things that make you happy. Even during a pandemic.

A month ago today I went to San Antonio with friends. We were part of a tour at the Museum of Art. We stood in line to order lunch at the Cove. We walked around Buc-ees, which is always bustling. Were we nervous about going? I was, a little. But I went anyway. Looking back, we should not have made the trip. We put ourselves at risk. Still, I'm glad we have those memories. What a difference a month makes. Being close to other people. Eating in a restaurant. Touching things. Being in a different city. Who knew that just one month later, so much in our lives has changed.

librarianintx

My Strategies for Home Life During the Pandemic

This is what works for me:

1) I take a shower and get dressed every day.

2) When the weather is nice I sit on the patio.

3) I only watch the news enough to stay informed. Any more than a few minutes here and there makes me anxious.

4) I share only hopeful and informative posts on Facebook.

5) I do my exercises every day.

6) I keep busy doing something. I'm working from home. When I'm not working, I'm usually cleaning or organizing. Right now I can concentrate better on that than reading or watching shows.

7) I keep believing that each morning brings us one day closer to resuming our normal lives.

librarianintx

Morning Gratitude List 3/19/20

1) I am showered, dressed, and feeling fine.

2) I got medicine I needed yesterday.

3) I am about to start working, which will keep me busy and positively distracted.

4) I have a goal of building a friendship / support system in my local area.

5) There are no new cases of virus in Wuhan today.

librarianintx

Bedtime Gratitude List 3/18/20

1) My loved ones are safe and well.

2) I'm not homeless.

3) I have a job.

4) I have food.

5) I have toilet paper.

6) I haven't lost my motivation.

7) I still have hope.

librarianintx

My Grandmother and Napkins

My mom's mom, who we all called Nanny, was alive during the Great Depression.

When I would eat at her house, she would tear a napkin in two, and give me half.

"Why can't I have a whole napkin, Nanny?" I would ask.

"Napkins are expensive," she would answer. "You don't need a whole one."

I thought of Nanny tonight as I was tearing small squares of toilet paper from the roll to make it last longer.

I still have three rolls.

But I haven't seen toilet paper on grocery store shelves in more than ten days.

I never thought I would have to worry about toilet paper in my lifetime.

librarianintx

My "Life During a Pandemic" Tip for Today

I like to eat.

But I don't always eat everything I buy.

I endeavor not to be a food waster.

I know there is food insecurity around the world, and I am grateful every day for a place to live and food to eat.

But let's face it. 

Sometimes you're just not interested in the frozen peas you bought last week.

You're at the store, you see the frozen asparagus, and you say, "I know I have peas at home, but DAMN that asparagus looks tasty. I want it, and I'm buying it!"

Next week the asparagus might get passed over in favor of brussel sprouts.

Wait.

Bad example.

I DO NOT like brussel sprouts.

Change that to fried okra.

Much better.

But you get my point.

You probably have a good amount of food in your freezer and pantry.

Now is a good time to eat that food.

Panic has resulted in temporary shortages at local stores (emphasis on temporary).

Social distancing has been encouraged, so less trips to the supermarket are a good idea.

You'll also be saving money by eating the food you already have.

So that's my tip for the day.

As long as the food isn't freezer burned or past it's expiration date, have at it.

Eat those peas! 

librarianintx

A Few Tips for Life During a Pandemic

1) When you have to go out, be kind to others. Smile. Be patient. Express your appreciation for medical personnel and store employees especially. Remember that we are all struggling.

2) Turn off the television. Stay informed, check in throughout the day, but the dire predictions only feed anxiety and depression. 

3) We are not experiencing a nuclear winter. Go outside. Stay as active as you can. Any kind of physical activity improves mood and outlook.

4) Keep your mind active too. Get to all that reading you've been wanting to do. Play games. Do puzzles. Nothing wrong with catching up on television or binging Netflix too. 

5) Focus on the opportunity more than the sacrifice or isolation. Tackle house projects you've been putting off. Clean out a closet. Give away clothes you'll never wear. Organize something.

6) Stay connected with loved ones. Technology is our friend during this time. FaceTime, use Facebook chat, or even the phone. 

7) If you are healthy and not as concerned about getting sick, consider helping vulnerable people in your area. Offer to buy groceries for elderly neighbors or volunteer in your community. Thinking of others and doing good deeds benefits our mental health.

8) Consider the money you are saving by not going to concerts, sporting events, etc and donate to a food bank. Food insecurity is a big problem all year, but some people only donate during the holidays.

9) Again, turn to the Internet for both entertainment, education, and a sense of community. Research a topic you're interested in. Find an online group. Some museums have virtual tours. Wikipedia can keep you occupied for days!

10) Above all, try to stay positive and resilient. Life will not be this way forever. Make good use of this time instead of focusing on the negative. Hard to do sometimes. But it can be done.

librarianintx

Gratitude List for 3/14

1) No one I know is sick.

2) I have food and a roof over my head

3) My supervisors are concerned for my health and will let me work from home.

4) Thanks to modern technology, I can see and interact with loved ones in different cities, even if we can't be together in the same place.

5) I already practice good hygiene, but I am learning not to touch my face.

6) I have hope that we will all get through this, and life will return to normal. "This too shall pass."

librarianintx

February 2020 recap

This year is flying by already. It's already March - wow!

February was a good month. Not as busy or successful as January, but still productive.

I read three books in February - Hope: A Memoir of Survival in Cleveland, Finding Me, and Alice & Gerald: A Homicidal Love Story.

I saw two movies: "Seberg" and "Emma"

I went out to eat three times: twice at the Texas Smokehouse with family members, and once at Central Market with two co-workers.

I went to two concerts in February: I saw Sarah MacLachlan at Bass Concert Hall, and attended Chorus Austin's "Songs of the Earth" concert.

I also walked over to the Texas Capitol one day with co-workers to see the Barbara Jordan exhibit during Black History month.

On February 26th I presented a webinar for the FDLP (Federal Depository Library Program) about traveling with a disability or health condition.

I also early voted in February. #votebluenomatterwho 

I am so pleased, and more than a little surprised, that I have continued to be mostly consistent with my exercising. There was just one day in February when I didn't do my arm exercises. But I have kept up with the other exercises. I have also been consistent with my medications, except my calcium supplements. I need to do better there. I also need to do better with fluid intake. So there is room for improvement. The potassium continues to be an issue, but I'm at least somewhat happier now that my doctor has lessened some of the restrictions. There is still a lot I can't eat, and that's frustrating. But I'm coming up with some new meals, and I'm eating beans again, so I'm pleased about that. I'm getting used to rice milk instead of regular milk. I found a new snack I like - Nature Valley peanut butter cocoa bars.

librarianintx

The Oscars 2020

I saw TWELVE nominated films this season! That is a record. Some years I haven't seen any. Here is the list:
American Factory
Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Bombshell
Harriet
How to Train Your Dragon
Jo Jo Rabbit
Judy
Les Miserables
Little Women
Parasite
Rocketman
Two Popes

There are still at least two more that I want to see: Marriage Story and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I also like documentaries, so I'd like to see the nominated ones.

What was overlooked, in my opinion? I'll name three:
Although I haven't see it yet, but plan to, I've heard Eddie Murphy deserved a nomination for Dolomite is My Name.
I think Awkwafina deserved a nom for the Farewell, and I think the movie should have been nominated, but there were a lot of good international films this season.
Jamie Foxx was overlooked for Just Mercy, or did that movie come out too late for consideration?

I didn't see all of the films up for Best Picture. If I'm interested in a movie, I'll see it, but if I'm not, I won't, even if its an Oscar contender. Two examples from this season are 1917 and the Irishman. I know, they're both excellent movies. I just don't think I'll ever see them.

I enjoyed the telecast.
My favorite acceptance speech was Renee Zellweger's.
I also loved Laura Dern thanking her actor parents.

Being a person with a disability, I was thrilled to see Zack Gottsagen become the first actor with Down Syndrome to present an award at the Oscars. It was tough to see how nervous he was, but he got through it. There had been some buzz that he might get a nom for Peanut Butter Falcon, but that didn't happen. I was also so happy to see a person in a wheelchair in the choir that sang with Chrissy Metz. 

Witnessing Parasite make history and become the first international film to win best picture was so exciting. I had a feeling that would happen, even though 1917 was the favorite. There has been such a buzz about Parasite this season. It also won the SAG (Screen Actors Guild) for best picture. I'm so glad I saw the movie. Of course I haven't seen 1917 or Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. But I think the Oscars got it right with Parasite. It's fun when there are surprise winners.

Many of the categories had so many good performances that it was hard to root for just one person. I know Laura Dern was deserving of her best supporting actress win, but I also loved Scarlett Johansson in Jo Jo Rabbit and Florence Pugh in Little Women. Likewise in the best actress category, Renee Zellweger absolutely deserved it, but I also thought Cynthia Erivo was outstanding in Harriet and Saoirse Ronan was a joy in Little Women.

Thanks for a great season Hollywood! :)
librarianintx

Grammy's

Of course I'm a week and a half late posting about the Grammy's.
I'm always late in blogging about something.
But I'm blogging anyway.

I was concerned that I wouldn't enjoy the Grammy's, because I haven't been listening to music much lately. I've been going to movies and reading more than listening to music. But I did enjoy the Grammy's. There really wasn't a performance that I didn't enjoy. But here were my favorites:

Demi Lavato
What a journey Demi has had. Her performance blew me away. That song is incredible, and everything about her performance was so powerful - how she powered through the emotions she was experiencing, her soaring vocal range - it was heartfelt, inspiring, and uplifting, even though the lyrics were basically a cry for help. I wanted someone to run up on stage and hug her (not a Kanye "you don't deserve that award" moment, but a "we love you and are here for you, Demi" moment) It was breathtaking. You did it Demi!

Usher's salute to Prince.
Usher did the Purple One proud. I LOVED this medley. I adored everything about it - Usher's super HOTNESS, his great vocals, the choreography with Sheila E, the band, and the dancers - everything. The 80's are my musical decade, and it was wonderful to hear songs like "When Doves Cry," and "Kiss" again. Some people thought the set was too risque - I absolutely disagree. What was controversial about that performance? It's Prince, for goodness sake. He oozed sexuality from every pore. Usher was supposed to just stand there and sing? I mean, the female dancers were fully clothed. He didn't grab his crotch, or theirs. I thought it was sexy and tasteful. The pole dancing was artistic, not overtly sexual. I just didn't see the problem.

Camilla Cabello
Having lost my father at a young age, I am always emotional seeing daddy / daughter interactions. Camilla singing to her dad was the sweetest thing. I'm crying just thinking about it. She looked so beautiful and he was so proud and the lyrics of the song were so heartfelt, plus they had video footage that must have been the two of them when she was little - it was an absolutely beautiful few minutes in their relationship that we were all fortunate enough to witness. Thank you for sharing that time with us, Camilla and Camilla's dad.

Arrowsmith and Run DMC's "Walk This Way."
Okay, let's just call it out for what it was: A Hot Mess. But what a fun hot mess it was! Again, the 80's were my decade, and I remember how groundbreaking that collaboration was. I think maybe they couldn't hear each other too well, but no matter, I was rockin', and singing along, and so was the audience. It wasn't as good as Salt N Pepa and En Vogue's reunion at the Billboard Music Awards, but it was nostalgia, and I'll take it.

librarianintx

January 2020 Recap

A new year!
A new decade!

I haven't written about 2019 yet (one of these days), but here's a recap of my first month of 2020. It was a very busy and productive thirty-one days.

I saw SEVEN movies in January; six of them in the theater. That is probably a record for me:
Hustlers
Bombshell
Just Mercy
Les Miserables
Give Me Liberty
Song of Names
Clemency

I read three books in January:
Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover
The Man From the Train by Bill James
Hope: A Memoir of Survival in Cleveland by Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus

I participated in two book clubs:
An online chat with author Haben Girma
True Crime Book Club at Austin Public Library

I also toured the Motown exhibit at the LBJ Library.

I went out to eat three times:
Aster's (after the Motown exhibit)
Galaxy Cafe (before the True Crime Book Club)
Texas Smokehouse in Katy

And I attended the Transportation Works conference in Galveston. Unfortunately the weather was dismal and I was only there for about a day and a half, so I didn't get to enjoy the city, but the conference was good, and I got to spend time with friends I met at previous conferences.

I am thrilled with everything I was able to do, and hope that February is just as productive and eventful.

librarianintx