"Living Under the Threat" - Learning how to move on - 4/18/20

"Every day is an opportunity to do better, to be better."

After spending part of Thursday and most of Friday beating myself up emotionally and getting next to nothing accomplished, I feel like I'm back on track today.

I was upset because I recorded my session for the Texas Library Association conference on Thursday afternoon, and I felt like my Power Point was less than. My presentation was okay - I wasn't hardly nervous, because it was only a recording and I wasn't having to be on a podium in front of people, so the talking part was quite easy. I was just sitting at the dining room table in my apartment, watching my neighbors walk by out of the corner of my eye. It was quite surreal really. I had been so nervous and anxious about presenting at TLA, and then there was a period of a few weeks where we didn't know if the conference was going to be canceled or not, and that caused even more stress. I didn't feel it was safe for me to be there, but I didn't want someone else presenting for me, because that would have been an easy out for me. Then the in-person conference was canceled, but the organizers decided to do a virtual conference for the first time, and I was so happy that my presentation was going to be recorded for the virtual conference.

But I just found it hard to finish the Power Point. I've been able to concentrate on finding pandemic-related information, but I dragged my feet on finishing the Power Point, of which the topic is not virus-related. And when I recorded the session, I realized that the Power Point was lacking. There was information I should have included, but didn't. I am disappointed in myself. It's just not my best work. Is it terrible? No. But it isn't great. I would give it a "B" overall. I only want to do "A" work. I'm not happy with anything less.

So I was upset and brooded about it for the rest of the day on Thursday. I woke up Friday morning with the same thoughts in my head. I struggled to concentrate on anything on Friday. I didn't do my exercises until 11:00 that night. I barely ate. I was a mess.

That is my personality, my head space sometimes. I have a very hard time moving on from something upsetting. I finally had to say to myself, "It's over. It's done. You got through it. It wasn't your best work, but it wasn't a disaster. Move on, and do better next time. That's all you can do."

You always have an opportunity to do better next time.

Today has been a better day.

I'm moving on.

librarianintx