Listening skills

I think listening skills are something that most of us could improve upon. I viewed an excellent webinar yesterday about the topic. Here are my notes. The link to the archived version of the webinar is included at the end of the notes. I will make an effort to use the information I learned in future conversations.

librarianintx

Look At Me When I’m Talking to You

Thursday June 22, 2017

There’s a difference between listening and hearing

Listening – responding to and evaluating

Hearing – perceiving

70% of our waking moments are spent in communicating

Listening is 45%

But we only remember 20 – 50% of what we hear

People find it very hard to concentrate for more than 15 – 20 minutes without a break

Quiz

My score showed that I am an ok listener, but could use improvement

Mind Tools

www.mindtools.com

Common to have problems with focus and patience when listening

Irritating listening habits:

Interrupting

Not looking at speaker

Rushing the speaker

Showing interest in something else (phone, television, clock, other people, etc)

Finishing speaker’s thoughts

Not responding to speaker’s requests

Topping the speaker’s story

Forgetting what was talked about previously

You need to be completely present for a conversation

Barriers to listening:

Filtering

Making assumptions

Giving unsolicited advice

Offering hasty reassurance

Being judgmental or critical

Being defensive or arguing

Failing to understand cultural differences

Empathy for the person talking is key

How do you show you’re listening?

Vocal affirmations

Eye contact

Positive body signs

Repeating what the speaker said

But unfortunately most of these can be faked!

Remove distractions:

Clocks

Phones

Tablets

Books

Televisions

Your own thoughts and biases

Sometimes eye contact can be uncomfortable

Don’t stare

You can look at their forehead instead of directly at their eyes

Positive body language:

Nodding

Leaning in

Uncrossing your arms

Looking relaxed and unrushed

Tilt your head

Uncrossed legs if sitting

Smile or empathetic face, no creased, frustrated face

Vocal affirmations:

Yes

Yeah

I see

Mmmm

Uh-huh

Avoid talking

Stay silent

Just listen

You could be moralizing, judging, interpreting, and making the conversation about you

Don’t interrupt

Wait for a natural break or pause in the conversation

Interrupting is not acceptable, but so many of us do it

Interrupting means: What I have to say is more important or relevant

Don’t formulate a response before the person has finished speaking

Paraphrasing is good – restating – making sure you understood what the speaker is saying

Embrace your pauses

Asking a question is the best way to indicate that are truly listening

Asking questions forces you to actively listen

Asking questions will show that you are empathetic

Ask questions that are:

Open-ended

Begin with “what,” not “why”

Vertical

Use words like “how” and “tell me about…”

“Why” questions are the “kiss of death” – they sound judgmental, accusatory, put people on the defensive

Vertical questions are based on what the speaker says

Vertical questions show your curiosity, interest

Vertical questions help you learn more about the speaker

View the archive of this webinar at:

http://cslinsession.cvlsites.org/category/past/

Being Grateful

Yesterday I got some blood test results back, and the news wasn't great. My carbon dioxide levels are elevated again, which may or may not explain the fatigue and headaches that I'm experiencing. Luckily there are measures my doctor can try to lower it again, although he's taking a "wait and see" approach at the moment. Part of me is relieved that there might be a physical explanation for the way I've been feeling, but another part of me is frustrated because I use the nighttime ventilation EVERY night, no exceptions, and that is supposed to keep the CO2 levels within normal range. But I have to remember that our bodies change, and what worked for a long time isn't necessarily going to work forever.

When I was feeling a little upset about the results, I was on Facebook, and discovered that an acquaintance with the same condition I have is in the hospital with a collapsed lung. I don't know her well, and I've never met her, but I do know she has struggled much more with our shared disability than I have. I felt bad for her, and at the same time grateful and relieved for myself. I might be struggling a bit lately, but I'm still keeping up with my normal routine.
I'm making it to work.
I'm taking care of myself.
I'm not in the hospital.
I have much to be thankful for.

Chronic conditions are very challenging to deal with. Fatigue, pain, and other symptoms can make life a daily struggle. But focusing on the positive and emphasizing gratefulness can definitely help.

librarianintx

"Dare to be Kind"

Last night I went to Lizzie Velasquez's book signing. For those of you who don't know her, Lizzie became the victim of cyberbullying a few years ago when someone responding to one of her YouTube videos dubbed her "The Ugliest Woman in the World." Lizzie has an extremely rare genetic condition that was only diagnosed very recently. Instead of wallowing in pity, Lizzie turned pain into triumph, becoming a motivational speaker and accomplished author. Dare to be Kind is her fourth book. To learn more about Lizzie, visit her new web site at www.lizzievelasquezofficial.com

I arrived at the bookstore only about fifteen minutes before the event due to transportation difficulties. As I walked in, I hastily scanned the front of the store, looking for Lizzie's book, which was released the day of the signing. Usually the books are stacked near the registers, but I didn't see them. So I got in line for the check-out, figuring they were behind the registers and I just needed to request one.

A woman ahead of me in line was holding a copy, so I asked her where she found it. She pointed to the Information Desk near the front of the store. I asked the guy directly in front of me if he would hold my place in line, and he said sure.

In the approximately thirty seconds I needed to scoot out of line and secure a book, another woman came into the check-out line. When I slid back into line ahead of her, she had a problem with that. "I was here first," she said, or something to that effect. I quickly explained that I had left the line just to get a book. Her tone was of course not the nicest. She was upset. She felt she had been wronged. It could have been worse. She could have yelled at me, or called a manager over or something. But then she saw what book I had in my grasp, and she chuckled. She was there for the signing. too. In a matter of seconds, two reservation clerks called out at practically the same time, "Next in line!" and we both stepped up to a register. Crisis averted.

Dare to be Kind.

It's human nature. Misunderstandings are going to happen. Feelings are going to get hurt. People are going to feel slighted. Unfortunately, there are rude people who cut in line and feel justified. I am not one of those people. But she didn't know that. And maybe I was in the wrong. I left the line; perhaps I should have moved to the back. Luckily in the grand scheme of things this was the most minor of incidents. We both paid for our books in time to make it upstairs for the talk and signing. Presumably we both got our books signed and had the pleasure to meet this most poised, inspirational young lady.

All's well that ends well.

librarianintx

"Born This Way" on A&E

Here's a rundown of my favorite "storylines" from this excellent reality show about a group of young people with Down Syndrome and their families, and the storylines I'm not so happy with.

The positives:

1) Cristina has now become the first young person on the show to move into her own apartment. It will be in a supportive living type of housing unit with mentors who live onsite and will be available to assist her. That is very important, because there is still much of the day to day living that Cristina struggles with, especially handling money. But she and her fiance Angel have been taking independent living classes to learn how to do things like cook and clean and manage finances. I'll say it  now and likely repeat myself, I am so impressed and pleased with all the programs that are available to educate and empower people with developmental disabilities in this part of California. I absolutely adore all of the parents on the show, how supportive and encouraging and patient they are with their children. This is such a vital step for Cristina to take, and I'm so proud of her for being brave enough to attempt this.

2) Elena is asserting her independence as well, taking a step toward financial independence by learning to work as a coffee barista. She is being trained by an organization that teaches individuals with developmental disabilities a trade and then assists them with finding employment. Again, that is huge. There might be agencies that provides training, but don't help with the job search as well. Elena is trying hard to overcome her shyness and the often turbulent mood swings that plagued her last season. She wants to succeed, and so far she is listening to her mentor and taking direction well. Elena is much happier and more outgoing than she was last season.

3) A very interesting topic that arose in this past week's episode was Sean's admission of hearing loss and subsequent decision to have surgery, something similar to a cochlear implant. Sean's parents told the audience that Sean is in charge of all his medical decisions. He chose the implant rather than a hearing aid, but when it came time to do the prep work for the procedure, including inserting the IV, Sean became agitated and almost canceled the surgery. He changed his mind and went ahead with the surgery after speaking with his doctor off camera. But during the operation, his parents discussed the idea of obtaining guardianship over Sean, specifically for medical decisions. They worried that one day he would need serious, possibly emergency surgery, and perhaps he would allow fear, indecision, and/or inability to understand the situation at hand to make a decision that would be the safest for him. This is a very difficult decision, but I'm confident that they will involve Sean in the process and hopefully achieve an outcome that is in Sean's best interest.

4) Rachel has said that this is her year of "Yes!" I think every season has been Rachel's year of yes, as she learns to conquer her fears and insecurities. This season she has announced that her dream is to become an actress. Her uber-supportive and positive parents have started the ball rolling by taking Rachel to see an agent and getting her head shots. I think this is all fantastic, but the best part about it is how both her parents and the agent are encouraging Rachel while at the same making sure she understands that the entertainment business is a tough one and success is not guaranteed. Rachel is a little older than her peers, and the roles for someone like her will be few and competitive. Basically they told her, "Go for it, and we'll do all we can to help you, we believe in you, but don't quit your day job."

5) Some people on social media are complaining about the inclusion of Rocco and his family, but I'm not one of them. I adore Rocco's parents; they are as supportive and encouraging as all the other parents. I think it's important to show the journey of a child who is just beginning the process that young people with Down Syndrome face - navigating the school system, medical care, the road to eventual independence, etc. The other parents are a great resource for Rocco's parents, and the young people will be a positive influence on Rocco as time goes on. I'm very pleased with the addition of this family to the show.

The negatives:

1) Don't get me wrong. I think Steven and Megan are absolutely adorable together! Their budding romantic relationship is so sweet! I loved their first date on the cruise, and their first kiss on the merry-go-round was the cutest thing ever! The problem is, Megan is moving WAY too fast for Steven. Megan is Steven's first girlfriend. I have no doubt that he has real feelings for her. But he is still finding his way in a relationship. Megan, on the other hand, doesn't want or need a boyfriend. She wants a husband, and a father for the baby she desperately desires. Megan is already planning the wedding and the honeymoon. Her mother needs to slow her down, or this will end in disaster quickly. I don't want to see the whole group in turmoil if Steven and Megan suffer an ugly break-up.

2) Megan's mother Kris, in my opinion, needs to stop making everything about herself and her lack of a romantic relationship. Her constant "Poor me, I'm single" routine is causing Megan, Elena, and Sean to campaign for a man for her, which is leading to highly embarrassing situations. Megan and Elena tried to find Kris a boyfriend in a pet shop. Sean tried to pick up high schools boys on a golf course for her. Is she exactly to blame for the young people acting this way? No, but I think she needs to focus on her lack of a man less and work on keeping her daughter from going to far with her man. I also think she and Steven's parents need to lay off a little on the jokes. That third date at Megan's house was so uncomfortable for everyone in the beginning. I think it was perfectly fine for Steven's parents to come in for a drink, but it needed to be quick, and then just let Megan and Steven get on with their date. Kris didn't have to announce several times that she was going off to her room - alone.

3) Where is John's storyline this season? I know he was featured prominently last season, but this season so far he's become more of a supporting "character." We need more John this season!

Regardless of the few negatives, "Born This Way" is still one of my favorite shows. I think it will be another great season.

librarianintx

Being Happy

I'm sure I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I get myself in trouble when I compare my life to others. If I just live my life, and do what I am able to do, and what makes me happy, then I'm fine.

My brother in law has a very successful career, and has been able to provide for his family in ways that my mother as a single parent for most of my life never could. Growing up, though, I never felt like my life was lacking. I always got what I wanted for holidays and my birthdays, because my wish list was never extravagant. I never dreamed of or pined for extravagant vacations, or expensive clothes or jewelry. I don't drive, so that thrilling rite of passage for many teenagers - buying or receiving their first car - was not something I experienced.

My nieces have grown up very differently than my sister and I did. They lived in another country for awhile. They had a pool in their backyard for many years. My youngest niece's high school graduation gift was a trip to Europe.

It is May of 2017. Five months into the year. Already my sister and brother in law have been to Japan, Italy, and taken a driving trip to Delaware. My middle niece spent her Spring Break in Italy, and she just posted on Facebook that her parents bought her a new car. My youngest niece spent her junior spring semester abroad in Germany. She also visited several countries, including Italy and Switzerland. My oldest niece, married less than a year, bought a townhouse last month. In the late summer she and her husband will be traveling to Iceland. Her husband spent the weekend before his birthday climbing Mount Rainier in Washington state.

It is like culture shock when I visit my family. Everyone is talking about vacations and new cars and new houses. There is energy and vitality in the house; the feeling that everyone is happy and healthy and doesn't have to worry about money. I rarely have anything to talk about that can compete. My family talks loud and fast. They eat as fast as they talk, and then they leave me sitting at the dinner table by myself. They go for walks with the dogs and never consider finding a way to include me.

As much as I enjoy spending time with my girls, and know that they love me, it's hard sometimes, as our lives are so different. I'd like to see them more often, but I don't see myself moving back. I don't fit in my family. I am the financially much less stable, health-impaired, transportation-challenged, maiden aunt.

So I try very hard to focus on the good in my life, to be happy with what I have. I am grateful that I can get up every day and go to a job that I enjoy, that I have enough money to pay my bills and buy things I want and need. I get excited when I find clothes I like that fit me, and that I'm paying for them with my own money. I am appreciative of the fact that I am mostly independent and can take care of myself. I am trying to be as healthy as possible so I can continue to care for myself. I don't have my own transportation and that is a big frustration and hindrance in my life, but I still get from place to place when I need to. My life could be better; there is room for improvement. But it is a good life. Better than some.

You can't allow others to label your life as successful or not successful. You have to define success on your own terms - and then achieve it. 

librarianintx

Survivor Game Changers Finale

Meh.
That's how I feel about the finale. That's how I feel about who won. The final episode was quite interesting - especially the historic tribal council where Cerie was eliminated because everyone else was protected by either the immunity necklace (Brad), hidden immunity idols (Tai, Aubrey and Troyzan) or by the legacy advantage (Sarah).

For me, there were so many contestants this season that I wanted to win - Tai, Malcolm, Ozzy, Zeke, JT, Caleb. None of them made it to the final Tribal Council. Troyzan did not deserve to be there, but that's nothing new. That is the strategy of this game - take people to the final Tribal Council who don't deserve to win.

I don't like when evil play is rewarded, although I don't think Sarah was nearly as evil as some players who have won. Although Brad isn't necessarily my favorite player, I like that he played a mostly nice game, and he won so many challenges. It's hard to believe that someone can win that many challenges and still lose the game. Of course, the way he treated Tai at the end made me not want to root for him. But I loved his sincere apology during the reunion show. And to be fair, Tai did screw up at the end. But I hated the way Brad demeaned and pretty much bullied Tai during the final four. So I didn't really want any of the final three to win, honestly.

I still love the show though. It doesn't get old for me. Probst can be a tool sometimes, but I know the show wouldn't be the same without him.

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars: The Results

Thank goodness Rashad won!!
I am so thrilled for him, and absolutely over the moon happy for Emma! She has suffered through so many bad dancers; finally she gets a winner! There's hope for you yet, Keo!

It was a LOOONNNGGG finale - entertaining, yes, but too long in my opinion. There also weren't hardly any new routines. Some of the couples had the opportunity to dance their favorite routines again, but some of the contestants who were ousted early didn't dance except for in group numbers, such as Chris Kattan, Mr. T, and Charo.

It was a travesty that Normani came in third. Really, America?

But it was nice to see how humble the top three contestants were. They are all wonderful celebrities and I think they're great role models. Normani could not have been more gracious about her third place finish.

It was a tough season because there were so many good dancers. I was so disappointed that great dancers like Heather Morris and Nancy Kerrigan were eliminated earlier than less deserving contestants like Nick Viall, Bonner Bolton, and David Ross. But when you have so many strong dancers in one season, some disappointment is inevitable. When you have five excellent contenders and only three spots in the finale, people are going to get left out. Even if the finale had been Simone, Rashad, and Normani, I would have still been sad and disappointed for Heather and Nancy.

So overall I enjoyed this season, even with the shocking and undeserving eliminations. Thanks for reading dance fans! See you in the fall! Congrats Rashad and Emma!  

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars: The Finals!

It's the finale dance fans! Here we go!

Round One: Redemption Dances

David & Lindsay
Viennese Waltz
I'm honestly trying to find the positives in David's dancing, but I'm struggling. The routine did not have the sweeping flow and ease of a Viennese Waltz. David was trying so hard to prove himself that he rushed his movements. He was jerky and his frame wasn't great. Disappointing - as a dancer, not as a person.
Len: "Cinderella story - improvement, but not in the Viennese Waltz"
Julianne: "I saw the hard work - totally saw improvement - you are the fan's man"
Bruno: "You kept the glow and flow of the dance"
Carrie Ann: "You make the best connection"
Scores: 8, 8, 9, 8
My score: 8

Normani & Val
Quickstep
I remember her Quickstep from week one, and I thought it was good. But this dance showed what an excellent ballroom dancer she has become. It's weird though, when Heather danced in a jumpsuit I was so unnerved by the wardrobe choice, but I didn't feel that way with Normani. That was a very fast Quickstep; they flew all over that floor. The fog was distracting at the end, but overall it was a solid routine. It was interesting that Val showed more skin than Normani.
Julianne: "One of the most consistent couples - but some lack of body contact"
Bruno: "Smoking! That was fantastic!"
Carrie Ann: "fantastic, fierce, fabulous - You are the bomb!"
Len: He agreed with Julianne about the body contact, and felt it was too much running around.
Scores: 10, 9, 9, 10
My score: 9

Rashad & Emma
Viennese Waltz
I thought Rashad's frame was excellent, and his partnering skills were very good, although there may have been a slight hiccup toward the end of the routine. I don't think Emma's foot came up during that complicated turn, but if it did Carrie Ann will catch it. The end was hot, and Rashad did a little butt wiggle in the middle of the routine that got me going, but during a lot of the performance I felt he was concentrating too hard on his frame and the sexiness got sacrificed somewhat.
Bruno: "polished, majestic, smooth as silk - your footwork was unrecognizable"
Carrie Ann: "you have magic happening"
Len: "I saw improvement in every level of that dance"
Julianne: "I'm seeing the hard work you put in - We just saw your best"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 9

Round Two: Freestyle!

David & Lindsay
It was a very entertaining routine. I enjoyed the music. My favorite part was the dancing with the bats - especially his spin with Lindsay and the bat. That was unique, innovative, exciting, and well-executed. The performance played to David's strengths. It was fun to watch.
Len: "that was fantastic!"
Julianne: "that's what freestyle is about - entertaining"
Bruno: "We had our money's worth with you"
Carrie Ann: "You hit your personal best"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 9

Normani & Val
What an incredibly sweet and beautiful routine. This was not your typical freestyle, but it was the type of freestyle that Val seems to prefer. He doesn't tend to choreograph big production numbers with a floor full of dancers for the freestyle. Most of the routine was just the two of them, and the dancing was exquisite. Was it the best freestyle I've ever seen? No. But it was one of the most heartfelt. I really liked Normani wanting to include the next generation of dancers in the performance. Hi JT! :) Normani and Val graced us with an absolutely lovely dance.
Julianne: "absolutely breathtaking"
Bruno: "so inspirational, so achingly beautiful, like watching angels dancing"
Carrie Ann: "You are in a class by yourself - deep, dynamic, beautiful soul"
Len: "so emotional, so much beauty"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 10

Rashad & Emma
There it is!!
THAT was the freestyle I've been waiting for!
Holy cow!
Not to dismiss or demean Normani and Val's gorgeous simplicity. This dance had everything that I look for in a freestyle - awesome music, high energy, excellent lifts and tricks, fun, fun, fun! Rashad said it himself: this dance was all about his flavor. That natural charisma, musicality, and style that we witnessed in his first dance was evident in this routine, plus a lot of growth. I especially liked how safe the landings of the lifts and tricks were. I didn't feel nervous that someone was going to get hurt. He started the season with Bruno Mars, and he ended the season with Bruno Mars. Perfection. I loved every single second of this freestyle!
Bruno: "blown away - sensational - uptown, downtown, across America!"
Carrie Ann: "This is how you turn this mutha out!"
Len: "so good I could even put up with the music - You are the one with the momentum going into tomorrow night"
Julianne: "That is going in the books as an iconic freestyle" (I agree!)
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 10 (a librarianintexas' Hall of Fame freestyle!)

Final thoughts:
Tomorrow is going to be tough. History dictates that the best freestyle usually results in the mirrorball trophy. If history holds, Rashad will be crowned king of the ballroom. Normani's freestyle was beautiful, but was it memorable enough, exciting enough, interesting enough to make people pick up the phone and vote for her? Yet, when you look at the season as a whole, I think Normani has the advantage. Overall I think her scores were higher, she received more praise from the judges, and less criticism, although at the same time I think she was in the bottom more than he was. As good as Rashad is, he was still dinged for his footwork as recently as last week. I adore them both, and I will be thrilled for the winner and sad for the second place finisher. I think they both are worthy winners. For me, this is a Rumor / Riker finish. It was very hard for me to choose between those two, and I keep going back and forth in my mind as well about Normani and Rashad.
"Normani should get it!"
"Rashad should win it!"
We'll see how it all plays out. I must add, if Simone had not been eliminated last week I think there would have been two Hall of Fame freestyles for me. I think she and Sasha would have performed a lift and trick masterpiece, and totally given Rashad a run for his money, at least when it came to the freestyle. I'm still very disappointed at being cheated out of a Simone and Sasha freestyle. I hope she gets to perform a fantastic number tomorrow night, like Snookie did on her season.

librarianintx

DWTS: The Semi-Finals Recap Part 2

Round Two: Personal stories

Normani & Val
Jazz
What a spunky, funky, sassy, jazzy routine! I loved it! I loved the churchy, revival feel of the music, I loved her purple dress, I loved her attitude and zest and her command of the dance floor. Normani is a star! Awesome! The end.
Len: "dash of Lindy Hop, loads of fun" (standing ovation)
Julianne: "You are an absolute star - that dance was a celebration through adversity"
Bruno: "That's how you do it in the Big Easy!"
Carrie Ann: "teamwork - I feel your power in everything you do"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 10

David & Lindsay
Tango
I know I sound like a broken record - he's not good enough, blah blah. But I do appreciate David's integrity, work ethic, and determination. He could phone it in. He could let Lindsay do all the work. Plenty of other contestants have done that. But David never has. He worked hard and became a success in baseball. He continues to do the best he can on Dancing with the Stars. At this stage of the game, I don't see him being able to improve. But I commend him for his commitment to the show and to his partner.
Julianne: "You are so meant to be here - you are the show"
Bruno: "You went for it - torpedo in a tuxedo" :)
Carrie Ann: "Your best dance - but there was a lift!"
Len: "no one has tried harder and worked harder"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 8

Simone & Sasha
Rumba
While there weren't the sparks and intense chemistry that I felt in Rashad & Emma's Rumba, I did feel a concerted effort on Simone's part to have more of a connection with Sasha and to express more sensuality and be more comfortable with the body contact that a successful Rumba requires. The technique was definitely there, and the feeling was too, even though it was more of a developing friendship than a passionate fire.
Bruno: "you let the dance flow out of you effortlessly"
Carrie Ann: "you danced with your soul tonight"
Len: "There was nothing I didn't like"
Julianne: "beautiful vulnerability"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 10

Rashad & Emma
Quickstep
The Quickstep is my least favorite ballroom style. It has often been the "kiss of death" on "So You Think You Can Dance." So when I heard that Rashad was given Quickstep I groaned a little.But he took that dance and quite literally ran with it! Holy cow, personality and charisma for days! The beginning was a little long, but it was so charming and endearing. And his Quickstep was fast, sharp, and his frame was great. Such a fun routine! I loved the music too - Yes he can! Yes he did! Touchdown!
Carrie Ann: "Oh my goodness! Match made in heaven"
Len: "lost your frame - too much positivity - It was good, but not great"
Julianne: "light on your feet"
Bruno: "charisma is out of this world"
Scores: My cable system had a hiccup and I didn't see the judges scores. I'm guessing he got a 9 from Len and a 10 from everyone else, but I don't know for sure.
My score: 10

And now we come to the elimination part of the show. We all know what happened. We all know how wrong it is that Simone got the boot. SO so so wrong. Yes, there was often just a little something missing from Simone's performances. But she can still dance circles around David. She deserves to be in the finals. He does not - from a dancing perspective. But evidently he is more popular than her. He got more votes than her. He has connected with the audience more. And that is what this show is about. It's not about dancing. It's about making the audience want to vote for you. David is the underdog. He is the non-dancer. This show celebrates non-dancers who become dancers. And to a certain extent David has become a dancer. There has been growth. But when I think about who could have been in the finals - Heather, Nancy, Simone - it makes me so disappointed. It could have been one of the best finals ever. Now its just so-so. It's two great dancers and one okay dancer. Which is often the case with a DWTS finale.When I think about the fact that we have likely been cheated out one of the best freestyles in the history of the show, I get even more upset. Given Simone and Sasha's athletic and gymnastic abilities, I think their freestyle would have rocked our world.

Sigh.

librarianintx

DWTS: The Semi-Finals Recap Part 1

It's the semi-finals, dance fans! Another DWTS season is almost over. 😢

Round One: Judges' Challenge

Normani & Val (Len)
Viennese Waltz
Normani always looks smokin' hot in red, so it's a very good move to put her in that color repeatedly. It was a very cool effect to have the routine in black and white with the only splash of color being that red dress. Quite striking. I also liked the rain effect at the end of the dance.
For me it was a rather different Viennese Waltz, but an excellent one. It was quicker, sharper, less fluid. This was not a romantic Viennese Waltz, but definitely very sexy. It was more of a push/pull, love/hate dance. Much of it was in hold, like Len wanted. I liked it a lot.
Len: "you did make me proud"
Julianne: "concept was beautiful, stunning, but I also saw a stumble"
Bruno: "thriller, killer waltz"
Carrie Ann: "I haven't seen you go wrong - the misstep was tiny"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 9 (I didn't see the mistake)

David & Lindsay (Julianne)
Foxtrot
In pretty much every season of Dancing with the Stars, there is someone who gets to the semi-finals that just isn't a strong enough dancer. Enough said. David was a little rushed and messy at times, and he still lacks musicality. But I did like the rise and fall at the beginning of the routine. The dance had charm and personality, but needed refinement. You still gotta love him, though.
Julianne: "you squeezed your lemons! (referring to his butt)" :)
Bruno: "joy to watch - you entertain us"
Carrie Ann: "you gave the judges what we want"
Len: "boy that brings joy"
Scores: 9, 8, 9, 8
My score: 8

Simone & Sasha (Carrie Ann)
Jive
YAAASSS!!!
There she is!!
THAT is the performance we've been waiting for!!
Super sexy outfit, sassy, fun, outgoing, smiling, PERSONALITY!! You did it, Simone! You worked it out! And it was a fast, exciting, content-filled Jive. Grrr to the extra dancers; they were unnecessary and cluttered the stage. I don't understand why they were there. Anyway, way to go Simone! You nailed it!!
Bruno: "little miss perfect is letting it loose!"
Carrie Ann: "warms my heart"
Len: "sharp, precise, personality came out"
Julianne: "embody that sassy character"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10 (well deserved!)
My score: 10

Rashad & Emma (Bruno)
Rumba
My chief complaint had nothing to do with the dance. The *bleep bleep* lights were blinding! I couldn't see parts of the routine. But what I did see was beautiful! Stunning lines, outstanding hip action, excellent partnering, sexiness and chemistry oozing out of every movement. Gorgeous. They are awesome. I'm so excited for both of them. I loved this dance. It was not a simple routine, but they made it look effortless.
Carrie Ann: "refinement...elegance...passionate and artistic"
Len: "I liked the light and shade, beautiful fluidity - tremendous dance talent"
Julianne: "You allowed Emma to express herself"
Bruno: "exceeding all expectation"
Scores: 9, 9, 10, 10
My score: 10

End of Round One

End of Part 1

Ending the sugar journal

After six entries (I think) I'm ending the sugar journal. I don't think there's a point to it anymore. Every week I cheat. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But I know I'm not going to go an entire week without sugar. I'm never going to give up sugar entirely.

I will say that this past long weekend was the worst four day time frame I've had in months when it comes to sugar. I was out of town, among family and friends, and I consumed chocolate chip cookies, a Sonic chocolate shake, apple juice, orange juice, a fruit bar, and a slice of cake made by my aunt who is known for her amazing cakes. Now that I'm home I'm trying to get back on track. But I know I will continue to have sugar stretches like that, especially when I'm out of town.

All I can do is do my best, stay away from sugar as much as I can, try to not to beat myself up when I give in to cravings, and hope that I'm doing enough to keep myself as healthy as possible.

librarianintx

DWTS Trios Nite Recap Part 2

Round Two: Trios (The judges choose the trios)
Rashad / Emma / Whitney
Argentine Tango
This was a cool remix of a Fleetwood Mac song - dark, erotic, and brooding. Rashad had his hands full with Emma and Whitney (literally!) but I think he coped very well. Lots of lifts, gancho kicks, spins, and I liked how they all ended up on the floor at the end. Sexy. I would very much like to be part of a Rashad trio. :) Hot summer night indeed. *wiggling eyebrows*
Len: "full of passion - but work on your footwork!"
Julianne: "loved the different dynamics"
Bruno: "erotic chain reaction - you handled two better than one!"
Carrie Ann: "your best dance"
Scores: 10, 9, 10, 10
My score: 9 (almost a 10!)

Normani / Val / Alan
Jive
How fun and sexy was that routine!? Holy cow - off the charts sexy!
What a dynamic performance - and Normani more than held her own against Val and Alan. Sexy doesn't even begin to describe that dance - few routines have showed that much skin. Family show? Okay. Two men with their shirts off, and the woman in a bra, daisy duke shorts, and boots - I LOVED every second of this routine, and I don't usually care for country-themed anything. The performance was fast and tight, then slow and loose, then fast again. Len didn't care for the part when Normani was dancing on the judges' table, but I did! Yee haw!!
That was HOT HOT HOT!
Dance of the night by a mile!
Julianne: "Normani owned the stage"
Bruno: "glorious all-American Jive" (okay, I expected more out of Bruno after that routine) :)
Carrie Ann: "You are an incredible actress"
Len: "loved the contrast from the first dance"
Scores: "10, 9, 10, 10" (Really, Len? C'mon!!)
My score: 10 (!!)

Bonner / Sharna / Britt
Jazz
Not as technically good or as fun or as sexy as the previous routine, not by a long shot, but I was entertained. Bonner looked like he was enjoying himself, which was nice to see after the rather dismal first performance. He actually had a little bounce going on. I liked the story line and the money flying around. It was a cute routine. Bonner got a little mojo back. Good for him.
Bruno: "Wolf of Wall Street"
Carrie Ann: "kind of raunchy - Bonner needed to pop more"
Len: "too raunchy"
Julianne: "America liked it"
Scores: 7, 7, 7, 7
My score: 8

Simone / Sasha/ Brittany
Paso Doble
Simone has looked beautiful in both routines tonight. She also looked fierce in this dance. It was a tight, sharp, action-packed performance. Visually stunning and technically excellent, but again, I didn't feel much connection or emotion in Simone, and I really need those to love a routine. If she hasn't learned to connect and emote yet, time might be running out for her.
Carrie Ann: "saw improvement in the emotion"
Len: "you have to lift your game up"
Bruno: "you lost some artistry"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 9

David / Lindsay / Hayley
Paso Doble
I loved the drama of the routine. I enjoyed the swelling of the music, and the effect of the girls' skirts floating down from above in the beginning. I appreciate David's commitment. He looked as fierce and tough as he possibly could. The routine was dramatic and exciting. David did his best to keep up with his partners.
Len: "it was rough"
Julianne: "you were committed to the character"
Bruno: "you looked like godzilla"
Carrie Ann: "plodding and clumsy"
Scores: 7, 7, 8, 7
My score: 7 (for David's technique. I would give the overall routine an 8)

End of Round Two.

Results:
I held my breath as Bonner & Sharna and Rashad & Emma were announced as the bottom two couples. Please don't let it be Rashad! That would be so unfair! Whew! Thank goodness the right couple was eliminated. You're a good guy, Bonner. Thanks for the steamy moments with Sharna.

librarianintx

DWTS Trios Nite Recap Part 1

I still love the show, but I'm feeling kinda depressed. This has been such a strong season, but this is not the Top 5 that I want. The final five should have been Heather, Nancy, Normani, Simone, and Rashad.

Round One: Pro dancers pick the song
Rashad & Emma
Jive - "Shake Your Tail Feather"
Emma picked a very good song for Rashad's upbeat personality, energy, and musicality. He had good kicks and flicks. I like them throwing the twist in there too; the song really called for it. I also liked the concert-type atmosphere, but that made the stage too small. The trick at the end did add the wow fact they were looking for.
The camera work after the dance was terrible. What was going on?
Len: "you gotta work on your feet"
Julianne: "so fun!"
Bruno: "good choice Emma!"
Carrie Ann: "true entertainer"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 9

Normani & Val
Contemporary - "Freedom"
She is so amazing. That looked like a professional contemporary routine. Of course I preferred the parts where it was just Normani and Val on the dance floor. She was free then, not hemmed in by all the extra dancers. But that was part of the storyline, so I understand that. It was a powerful performance. The lifts were wonderful.
Julianne: "completely mesmerized - creating art and history"
Bruno: "Pulitzer Prize-winning performance - you are the embodiment of the spirit of Cora" (Underground Railroad)
Carrie Ann: "went to another level of healing"
Len: "I was spellbound"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 10

Bonner & Sharna
Argentine Tango - "Believer"
I don't know. It was just okay. There were a few moments where it felt like the routine was going well. But overall I felt like Bonner was hesitant and just not feeling it, which made me not feel it. It felt like he was going through the motions rather than dancing. Argentine Tango is a sexy, exciting dance, and usually I feel the chemistry between these two, but I didn't feel it in this routine. It didn't feel like he was in the mood at all. He looked stiff and clumsy and not in the game. Just felt off to me.
Bruno: "you made the most of what you had - but you didn't interpret the steps" (yes!)
Carrie Ann: "lacked connection" (definitely!)
Len: "too stiff"
Julianne: "use that frustration"
Scores: 8, 7, 8, 7
My score: 7

Simone & Sasha
Foxtrot - "What Makes You Beautiful"
Simone looked SO pretty in this dance, and everything about that routine was first rate - speed, flow of movement across the floor, frame, etc. And I did feel more of a connection between the two of them. Most of the dance was in hold, which can make her uncomfortable, but she looked relaxed and confident. However, while I thought the performance was solid and technically good, I didn't think it was stellar. It wasn't memorable.
Carrie Ann: "your skills are unquestionable, but I still don't know you"
Len: "nice mix, nice posture"
Julianne: "pretty dance, but no wow, just safe" (yes!)
Bruno: "you make it look easy - but need surprise"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9 (They all sounded disappointed as they were saying "9")
My score: 9

David & Lindsay
Waltz - "Humble and Kind"
It was such a sweet dance; their long hug at the end made me tear up. I love David. I love how hard he tries to do a good job and look like a dancer. He's an athlete; he has a strong work ethic. I think he's out of his league at this point in the competition, but I still enjoyed the performance for what it was. The technique wasn't there so much, but the feeling was, the connection was, the sweet simplicity of the dance. My favorite part was when Lindsay had her feet perched on David's - like when a little girl dances with her daddy. That was precious. There were a lot of moist eyes in the ballroom after that routine.
Len: "You attempted the correct footwork...understated...poignant...your best dance"
Julianne: "You are what this show is all about - one of the strongest partnerships"
Bruno: "best father-daughter dance"
Carrie Ann: "lady and the champ"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 8

End of Round One

Feeling blessed

This morning as I was on my way to work, I was feeling happy, and thinking about all the reasons why. Everything from I'm alive to see another day to the fact that I'm wearing new pink underwear and my favorite pink jacket. (giggle) It's Friday, I've it through another work week, and I have a weekend ahead where I have a variety of tasks that I want to accomplish and a few ideas of fun events to attend.

I am a person with a disability. I have multiple health conditions. I am luckier than many people with disabilities. I am still predominantly independent and self-sufficient. I can bathe, dress, and feed myself. I am able to work. I can even travel out of town to visit family and friends. Thanks to medications, medical equipment, past procedures, and a team of specialists, I am relatively healthy. I don't earn much money, but so far I make enough that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, I can afford my medications, and I have a little left over to buy things I enjoy like books and music. I don't have the money to take vacations and spend extravagantly, but I'm okay with that. I am taking care of myself as best as I can - physically, emotionally, financially - and I am choosing to be happy with what I have.

But I am doing as well as I am in large part because of the government assistance I receive and the insurance I have through work. I am mobile and mostly independent, but I still need help, and that help comes in the form of a personal care assistant who comes three times a week, to help with aspects of daily living that are challenging for me: cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, housekeeping. I am able to get around the city thanks to the fact that I qualify for the para-transit transportation service that gets me to and from work, doctor appointments, the grocery store, etc. My health is as good as it is because I see several specialists throughout the year: pulmonologist, endocrinologist, cardiologist, etc. I use a machine at night that protects me from the respiratory insufficiency that I endured for years without knowing it was happening. That respiratory insufficiency could have ultimately resulted in early death for me. Because of that machine, I now have the stamina, energy, and focus to do and achieve in my forties what I was unable to accomplish in my twenties.

I am a born worrier. I constantly obsess about what will happen IF, and the list is long and daunting and frightening. Having Republicans in control of both the White House and Congress has only added to my anxiety and insecurity. Yesterday the House of Representatives passed a healthcare bill that spells doom to so many people with health conditions, especially those with financial instability. I am in that group of people. Again, I am luckier than some. For now at least. But my future is uncertain.

At this point, what I have to do for myself is stay positive, and take care of myself as best I can so I can remain as physically and financially independent as possible. So I smiled as I sat in the car on the way to work. I concentrated on the beautiful sunrise, my favorite butterfly ring, and my goal of a productive, satisfying, and happy day.

Hope keeps me going.

#iamapreexistingcondition

librarianintx

DWTS Hollywood / Movie Nite Recap Part 2

Round Two: The Dance Offs

Simone & Sasha versus Nancy & Artem
Cha Cha
I prefer the dance offs when the couples each have their own time on the floor, not when they are dancing side by side. They did take turns / trade off at times during the dance, but it felt like they didn't always know when it was their turn to step aside and let the other couple dance solo, so it felt awkward at times. I thought both couples did good routines, but overall Simone and Sasha were better. Simone looked remarkably comfortable with being sexy. I think her competitive drive came out against a fellow Olympic medalist. Simone looked like she wanted it more and went for it for more; I think Nancy felt a little intimidated and danced a little careful.
All the judges voted for Simone & Sasha, and America did too.

Rashad & Emma versus David & Lindsay
Jive
There was no real contest here; it wasn't a fair fight. Rashad has so much musicality. His bounce, kicks, and flicks were excellent. David gave it his best shot, but he just couldn't keep up. Still, he does have a sexy move or two in his repertoire. It wasn't a blowout, but Rashad was the clear winner.
All of the judges voted for Rashad & Emma, and America did too.

Bonner & Sharna versus Nick & Peta
Rumba
All I can say is that those ladies worked it for their men. They definitely shouldered the responsibility in those routines. The guys were ornaments. Which is pretty much what a guy is in a Rumba. He partners and shows off his woman. But one thing a man needs in a Rumba is hip action, and I didn't see much of that in either Bonner or Nick. Neither one did enough to earn my vote, in all honesty. I guess I'll give it to Nick since it looked like Bonner almost spun Sharna into the other lane and nearly made her fall as well.
The judges fawned over both of them, however. Were we watching the same dances? I'm scratching my head.
Carrie Ann, Len, and Mandy voted for Bonner and Sharna. Bruno gave it to Nick & Peta. The audience sided with the first three judges.

End of Round Two

Elimination:
It was a double elimination, and I am so sad that Nancy & Artem were booted. Sad and angry. She did NOT deserve to be eliminated. I like Nick, but it was his time. It wasn't Nancy's time. I figured I would be disappointed in who went home. All of the men except Rashad deserved to go home, but I didn't think it would be two men who were sent packing. I think David is an awesome person; I adore his personality. I also have respect for Bonner. But neither one of them deserve to be in the competition over Nancy. Still, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dancing with the Stars is NOT a dance competition. It is a popularity contest. David has his teammates and a lot of Cubs fans voting for him. Bonner's chemistry with Sharna, plus Sharna's popularity on the show has garnered him a lot of votes as well. Nancy is reserved, comes across as slightly aloof, and she struggled with insecurity during the competition. She is a beautiful skater and now she is a beautiful dancer. I wanted her to go further.

librarianintx

DWTS Hollywood / Movie Nite Recap Part I

Choreographer Mandy Moore is the guest judge - yay!

It's a double elimination nite - booo!

Round One: Individual Dances
The highest scoring couple in Round One will receive immunity and won't have to participate in the Dance Off. 

Bonner & Sharna
Paso Doble - Western
It took them FOREVER to start dancing. And even then I didn't see a whole lot of dancing - especially on Bonner's part. The hop up on the table was quite impressive. But otherwise, he made some Paso shapes and was led around by the extra female dancers (ugh!). Usually one of the positive comments I can make about Bonner is his partnering ability, but not in this dance. I was not a fan of this routine or Bonner's performance in it.
Len: "you forgot to be the matador"
Mandy: "I didn't lose you in the production" (really?)
Bruno: "needed a bit more smoothness"
Carrie Ann: "you did get lost - and half the number wasn't dancing" (Exactly!!)
Scores: 7, 7, 8, 7
My score: 7 (I'm being generous)

Nancy & Artem
Tango - Romance
FOR GOODNESS SAKE, PEOPLE, JUST DANCE!!
What is it about tonight so far? I guess they're trying to make every performance theatrical. Definitely Nancy and Artem danced more than Bonner and Sharna, and I thought their Tango was basically great, but they kept interrupting the dance with three professional dancers butting in. Why? What was the point? It was annoying. It jarred the flow of the routine. It also took them awhile to start dancing. JUST LET THEM DANCE. GOOD GRIEF! As Len would say, "Just get on with it!"
BREATHE
Nancy looked lovely, and Artem was very dashing.
Mandy: "beautiful"
Bruno: "5 star deluxe version of a Tango"
Carrie Ann: "you have blossomed"
Len: "quality of movement"
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 9

Simone & Sasha
Charleston - Silent Movie
FINALLY! No extra dancers, and they danced their butts off for the entire routine! This was the PERFECT style of dance for this pair - they were able to show off their athleticism and gymnastic abilities with super tricks, and Simone didn't have to be overtly sexual, which makes her uncomfortable. It was the most connected she's ever been to Sasha. It was a sensational routine and they nailed it!
Bruno: "fizz and sparkle - goofy fun - very entertaining"
Carrie Ann: "very challenging routine - made it look effortless"
Len: "a joy to watch"
Mandy: "it looked like you were on automatic pilot - connect with Sasha more"
Scores: 10, 9, 9, 9
My score: 10

Nick & Peta
Argentine Tango - Action Movie
Peta said they were dancing like it was their last dance. I could definitely see they were really going for it. I liked how the music swelled in just the right places. I think Nick was much improved this week. His partnering skills were strong, and he kept up with Peta - who was fierce, passionate and smokin' hot. I liked the storyline too. The rope part at the end was cool. And there were some exciting Argentine Tango lifts. Good job Nick!
Carrie Ann: "very hot - moments of extreme brilliance"
Len: "you've improved from week one - you sold it"
Mandy: "loved the storytelling - you were excellent, Nick"
Bruno: "mission accomplished!"
Scores: 8, 8, 9, 9
My score: 8

Rashad & Emma
Paso Doble - Horror
I held my breath through most of this routine. I thought it might rival the epic awesomeness that was Riker & Allison's Pirates of the Caribbean Paso. It wasn't as righteous as that, but it was still damn fantastic. The look on Rashad's face was SO fierce and chill inducing in the beginning. His shapes and lines were on point. I thought the end was very exciting, and the routine built to a very satisfying crescendo. Great job Rashad!
Len: "the music was epic, and so was the dancing" (I agree!)
Bruno: "monster mash! gothic, noble, rich, lush, full of passion and feeling"
Carrie Ann: "watch your posture"
Scores: 9, 9, 10, 9
My score: 9

David & Lindsay
Salsa - Sci Fi
A sci fi salsa? Very strange.
There were too many lasers and too many dancers.
But he did a decent job. He has really improved with the lifts, tricks, and partnering skills. It was just a weird salsa because of the movie genre. It wasn't sexy, and he still doesn't have the bounce or the musicality. But it was okay.
Mandy: "no energy or spice in your footwork"
Bruno: "guardians of the salsa - no hip action"
Carrie Ann: "not the smoothest salsa - but entertaining"
Len: "it was fun"
Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8
My score: 8

Normani & Val
Argentine Tango - Foreign Film
What back injury? Not that I don't believe her - I'm just saying she didn't perform like she was injured. That was a hot, passionate, fierce, spicy, exquisite routine. And thank you Normani and Val for just getting out there and dancing!! No playing around, no extra dancers, but the story was still there.
Que linda!
Bellissima!
Brava!
Bruno: "Academy Award for best dance!"
Carrie Ann: "you deserve immunity for that dance - it's an honor to watch you dance"
Len: "staccato and softness"
Mandy: "impressed by your leg action"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10
My score: 10
They win immunity!

End of Round One
End of Part One

Part Two will likely have to wait until tonight. I haven't seen two of the three dance offs yet.

librarianintx

Sugar Journal Week 7

Here's a rundown of my sugar intake from the past week:
two glasses of Gatorade
two or three bottles of apple juice - at least one of them ten ounces instead of eight ounces
three cups of tea with honey
low sugar cookies a few days out of the week
something called "brownie brittle" on Saturday - I'm not sure if I ate a full serving or not.
one blueberry fruit bar
I also had ranch salad dressing for the first time in weeks. The bottle says it has less than a gram per serving of sugar, but sugar is listed in the top four ingredients, so I'm not sure how sugary it really is.

So except for the drinks, I did pretty good.

librarianintx

Survivor Game Changers

Another moment occurred on Survivor last night - not as momentous or history-making as when Varner outed Zeke as trans - but still one of those events that Survivor fans will remember for a long time. I'm not talking about Debbie getting blindsided AGAIN, although that was quite awesome for those of us that are highly annoyed by Debbie's smug "my alliance rules the world" mentality. No, I am of course talking about Cirie's struggle in the reward challenge.

For the reward challenge, the contestants were split into two teams: Troyzan, Tai, Zeke, Sarah, and Cirie on one team; Culpepper, Andrea, Sierra, Aubrey, and Debbie on the other. It was a schoolyard pick, and Michaela was not chosen. Michaela said it herself: The teams were picked based on alliances and strategy, not on physical ability. That is why the strongest woman was left out of the challenge. 

It was a tough challenge - an obstacle course in the water. Even Tai, who bested the beast Ozzy in an endurance challenge the week before, struggled in this event. The contestants had to swim to a wall, get over it, slide down it, get up on a platform, tread through more water, then make it across a balance beam and swim to a dock. Cirie was the last person on her team to attempt the course. And they were already behind in the challenge, but not by that much. Cirie could not make it through the course. She got over the wall, but she couldn't hoist herself up on the platform to get to the next part. Her team started falling further behind.

Finally Sarah swam out to her and helped her up on the platform. That meant that Sarah had to complete that part of the course again - in theory anyway. But she didn't have to in the end, because the other team won easily.

There were multiple important elements to this moment. First of all, the other team was exceptionally subdued in their celebration, out of respect to Cirie's struggle. And Probst, who is often so critical of contestants who don't do well in the challenges, was remarkably kind and encouraging to Cirie. I guess even hard-hearted, holier-than-thou Probst recognized a teachable moment when it smacked him in the face. He told Cirie that even though the challenge was over, they would keep it going if she wanted to try to finish. It was already an inspiring situation, made even more remarkable and uplifting when her teammates swam out to that part of the course and surrounded her as she attempted to make it across the balance beam. Troyzan told her to be calm and believe in herself. And Cirie made it across the balance beam. She swam to the dock, and the members of the other team pulled her out of the water and hugged her. Yes, I'm a sentimental fool. But it was a beautiful moment. This is what Survivor is all about. Yes, it's about the alliances and the blindsides and the ability to outwit and outlast in the quest to win a million dollars. But the show is also often about persevering, about triumph in the face of adversity, about conquering fears and insecurities and succeeding in tasks you never imagined you would be able to accomplish. Those are some of my favorite moments of Survivor. 

librarianintx

DWTS Boy Bands vs Girl Groups Nite Recap Part 2

Results:
The boys are all safe!
The girls are in jeopardy!
WTF?!?!
That means that a girl is going home, which is very, very, very wrong!!
All of these girls have the talent and the ability to be in the finale.
Ggggrrrr!!

Part II
Boy Bands vs Girl Groups team competition

Team Boy Bands
music from the Jackson 5, New Kids on the Block, and One Direction
It was a very fun routine. They kept it very simple on the choreography, which made it effective and kept everyone on an even playing field.
The "Magic Mike" chair sequence was hands down the best part of the performance. It was hot. Everyone looked sexy.
There was good synchronization.
The mosh pit / crowd at the end of the routine kept the momentum going.
The performance was better than I expected.
Good for you, guys!
Bruno: "Spinal Tap version of a boy band"
Carrie Ann: "loved it, especially the Magic Mike section"
Nick: "y'all missed your calling"
scores: 8, 9, 8, 8
My score: 8

Team Girl Groups
music from the Chiffons, TLC, and Fifth Harmony
Obviously there were major lighting problems, especially at the end of the routine, which were not their fault but made it difficult to judge the performance. I thought it was a good routine, but I expected more. It took them awhile to start dancing. The big reveal from robes to their bright dresses wasn't a revelation because we had already seen their costumes before the commercial. When the girls were dancing without their partners, Nancy was in front, which was awkward because she is taller than Simone and Normani. Overall, it was just an okay performance for me. It wasn't exceptional or especially memorable. They didn't slay it.
Bruno: "girl power is alive"
Carrie Ann: "a bit underwhelming"
Nick: "the girls are some of the best"
Len: "the guys routine was more entertaining"
Scores: 8, 9, 8, 9
My score: 8

End of Part II

And then came the shocking elimination. Nancy & Artem and Heather & Maks were revealed to be the bottom two. And Heather & Maks were cut. But was it so shocking? This has happened before. Sabrina Bryan was eliminated early from her season of Dancing with the Stars. Many people said it was because she is already a dancer. Heather is already a dancer. She's a choreographer. She was a choreographer on "Glee" before she was cast in a role on the show. So is that why she was eliminated? Or was it because the voters didn't like her personality? Or because they thought she was safe so they didn't bother to vote for her? We'll likely never know for sure. What we do know is that she was certainly good enough and talented enough to be in the finale, and likely to take home the Mirrorball Trophy from this season. We also know that being a dancer and a choreographer in other styles of dance doesn't mean that you already know ballroom dances. The producers put her on the show, and I think she deserved to be there, and she definitely didn't deserve to be eliminated. But she's out, and hopefully that gives the other women even more of a shot of making it to the finale. For me, the only guy who deserves to make it is Rashad.

Overall, Boy Bands vs Girl Groups Nite wasn't the triumph that I thought it would be. I guess my expectations were too high. But there were some great performances, and I adored the music.

End of Part 2

librarianintx

DWTS Boy Bands vs Girl Groups Nite Recap Part 1

I'm excited for Boy Bands vs Girl Groups Nite!
This sounds like my kind of show!
Oh yeah, if the opening is any indication, I'm gonna love it!
Nick Carter is a guest judge! Yay!
And Maks is back!
I will make a prediction here and now. The guys will be good. But the girls will SLAY IT!!

Part I: Individual Dances

Simone & Sasha
Samba - Destiny's Child -"Survivor"
Simone had to bring the sexy in this performance. She certainly did with the costume. But Simone is very young, and she's an athlete. She's still not comfortable being sexy, and it showed in this dance. The steps were there, the technique was there, the athleticism was definitely there. I can't fault her for any of that. But there was little chemistry between her and Sasha, and not enough body contact. It was fast, it was energetic, but it was not sexy the way a Samba should be, so overall it was disappointing for me.
Len: "control, lots of Samba, but timing was a little suspect"
Bruno: "glowing with confidence, but timing wasn't perfect"
Carrie Ann: "sexiness in the way it should be" (mmm, okay)
Nick: "powerful woman"
Scores: 9, 8, 9, 9
My score: 8

Bonner & Sharna
Rumba - Backstreet Boys - "I Want it That Way"
I feel like a broken record, but honestly, for me, Bonner's best assets as a dancer are his partnering skills and his chemistry with Sharna. Oh, and the fact that he's smokin' hot in tight jeans and an open shirt. The chemistry was off the charts in this dance. His Rumba technique was just fair. I didn't see much hip action. Sharna did most of the work. And it took them awhile to start dancing, which annoys me and Len, especially Len.
Bruno: "Rumba is hard for a man"
Carrie Ann: "You were in sync - solid Rumba"
Nick: "You have to let go, Bonner"
Len: "needed more emotion"
Scores: 8, 8, 7, 7
My score: 7

Nancy & Artem
Paso Doble - En Vogue - "Free Your Mind"
Poor Nancy. She's doing well in the competition, but I feel like the show is making it harder for her. First they fill the stage with extra dancers two weeks in a row, which makes her nervous and insecure. Then they give her the same dance with the same song that Mel B and Maks absolutely slayed in their season. Nancy was watching back then. She remembers how awesome it was. I remember too. So its difficult not to compare the two performances. But I thought she coped well. I thought her skirt work was very good. Unfortunately I also thought she was in the cage for too long. It was a fast, sharp, tight Paso. She looked fierce. No Nancy Kerrigan smile during this dance. My other crticism is that the lights were a little blinding at times.
Carrie Ann: "amazing! exciting!"
Nick: "Wow! Commanded the floor"
Len: "don't doubt yourself"
Bruno: "unleashed the beast"
Scores: 9, 8, 8, 8
My score: 8

Nick & Peta
Jive - Beach Boys - "Fun Fun Fun"
Even the plethora of extra dancers couldn't save Nick in this dance. The beginning was the worst - bad timing, choppy, no musicality. He did get a little better as the routine progressed, but overall he was like a car in the wrong gear - too slow, then too fast. He performed some decent kicks and flicks, and a few of his non-Jive moves were okay. But overall - no bueno. I'm sorry Nick. You're a fun dude. I like you.
Nick: "gotta work on the moves"
Len: "lacked polish and finesse"
Bruno: "jive with a sunstroke - no precision and timing"
Carrie Ann: "your feet were all over the place"
Scores: 7, 7, 7, 7
My score: 6

Normani & Val
Salsa - Pussycat Dolls - "When I Grow Up"
Normani channeled her inner Beyonce AND her inner Simone on this routine. She brought the sexy AND the athleticism. She was very good with Val, but she was even hotter when she was dancing without him. Her outfit was sexy, but could have been even sexier I think. I didn't mind the extra dancers in this routine. It was a fantastic dance. Go Normani!
Len - "showcased what a great dancer you are, but needed more Salsa content"
Bruno - "melted all my wiring - You are in it to win it!"
Carrie Ann: "every move you stick it"
Nick: "You have what it takes to go all the way"
Scores: 10, 10, 8, 10
My score: 9

David & Lindsay
Argentine Tango - N'Sync - "I Want You Back"
Again with a comparison, even though it wasn't the same song. But the Argentine Tango performed in those red costumes reminded me of Lindsay's amazing "Hotel California" Argentine Tango with Calvin last season. That routine had some tricks that I've never seen before. This Argentine Tango was a demanding routine with tough lifts and tricks that required a lot of strength and partnering skills. I'm impressed that David was able to hoist Lindsay over his head in that press lift, even though the dismount was shaky and hesitant. Again, I have to give him an "A" for effort. The performance wasn't perfect, but it wasn't disasterous by any means. Lindsay made him look pretty good overall.
Bruno: "you nearly actually did it"
Carrie Ann "you went for it - it was rough around the edges"
Nick: "You are a fighter"
Len: "You did a marvelous job"
Scores: 7, 8, 7, 7
My score: 7

Rashad & Emma
Tango - The Four Tops - "I'll Be There"
Rashad dancing to the Four Tops - swoon! I loved it! Great routine! Rashad is back! Excellent partnering skills, solid frame, wonderful speed, nice and tight. It was a proper Tango - fast and exciting and they covered the dance floor. Yay!
Carrie Ann: "style and technique"
Nick: "elevated yourself to elite"
Len: "proper Tango"
Bruno: "classic Motown and classic Tango"
Scores: 9, 10, 9, 9
My score: 9

Heather & Maks
Rumba - TLC - "Waterfall"
That looked like a professional dance. It was arguably one of the best Rumas I've seen on Dancing with the Stars. Heather has as much chemistry with Maks as she did with Alan. She was sexy as hell in that red dress. She and Maks are gorgeous together, and their similar height complemented each other. Her lines were STUNNING. It was sharp, fast, tight, ah-mazing. I'm in awe. Outstanding.
Nick: "my favorite dance of the night"
Len: "It was a knockout dance"
Bruno: "like Kim Bassinger in DWTS Confidential" (She DID look like Kim Bassinger!)
Carrie Ann "your best dance - stunning"
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10 (!!)
My score: 10

End of Part I
End of Part 1 of recap
 

Sugar Journal Week 6

The good news of the week:
No Gatorade all week!
No juice all week!
I miss the drinks a lot. I do not enjoy drinking water, but I'm trying to get more accustomed to it. I know I need to be drinking more. It amazes me that when I was in my late teens and early 20's, ALL I drank was soda. For the past few years I've had a soda maybe once or twice a year. With my decision to cut back on sugar, I'll likely not drink soda at all.

This past week I went back to an old snack - graham crackers. The good news about graham crackers is that they are lower in sugar than a lot of other snacks, and I don't eat a whole serving. One serving is 8 crackers, and I think a serving has either 7 or 8 grams of sugar. I usually eat four crackers. I also ate some of my low sugar chocolate cookies this week. But each day I ate either graham crackers or cookies, not both. Or maybe one day I ate both. But I don't think so. I honestly can't remember. If I did, it was only one day.

My willpower dissolved over the weekend, but at least I didn't go crazy. I had a small, fruit-filled pastry on Saturday (there were three in the bag, but I've only eaten one so far.) And on Sunday I ate a chocolate chip cookie. Both sweets were consumed at a chorus concert that I was volunteering at. There were snacks on sale, and I couldn't resist. All I had to do was see a guy walk by me eating one of the chocolate chip cookies, and I was out of my seat and at that table, money in hand, almost in the blink of an eye. I went back to my seat, and I savored every morsel of that cookie. Because that is what I have decided to do in this journey. I am trying hard to avoid sugar. I am congratulating myself when I'm successful, but I'm not beating myself up when I fall short of my goal. If I really want something sugary, I'm going to eat it. I'm going to enjoy it, and then I'm going to get back on track. At this point I just don't see myself going 100% sugar free. I have to be okay with that for now. Life is too short to constantly be disappointed in myself.

Celebrate the achievements. Take the setbacks in stride.

librarianintx

DWTS Disney Nite recap Part 2

Bonner & Sharna
Tango - Wreck it Ralph
It took them a long time to start dancing. The music was an odd choice for a Tango, which threw me off. Sharna's costume was distracting. I wanted more Tango content. But it was a fast and tight dance. Bonner's partnering skills are still strong. It was just an okay routine for me though. I'm not familiar with Wreck it Ralph so that's probably why I didn't connect with the performance as much.
Len: "You didn't take the easy way out" (He disagreed with me, and thought there was a good amount of Tango content. Okay.)
Julianne: "You came to life"
Bruno: "You did not wreck the Tango"
Carrie Ann: "technique was good, but needed more dynamics"
Scores: 7, 8, 8, 7
My score: 7

Normani & Val
Hold up, they are in jeopardy?!?! WTF!?
Paso Doble - Mulan - "I'll Make a Man Outta You"
Take that, DWTS voters!! Wow! Incredible! Passionate, fierce, powerful, blazing speed, I loved the martial arts aspects! Normani reminded me of Mel B. during her Paso, although Mel B dancing to En Vogue's "Free Your Mind" was a much better song vocally for the Paso than Donny Osmond. NO WAY that Normani deserves to be in jeopardy. But I do have to admit that this is a very strong, competitive season. Simone, Heather, Nancy, Normani, and Rashad all have the talent to make it to the finale. But there's only room for three. Anyway, that was a terrific, exciting, powerhouse of a Paso! Normani slayed it! And Val's "man bun" was awesome - very martial arts AND 2017!
Julianne: "that was brilliant"
Bruno: "power, attack, precision, artistry"
Carrie Ann: "perfection"
Len: "I enjoyed watching it"
Scores: 10, 9, 10, 10
My score: 10

David & Lindsay
Jive - Cars III - "Rise"
Extra dancers - ugh!
But I have to give David a big "A" for effort. He really tried hard, and he almost had it. His kicks and flicks were actually quite good, and he had a sexy move or two with Lindsay, who once again rocked a smokin' hot jumpsuit. Jumpsuits should be required attire for that Mormon girl. But David couldn't quite achieve the bounce of the Jive. He lacked the energy and the musicality. But dang I thought he was close. Good try baseball dude!
Carrie Ann: "you didn't miss a step"
Len: "high energy, full on" (mmm, okay...)
Julianne: "your top half was exceptional"
Scores: 7, 7, 8, 7
My score: 7

Nancy & Artem
Jazz - Enchanted - "That's How You Know"
AAARRRGGG, all those extra dancers!! WHY!?!?!? There were too many, and why were there any in the first place? Nancy didn't need them, and they made her nervous and insecure and second guess herself and her ability, so why put her through that? The dance should have been about her and Artem, period. They make magic together, they have wonderful chemistry, just let them dance!!
BREATHE
The good news is, it was still a magical performance. It was sweet, whimsical, with wonderful musicality. And even with all those extra dancers, Nancy was the star. She may have been insecure during rehearsals, but she didn't let any worry or negativity show through in the live performance. She smiled that Nancy Kerrigan grin and sailed around that dance floor like she owned it. Which she did during that routine. Good for you, Nancy!
Carrie Ann: "princess-like, exuberant"
Len: "joyful"
Julianne: "I was caught up in the moment"
Bruno: "You held your own" (Damn right she did!)
Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9
My score: 9

Simone & Sasha
Contemporary - Moana - "How Far I'll Go"
This was a fantastic routine! I liked the African Jazz elements infused with the Contemporary style. Obviously Simone is mega athletic, and Sasha put her extreme gymnastic skills to excellent use in this performance. And Sasha was able to keep up with her. They threw everything in - lifts, tricks, somersaults, spins, sprints,- it was an exciting, high-energy, spectacular performance. And Simone's rather skimpy costume managed to stay on through all those tricks and somersaults.
Len: "the routine floated my boat"
Julianne: "showcased your gymnastics"
Bruno: "triumphant, magic"
Carrie Ann: "uplifting, high energy"
Scores: 9, 9, 10, 10
My score: 10

So all in all, Disney Nite was pretty good for me. Erika & Gleb were eliminated. It was the right decision. They are the weakest couple. But I'm glad she left after her best routine in the competition.

End of Part 2

librarianintx

DWTS Disney Nite Recap Part 1

I will try not to be the Grinch in this recap.
I have so enjoyed the past two weeks of Dancing with the Stars.
But Disney Nite is typically not one of my favorites.
The opening was very elaborate!
Yay, Alfonso sang and danced! And look, there's J.T. from So You Think You Can Dance, The Next Generation!

Rashad & Emma
Foxtrot - Beauty & The Beast - "Evermore"
When he first started after they came down the stairs, Rashad gave Emma a very romantic look, and I thought the dance would be amazing. It wasn't bad, but I think the routine was overly ambitious. Rashad seemed to struggle a bit to keep up with the choreography. It was a tough dance. His partnering skills were good, but not great. His frame was similar. The tricks toward the end looked a little messy. So still good overall, but not brilliant like last week.
Len: "elegant - Prince Charming - I haven't seen you do a bad dance"
Julianne: "song was hard to dance to - but it was timeless"
Bruno: "classic Disney dance"
Carrie Ann: "You're like a wild horse - you felt trapped in"
Scores: 7, 8, 9, 8
My score: 8

Ugh, they're already announcing who is in jeopardy. That is so hard for the dancers to perform after learning they're in the bottom. I think that's unfair.
Erika & Gleb and Nick & Peta are in jeopardy so far.

Nick & Peta
Jazz - Pinnochio - "I've Got No Strings"
This is why I don't like Disney Nite. The song and outfits were SOOO cheesy. But okay, I'm judging the dance. It was another ambitious routine, but I think Nick coped quite well. There were a lot of difficult jazz elements in there. I'm not sure why they threw in the can can and Nick donning a skirt, but okay, whatever. Nick was amazingly focused and didn't get carried away. His partnering skills were quite good. Good job Nick!
Julianne: "so much fun!"
Bruno: "spontaneous child's play"
Carrie Ann: "breakthrough"
Len: "feel good factor"
Scores: 9, 8, 9, 8
My score: 8

Erika & Gleb
Viennese Waltz - Finding Dory - "Unforgettable"
The special effects - lighting on the dance floor was lovely. The least successful part of the dance for me was the beginning, when Erika was dancing by herself. She was much better when she was in hold. The routine had the sweeping, flowing, romantic Viennese Waltz feel, and there was strong chemistry between her and Gleb. It was their best dance in my opinion. Very solid routine. I enjoyed it.
Bruno: "I can see your honesty, fragility"
Carrie Ann: "I saw you open up"
Len: "beautiful, flowing movement"
Julianne: "you gave everything you had"
Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8
My score: 8

Heather & Alan
Jazz - Frozen - "First Time in Forever"
I've seen Frozen, but I didn't remember that Heather's character looks like Heidi. All I could think of was Heidi during the routine. Pantsuit last week; Heidi this week.
Anyway, great routine! Tons of energy, very fast spins, excellent lifts, that fall backwards off the judges' table took major courage and faith in her partner! Very impressive performance!
Carrie Ann: "a bit underwhelming"
Len: "brought out the fun"
Julianne: "amazing"
Bruno: "vibrant, alive"
Scores: 8, 8, 9, 9
My score: 9
Maks will be back next week. I'm happy that he's recovered, but I have to say I will miss Alan. He has great chemistry with Heather. I hope Alan is promoted next season!

End of Part 1

Ten Ways to Counter Anxious Thoughts

http://blog.thebreastcancersite.com/cs-mindfulness-tips-depression/?utm_source=bcs-bcsfan&utm_medium=social-fb&utm_content=link&utm_campaign=cs-mindfulness-tips-depression&origin=bcs-bcsfan_social_fb_link_cs-mindfulness-tips-depression

Recent studies, including a new report published in British medical journal The Lancet, show that mindfulness therapies can be very effective at treating depression. While not all cases of mood disorders such as depression and anxiety can be treated this way, having the right mindset can make a big difference when you’re depressed. Take a look at these tips for using your mind to defeat your emotional trial.

1) Watch Your Self-Talk
Part of being mindful involves being aware of what your mind and emotions are doing. Stop to take a look at what you’re saying to yourself, and acknowledge if you’re sending yourself negative messages.

2) Focus on Your Physical Environment
Pay attention to the small sensory input you’re getting from your immediate environment. If you stop to focus on the sound of the air conditioning or the feel of the fabric of your desk chair, your brain gets rerouted from negative messages and starts shifting its chemical balance.

3) Practice Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy
This type of therapy teams Eastern-style meditation with Western-style cognitive therapy to help people stop brooding over the negative. Studies at the University of Exeter show that for up to 75 percent of people, this therapy is of more value than drugs or counseling when it comes to treating depression.

4) Focus on the Physical Symptoms of Your Anxiety
If you find yourself suffering from anxiety, employ mindfulness techniques to calm the physical symptoms of anxiety. By focusing on your rapid heartbeat, digestive upsets and other physical symptoms, you can begin to calm them down.

5) Be Objective
If you define your depression as a negative thing, you’re likely to spiral down into further negative feelings. Instead, take a step back and try to be objective, making yourself aware that your brain is misfiring and causing you to feel a certain way.

6) Keep an Emotional Diary
If you write down how you’re feeling during certain experiences, you can be more objective about depression and anxiety. By tracking your emotions, you can train your brain to help control them rather than being controlled by them.

7) Breathe
Focusing on your breathing is a key element of mindfulness training. As you concentrate on the rhythm of your inhalation and exhalation, you find your mind detaching itself from negative emotions and become better able to face your situation objectively.

8) Recognize When Threats Aren't Real
Much anxiety revolves around threats that are only perceived or potential, rather than actual. Mindfulness-based therapies are shown to be highly successful at reducing anxiety symptoms. Explore the things causing you anxiety to determine which ones are real.

9) Question Yourself
When you find that you’re speaking negative messages to yourself, stop to ask whether what you’re saying is actually true. Ask yourself how you would respond if someone else communicated these same messages to you.

10) Take a Class
Typical mindfulness courses run for eight weeks, and help participants learn to be totally aware of what their minds are doing. Homework includes focusing on daily activities, such as brushing your teeth, with complete mindfulness as a way to train your mind to follow healthy paths when depression or anxiety attack.

librarianintx

What I Want From Life

My top five hopes for my life, in no particular order because they're all important:

1) Physical health
Being active as possible
Getting as much exercise as I can without overdoing it.
Eating well (variety of healthy foods, more fruits and veges, continuing to cut down on sugar, drinking water)
Sleeping well
Taking medications and vitamins daily

2) Emotional health
Continuing to find ways to deal with my anxiety
Exploring meditation
Focusing on mindfulness

3) Motivation
Focusing on the motivation to succeed
Motivation leads to success - however you choose to define success
Finding ways to be productive at work and in my personal life 

4) Having more "me" time
Taking the time to enjoy what I like to do.
Having a social life
Keeping a list of accomplishments, adventures, events I've attended, new foods I've tried, etc
Writing / blogging

5) Financial security
Looking into extra jobs / work from home opportunities to supplement my income.
Exploring career moves in case I lose my job

I want to be able to say to myself as I climb into bed every night, "I had a successful day today. I was happy. I was productive. I took care of myself physically and emotionally. I made good choices. I did not waste the day."

librarianintx

Sugar Journal Week 5

At last, a pretty good report for the sugar journal!

Except for the mini cupcake I mentioned last Monday, and two glasses of Gatorade this week, that's all the sugar I had, except for yogurt, but I've already given myself permission to eat yogurt.

A big reason why the past week was so successful was that it was Passover. So I couldn't have the low sugar cookies or graham crackers or anything made with flour or wheat. I drank sugar free chocolate smoothies to get my chocolate fix.

Passover ends tonight, so we'll see how this week goes. I can already see graham crackers and low sugar cookies in my near future. :-/

But at least this past week had a pretty good outcome!

librarianintx

Survivor Game Changers 4/12/17 - My Thoughts

In the 34 seasons of Survivor, we have been witness to some truly extraordinary moments of television. We have seen medical emergencies of contestants, announcements of ill relatives back home (both real and faked), accusations of inappropriate touching, personal meltdowns, shocking blindsides, and surprising triumphs. The theme of last night's episode was "metamorphosis," and featured a tribal council that gave us approximately fifteen minutes of a devastating, heartbreaking, appalling, and ultimately inspiring teachable moment in time.

If you're reading this, then you're likely a fan of the show, and know this year's crop of contestants, all of which are returning players. But just in case you don't, let me set the stage. The Nuku tribe was sent to Tribal Council after losing the immunity challenge. Andrea, Debbie, Jeff, Sarah, Ozzy, Tai, and Zeke were  members of the tribe. Jeff (who is known more by his last name, Varner), Tai, and Zeke are gay, and all of them are out on the show. Varner went into Tribal Council knowing he was likely to be cut from the tribe. He had aligned himself with Sandra, who was eliminated the previous week.

At the beginning of Tribal Council, Varner launched into a diatribe, attempting to pit members of the team against each other in order to save himself. In an effort to get out Ozzy, arguably the strongest player on the team, Varner made his case that Zeke was not being truthful with members of his alliance, namely Sarah and Andrea. And to prove his point that Zeke was a deceptive person who could not be trusted, Varner looked squarely at Zeke and uttered this destructive question, "Why haven't you told anyone here that you're transgender?"

Complete silence ensued. It was as if all the oxygen was suddenly sucked from the jungle, from the contestants, from host Jeff Probst, from the living rooms of the fans. Zeke stared straight ahead, shoulders slumped. And then like a sudden hail storm, Varner was pelted with accusations and condemnations. Tai was crying. Andrea was crying. Sarah was crying. Zeke was a statue, likely in shock. The reaction was swift, intense, and 100% in support of Zeke. All five members of the tribe were outraged at what Varner had done, and they all agreed that Zeke's resolution not to disclose his transgender status was a personal decision that had absolutely nothing to do with the game they were all playing.

Varner was all over the place in his defense. First he said Zeke's decision not to disclose did matter, because it was evidence of his deceptive nature. Then he said he didn't think it was a big deal because Zeke was obviously "out, proud, and loud" about his identity. But as negativity continued to pour down on him, the enormity of his action started to sink in. He teared up, put his head in his hands, and started apologizing profusely. As Jeff Probst put it, "You're realizing that you didn't just tell five people here, you told millions of people watching." Understatement of the year right there.

Probst gave everyone a chance to speak, which was important. Ozzy and Debbie were the least vocal, but both showed total support for Zeke and disgust for what Varner had done. Sarah talked about her conservative background and how knowing Zeke has made her a better person. Andrea spent most of the time in tears, expressing concern and love for Zeke. Sarah's revulsion of Varner's action was evident and palpable.

Make no mistake:
OUTING SOMEONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR GENDER IDENTITY IS NEVER OKAY.
Never.
The End.

The fact that Zeke was outed by a fellow gay man, someone who, according to Varner himself, advocates for the gay, lesbian, and transgender community is his conservative home state, is especially disturbing and heartbreaking. And further, as Zeke said, he and Varner were becoming close. Allies in the game. Zeke was feeling like he could trust Varner. As much as you can trust anyone in the game of Survivor.

But here is where this terrible event becomes a teachable moment. Because number one, Tai, another gay man in the tribe, reached out to Varner. He recognized, as I know I did and hopefully many others do as well, that Varner acted in desperation. He is not a monster. He is not evil. In a moment of rash thinking due to an obsession with winning a game and a million dollar prize, he made a momentous mistake. Something he will never be able to erase or forget. Unfortunately, his fateful decision will live on in Survivor lore. What he did was seen by millions and will be remembered for a long time. And he will have to live with that. And hopefully he will be able to ultimately make peace with that. My sincere wish is that the show producers will work with him on getting the professional help that he will obviously need. What he did was horrible. But I hate to think that the rest of his life will be defined by that one incredibly inappropriate question.

And second, this becomes a teachable moment because of the way Zeke reacted. After initial silence and understandable extreme discomfort, Zeke showed incredible inner fortitude, strength, and grace. He said he didn't want to be known as "the transgender contestant" on Survivor, but now that everyone knew, he was okay with it. He recognized that his story could help a lot of struggling people, and that was meaningful to him. While I know he wasn't ready to forgive Varner, he didn't vilify him either. He simply said, "That wasn't cool, what you did, but I'm fine." And I absolutely loved it when Varner said to him, "Please know I'm your biggest cheerleader," and Zeke swiftly replied, "I don't need a cheerleader."

Zeke will be greatly admired for how he handled the situation. And hopefully Varner will recover.

From the ashes of an inferno, we can all hope for common ground.
Understanding
Forgiveness
Redemption
Metamorphosis

librarianintx