Listening skills

I think listening skills are something that most of us could improve upon. I viewed an excellent webinar yesterday about the topic. Here are my notes. The link to the archived version of the webinar is included at the end of the notes. I will make an effort to use the information I learned in future conversations.

librarianintx

Look At Me When I’m Talking to You

Thursday June 22, 2017

There’s a difference between listening and hearing

Listening – responding to and evaluating

Hearing – perceiving

70% of our waking moments are spent in communicating

Listening is 45%

But we only remember 20 – 50% of what we hear

People find it very hard to concentrate for more than 15 – 20 minutes without a break

Quiz

My score showed that I am an ok listener, but could use improvement

Mind Tools

www.mindtools.com

Common to have problems with focus and patience when listening

Irritating listening habits:

Interrupting

Not looking at speaker

Rushing the speaker

Showing interest in something else (phone, television, clock, other people, etc)

Finishing speaker’s thoughts

Not responding to speaker’s requests

Topping the speaker’s story

Forgetting what was talked about previously

You need to be completely present for a conversation

Barriers to listening:

Filtering

Making assumptions

Giving unsolicited advice

Offering hasty reassurance

Being judgmental or critical

Being defensive or arguing

Failing to understand cultural differences

Empathy for the person talking is key

How do you show you’re listening?

Vocal affirmations

Eye contact

Positive body signs

Repeating what the speaker said

But unfortunately most of these can be faked!

Remove distractions:

Clocks

Phones

Tablets

Books

Televisions

Your own thoughts and biases

Sometimes eye contact can be uncomfortable

Don’t stare

You can look at their forehead instead of directly at their eyes

Positive body language:

Nodding

Leaning in

Uncrossing your arms

Looking relaxed and unrushed

Tilt your head

Uncrossed legs if sitting

Smile or empathetic face, no creased, frustrated face

Vocal affirmations:

Yes

Yeah

I see

Mmmm

Uh-huh

Avoid talking

Stay silent

Just listen

You could be moralizing, judging, interpreting, and making the conversation about you

Don’t interrupt

Wait for a natural break or pause in the conversation

Interrupting is not acceptable, but so many of us do it

Interrupting means: What I have to say is more important or relevant

Don’t formulate a response before the person has finished speaking

Paraphrasing is good – restating – making sure you understood what the speaker is saying

Embrace your pauses

Asking a question is the best way to indicate that are truly listening

Asking questions forces you to actively listen

Asking questions will show that you are empathetic

Ask questions that are:

Open-ended

Begin with “what,” not “why”

Vertical

Use words like “how” and “tell me about…”

“Why” questions are the “kiss of death” – they sound judgmental, accusatory, put people on the defensive

Vertical questions are based on what the speaker says

Vertical questions show your curiosity, interest

Vertical questions help you learn more about the speaker

View the archive of this webinar at:

http://cslinsession.cvlsites.org/category/past/