Feeling blessed

This morning as I was on my way to work, I was feeling happy, and thinking about all the reasons why. Everything from I'm alive to see another day to the fact that I'm wearing new pink underwear and my favorite pink jacket. (giggle) It's Friday, I've it through another work week, and I have a weekend ahead where I have a variety of tasks that I want to accomplish and a few ideas of fun events to attend.

I am a person with a disability. I have multiple health conditions. I am luckier than many people with disabilities. I am still predominantly independent and self-sufficient. I can bathe, dress, and feed myself. I am able to work. I can even travel out of town to visit family and friends. Thanks to medications, medical equipment, past procedures, and a team of specialists, I am relatively healthy. I don't earn much money, but so far I make enough that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, I can afford my medications, and I have a little left over to buy things I enjoy like books and music. I don't have the money to take vacations and spend extravagantly, but I'm okay with that. I am taking care of myself as best as I can - physically, emotionally, financially - and I am choosing to be happy with what I have.

But I am doing as well as I am in large part because of the government assistance I receive and the insurance I have through work. I am mobile and mostly independent, but I still need help, and that help comes in the form of a personal care assistant who comes three times a week, to help with aspects of daily living that are challenging for me: cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, housekeeping. I am able to get around the city thanks to the fact that I qualify for the para-transit transportation service that gets me to and from work, doctor appointments, the grocery store, etc. My health is as good as it is because I see several specialists throughout the year: pulmonologist, endocrinologist, cardiologist, etc. I use a machine at night that protects me from the respiratory insufficiency that I endured for years without knowing it was happening. That respiratory insufficiency could have ultimately resulted in early death for me. Because of that machine, I now have the stamina, energy, and focus to do and achieve in my forties what I was unable to accomplish in my twenties.

I am a born worrier. I constantly obsess about what will happen IF, and the list is long and daunting and frightening. Having Republicans in control of both the White House and Congress has only added to my anxiety and insecurity. Yesterday the House of Representatives passed a healthcare bill that spells doom to so many people with health conditions, especially those with financial instability. I am in that group of people. Again, I am luckier than some. For now at least. But my future is uncertain.

At this point, what I have to do for myself is stay positive, and take care of myself as best I can so I can remain as physically and financially independent as possible. So I smiled as I sat in the car on the way to work. I concentrated on the beautiful sunrise, my favorite butterfly ring, and my goal of a productive, satisfying, and happy day.

Hope keeps me going.

#iamapreexistingcondition

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