I'm sure I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I get myself in trouble when I compare my life to others. If I just live my life, and do what I am able to do, and what makes me happy, then I'm fine.
My brother in law has a very successful career, and has been able to provide for his family in ways that my mother as a single parent for most of my life never could. Growing up, though, I never felt like my life was lacking. I always got what I wanted for holidays and my birthdays, because my wish list was never extravagant. I never dreamed of or pined for extravagant vacations, or expensive clothes or jewelry. I don't drive, so that thrilling rite of passage for many teenagers - buying or receiving their first car - was not something I experienced.
My nieces have grown up very differently than my sister and I did. They lived in another country for awhile. They had a pool in their backyard for many years. My youngest niece's high school graduation gift was a trip to Europe.
It is May of 2017. Five months into the year. Already my sister and brother in law have been to Japan, Italy, and taken a driving trip to Delaware. My middle niece spent her Spring Break in Italy, and she just posted on Facebook that her parents bought her a new car. My youngest niece spent her junior spring semester abroad in Germany. She also visited several countries, including Italy and Switzerland. My oldest niece, married less than a year, bought a townhouse last month. In the late summer she and her husband will be traveling to Iceland. Her husband spent the weekend before his birthday climbing Mount Rainier in Washington state.
It is like culture shock when I visit my family. Everyone is talking about vacations and new cars and new houses. There is energy and vitality in the house; the feeling that everyone is happy and healthy and doesn't have to worry about money. I rarely have anything to talk about that can compete. My family talks loud and fast. They eat as fast as they talk, and then they leave me sitting at the dinner table by myself. They go for walks with the dogs and never consider finding a way to include me.
As much as I enjoy spending time with my girls, and know that they love me, it's hard sometimes, as our lives are so different. I'd like to see them more often, but I don't see myself moving back. I don't fit in my family. I am the financially much less stable, health-impaired, transportation-challenged, maiden aunt.
So I try very hard to focus on the good in my life, to be happy with what I have. I am grateful that I can get up every day and go to a job that I enjoy, that I have enough money to pay my bills and buy things I want and need. I get excited when I find clothes I like that fit me, and that I'm paying for them with my own money. I am appreciative of the fact that I am mostly independent and can take care of myself. I am trying to be as healthy as possible so I can continue to care for myself. I don't have my own transportation and that is a big frustration and hindrance in my life, but I still get from place to place when I need to. My life could be better; there is room for improvement. But it is a good life. Better than some.
You can't allow others to label your life as successful or not successful. You have to define success on your own terms - and then achieve it.
librarianintx
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