In the 34 seasons of Survivor, we have been witness to some truly extraordinary moments of television. We have seen medical emergencies of contestants, announcements of ill relatives back home (both real and faked), accusations of inappropriate touching, personal meltdowns, shocking blindsides, and surprising triumphs. The theme of last night's episode was "metamorphosis," and featured a tribal council that gave us approximately fifteen minutes of a devastating, heartbreaking, appalling, and ultimately inspiring teachable moment in time.
If you're reading this, then you're likely a fan of the show, and know this year's crop of contestants, all of which are returning players. But just in case you don't, let me set the stage. The Nuku tribe was sent to Tribal Council after losing the immunity challenge. Andrea, Debbie, Jeff, Sarah, Ozzy, Tai, and Zeke were members of the tribe. Jeff (who is known more by his last name, Varner), Tai, and Zeke are gay, and all of them are out on the show. Varner went into Tribal Council knowing he was likely to be cut from the tribe. He had aligned himself with Sandra, who was eliminated the previous week.
At the beginning of Tribal Council, Varner launched into a diatribe, attempting to pit members of the team against each other in order to save himself. In an effort to get out Ozzy, arguably the strongest player on the team, Varner made his case that Zeke was not being truthful with members of his alliance, namely Sarah and Andrea. And to prove his point that Zeke was a deceptive person who could not be trusted, Varner looked squarely at Zeke and uttered this destructive question, "Why haven't you told anyone here that you're transgender?"
Complete silence ensued. It was as if all the oxygen was suddenly sucked from the jungle, from the contestants, from host Jeff Probst, from the living rooms of the fans. Zeke stared straight ahead, shoulders slumped. And then like a sudden hail storm, Varner was pelted with accusations and condemnations. Tai was crying. Andrea was crying. Sarah was crying. Zeke was a statue, likely in shock. The reaction was swift, intense, and 100% in support of Zeke. All five members of the tribe were outraged at what Varner had done, and they all agreed that Zeke's resolution not to disclose his transgender status was a personal decision that had absolutely nothing to do with the game they were all playing.
Varner was all over the place in his defense. First he said Zeke's decision not to disclose did matter, because it was evidence of his deceptive nature. Then he said he didn't think it was a big deal because Zeke was obviously "out, proud, and loud" about his identity. But as negativity continued to pour down on him, the enormity of his action started to sink in. He teared up, put his head in his hands, and started apologizing profusely. As Jeff Probst put it, "You're realizing that you didn't just tell five people here, you told millions of people watching." Understatement of the year right there.
Probst gave everyone a chance to speak, which was important. Ozzy and Debbie were the least vocal, but both showed total support for Zeke and disgust for what Varner had done. Sarah talked about her conservative background and how knowing Zeke has made her a better person. Andrea spent most of the time in tears, expressing concern and love for Zeke. Sarah's revulsion of Varner's action was evident and palpable.
Make no mistake:
OUTING SOMEONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR GENDER IDENTITY IS NEVER OKAY.
Never.
The End.
The fact that Zeke was outed by a fellow gay man, someone who, according to Varner himself, advocates for the gay, lesbian, and transgender community is his conservative home state, is especially disturbing and heartbreaking. And further, as Zeke said, he and Varner were becoming close. Allies in the game. Zeke was feeling like he could trust Varner. As much as you can trust anyone in the game of Survivor.
But here is where this terrible event becomes a teachable moment. Because number one, Tai, another gay man in the tribe, reached out to Varner. He recognized, as I know I did and hopefully many others do as well, that Varner acted in desperation. He is not a monster. He is not evil. In a moment of rash thinking due to an obsession with winning a game and a million dollar prize, he made a momentous mistake. Something he will never be able to erase or forget. Unfortunately, his fateful decision will live on in Survivor lore. What he did was seen by millions and will be remembered for a long time. And he will have to live with that. And hopefully he will be able to ultimately make peace with that. My sincere wish is that the show producers will work with him on getting the professional help that he will obviously need. What he did was horrible. But I hate to think that the rest of his life will be defined by that one incredibly inappropriate question.
And second, this becomes a teachable moment because of the way Zeke reacted. After initial silence and understandable extreme discomfort, Zeke showed incredible inner fortitude, strength, and grace. He said he didn't want to be known as "the transgender contestant" on Survivor, but now that everyone knew, he was okay with it. He recognized that his story could help a lot of struggling people, and that was meaningful to him. While I know he wasn't ready to forgive Varner, he didn't vilify him either. He simply said, "That wasn't cool, what you did, but I'm fine." And I absolutely loved it when Varner said to him, "Please know I'm your biggest cheerleader," and Zeke swiftly replied, "I don't need a cheerleader."
Zeke will be greatly admired for how he handled the situation. And hopefully Varner will recover.
From the ashes of an inferno, we can all hope for common ground.
Understanding
Forgiveness
Redemption
Metamorphosis
librarianintx
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