Blog about Mindfulness

Nine Ways Mindfulness Helped Me Deal With Chronic Illness

http://blog.healingwell.com/2012/02/9-ways-mindfulness-helped-me-heal-with.html

Mindfulness was not a term I was familiar with when I was diagnosed with chronic illness 17 years ago. Looking back, I wish I had known more about how to practice it in my life. It would have saved me a lot of worry, distress, and hopelessness. I've since learned that mindfulness is a set of skills for healing, intuition, insight, calmness, focus, resilience, and hope that you can use to counter the inevitable adversity of chronic illness.

Psychology Today defines mindfulness as:

"a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."

Like so many of you, I've dealt with my share of disappointments, heartache, pain and tragedy, many of which have followed from being chronically ill. A few years after my diagnosis with chronic illness, I was rear ended in a car accident that left me with chronic pain in my head and neck (officially known as occipital neuralgia). It often left me with debilitating headaches that made even everyday tasks seem overwhelming. At the same time, my wife and I were expecting our first child in a few months and I was was trying to finish graduate school. The stress of chronic illness, injury, impending fatherhood, and my dim career prospects weighed heavily on me. I didn't think I could survive it. It was too much. I didn't bargain for this.

This was not in my life plan!

I soon found myself spending a lot of time involved in catastrophic thinking. I was caught in a self induced whirlwind of anxiety where I imagined irrational worst-case scenarios for just about everything. What if I end up permanently disabled? How can I be a good father if I'm always sick? What if my next treatment doesn't work and I get even worse? How can I even contemplate my career future if I can't even get through a day without blinding pain? This led to a state of fearfulness, anxiety, and depression where I constantly worried about the past and the future, sometimes simultaneously. I felt paralyzed. I was unable to find any hope for the future or move forward with any purpose.

Not much has changed in my physical symptoms since those days. I still have chronic head and neck pain after spinal surgery failed to resolve it. I still get migraine-like headaches that can feel at their worst as if the world is collapsing in on me. I still deal with the daily muscle pain and stiffness of Fibromyalgia and suffer from recurring painful "attacks" with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (which for years was misdiagnosed as Crohn's Disease).

But a LOT has changed for the BETTER in my life!

I'm now a father of 4 wonderful children. I have a satisfying career that has enabled me to develop professionally and support my family financially. I'm a lay leader in my local church with the opportunity to give rewarding service to others. I have a beautiful home and a loving wife. In short, I am blessed.

So what changed?

Mindfulness.

Practicing mindfulness is still a learning process for me. I'm by no means an expert. But over the years I've been fortunate to learn some of the basic skills of how to be more mindful. Here are 9 ways mindfulness has helped me heal with chronic illness and can help you too:

1. Be good to yourself, treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

2. Live life with awareness in the present moment.

3. Know yourself, don't let your illness define you.

4. Enjoy the beauty of things as they are, not as you wish they were.

5. Recognize and explore sources of healing, peace, spirituality, and calmness to develop your resilience for the hard times.

6. Seek healing by serving others around you.

7. Surround yourself with people that love, support, and inspire you, especially when facing adversity.

8. Let go of the life you had planned and accept the opportunities and hopefulness of the life that awaits you.

9. Be grateful.

It hasn't been easy. It's a rocky road sometimes. I still have moments of self pity, anxiety, depression, fear, and hopelessness. We all do. But I don't linger there long. The gratitude that mindfulness brings won't allow it!

Here are a few sites on mindfulness I hope you find helpful:
•Mindful.org - Living with Awareness and Compassion
•Tiny Buddha - Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives
•How To Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill
•Turning Straw Into Gold

End of blog article

This is a great article. I have only scratched the surface of trying mindfulness and meditation, but I'm already seeing a difference. When I start to worry / ruminate / obsess, if I say to myself, "Stop. Live in the moment. Right now everything is okay," I can short-circuit the anxiety loop. It still comes back, but I think the episodes are spacing out. I feel terribly sad that I have wasted so much time needlessly worrying and not enjoying the life I have been given. My catastrophizing skills are amazingly robust and creative. Life is so much better when you learn to put fear and self-loathing in a lock box and concentrate on being happy and appreciative. I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.

librarianintx

One More DWTS Note

Finally Dancing with the Stars has an entertaining female co-host! I have always enjoyed Tom, but none of the female co-hosts in my opinion could match him when it came to humor and personality. Thank goodness for Erin Andrews! This is the first season that I have actually enjoyed the post-perfomance chats. She is witty, charming, very comfortable with live television, and since she is a former contestant, she knows what both the professional dancers and the celebrities are going through. I hope the viewers enjoy her as much as I do, and that she is invited back next season. Good call, Dancing with the Stars! I am on Team Erin! And Team Tom too of course!

Librarianintx

Survivor - the Final Episode

Darn! Spencer didn't make it. I have very mixed emotions about the episode, and the reunion.

Did Tony deserve to win? I think he did. He definitely outplayed, outwitted, and outlasted his competitors. But its hard for me to support players who play the game as shady as Tony did. I do understand that Survivor is a game, and I realize that you have to lie and cheat at least a little in order to win. But it really bothers me when players swear on the lives of their loved ones, or on the graves of their deceased loved ones. Tony did all of that.

But once Spencer was eliminated, no one else was worthy of the title. I like Woo, and in my opinion, he was not a goat. He helped around camp. He worked hard to win challenges, although I think the only individual immunity he won was the final one. According to both him and Tony, Woo orchestrated Trish's exit, so he did have at least some game. And I appreciate his fighting spirit. He wanted to go to the end with the best that was left in the game, and that definitely wasn't Kass. But I figured he could have beaten her, and I was right.

What a class act Spencer is. A student of the game, a super fan to the core, his impassioned speech to the jury to vote for Tony was amazing. I wish Jeff would have polled them at the reunion to ask who, if anyone, changed their vote based on Spencer's plea. Maybe some of them wouldn't admit to it. But there sure was a lot of venom directed at Tony during that final tribal council, and yet Woo only got one vote for the win.

I am very disappointed that there was no fan favorite vote this season. Why? I think Spencer had an excellent shot at winning it. If he didn't win it, Trish might have. But I think it would have been Spencer.

Even thought it wasn't my favorite season, and I wasn't the biggest fan of Blood v Water either, I'll be watching in the fall. Bring it, Survivor!

Librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars - the Final Episode

America got it right! Meryl and Maks won the Mirrorball trophy. I'm so happy for Maks especially. He got the prize he's been working toward for more than a decade. And evidently, he got the girl too. They're very cute together. :-)

I liked parts of the two hour finale. I really liked Amber Riley's big production number. That was the highlight for me. I liked Arianna Grande too. But I didn't like the fact that so many of the performances were re-dos from the season. I like to see new stuff on the finale. And some of the contestants didn't get to perform. Granted, they were the ones that were eliminated early, like Diana Nyad and Billy Dee Williams. But sometimes the contestants that leave early come back in the finale with routines that are surprisingly entertaining. So that was a bit of a letdown.

But as always, it was a fun season. Thank you Dancing with the Stars! And congratulations Meryl and Maks!

Librarianintx

Suvivor Finale

I haven't been glued to my seat during Survivor this season...until last week. I think this is one of those seasons where two people really deserve to win, for different reasons.

Tony has dominated in the strategy department. He has been the leader of the majority alliance, and his alliance has stuck with him, surprisingly, considering that he has flipped on at least two occasions. Still, he has always returned to his core alliance of Kass, Trish, and Woo. For awhile it looked like Tony was going to follow in Cochran's footsteps and take two women to the finale who did not deserve to win. But then Trish was voted out. Still, there is no doubt that Tony will make it to the final three. He has the hidden immunity idol with the special powers. He's a lock. Right?

But Spencer also deserves to win in my opinion. He has had to scrap and scrape the entire game. He found a hidden immunity idol. He has won challenges, which Tony has not managed to do. Spencer has not been a mastermind. But he has survived against some very tough odds. I don't think anyone would have put their money on Spencer. Especially in the beginning, when the brain tribe was such a disaster.

Even though I haven't been super interested this season until now, I still love the show. But Jeff...mmmm. I'll stop there.

Librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars finale

In every season there is someone who doesn't belong in the top four. That's just the nature of reality shows. This season, I think it's Candace. However, I do think she has dancing ability. Her downfall is her nerves. She forgets moves and often looks quite scared during her performances.

In my opinion, Danica or Charlie belong in the top four more than Candace. But as I always say, reality shows are often more about popularity than talent. When you let the public vote, they are going to vote for who they like, not necessarily for who is the best. "The best" is obviously a very subjective term.

This season has a strong top four. James is quite good, especially with the latin dances. I expect his freestyle to have a lot of tricks. He is a strong partner. If no other week proved that Amy belongs in the finale, last week sure did. That quickstep was mind-blowing, and the jazz routine was great too. Her natural ability and Derek's amazing choreography have been a winning combination all season. Does she deserve to win the mirror ball? I would not be disappointed if she did. Of course I'm thrilled that a differently-abled dancer has made it this far in the competition. But we do have to remember that there are things she has not been able to do. Still, she has fulfilled the requirements of every dance she was given.

I do think Meryl is the strongest dancer this season, and she should win. And yes, it is time for Maks to win one as well. He deserves a mirror ball just for putting up with Julianne Hough and that Dance Mom judge. I'll stop there.

I haven't been voting, because I would be okay with Amy, James, or Meryl winning. I would have been okay with Danica and Charlie winning as well. But I think Meryl should win.

Librarianintx

N.H. Police Commissioner calls Obama the "N" word

http://news.yahoo.com/towns-white-police-official-calls-obama-n-word-204931723.html

I'm not going to copy and paste the article. Here's what happened. A resident overheard the police commissioner call President Obama the "N" word while he was at a restaurant. The town is small and predominately white. Residents are calling for his resignation, but he refuses to either resign or even apologize for his comments. The town manager says the Board of Selectmen do not have the authority to remove an elected official from office.

Here is the quote that spurred me to write this, uttered by a resident of the town:
"All this man did was express his displeasure with the man who's in office," Bader said."

Expressed his displeasure? By calling him a derogatory racial term? No. If you are displeased with someone, maybe you call him a jerk. You say you don't like how he's doing his job. You do not refer to someone's race, gender, sexual orientation, nation of origin, disability, and then claim that you're saying it because you're unhappy with the way someone is doing his job...or driving his car...or the condition of his house. When you bring things like race or sexual orientation into a conversation, it is discrimination. Pure and simple.

I had a discussion with a family member fairly recently about celebrity chef Paula Deen and her use of the "N" word. Paula claims that she uttered the word once, in reference to a man who held her at gunpoint during a bank robbery. My relative said, "If that had happened to me, I probably would have used that word too." I was speaking to a woman in her 70's, who had never appeared to be racist...until Obama was elected.

But I don't think I would do that. I just don't think I would. I would call him lots of names (not to his face of course), but not a derogatory term referring to his skin color. Because there are bank robbers of many different colors and nationalities. There are male and female bank robbers. I wouldn't dislike him because he was black. I would dislike him because he held a gun to me. Because he was a threat to my health, safety, and security.

Lots of people didn't like President George W. Bush when he was in office. Lots! And a lot of people didn't (and still don't) treat him with the respect that he deserves as a former president of the United States. I am guilty of that. But the level of disrespect and discrimination directed at President Obama has far exceeded that of President Bush, or any former president, in my opinion. The things people say out loud, the emails that have been sent, even the political cartoons have been outrageous. Some newspaper published a picture of President and Mrs. Obama with their faces altered to look baboons! Who would think it is okay to do that? The same people who refuse to apologize when they refer to the President as the "N" word. Because so many people believe that free speech should include the right to hate speech.

librarianintx

I love technology!

I am typing this post using my Samsung Galaxy S4 smartphone and my new wireless small keyboard. Now when I'm away from home, or just don't want to sit at my desktop computer, I can blog, send e-mails, etc, without having to use my phone keyboard. I do a fair amount of texting, but I am not proficient with an onscreen keyboard.

I love technology! Okay, I don't always love it. Sometimes it drives me crazy. But when I get something that makes my life easier, especially something that will help me be more creative and expressive, then I am super excited! Thank you to everyone who made this possible for me. You know who you are. Hopefully you'll see more blogs, goodreads reviews, and other writing because of this new technology.

Librarianintx

Knowing

The long wait for the families is finally over. These past few weeks of unanswered questions allowed hope, however minute, to persist in their hearts, and nourish possibilities in their minds. Where uncertainty exists, families can dream of holding their loved ones close again. The world can hold its collective breath and believe that a miracle could happen.

We now know there will be no homecomings. No joyous reunions. The passengers and crew of Malaysia Flight 370 are gone.

My brother - in - law travels internationally for work frequently. I can only imagine what it would be like to endure what the families have experienced these past few weeks.

There is solace in finally having answers. But we all wanted a different outcome. At one time or another, I think most of us allowed ourselves to indulge in the fantasy of a happy ending.

Librarianintx

quote from a book

"....He doesn't succeed, he doesn't triumph...unless success and triumph are measured in simple endurance, as they should be. He just remains...invincible."

from A Wilder Rose by Susan Wittig Albert

This really resonates with me. Success has been an ideal that I've struggled with my whole life. What is success? How do you define it? How do you quantify it?

I've never had any of my writing published. I've never worked as a paid writer. A few years ago, my niece had two poems published in a national anthology of writings by high school students. She didn't get paid, but her writing was submitted and accepted by a panel of people who pronounced it worthy of publication. When my mother called to give me the exciting news, she actually said to me, "Isn't it great? (Niece's name) has become the writer you never were."

The writer you never were. At the age of forty-something, my mother declared any hope of me ever becoming a *successful* writer officially over. Not gonna happen. No way. The torch has not been passed; it has been passed over. I had my shot, at some point, and I failed. Evidently.

Am I a failure as a writer? If you define success as being published in a book that other people read, then yes, I am a failure as a writer. Of course, she doesn't know that at least someone, at least a few someones, ARE reading my words. But its through cyberspace, not in a bound volume. She doesn't know about my blog.

I choose to define failure as a writer when I let my fear of writing stop me. When I let procrastination and rumination and mental and physical fatigue impede me from picking up my journal, or sitting down at the computer. Writing isn't easy for me. The thoughts don't flow as freely as I want them to. At least not usually. But writing is a muscle. It needs to be exercised. And even though it's not an easy process for me, I still have a yearning to write. And I feel happy when I push through the uncertainty and the discomfort, and I do it. I write. I create. I express.

I think most people want to succeed at something in life. Some people have more drive and determination than others. Some people know exactly what they want to do with their lives and they make it happen, while others are less focused. But everyone wants to be good at something. Everyone wants to be recognized for their talents and abilities.

I so enjoy watching the Olympics. The events are so exciting, the competition can be thrilling. What I don't like, however, is the disappointment faced by so many of the athletes. The mathematics are simple. Only a select number of them will win gold medals. Does that mean everyone else is a failure? I don't think so, but unfortunately it's the nature of competition that someone wins, and someone, usually more than one person, loses. I feel so bad when I hear an athlete say that they're brokenhearted when they won a silver, or a bronze, medal. Actually, it makes me frustrated sometimes. Of course you want to win the top prize. But out of all those other competitors, you came in second! Or third! Or even fourth. That is still something to be proud of! You did your best, right? You tried as hard as you could? You finished, probably. You completed the task you were given. So you succeeded. You just weren't quite as fast, or had just a little less flair. Michelle Kwan, one of the greatest ice skaters ever, won a silver and then a bronze medal. When she won the silver, people were consoling her because she didn't win the gold. Her reply? "I didn't LOSE the gold; I WON the silver." That's what I'm talking about!

But what about all those athletes that never even make it to the Olympics? What about all the writers that are never published? What about all the people that are working three jobs to make ends meet, so they never have a chance to play professional basketball or become an actor or compose a song that wins a Grammy? How do you measure success?

I think the only way you can determine success is to define it for yourself. Easy to say, very hard to do. Because we let others take those measurements for us. We let others pronounce us successes or failures.

Sounds cheesy I know, but I think success is about happiness. If you're basically happy with your life, then I think you are a success. At least that's what I think success should be about. Accomplishments are important, no doubt. Working toward goals and making them a reality are what we're on this earth to do. To leave a legacy to future generations. And still, even if all someone can do sometimes is simply exist, simply endure, isn't that still a triumph? Shouldn't it be? Everyone is here for a reason. Every single person will be remembered by someone.

I don't have to be a paid writer or a published writer to be a successful writer. I am a successful writer when I read what I have composed, and I am content with the result. I am successful when I am happy.

librarianintx

excerpt from "The Long Journey to Becoming '10% Happier'"

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/nightline-fix-abc-news/long-journey-becoming-10-percent-happier-143145889.html?vp=1

by Dan Harris

"...Meditation is a tool for taming the voice in your head. You know the voice I'm talking about. It's what has us constantly ruminating on the past or projecting into the future. It prods us to incessantly check our email, lurch over to the fridge when we're not hungry, and lose our temper when it's not in our best interest.

To be clear, meditation won't magically solve all of your problems. I still do dumb things -- just ask my wife -- but meditation is often effective kryptonite against the kind of epic mindlessness that produced my televised panic attack. When friends and colleagues ask (usually with barely hidden skepticism) why I meditate, I often say, "It makes me 10% happier."

This not-insubstantial return on investment has made me something of an unlikely evangelist for meditation. Self-help gurus are constantly telling us that we can get anything we want through the "power of positive thinking." This is an unrealistic and potentially damaging message, I think. By contrast, meditation is a doable, realistic, scientifically researched way to get significantly happier, calmer, and nicer. If meditation could be stripped of the syrupy, saccharine language with which it's too often presented, it might be appealing to millions of smart, skeptical people who may never otherwise consider it. So I've written a book, called "10% Happier," in which I attempt to do just that."

end of article

From the very few times that I've attempted to meditate, I can tell that its a good thing. It really can help. So why am I not doing it? Why do I get to the end of the day and think, "Oh, I didn't meditate again." Why do I do stupid stuff like checking Facebook and the local news apps multiple times per day instead of more productive activities that might make me feel better? Why do I sabotage myself?

librarianintx

Twelve Indispensable Mindful Living Tools

http://zenhabits.net/toolset

1) Meditation

2) Be awake - in the present

3) Watch urges - don't act on them

4) Watch ideals - let them go

5) Accept people and life as they are - stop trying to change people or fight against a certain situation

6) Let go of expectations - we cause our pain through expectations

7) Become okay with discomfort - learn to try new things

8) Watch your resistance - it's what makes you uncomfortable, makes you give up

9) Be curious - don't let fear of failure stop you

10) Be grateful

11) Let go of control - We can't control life, but we think we can, and that causes stress.

12) Be compassionate - to others and to yourself

librarianintx

Life

I understand that what scares me in life is the often sudden occurrences, anything from a thunderstorm gathering strength to anger exploding from a usual calm environment, from a debilitating illness to an accident in the blink of an eye, or a phone call transmitting the tragic news that a loved one has left us. I can use hand sanitizer and wash my hands multiple times a day, but the germs decide who to invade and who to spare. I can have contingency strategies so I'm never alone in a storm, but I cannot plan for the storm that gathers fuel from a cloudless sky and Texas heat. I can hold my dear ones close and treasure every moment with them, but nothing I do will change when their time on earth is complete.

My fears are about the swiftness of life events, and my complete lack of control over them. Of course I have some control over my life. But I can't stop a car crash from happening, or keep someone from falling and hurting themselves, or cure a devastating illness. I don't have that kind of power, and I never will.

Worry is the most useless activity known to man. Laying on a bed and doing nothing is still more productive than worry. Worry solves nothing and won't change anything. You can't worry so diligently and so earnestly that you will be able to change what happens in life. Worry steals your imagination, your creativity, your physical and emotional health, your time on this earth to be productive, successful, and happy. Worry is poisonous. And worry is addictive.

At this point in my life I'm not looking for a cure for my worry. Sometimes worry can be like a stubborn grass fire. You can stomp and kick dirt on it, but the flames only grow more intense. I have found a treatment, however. You don't need a prescription for it, and you don't buy it over the counter. The treatment is called mindfulness. Living in the moment. I have come to the realization that as I move through my day, my mind spends way too much time either reliving the past and experiencing guilt, or ruminating about the future and experiencing fear or concern. When I take the time to notice this, I literally say "stop" out loud (when possible), and then I say, "Stay in the moment. Right now, everything is fine."

Mindfulness works. But like a muscle in the body, it needs to be exercised regularly. I'm hoping that over time, mindfulness will make the worry less of an issue in my life.

The only certainty in life is the unpredictability of our existence. I have to learn to accept that, abide by it, and enjoy my life in the face of that.

librarianintx

"Brave" lyrics

Songwriters: BAREILLES, SARA / ANTONOFF, JACK

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you.

End of song

I just wanna see me be brave.

librarianintx

Google Hangout on Dealing with Anxiety

I don't know how long the video will be available, but here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mJNOZas32E

Here are some highlights:

Many of us have bodies that are hardwired for anxiety.

new term - "Meta-stressing"

vast variety of ways that anxiety can manifest itself - cognitive, physical, and nervous systems can all be affected

think about what you enjoy to quell anxiety

People have various views on medication to treat anxiety. Medication can be an important part of the process. But be wary of dependence, abuse, side effects, withdrawal, and masking of symptoms. Also try to avoid self-medicating with alcohol or other drugs like pot.

Anxiety is actually a universal emotion. We all need some anxiety in our lives to remain safe. But we don't want it to take over our lives.

Getting diagnosed can be scary. There can be a fear of being labeled. There can be shame, stigma, being known as "the anxious girl (or guy)." Telling friends and family can be difficult. There is fear that they won't understand, will ridicule you, will abandon you. There can be a stigma of vulnerability, especially with men.

Helpful techniques:
Play with something - snap a bracelet, juggle a small ball
breathing techniques
try to visualize your anxiety as something small and insignificant
CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy
meditation - mindfulness - live in the moment
get enough sleep
get enough exercise
find an outlet - something you enjoy - music, writing, exercise

You worry about the future; you feel regret about the past - mindfulness keeps you in the present

"We are gifted catastrophizers"
Imagine your worst case "what if" - would it really be that bad? Might be embarassing, but life would go on.

My thoughts:

First of all, the quote "We are gifted catastrophizers" is the quote of the day! I am such a pro at that, unfortunately. It is such a hard habit to break. But I'm working on it through mindfulness. Every time a "what if" pops into my head, I try to say to myself, "Live in the moment. Be present in the now. This is not happening, and it may never happen. Relax."

This was my first Google Hangout, and I'm glad we had a snow day so I could watch it live. I had some technical problems, but I was able to watch all of it. Sometimes I don't want to hear other people talk about their anxiety and phobias, because I don't want to find anything else to worry about. My plate is plentiful, thank you. But I'm learning that if I hear or read about the experiences of the others, I can glean helpful techniques from them without developing their fears and worries.

Two authors that have written books about their experiences with anxiety were part of the Hangout:
1) Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety by Daniel Smith

2) My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind by Scott Stossel

Finally, in the Amazon notes for one of these books, there was the question, "Does anxiety motivate us or cripple us?" For some people, anxiety can be a powerful and successful motivator. When Amber Riley won Dancing with the Stars, she said, in part, "...if something scares me, then I want to do it." I remember hearing an interview with someone else, I think it was an athlete, saying something about how much they like that feeling of anxiety. "I'm disappointed when I don't feel that way," I think I remember them saying. What I do remember about the quote is me saying to myself, "Wow, what a concept! Someone actually WANTS to feel this way?" It was shocking to me. They say the mind is a powerful, awesome force. If I could find a way to harness my anxiety and use it to propel me instead of inhibit me, what all could I accomplish in my life?

Could I do it? Could I actually learn to make anxiety my bitch?
Second quote of the day! :-)

librarianintx

10 Things the World Can Learn from People with Disabilities

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tiffiny-carlson/lessonspeople-with-disabilities-_b_4577337.html

by Tiffiny Carlson

No matter the type of person, there are lessons to be learned from them. People with disabilities are especially influential, as our hardships in life aren't easily forgotten. We go through every day with determination and strength, which many people are bowled over by, with many secretly wondering if they could do the same thing.

People with a disabilities learn so much throughout their lives; life lessons that able-bodied people rarely get to experience.

Having a disability is definitely difficult, but it's also one of the richest classrooms a human can experience, too. While these learning experiences are more profound experienced directly, there are some special tokens of wisdom we can pass along.

1) True happiness is really possible in a "broken" body.
Most say they would rather die than live with a disability, which makes me laugh. That's because most able-bodied people can't imagine being happy if their body was ever permanently broken. But the truth is that the human brain is very adept at transitioning into someone with a disability, if you let it, that is.

I thought I would never be happy again. But a few years after becoming paralyzed, I was happy. I found happiness through simply being alive, and through family and friends. I still wish I could walk again, but true happiness resides in me.

2) Patience can get you through almost anything.
You're told as a little kid how important patience is and as an adult you come to see how true this really is. But when you have a disability, the patience required is at a whole new level. Very often we have to wait longer for all types of things and over time we become masters at honing in on it. Patience has even helped me emotionally get over my physical inabilities in certain occasions.

3) Accidents can and will happen.
When you hear about people becoming disabled through an accident, you always think it could never happen to you, and you almost look at it like a TV show or movie -- something that could never be your reality. But the cold-hard truth is that accidents that cause disabilities happen every day, and they could likely happen to you or someone you know. The realness of this possibility is tangible in all lives, but when you have a disability you're just a bit more aware of it.

4) Disability can happen to anyone.
Maybe no congenital disabilities run your family, but say your first baby had cerebral palsy. It's shocking suddenly finding yourself in the camp of either being disabled or the family member of one. The wisdom here is to never forget we are all imperfect physical beings, and to never think you're exempt. We will all die one day and we're all human.

5) Don't sweat the little things.
Since having a disability can be rather stressful -- broken wheelchairs, health insurance cuts, caregivers suddenly quitting -- we learn early on to not let our stress levels get too high. If we did, none of us would make it past 40. We are confronted with crazy things all the time, so we learn to prioritize what is really worth freaking out over. That is why so many of us seem so zen-like. The movie is sold out? The restaurant has a two-hour wait? No biggie. It could always be worse.

6) Being different is an opportunity.
Most people don't like being different or standing out. You have the outgoing Venice Beach type people of the world, but generally most people don't want to be noticed. However, it's not as bad as you'd think. In fact, when you live the life as someone who's different, you learn right away it has its cool moments. You get to meet amazing people and get in on special opportunities. When you're vanilla, no one notices.

7) Fitting in is overrated.
When you have a disability, you pretty much have a free-for-all card to be exactly who you want to be since fitting in with the "in" crowd is impossible anyways and embracing this can be one of the most freeing feelings ever. You don't need to fit in to feel good about yourself or to think you "belong." You belong to yourself, we know this. And that feeling is amazing.

8) You can't judge a person by their looks.
You hear it all the time, don't judge a book by its cover. From Stephen Hawking, a man in a wheelchair who can't speak and is one of the smartest people in the world to Francesco Clark, a quadriplegic and CEO of a huge beauty product company, don't ever think a disability is equitable to someone who is not impressive or successful. You never know what someone with a disability is capable of.

9) Life is short. Embrace everything.
Having a disability can also, unfortunately, have an impact on your lifespan. For many of us, living to 95 isn't probably going to happen, which is why most people with disabilities have figured out the secret to life -- enjoy each day as if it were our last. We all try to do this in our own way, but many of us fail. People with disabilities however, have gotten it down to an art form, from enjoying the sun rays to a warm cup of coffee, we know how hard life can be so we know how to embrace the good things when they present themselves.

10) Weakness isn't always a negative
Just like the notion "it takes a village," being weak or disabled isn't necessarily a negative thing. When living with a disability, you learn to be OK with receiving help, and over time, many of us realize that we all need help in our own way, even athletes and the President of United States. It's unavoidable and part of the human experience.

There's no getting around it, having a disability is certainly a difficult ticket in life, but the life lessons to be had without question make it a near VIP experience. And hey, the free parking is a nice perk, too.

End of article

I really like this article. I agree with every point. There isn't anything that I disagree with. Well written, and on point. Having a disability is difficult, and I'm not going to say that cliched phrase, "I'm a better person for it, and if I had the opportunity to not be disabled, I'd take it." If I had that opportunity, I think I WOULD take it, because my disability and health conditions can lead to serious complications. I know some of my acquaintances with disabilities don't like this article. I think its because the author makes living with a disability sound too easy. She sounds very mentally healthy, and great for her if she really is this "put together." I know I'm not. While cognitively I understand that all these points are true, and I'd like to be able to live my life by them, I'm just not there. I DO sweat the small stuff, unfortunately. I still want to fit in. I'm not patient, especially with myself. I'm a work in progress. As I think most of us are.

librarianintx

Finding time to exercise

Received this in an email at work:

Nine ways to exercise ... when you don't have the time:
http://www.ers.state.tx.us/News/Articles/Nine-ways-to-exercise/

Tips for fitting in fitness
•Wake up a little earlier. Start by setting your alarm clock just five minutes earlier. Do stretches and jumping jacks before getting in the shower, or follow a short exercise DVD.
•Find a workout buddy. Exercising with a friend is more fun than working out alone and a good motivator. Ask a coworker to go for a walk during lunch or see if a neighbor wants to shoot hoops.
•Change into exercise clothes before leaving work. You'll be ready for a short walk as soon as you get home.
•Schedule your fitness activities. If you put exercise on your calendar like other appointments, you're more likely to do it.
•Acknowledge your successes. Keep a log of all the times you make a healthy choice to move more, such as by taking the stairs instead of an elevator. After the first week, reward yourself with a new pair of sneakers or a cool new water bottle.
•Create a home (or desk) gym. If you have equipment always at the ready, it will be easy to steal five minutes to use it. A jump rope, a stability ball, exercise bands, and dumbbells don't cost much or take up much room.
•Move while you watch TV. Don't sit idly--or worse, snack--while watching TV. Do sit-ups or jog in place instead, even if only during commercials.
•Play games with your kids. Don't just keep an eye on your kids when they play outside--join in their fun! Play tag or Duck Duck Goose, or just toss a ball back and forth. If your kids love video games, think about swapping their current console for one that encourages movement, like Wii or Xbox One. The whole family will break a sweat using special controllers to compete at boxing, tennis, golf, and bowling.
•Exercise while you work. Raise your activity level and productivity with neck rolls or arm raises (push hands out to the side and then up toward the ceiling). Or do a few modified push-ups on the edge of your desk.

Stepping it up
After you've built short periods of activity into your day, think about times when you could lengthen each burst by a few minutes. The key is to start small and ramp up gradually.

Even if you're worn out from a busy day, try to make time for fitness. Regular exercise actually boosts your energy level. Exercise, along with restricting calories, is also important for shedding pounds and maintaining a healthy weight.

Next time you look for an excuse to skip exercise, remind yourself of the benefits. You're helping yourself feel good, look better, and live longer. Who wouldn't want that?

End of article

I actually do one of these! Not consistently of course, but I've started "working out" while watching television. Sometimes during the show, but more usually during the commercials, I'll move around, jog a little, exercise my arms. Ten minutes is my goal for now. Sometimes I do the balance exercises that I was given three or four months ago.

I've considered bringing clothes with me to work and changing at the apartment complex office so I can use their fitness equipment without walking into my apartment first, but that hasn't happened yet. Does it count that I have at least THOUGHT about doing it? :)

librarianintx

Article on holistic ways to combat pain

"Holistic Ways to Fight Pain, and Win"

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/10/health/secrets-pain-free-life/index.html?hpt=hp_bn13
by Summer Suleiman

...

"Inflammation is the root cause of many illnesses, according to Dr. Reza Ghorbani, medical director of the Advanced Pain Medicine Institute and author of "Secrets to a Pain Free Life." Cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer's, arthritis and several digestive disorders have all been linked to chronic inflammation.

Inflammation is a natural part of your immune system; it occurs when the body is fighting against harm or infection. However, chronic inflammation hurts the body instead of healing it because the immune system is essentially attacking healthy cells, according to the National Institutes of Health.

In his book, Ghorbani outlines several methods for treating inflammation.

"I've seen a trend among patients looking for alternative and natural treatment," Ghorbani says. "I think a lot of consumers, whether it's in pain treatment, the food they eat, or what they provide for their family, the trend is to look for something that is safer."

Meditation may improve heart health

Fit Nation learns to eat healthy

Sleep apps a warning sign This year, for the first time ever at the annual American Society of Regional Anesthesia and Pain (ASRA) conference, experts held a half-day session dedicated to alternative treatments for chronic pain. Physicians are slowly beginning to recognize the importance of looking at pain holistically, says Dr. Asokumar Buvanendran, a board-certified pain management specialist and professor in the Department of Anesthesiology at Rush University Medical Center.

"There are a lot of remedies that are available outside of the traditional means of treating patients," Buvanendran says.

It's not all about herbs and acupuncture. An overall healthy lifestyle, including eating healthy foods and getting the proper amount of exercise, plays a big role in managing chronic pain, experts say.

I was intrigued by the stories I found about the potential healing properties of food and the mind. Skeptical, I started integrating the things I learned into my daily life.

Nearly two years after my diagnosis, my health has been transformed. Each person's experience is different, but these holistic remedies have helped me achieve a better quality of life.

First, find the right doctor

If you are living with pain, and feel that you haven't received the proper treatment, don't give up. Ask your family, friends, and colleagues for recommendations.

"I think patients need to understand that there are alternatives to what doctors normally prescribe for pain treatment," says Ghorbani. "Don't just take the doctor's word for it -- do your homework, too."

I spent most of my life looking before I found the right doctor. Keep searching until you find a doctor you feel comfortable with -- someone who can help you get the treatment you want.

Get adequate sleep

Getting the proper amount of sleep helps the body fight inflammation, pain and disease. A 2009 study published in the medical journal Sleep found people who get less than six hours of sleep, or have disrupted sleep, have higher levels of C-reactive protein in the body, which causes inflammation.

As a journalist working rotating shifts, I was not getting proper sleep and my health suffered because of it. After I was diagnosed, I made adjustments to my lifestyle to allow for enough sleep. I feel healthier and stronger when I have slept sufficiently.

Meditate

Research has shown the many health benefits of meditation. Studies suggest meditation can reduce blood pressure, inflammation, pain response and stress hormone levels, all while increasing concentration and improving sleep. One study funded by the National Institute of Health showed mindful meditation can help with pain regulation through cognitive and emotional control.

I began meditating shortly after I was diagnosed in January 2012. It has been a significant part of my recovery and improved health. There are various websites, books, and guided meditations available online. It can be as simple as taking 10 minutes a day to sit in stillness.

Managing stress is a significant part of healthy living. When stress goes unmanaged, it causes inflammation in the body. In a study done at Ohio State University, researchers showed that people who dwelled on stressful events in their lives, had higher levels of C-reactive protein. Meditation is a helpful tool to help manage stress, and it is available to everyone.

Eat foods that feed you

What you eat has a direct impact on how you feel. According to a study published in Psychosomatic Medicine, women who eat a diet high in red and processed meats, sweets, desserts and refined grains (foods known to promote inflammation) have higher levels of C-reactive protein than those who ate a diet full of fruit, vegetables, legumes, fish, poultry and whole grains.

I've incorporated many natural anti-inflammatory foods into my diet, including ginger, turmeric and cinnamon. I eat fruits and vegetables that are powerful anti-inflammatories such as pomegranates, blueberries and blackberries.

I also do my best to eliminate foods that are inflammatory, such as sugar, one of the biggest culprits. I can feel the difference because of these changes. There is an abundant source of books available on the topic. "The Encyclopedia of Healing Foods" and "Secrets to a Pain Free Life" are a good place to start. You can take control of your pain, and your life, by eating right.

"No one should accept pain as a normal part of their life," Ghorbani says.

Don't neglect your brain

Both Buvanendran and Ghorbani believe another big part of treating chronic pain is addressing the psychological impact it has on patients.

"The physiology of pain is really connected to the emotional part of it," Ghorbani says. "It really can exaggerate when you get upset, anxious and depressed, and (in turn) increase your pain level."

Buvanendran says mental health professionals can help patients navigate the emotional terrain of managing chronic pain.

"Patients are sometimes reluctant to see a therapist, but once they see them, they find the benefits to be extraordinary."

Oftentimes loved ones may not fully comprehend the emotional toll that chronic pain can take on you. A therapist can offer the support and guidance that you may need to help you cope with chronic pain.

Your insurance company may provide coverage for a mental health specialist. Do your research and use all the resources available to you.

I found a therapist who specialized in patients with chronic illnesses. She helped me realize that I needed to accept my illness, something I hadn't been able to do, before I could really begin the healing process. I was struggling with the loss of my health, and she helped me to understand that it was OK to feel that way.

Once we were able to work through that, I was able to find gratitude in my new life, and begin to move forward."

End of article

Luckily, I don't suffer from a lot of pain. But as my osteoporosis advances, and other effects of aging take hold, I know my pain levels will increase. Osteoporosis is not due to inflammation, so maybe these ideas won't help. But I think the advice offered in this article would benefit my overall health, not just improve any pain that I have.

I am already trying to institute some of these changes. Unfortunately, I struggle a lot with motivation and keeping to a schedule. For these lifestyle changes to work, you really need to keep up with them on a daily basis. I have to find a way to increase my motivation and decrease my tendency to procrastinate.

Two of the habits outlined in this article that I've been trying to do:

1) meditate
I have a free app on my phone. I also have a book about mindfulness. The app has 10 levels on it. I am at level one, where you are supposed to meditate for 3 minutes a day. I did well with it when I was on vacation. Since I've been back to work, I haven't meditated at all. C'mon! It's only 3 minutes a day!

2) cut down on sugar
My usual daily snack is 3 - 5 cookies per day, or a cupcake or brownies. Plus I often eat a fruit bar, sometimes a granola bar, or a small piece of chocolate. That's a lot of sugar! And I eat white rice, white potatoes, I drink gatorade and apple juice, etc. Everyone tells me not to worry about it, because I'm so thin and need to gain weight. But that much sugar isn't good for anyone, thin or not thin. I'm taking baby steps in this direction, but at least I'm trying to change. Instead of the refined sugar in the cookies and brownies, etc, I'm eating chocolate cheerios for my afternoon snack. I didn't even know they existed! They have more than enough chocolate to satisfy my sweet tooth, and they are a source of whole grain. I'm keeping myself down to one glass of gatorade per day, and trying to drink water and milk the rest of the time. Unfortunately, I do not like brown rice, but I'm trying to mix white and brown when I eat rice. And on some days I'm substituting sweet potatoes for white ones. I eat wheat or rye bread, but I don't eat the better-for-you multi-grain bread.

Am I noticing a difference in how I feel? Do I have more energy and feel more healthy? Unfortunately, no. But I'm not expecting to. I have only just started making these changes. And I'm not being consistent yet. Motivation and consistency - I need both of these if I'm going to be successful in whatever I'm trying to achieve.

librarianintx

Kat Kinsman article on battle with anxiety

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/08/living/anxiety-coping/

This is a long article, and a great one, about what it feels like to battle anxiety on a daily basis. Here are the paragraphs that resonated the most with me:

""You're so useless. You let down the people you love. Everyone who's been stupid enough to love you will regret it when they realize how weak you are." It goes on and on until my body just shuts down for a couple of hours."

"Anxiety hurts. It's the precise inverse of joy and blots out pleasure at its whim, leaving a dull, faded outline of the happiness that was supposed to happen. It's also as sneaky as hell."

"What am I afraid will happen? There's no easy answer to that. Anxiety is not easily explicable or rational -- at least not to those who don't suffer from it -- and that only compounds the problem."

"But Generalized Anxiety Disorder (300.02 in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and the single most common mental health diagnosis) is more nebulous than that. It's free-floating fear that metastasizes until it's all-consuming and often debilitating. For me, it's physically painful, from stomach, head and muscle aches to exhaustion from chronic insomnia to raw thumb skin that I've picked at until it bled -- and kept picking some more."

"It's deeply alienating to friends who assume that I didn't come to their party, show up at their event or call to explain because I didn't care enough or didn't love them anymore. It's perhaps even more humiliating to explain that I was too terrified to leave my house and interact with people in person where they could see what a drab, value-free mess of a person I am and that they'd made a mistake for ever liking me in the first place."

"Anti-anxiety medications work beautifully for millions of people. The withdrawal from a particularly wicked one nearly ended me, and the brain zaps (those are sharp, horrifying electrical currents you can physically feel inside your head) and metabolic sluggishness increasingly outweighed any benefits while I was on it. Perhaps I will change my mind someday, but for now that's not an option."

"I'm sick to death of feeling ashamed for this illness, am just plain worn out from the physical fight and angry that I've let it thieve so much life and time with my loved ones."

So I posted a good chunk of the article. Thank you, Kat Kinsman, for posting it, and for your bravery in sharing your struggle with the world. I've shared bits and pieces of my fight on this blog. Writing about it, talking about it, is hard, because you feel embarrassed. You think everyone is in control all the time, but they're really not. You don't want to look weak, or crazy, or both. And you think if people know, they will be looking at you all the time, waiting for you to have an attack. They will either shy away from you because they are uncomfortable, or they will become overprotective. But I have come to realize two important concepts: 1) People can rarely tell when you're having an attack, even people who are emotionally close to you, and 2) People are busy with their own lives. They care about you, they worry about you, but they also have their own lives to lead. They have better things to do (usually!) than stand or sit around, waiting for you to have an attack.

And two more important concepts, even more important than the first two:
1) An attack always goes away. ALWAYS. Some are worse than others, some last longer than others, but they always come to an end. Often if I can focus on something - a book, a game, a puzzle, a television show - I don't even realize until later that the attack has come and gone. Its often very hard to tell yourself that when its happening, but I think its helpful to remind yourself of that when its not happening. Sometimes when I'm concentrating on something, I'll stop for a minute and say to myself, "Oh wow, I was having a hard time like an hour ago, and now I'm fine. Cool."

2) Try to live in the moment. This has been a revelation for me. I realized that my ruminations are worries about what COULD happen. And yes, it is within the realm of possibility that someone I love could die in a car accident, or I could accidentally burn down my apartment, or I could fall and break a hip, or any number of calamities. But they haven't happened YET. And there is a good chance they won't. At least not today. Learn to live in the moment. Right now, at this moment, everything is okay. And that is all the information I need. Worrying about what might happen is pointless. The future is out of my control, at least for stuff like that. Live in the moment, and revel in the fact that in this moment, you are okay, and life is good. Learning to live in the moment has the power to increase joy and decrease worry I think. Whenever a rumination pops into my head now, I try to say to myself, "Stay in the moment. Stop worrying about the future. This has not happened, and hopefully never will. Live for today."

More to come.
librarianintx

So You Think You Can Dance

I know I'm weeks late in posting this, but better late than never, right?

My picks for top 4 all made it! Hooray for Aaron, Amy, Fik-shun, and Jasmine!

Of course I'm glad that Fik-shun won. He's been my favorite guy the entire season. But I have to admit that I do feel a bit unsettled that he won. Other non-trained male dancers have won, of course. I'm talking about Joshua and Russell. But I do think they were stronger overall dancers. Especially Joshua. But we have to keep in mind what the judges and Cat tell us all the time: SYTYCD is about finding America's FAVORITE dancer, not America's BEST dancer. So if you remember that, then I definitely think that Fik-shun was the right choice.

For sure this season no one was criticized more than Fik-shun. Blu-Print and Curtis were also criticized a lot, but they were eliminated earlier in the competition. The girls were rarely found fault with this season. I felt bad for Fik-shun. Several times during the critiques for his performances with Amy or an all star, Nigel in particular would go back to the group number to pick him apart. "You were the only one who wasn't..." he would needle. I didn't think that was fair. But I do understand that criticism can make you better at your craft, and definitely Fik-shun did grow during his time on the show. He took in all the negativity with that mega-watt smile on his face, and those eyes full of joy, and he just kept dancing. I am thrilled for him. He without a doubt made the season for me.

Aaron should feel SO proud of himself. He went from not even on the show to top 4! And the first tapper to do so! He also has a great personality; I loved his and Fik-shun's routine. Paul is a great dancer, and I was shocked that he didn't make top 4. He was very popular. I just didn't connect with him on a personality level.

I love both Amy and Jasmine. I can't choose between them. I'm thrilled for Amy and sad for Jasmine. I admit that when the season started I didn't have high expectations for Jasmine. I thought she would go out early and that her biggest draw was that she was Cyrus' ex-girlfriend. Boy, did she prove me wrong! Jasmine is amazing! She has the best legs ever on SYTYCD. And she went for it on every routine. I wish both she and Amy could have won. I think what put Amy over the top were her routines with Travis and Robert. They were both beyond stunning.

Overall, I thought this season was good, but not great. For me, I don't think this cast is going to be remembered like other seasons. Many of the dancers were very strong, especially the girls, but not very memorable unfortunately. If you put Amy, Jenna, Haley, Makenzie, Alexis, and Brittany in a row, I don't think I could tell you who was who. Especially Haley and Makenzie. Great dancers they are, but are we going to be talking about them like we still talk about Allison and Heidi and Katherine and Melanie? Many of the routines were wonderful, but would they make any top 10 lists?

I'll list my top 5 most memorable / favorite routines of the season, in no particular order, off the top of my head:
Jasmine and Alan's "blindfold" routine
Amy and Fik-shun's bellhop routine
Amy and Fik-shun's waitress routine
Jenna and Mark K.'s routine
Tucker and Robert's brother routine
And I have to also mention Comfort's reptile walk. I can't say I loved the routine, but her reptile walk was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen on this show. How did she do that?!?! That girl is mad talented! :)

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars Week 2

Latin Week! I love Latin Week! Overall I thought it was a pretty good show, but I did think some of the judges scores were a little generous. Here are my top 4, in order:

1) Corbin and Karina
Great routine! The high school sports theme really stood out among all the sequins and flash of the other costumes and set designs. Corbin is definitely the strongest of the guys, and he is in it to win it. He is a very strong contender for the title.

2) Elizabeth and Val
Wow, that was a fast samba! Elizabeth really kept up with Val. I liked her red dress and she looked great in it, but I thought she was a little covered up for a samba. I thought at some point Val might rip the skirt off or something. :)

3) Amber and Derek
A super cute routine. I do agree with Bruno though - that was much more lindy hop than a jive. Her outfit and shoes definitely read lindy hop. They had great energy, and I enjoyed it.

4) Brant and Peta
They made my best list for one thing really - their chemistry. That was quite a sexy routine. I didn't think Brant did all that much in the dance, but he did smolder, so...it worked for me! :)

librarinaintx

Big Brother Finale

Andy won the final HOH...blah

Andy and GinaMarie were the final two...blah

Andy won...blah

Elissa won the viewer vote...meh. Judd and Howard were also in the running...cool.

Julie's dress...thumbs up!

Quote of the show:
"Did I say anything Julie?" Spencer, referring to how controversial the season was. The members of the jury and the final two at that point had no idea how much the nation was talking about them.

Julie's reply: "We don't have enough time."

What a difference a day makes.

Until next summer, BB'ers.

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars Week 1

It was a good show! I was pleasantly surprised. I like the new format. It flows better. Still a little too much time with Brooke. But overall, I'm happy.

Although I think the women are much stronger than the men this season, Corbin has a good chance of winning. That contemporary routine was amazing. One thing you have to say about Karina...she will put herself in danger to make the routine exciting. It was beautiful, passionate, and definitely exciting.

And then we have to talk about Miss Riley. Girl kicked that cha cha's ASS!! I'm a huge Glee fan of course, so it was so much fun to see so many cast members in the audience - Chris, Kevin, Ashley, Jenna, Diana - Harry was supposed to be there too, but I didn't see him. To say they were enthusiastic is an understatement. And Chris was there with his boyfriend. SO cute! Okay, back to Amber. It was a fantastic routine. She is going to be fun to watch this season.

To round out my top three - Snookie, of all people! People like Elizabeth and Christina might have been technically better, but I really enjoyed Snookie's dance. She got a song where she could shake what her momma gave her, and she did. :) Like Carrie Ann said, I like people who go for it, and she went for it.

Pretty much every season I say, "Well, I may not watch this season. I don't care about most of the cast, and I'm already watching too many shows." And then I watch the first episode...and I'm hooked.

Here we go again! :)

librarianintx

Big Brother Season 15

The last night of Big Brother for 2013. What a controversial season it has been. Honestly, I don't care who wins. I don't care for anyone in the final three. I actually grew to dislike pretty much everyone this season. I think Judd has a good shot at the fan favorite vote, and I'm okay with that. I like Judd.

I don't agree that the exterminators were the ones who got Aaryn out of the house. They are pretty full of themselves if they think that. Amanda was still in the house at that point. Amanda called the shots until the day she got kicked out. Nice try, exterminators.

I think GinaMarie became a more likeable person when all of the girls were out of the house. I think she is one of those girls who doesn't get along well with other girls. I could ALMOST root for her...until I remember how she treated Candice. How she and Aaryn treated Candice. GinaMarie can be as much of a bully as Amanda. So I can't root for GinaMarie.

Hard to know how the jury will vote. If Andy makes it to the final two, will they reward him or punish him for backstabbing several of them? It appears that a few in the jury think he's a good player. I think he was lucky. He rode on McCranda's coattails for most of the summer. He calls himself an exterminator. I call him an informant. It's a fancy synonym for tattletale.

Enjoy the show BB'ers!

librarianintx

Diana Nyad

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/sports/july-dec13/nyad_09-03.html

"Diana Nyad Says Record-Setting Swim Was About Being 'Fully Engaged' in Life"

Quote from article:
"And I wanted to swim this endeavor not to just be the athletic record. I wanted it to be a lesson for my life that says, be fully engaged. Be so awake and alert and alive every minute of every waking day, because that's where I had to be for these fortunately years to get this done."

My thoughts:

The fifth time was the charm for Diana Nyad. Five times she has attempted to swim from Cuba to the Florida Keys. Four times she has been unsuccessful. During those four attempts she suffered jellyfish attacks, asthma attacks, shoulder pain, lightening storms, and currents that pushed her far off course.

Diana Nyad is perseverance personified. Each failed attempt gave her the information she needed to ultimately achieve success. Diana didn't let anything stop her from reaching her goal. She didn't let her age prevent her. She didn't let the naysayers deter her. She didn't let the jellyfish stings, the persistent vomiting, the weakness from the vomiting, the sores caused by the jellyfish mask...none of it caused her to give up this time. She pushed through all of it, and she finished that swim.

To be honest, I don't understand why someone would spend so many years trying to do something like this. Why anyone would put her body through such torment, and risk not only her life, but the lives of her crew as well. But while I don't comprehend the why, I still can applaud and appreciate the effort, the determination, the "never give up" attitude. When you think you can't do something, when you're convinced that what you're attempting is just too difficult, think of Diana Nyad.

And then try again.

"You're never too old to chase your dreams" Diana Nyad

librarianintx

Big Brother Season 15 9-5-13

Wow...a busy night of BB!!

But first, I have to go back to last week for a second. Aaryn....please do not insinuate that you speak for an entire state. Texas might still be a red state, but not all of its inhabitants are racist and homophobic. Your wide-eyed, innocent, "Southerners say those things" bullshit was both laughable and hugely insulting. Hope you have fun looking for a new job.

And now on to tonight. Thank goodness Amanda is finally gone! But what was with Elissa trying to save her at the last minute? What a terrible move on her part. All of her effort went for naught, as Andy flipped yet again, which forced GinaMarie to break the tie. Amanda absolutely tormented Elissa, but somehow Elissa thought that aligning herself with the power couple of the house would get her farther in the game? *shakes head*

Of the people left, I'm definitely rooting for Judd. He's a good guy that hasn't tried to hurt anyone. GinaMarie is a bully. Andy is a tattletale. Spencer is anti-Semitic. I think McCrae is actually a good guy as well, and I wouldn't mind if he won, except knowing that the money would really go to Amanda.

Go Judd!

librarianintx

Adventure

Yesterday my oldest niece left her home for a semester abroad. She will be based in one country, but because everything is so close in Europe, she will have the opportunity to visit multiple countries during her three plus months there.

This is an outstanding opportunity for her, and I know she will make every moment count. Luckily this girl takes after her father. He is a do-er, an adventurer. He has travelled all over the world with his job: UAE, Algeria, Singapore, Shanghai, Buenos Aires, Rome, just to name a few. My niece is not infected with the worry gene that plagues her mother's side of the family. Or if she has it, she has been able to control it. Her mother has learned over the years, in large part because of her husband I think, to have more control over this. She has been able to fly with my brother-in-law to Rome and to Buenos Aires, and to go with the family to Hawaii. They also took a cruise once. She didn't love the cruise, but she did it.

Someone asked me the other day if I was jealous of my niece. Not jealous, but envious, yes. I am a history nut, and to have the opportunity to visit Europe, especially England and Ireland, would be beyond amazing. But I don't see it ever happening. Money is of course the main obstacle. Physical health is a problem as well. But even if I somehow had the money to go, and someone to help with the physical aspects of travel, would I? If I'm being honest, I would have to say no. Because the anxiety would be too overwhelming. Too many fears. Fear of flying. Fear of flying over water. Fear of terrorism. Fear of any other number of things. Fear of fear. The list would be long. The physical and mental toll would be so exhausting.

I do still have hope that one day I will be able to get more of a handle on all of this. I have to keep hoping. But in another way I am kind of resigned to it. I've always been this way, and I probably always will be. It's never going to completely go away. I'm trying to just learn to live with it. Try to relax and not let it upset me. Getting mad and frustrated only makes it worse. Be kind to myself. Undertand that it's not my fault, and I'm doing the best I can. Surround myself with people who like me for who I am and are kind to me when I'm anxious, scared, and weird about certain things.

I don't think I'm ever going to see the world in person. But I can see the world through books. On the Internet. And in the pictures and stories of my healthy, brave, strong, intelligent, talented adventurer. She will see the world, and then she will share her knowledge, her experiences, and her memories with me.

librarianintx

Big Brother 8-29-13

Spencer could potentially be the swing vote tonight. I feel certain that Judd and GinaMarie will vote to evict Andy. And if Amanda and McCrae figure out that Aaryn and Elissa were starting to work together, then they will vote to keep Andy. I really don't know how Spencer will vote. He has been wanting to work with Aaryn. Hopefully Aaron and Elissa can convince him to evict Andy.

Wait, did I just say that? Did I just write that I want Andy to go home over Aaryn? It's just because I want Amanda out so bad. I'm not rooting for Aaryn. I know Andy said he won't be loyal to McCranda anymore, but sorry, I'm not interested in what Andy says. He's not a key player in this game to me.

Amanda has become one of the most unlikeable people to play Big Brother. She's a huge bully, but then when she feels threatened she turns on the waterworks and becomes the biggest whiner. Aarghh! Please, fellow houseguests, please find a way to get her out next week. She is making the show painful to watch.

Unfortunately, because of football, Big Brother won't be on until after midnight. Sucks! I won't know until Friday afternoon what happens. I like the show, but not enough to get up an hour early to watch it. This means I'll have to stay off Twitter so I don't get spoiled. Facebook should be safe.

librarianintx

Big Brother 15

What was going to be my prediction / strategy analysis for tonight's episode will now be a rant against posting spoilers online. People, please. I'm getting old. My memory isn't what it used to be. Usually I save the last few episodes on my DVR so I can refer back to them if necessary when writing a blog post. I've even taken notes - about who won HOH, who was nominated for eviction, blah blah. But I just went to look up one piece of information - and found out EVERYTHING that happened tonight - on wikipedia! COME ON! If you're going to post spoilers, fine, but do it in such a way that people can avoid them if they want to. I found out who won POV, and if that changed the nominations. It was in a grid with all the other information from this season. All I'm asking is that information NOT be posted until after the episode airs. Some people don't want to be spoiled. Some people want to make predictions and analyze the situation first. Our predictions may or not be stupid...but let us make them first!! Let us have our fun, let us use our brains a little, even if it is just for a silly television show. Geez! :-(

librarianintx

Big Brother

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a few weeks.

I'm still enjoying the season. But I don't have a favorite. Not even close. In fact, until Judd came back into the house, I didn't like anyone. Elissa is okay, but she can get on my nerves. I'm a girlie girl, but Elissa is beyond a girlie girl. I sort of like McCrae, but unfortunately the fact that he is with Amanda keeps me from liking him as much as I would otherwise. I do appreciate the fact that he tries to keep her in line. But Amanda is so unbearable, so unlikable, that some of it rubs off on McCrae for me. I don't have any hope that their relationship will survive outside the house. For McCrae's sake, I hope it doesn't. It would be okay with me if McCrae wins, as long as he dumps Amanda in the process.

I do like Judd. Out of the four jurors, I was definitely rooting for either him or Jessie to make it back into the house.

After Amanda, my most disliked houseguest is...not who you would expect I imagine. That "honor" goes to...Andy! Andy is a tattletale. That is the only game he has. All he does is run to "McCranda" when anyone tells him anything. Why does he trust them so much? They are a couple. The best he's going to be able to do is third or fourth place, unless he can win HOH. Why is he settling for that? If he could help get Amanda out, he would be more on an even playing field I think. There would be no Queen Bee if Amanda was gone. Maybe Aaryn would take her crown, but I tend to think that having to be the evictioner (is that a word?) for Helen and Amanda has made her squeamish about doing the same thing to someone else. Aaryn definitely is in it to win it, but I don't think she wants to be a puppetmaster.

So we'll see what happens. Maybe Elissa can backdoor Amanda. If she doesn't go this week, I think it will probably be McCranda as the final two. *Shudder* I'm having an Amber / Boston Rob "Survivor" flashback.

librarianintx

So You Think You Can Dance 7/23/13

Yep, I'm really late on this write-up, so it will probably be pretty short.

I was fine with four of the bottom six this week. I don't understand why Jenna keeps winding up there, and Alan. I was fine with Mariah and Blu-Print leaving this week.

This week I felt like some of the routines lacked the energy that was promised in the rehearsal footage, especially Nico and Alexis' jive, and Mariah and Blu-Print's jazz number. Both of those dances suffered from an abundance of tricks that interrupted the flow of the dances, and the timing of the dancers. I thought the jive was especially rough, and Nigel and Mary were too easy on Nico and Alexis.

In contrast, i thought Amy and Fik-shun's jazz, and Makenzie and Paul's hip hop were two routines that were successful. Tice's jazz number included just enough tricks to make the dance fun and exciting, but didn't detract from the flow and timing. Dave Scott's hip hop number was hot, sexy, and had great energy.

I also enjoyed the two contemporary numbers: Jenna and Tucker's Travis Wall piece, and Hayley and Curtis' piece by Dee Caspary. Bravo to Hayley for overcoming her fear of heights to dance that number! Ladders are scary!

Normally I would feel sorry for the poor pair that is dealt the dreaded quickstep. But no lamenting needed for Jasmine and Aaron, 'cause they kicked that quickstep's booty! It was a great dance to show off tapper Aaron's personality and the much-admired legs of contemporary dancer Jasmine. They did a great job on a very tough dance.

One more point: The dancers have to step it up on their solos! Makenzie was the only one who really looked like she was dancing for her life. Alan's music was exciting and the cape work was cool, but he needed to do more. The other three were pretty blah in my opinion. The dancers have to pull out all the stops and show the judges they deserve to stay on the show.

librarianintx

Big Brother 7/27/13

It was a good week on Big Brother for me. The evil trio of Aaryn, GinaMarie, and Kaitlin ended up on the block together. Oh happy day! Unfortunately, the least evil of the three went home. And the most evil won HOH. UGH!! Not much else to say. I predict that Aaryn will nominate Elissa, and maybe Candice or Howard. That is, if she sticks to her supposed agreement with Helen. I haven't watched any of the live feed this week, so I don't know what's going on behind the scenes.

I hate to say it, but I do feel a little sorry for Jeremy at this point. He might be arrogant as hell, but I think he really does like Kaitlin. And maybe she was just being coy, but when she was talking to Julie, it sure sounded like she is way less into Jeremy than he is into her. I guess we'll find out at the finale...maybe.

librarianintx

Cory Monteith's toxicology report

Cory died from a lethal mix of heroin and alcohol.

I'm so mad. I AM SO MAD. Not at Cory. He was an addict. He did what addicts do. Okay, maybe I am mad at Cory. Because he knew he was an addict, but he did things that addicts should not do. He lived with people who drank and had parties (this was several years ago.) He went to two clubs the night he died. He was around people who were drinking in the days before he died. He put himself in situations where he was around alcohol (and evidently drugs). Surrounding himself with his poisons, just months after getting out of rehab.

So yes, I'm mad at Cory, even though I shouldn't be. But I'm even more mad at the drugs. Drugs have stolen another young, talented, beautiful young man. Cory was an actor, a singer, and a musician. He also used his celebrity to make the lives of others better through non-profit organizations. He was involved in three projects in addition to Glee when he died. He was busy, he was productive, he was doing great things with his life.

Drugs took all of that away. Drugs ended what could have been decades of professional accomplishment and the personal enrichment of helping others. Drugs snatched the opportunity for Cory to marry his love and maybe raise a family. And now he'll be remembered in the annals of entertainment history as another actor dead from drugs. Just another young talent gone too soon.

The media has already moved on to the next headline.

librarianintx

Big Brother July 14th and 17th

"I am sincere in my apology to Candice to the point that she needs to know that she took my comment wrong."

That was, of course, Aaryn's "apology" to Candice on Sunday night's show. And by "apology," I mean "accusation." That is not an apology, even though the word apology is in the sentence. So is the word sincere. Aaryn evidently doesn't know the meaning of either one.

I am very pleased with the three nominees, and I will celebrate when any one of them walks out the door tonight. The only way I would be happier would be if it was the evil trio up there: Aaryn, Kaitlin, and GinaMarie.

I hope its either Jeremy or Aaryn that goes, but I have no love for Spencer either. Actually, I do like Howard, so I'm glad Elissa didn't put him on the block. I know he lied and denied and all that, but I believe he's a stand up guy. He took the high road when Aaryn and GinaMaria were bullying Candice, and helped Candice do the same. I think Howard prevented a physical altercation between GinaMarie and Candice. And even though GinaMaria started it by getting in Candice's face, they both could have been ejected, depending on what transpired.

librarianintx

Cory Monteith

A very sad day for Glee fans. I read the news on Facebook. The comment I want to make is that if drugs are what killed him, I don't think you can paint him as another Hollywood star who died of excess. Cory Monteith was an addict before he became a star. If anything, I think becoming an actor kept him alive. He found his purpose in life; he found what he was good at. Before that, he was floundering in life. He had no direction.

Of course dead is still dead. Maybe my point doesn't matter. But I think maybe we can find some sense of peace in this tragedy if we have the mindset that Cory "made it" to the age of 31, instead of focusing on the fact that "he only lived to be" the age of 31. Dead at 31 is still senselessly young. But at least he left a legacy of fans of all ages. And his scenes with Chris Colfer as Kurt and Finn travelled their journey from victim / reluctant bully to loving, accepting stepbrothers was groundbreaking, riveting television.

Cory knew he was lucky to be alive, and he was grateful for the opportunities afforded him. He donated his time and lent his name to non-profit organizations, and he worked as both an actor and singer/musician in multiple endeavors. Maybe the stress of so many projects is what caused him to relapse. I just think it speaks of his character that he wanted to do so much with his life, and that he did try to beat his addiction.

Glee won't be the same without him.

librarianintx

The Zimmerman verdict

I'm sad, but I can't say I'm completely surprised. The prosecution did not do its job, plain and simple. I knew he wouldn't get second degree murder, but I thought manslaughter was a possibility. Instead, George Zimmerman goes home a free man. And Trayvon Martin's parents go back to a life of no justice for their son.

It all boils down to reasonable doubt. It doesn't matter that Zimmerman profiled and followed Trayvon. It doesn't matter that he defied what the police told him to do. It doesn't matter that his statements were inconsistent. What matters is that those six jurors could not find him guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, based on the testimony and evidence presented. Period.

As I said earlier, I think Trayvon's parents will bring a civil suit against Zimmerman, and I think they have a chance at a better outcome. But it just doesn't seem fair to me that a 17 year old kid is gunned down walking home from a convenience store, and no one is held responsible. It doesn't make sense.

And to everyone who says this case isn't about race...even the Florida officials and the prosecutors who said that in the press conference last night...I have to say, as respectfully I can...that is bunk. Absolute bunk. Listen to the 911 tapes, to Zimmerman's own words: "He looks like he's up to no good...he looks like he's on drugs or something..." He was a 17 year old kid with skittles in his pocket! But he was also a black kid wearing a hoodie, walking in a predominantly white neighborhood. And that was enough to justify killing him. I'm sorry, I don't think a small scratch on the back of someone's head (that happened to bleed a lot) is justification for shooting someone through the heart. Zimmerman is claiming self defense; what about Travyon's right to self-defense? Who was following whom that night? Who was the one acting suspicious?

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised at all, considering a Florida jury also acquitted Casey Anthony...

librarianintx

Big Brother July 11th

Well, color me stupid.

Did I miss something? Did everyone else watching know THAT was going to happen?

The Moving Company is a sorry excuse for an alliance. They couldn't even stay together two weeks! McCrae said something like, "I split with the Moving Company to further my own game." What?! How is an alliance of six or seven weaker than an alliance of two...him and his showmance. Well, I guess he's right, since so much of the alliance bailed at the second opportunity.

Spencer is running the game? I didn't get that. Again, am I clueless? Did all the other viewers already know that?

I wasn't hugely invested in who went home. I like Helen, but I don't have strong feelings for or against Elissa or Nick. I'm rooting for people like Helen and Andy because they're the underdogs, and because they've been marginalized by the evil clique in the house. I'm SO glad Helen won HOH.

I just don't understand why they kept Elissa. There's a good chance that she'll win MVP again next week, and since her biggest ally is HOH, they'll be able to put up three people that they really want out of the house. Or put up two people and a pawn, and then try to backdoor a big threat. I shouldn't make predictions after my Elissa leaving debacle, but I think we all know Aaryn, Kaitlin, GinaMarie, and Jeremy are all strong possibilities for nomination.

librarianintx

Big Brother July 10

Good job, Candice, for figuring out that there's a guy alliance. The problem is, most of the guys in the house are in the alliance. Even ones who act like they aren't, aka Howard. And the guys who aren't in the alliance, aka Andy, aren't threats that you want out of the house.

Elissa recognizes that Jeremy is the biggest threat, and kudos to her for trying to get him out. But unfortunately that will be impossible for awhile. The Moving Company thinks he's one of them, and he's got Aaryn, GinaMaria, and of course Kaitlin on his side as well, so he's indestructible for now.

She should realize that Nick is in the alliance as well, but really, she couldn't do much more than pick a guy and hope for the best. I'm afraid Elissa doesn't have a chance in hell of staying. Her biggest ally is on the block with her, so neither one of them can vote. Its a no-brainer that Aaryn, Jeremy, and the evil majority are out to get her. So who does she have? Candice. Maybe Andy. And she probably thinks she has Howard, but she doesn't. Anything can happen on BB, but I feel certain this elimination will not be a shocker.

The next question is, if and when Elissa goes, who will America choose to be the next MVP? Candice maybe? Helen?

librarianintx

So You Think You Can Dance July 9th

Not happy with the results. Why is Alexis still in the competition? She's okay, but when it was a choice between Jasmine M., Jenna, and Alexis, I definitely would have sent Alexis home. But then again, I'm not a judge and I'm not a choreographer. And we all know how much Nigel loves his tappers.

Why were Jasmine M. and Jenna in the bottom three to begin with? What show are you watching, America? They are both fantastic! I know I shouldn't complain; I'm not voting. And I really like most of the girls this season, so it is a hard choice. But Jasmine M. gone...really? I can't stop thinking about that blindfolded routine. Sheer brilliance.

The dances last night were mostly just okay for me. It was nice to see some new choreographers on the show. My favorites were Amy and Fik-shun's paso, and Jenna and Tucker's jazzy hip hop. I love Jean-Marc Généreux's choreography, and I liked the Samba, even though Curtis struggled with it.

I just adore Fik-shun and Amy. They are rapidly becoming a super couple for me, a la Joshua and Katee, and Benji and Donyelle. Fik-shun reminds me of Joshua; I think he's going to be another street dancer that's good at everything. And I just love his personality. When he's listening to the post-dance critiques, his face is so expressive. He's got such a cute smile and his eyes twinkle. I think I have a little Fik-shun crush. :)

Jasmine H. and Aaron are another power couple. I enjoyed their routine as well. Jasmine is a definite contender to win it all. Her legs should be insured for a high price. I think Aaron is good, but Jasmine is better. She is the one who makes their duo so dynamic. If he makes it to the top 10, I don't know if he will do as well with a different partner. We shall see.

I was sorry to see Jade leave the competition. I think both he and Blu-print are equally good at animation, but I agree with the judges: Blu-print needs more personality when he performs. Jade has that personality. He has a very expressive face like Fik-shun. If Jade and Blu-print had been in the bottom three together, I would have voted out Blu-print.

Final comments: Paula Abdul didn't drive me crazy! She was a little spacey on her first critique, and I did get squeamish when she mauled Nigel (I guess she heard the accent and thought he was Simon.) But otherwise I thought her comments were on point and she was able to deliver them without stammering and acting like she was medicated. Erin Andrews was charming and funny. She reminded me of Christina Applegate.

librarianintx

Big Brother Season 15

I was happy to see that Big Brother finally showed the footage of Aaryn making her racist and homophobic comments.

I was sad to see Jeremy and Aaryn win the challenge. It was smart of Jeremy to let Aaryn take the HOH so he can compete for it next week. Jeremy is the biggest threat in the house in my opinion. He's very good at challenges, and he will try to win at all costs.

No surprise on the nominations.

LOVED Andy's comments last night!!

"I'm keeping my friends close and my Aaryns closer."

and

"...how often is it that you get to see baby pictures of the devil?"

:-)

librarianintx

Big Brother Update

That didn't take long.

Aaryn has been fired by her modeling agency.

librarianintx

Racism, Homophobia, Sexism on Big Brother

http://www.today.com/entertainment/big-brother-rocked-big-controversy-racism-sexism-homophobia-6C10523010

The 15th season of CBS' "Big Brother" kicked off just one week ago, and evidently, that's more than enough time to kick off some controversy.

As the new houseguests settled in to their summer home and started bonding with their fellow players, some of them have shown their less-than-TV-friendly sides.

In fact, the worst of the behavior -- which has included undeniably racist, sexist and homophobic remarks -- hasn't even made it to the small screen at all. Instead, live-feed viewers, who pay a subscription to see the events in the house as they happen on the "Big Brother" website, watched the action and uploaded the evidence to YouTube (the clips have since been removed "due to copyright claim by Endemol USA Inc," the production company behind "Big Brother").

The offenses include frequent use of the N-word and gay slurs by more than one contestant and much more. Some of the most shocking comments so far have come from what's shaping up to be this season's "Mean Girls" clique, made up of Aaryn Gries and GinaMarie Zimmerman.

Both Gries and Zimmerman slammed Korean-American housemate Helen Kim behind her back, each saying she should serve them some rice, with Zimmerman adding, "I'm gonna punch her in the face. I'm, like, 'Oh, maybe it'll make her eyes straight."

The two have also bashed African-American contestant Candice Stewart, accusing her of letting her "blackness show." Gries went so far as to warn her in-game ally to watch what she says in the dark because she "might not be able to see the b----."

Various slams from Kaitlin Barnaby, Jeremy McGuire, David Girton and Spencer Clawson have been somewhat less frequent, but just as upsetting to those watching the feeds. But why haven't TV viewers seen or heard any of it?

That's what some fans -- and at least one past contestant -- are asking.

Former "Big Brother" player Ragan Fox, who was part of the season 12 cast, posted an open letter to the production team on his blog.

"Houseguests GinaMarie, Aaryn, and Kaitlin referred to historically marginalized players as 'tokens,'" Fox wrote. "Sadly, they aren’t too far off in their assessment. Characters like Andy (Herren), Candice, Howard (Overby), and Helen are reduced to mere tokens when production fails to include micro-aggressions that they have to endure on a day-to-day basis. What’s the point of casting racial, ethnic, and sexual minorities if production’s going to edit out the racism, ethnic discrimination, and homophobia that these people encounter inside the house?"

Fox went on to explain why he thinks it's so important for CBS to air the offensive footage.

Aaryn Gries. "'Big Brother,' I LOVE you, but, if you really want to provide a groundbreaking twist, SHOW CBS VIEWERS HOW SOME STRAIGHT, WHITE PEOPLE talk about gays, Asian Americans, and African Americans," he said. "Capitalize on the Paula Deen controversy! Hate speech is currently a hot topic in the United States. It would be irresponsible to punt on this issue. What makes Aaryn’s homophobia and racism especially insidious is that it comes packaged in a bright-eyed, pageant-like exterior. I mean, how can somebody so sweet looking spew so much venom? Viewers would have to SEE it to BELIEVE it."

Fans have even started a Change.org petition asking CBS to expel Gries, perceived by many to be the worst offender, from the house. Over 3,600 fans have signed it so far.

As for what, if any, action the network will take, that remains unclear. TODAY.com reached out to CBS for comment about the current controversy, but a statement from the network made no mention of changes.

“BIG BROTHER is a reality show about watching a group of people who have no privacy 24/7 — and seeing every moment of their lives," the statement read. "At times, the Houseguests reveal prejudices and other beliefs that we do not condone. We certainly find the statements made by several of the Houseguests on the live Internet feed to be offensive. Any views or opinions expressed in personal commentary by a Houseguest appearing on BIG BROTHER, either on any live feed from the House or during the broadcast, are those of the individual(s) speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS or the producers of the program.”

During a 2010 interview, "Big Brother" executive producer Allison Grodner addressed past decisions not to air certain controversial and insensitive comments on the show.

"We always say that these are real people and they are not being censored in there," Grodner told Reality Blurred. "And they have opinions and so forth that we don’t necessarily agree with and condone and want to put out there further, to be honest. We really don’t want to put hateful things out there in our edits. And so for the most part, when this goes down, we keep that out of the show."

End of article

My take:
I absolutely agree with Ragan. If the contestants are saying and doing things, the public needs to know about it, and not just the people who watch the live feed. Especially this season, since the viewers are voting for a "player of the week." If all we see is a sanitized version of what's going on inside the house, our voting is going to be very different from the people who are also watching the live feed. I don't know what the percentage is of the tv viewers who also pay to view the live feed.

Aaryn has projected an image thus far (I haven't seen last night's show yet, by the way) of a fun-loving, competitive, yet seemingly harmless Texas girl, and I would have considered voting for her as a player of the week. Now that I know some of the things she has said, my perception of her has definitely changed.

I know reality tv often isn't very real, but the producers need to get real about this season of Big Brother. The people who watch the show need to see it all - the good, the bad, and the indifferent. And the contestants need to realize that anything they say or do has the potential to air on network television. They did sign a contract clearly stating that there would be cameras and microphones throughtout the house, correct?

librarianintx

SYTYCD Season 15 July 2, 2013

Really, dance fans?
Alan, Makenzie, and Brittany in the bottom this week?
I am very surprised.

My predictions would have been Mariah, Carlos, Alexis, and Nico. After that, I didn't know. So I was correct on two of the six.

In my opinion, the two strongest solos were performed by the dancers who got cut: Brittany and Carlos. Then Brittany danced a great routine with Blu Print. Of course I loved it - the setting was a library! And Carlos and Mariah took my breath away with their Stacey Tookey contemporary number. Sometimes a dance can really change your opinion of a dancer - or a couple.

No way in hell that Alan belonged in the bottom. There must have been some anomoly in his phone line or something. Makenzie was wonderful in her Viennese Waltz last week. I'm shaking my head.

Okay, I must move on. It's hard every week when the dancers leave. Some weeks are tougher than others.

My faves from tonight:

Jasmine H. and Aaron did it again! Tabitha and Napoleon put together a great routine. I loved the unique moves, and these two have chemistry out the wazoo. This number reminded me of the "cornflakes" dance that TWitch and Sasha danced two years ago.

Jasmine M. and Alan's Tango:
WOW! Mary was right, passion and physicality ignited this dance. Jasmine's dress was amazing. The lifts were beyond amazing. I was breathless by the end of this one. Spectacular.

Amy and Fik-shun's hip hop:
Nappy Tab's was 2 for 2 tonight! This is the most fun routine I've seen on the show in awhile. The choreography was hitting, the song fit perfectly, and Amy and Fik-shun were so into it. Fik-shun was in his element, and Amy kept up with him just fine. I'm still annoyed with Nigel pimping them, but he's right: their winning personalities in combination with their dance skills should keep them in the competition for a long time.

I also agreed with Nigel on Jenna and Tucker's dance. I liked it, and I think Dimitry is a very good choreographer, but it didn't have enough cha cha in it. The choreographers should not be "dumbing down" the routines. And I don't think Jenna and Tucker needed that. Definitely Jenna didn't. She's a ballroom girl. I think Tucker could have handled the hip action of the cha cha. It was fun to see him go from Broadway geek last week to latin lothario this week.

My prediction for the bottom six next week?
I really have no idea!
But here goes: Jade, Nico, Curtis, Malece, Hayley, and Alexis.
I'm not saying they deserve to be! I'm just making a prediction.

librarianintx