The Emmy's

I had a few reasons to cheer this year, and as usual, a few reasons to be pissed off. Here are my highs and lows from the Emmy's:

Highs:
Kate McKinnon wins best supporting actress in a comedy for "Saturday Night Live."
I LOVE Kate McKinnon! She is freakin' hilarious! SO happy for her!

"The People vs OJ Simpson Story" cleans up in the miniseries category.
The hard part was that several of the actors were nominated in the same categories, so that made it tough. Sterling K. Brown was masterful in his role as Christopher Darden, and deserved the win for best supporting actor, but David Schwimmer as Robert Kardashian and John Travolta as Robert Shapiro were brilliant as well. Courtney B. Vance was amazing as Johnnie Cochran, and I'm so glad he got the lead actor award, but that left out Cuba Gooding Jr. as OJ. I was so excited that Sarah Paulson won lead actress for her role as Marcia Clark. That miniseries was excellent, although I did feel a twinge of regret that it beat the remake of "Roots."

Although I've only seen the first seasons of these shows, three cheers for Jeffrey Tambor winning lead actor in a comedy again for his role as Maura Pfefferman in  "Transparent," and Rami Malek as Elliot accepting his first Emmy for lead actor in a drama for "Mr. Robot."

And woo hoo to "Game to Thrones" for winning best writing, directing, and best drama!

Lows
Some of my lows were not complete downsides. While I was very disappointed that all three Game of Thrones actresses lost in the supporting actress category (Maisie Williams as Aria, Emilia Clarke as Daenerys, and Lena Headey as Cersei), I WAS happy that Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess won again for "Downton Abbey."

But there was no joy in the best supporting actor in a drama category for me. Both "Game of Thrones" actors, Kit Harrington as John Snow, and previous winner Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister, were shut out.

Finally, the lead actress in a drama category was a huge disappointment for me. Viola Davis as Annalise Keating in "How to Get Away With Murder" and Taraji P. Henson as Cookie Lyon in "Empire" both lost, and the incredible Kerry Washington, who plays Olivia Pope in "Scandal," was once again not nominated, which is a travesty.

I didn't pay that much attention to the fashion this year, but one duo who presented stood out to me. Tina Fey looked so hot in a simple green gown, but her cohort, Amy Poehler, wore a dress in a different shade of green that looked more like a tablecloth. I think she will get skewered on "Fashion Police."

librarianintx

My Biggest Pet Peeve

Luckily, I don't have many. As I get older, I will likely have more.

I have probably mentioned this previously. I witnessed it again yesterday, and it always frustrates me. Because I ride the bus so much, it's a frequent irritation. It happens both on Greyhound and Megabus.

The pet peeve: People put their belongings on the seat next to them, so riders entering the bus have to ask if the seat is taken.

Hands down, these people are being rude. Especially yesterday, it was obvious that the bus would be full. This was the second stop on the way back to Austin, so there were people on the bus that had boarded at the downtown location. The line to get on the bus at Katy Mills Mall stretched from the parking lot almost to the door of the mall. Anyone who thought they were going to get two seats to themselves was delusional. So why do they do it? Why do they continue to leave their stuff on the seat, which makes a person entering the bus have to ask if the seat is available. You did not pay for two seats, rude people. That seat next to you is not your luggage compartment; it is a seat for a paying customer. Why do you think it's okay to let someone have to beg for the opportunity to sit next to you?

I have seen people actually refuse to let someone sit next to them. It happened to me once on the Greyhound. An older lady would not move her bag. She claimed that she didn't speak English. And maybe she didn't. But regardless, she should know the rules. I was mad and almost moved her bag, but I decided not to get into it with her. The driver didn't go to bat for me. So I just sat elsewhere. But it still bothers me when I think about that. One time on Megabus I saw a young girl stand in the aisle for a few minutes while an older woman continued talking on her cell phone, her bag in the seat next to her. I guess the young girl thought if she stood there long enough, the woman would free up the seat. It didn't work. The woman continued to ignore her. I wanted to tell the driver what was happening, but I didn't. Finally the young girl gave up and took another seat. That time, the woman was rewarded for her bad behavior. The bus was not full, and she got the two seats to herself. Even when the Megabus baggage guy walks through the bus and announces loudly, "This will be a full bus! Everyone needs to put their belongings on the floor under their seat," some people still don't do it. That makes me so mad. 

Usually in Austin I am the first person on the bus. I always choose my seat, get settled, and leave the seat next to me clear. It is common courtesy. I have no right to that seat. I have been irritated lately that sometimes the floor of the bus is dirty or wet, and I have no idea what got spilled. I don't want to put my stuff there. So I try to choose a seat on the left side of the bus, where there is a small step up. If I have to sit on the right side, then I keep what I can in my lap. It's not a great situation, but I make do.

Riders need to have more respect for their fellow passengers. Don't be so selfish. Put your stuff under your seat, or keep it in your lap. If someone asks if the seat next to you is available, don't look irritated or put out. Everyone on that bus paid for a seat. You don't necessarily have to be friendly and chatty, but you do need to be courteous.

librarianintx

Big Brother Season 18

Another fun summer with a crazy group of houseguests is drawing to a close. In the beginning of this season, I was of the opinion that this bunch of newbies were some of the worst strategists to ever play the game. And for some, I still feel that way *cough Jozea* But it was still an enjoyable show. There were fun pranks, loony comps, several showmances, lots of fights, and A LOT of tears. Several of the new contestants rose to the challenge and played the game well. Two of the returning houseguests went down in flames.

And now we're down to Paul, Nicole, and James. For me, all three of them are worthy of the win, although I don't like them all equally. Unfortunately, they have all disappointed me in some way, so I can't say I'm necessarily rooting for any of them. Of the three, James would be my pick to win. He doesn't do well in comps, but he plays a great social game, and I just like him the best overall. He's a sweet, nice guy, and only has a temper when someone is hurting a person that he cares about. I have adored his showmance with Natalie, and you can tell that he thinks the world of her. The only time that James let me down this season is when he promised that he wouldn't put Bridget up on the block, and then he did. Bridget would have likely bested him in that comp, but she agreed to drop because James guaranteed her safety, then he put her and her "ride or die" Frank on the block. I understand why he did it; the peer pressure in the house was very strong, and he believed that he and Natalie would be in trouble if he didn't do what everyone wanted him to do. I still didn't like him going back on his word.

Paul has definitely been the entertainment of the season. I love his outgoing personality and the phrases that have been made popular this summer because of him: friendship and your boy. I cracked up every time he had to pat down the houseguests and secure the house. But I didn't like Paul's mean streak. He took his times on the block personally, and started his share of fights in the house. I didn't like the way he interrogated James and when he called Michelle the "c" word. Not cool. I think he is very deserving to be in the final three, and I think he has the best chance to win because he has several friends on the jury. I would not be unhappy to see him win. I just wish he was able to get along with others in bad times as well as good.

Nicole is the sole surviving girl, and she has played a solid game. Her showmance with Cory has definitely helped her this season, but she has made big moves and won key comps too. I understand why she and Cory flip flopped, setting up a final four first with Natalie and James, then with Paul and Victor, then backstabbing Victor and joining forces again with James, but that doesn't mean I like it. I l think Nicole has a very slim chance of winning. She has too many enemies on the jury.

If James doesn't win, I hope he wins fan favorite. I would also be happy to see Natalie win fan favorite. Best case scenario: James wins the show, and Natalie wins fan favorite. A very successful showmance that would be! Will James and Natalie be a couple outside of the house? I don't know; they are very different. I think Cory and Nicole have a better shot at being the next Jeff and Jordan. But I think they could make it. They are both sweet people.

Looking forward to Wednesday night!

librarianintx

"Born This Way" wins an Emmy

Congratulations to the A&E reality show "Born This Way" for winning an Emmy in the category of "Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program."

"Born This Way" is currently in it's second season, and viewership continues to climb. The show was given a second season after the enthusiastic response to the first season, six episode run.

The show follows a group of young people with Down Syndrome as they navigate life and all of it's challenges:  dating, friendships, employment, independence, health, hobbies, and relating to family members.

This a great show: honest, real, emotional, and fun too. You can't help but root for these young people, cheer their successes with them and tear up when life doesn't go their way. For the most part, though, the show is about celebrating their milestones. I enjoy watching Rachel conquer her numerous fears, seeing John take small steps in his music career, marveling at Megan's homegrown clothing company, and witnessing Sean and Steven endure the ups and downs of their first time living on their own. I also think the interactions with the families are so important. I am amazed at how patient and encouraging these parents are. Rachel's parents do so much to help her conquer her myriad of fears. What a joy it was when she made it through her first concert, and not only survived but thrived on an overnight camping trip. Christina's parents encourage her to follow her dreams and pursue her hobbies; this season she is taking ballroom dance lessons so she can enter a "Dancing with the Stars" type competition. And Elena's parents endeavor to find a solution to her difficult behaviors and delicate emotional state. The show is full of heart and humor, and I look forward to it every week.

librarianintx

When you feel stressed...

Just look for cute pictures of dogs wearing glasses.

I feel better already. :)

Happy Tuesday! 

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars Season 23 Episode 1 Part 2

Vanilla Ice and Whitney
If you have read my recaps before, you know what's coming...
NO EXTRA DANCERS!
This is not the finale, and this was not his freestyle routine. Its not fair to the other contestants when a dancer is surrounded by professional dancers.
Okay. Rant over.
Obviously the song made this more of a hip hop routine rather than a cha cha. I didn't see many cha cha moves. It was fun, but overall just okay. The crowd loved it. As expected, Len said there wasn't enough cha cha. Actually, Julianne and Bruno said the same thing. The scores were a bit all over the place: a 5, a 6, and two 7's.

Jana Kramer and Gleb
Can you say CHEMISTRY!? Holy smokes! Pass the cigarettes! That was a hot Viennese Waltz. Sexy, steamy...content, steps, who cares? That was what I wanted to see from Amber and Maks. Jana and Gleb have IT!. The phones will light up for that dance. Goodness. Her husband must be kicking himself. I agree with Bruno...bring on the rumba next week! Of course Len was cranky about it, but I don't think anyone else was. This one will be on rewind for me. Except for Bruno, the scores were too low. He gave them an 8. They also got a 7 and two 6's. Party poopers.

JT Austin and Jenna
Wow, Jenna has been doing double duty; she was also on So You Think You Can Dance this summer. She and JT were born in the same year; how precious. Their jive was young and unfortunately low on jive content. I didn't see hardly any kicks or flicks. The judges agreed and said they were off on their timing too. The cute as a button pair got two 5's and two 6's.

Rick Perry and Emma
(Sorry, I can't help myself.Why is he on my favorite show? Jeez.)
OMG, he said it himself: "What a dumbass." Quote of the night!
Poor poor Emma. Has she ever had a decent partner? No, and her streak continues. The Texas-themed cha cha was a disaster. So was the costume. I'll shut up now. No, I won't. Pathetic. He pretty much dropped her at the end. Okay. Now I'm done. He got all 5's. Please go home Rick, so I can fully enjoy my show.

Terra and Sasha
One of the things I love most about Dancing with the Stars is when they give people with differing abilities the opportunity to dance. So I am very happy that Terra is on this show. Unfortunately, she will have to improve greatly to stay on the show. She looked great, and her personality is fantastic. But her jive was nonexistent. I saw no kicks or flicks. The height difference will continue to hamper them. I hoped she would knock my socks off, but sadly, she didn't. She's not necessarily a bad dancer, but I did not think this was a good jive.Wow, the judges saw a much better dance than I did. I'm still rooting for her though. The judges gave her three 6's and a 7.

Ryan Lochte and Cheryl
He did not get booed. That was nice of the audience. Not sure that he deserves people being so nice. But anyway, on to the foxtrot. Oh wow, wait, what the hell?!?! Someone or more than one person staged a protest or something? I don't know what happened. Crazy stuff! Live show, people. Everyone looked shaken. I'm not a Ryan fan, but whatever happened should not have happened. This show is about dancing. Ryan got all 6's. My take on his dancing: eh. It was just a'right.

Laurie Hernandez and Val
Thank goodness the night ended on a high note. Laurie is young, fresh, and she can cha cha! She looked sexy and her moves were on point. Len thought it was a terrific dance, and I concur. For me, this was the second best dance of the night, in terms of technique at least. She got three 8's and one 7 from the judges. I think that was the highest score of the night.

My top three:
Babyface
Laurie
Jana - for the caliente factor

I hope we find out what happened after Ryan danced. Inquiring minds want to know.

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars Season 23 Episode 1 Part 1

HERE WE GO!
MY FAVORITE SHOW IS BACK!
CAN YOU TELL HOW EXCITED I AM?

Ok. No more shouting. But I am excited!

And here is my first attempt at recaping during the episode. Please excuse any typos that I don't catch.

First up:
Marilu Henner and Derek
Marilu is in her 60's, but she doesn't look it, and she doesn't dance like it. She did a very good job with the jive. She had good energy and excitement. She didn't totally keep up with Derek, but she was VERY close. Good job!
The judges were impressed too. She got three 7's and a 6 from Julianne.

James Hinchcliffe and Sharna
He said he's not a dancer, but I think he coped well with the foxtrot. Often the foxtrot is a good dance for the male contestants who think they can't dance. The judges were very impressed. Julianne called him "graceful and fluid." He got great scores: three 8's, and once again Julianne was the low paddle with a 7. I thought it was a beautiful dance. I think James has more dancing ability than he thinks he does. And of course it helps that he has the beautiful and supremely talented Sharna as his partner.

Calvin Johnson and Lindsey
Certainly not the best football player they've had on DWTS, but it was an entertaining performance. He had no hip action in this cha cha,, and Lindsey did most of the work, but he looked happy and had a big grin on his face, so it was enjoyable. I think there is a possibility for some improvement. He is by no means the worst dancer to be on this show. Calvin got two 7's and two 6's.

I just have to say again how much I adore Tom and Erin.

Maureen McCormick and Artem
How sweet is Artem? OMG. And oh my gosh, Maureen is 60? Wow. Anyway, I digress. On to the dance. It was obvious Maureen was mega nervous, and trying so hard to keep her posture. She had a few stumbles, and her nervousness detracted from the dance. But it was still lovely, and you can't help but root for her. I hope she can get her anxiety under control. How cute when Mrs. Brady came over to give her a hug!The judges were encouraging, but her scores were low, two 6's and two 5's. Maureen was still glowing, so I hope she wasn't discouraged.

Babyface and Allison
That was a pretty big production number for a first dance. Babyface showed great musicality, rhythm, and leading man appeal in this foxtrot. His partnering skills look very strong. I had a little trouble with the lighting on this performance, or maybe it was my television. But I think he did a GREAT job. Performance of the night so far.I thought Len and Julianne were a little critical, and overall the scores were lower than I expected: two 7's and two 6's. I thought his scores would be higher. Mmmm....

Amber Rose and Maks
I love the song, and I thought the beginning of the foxtrot was super hot. Once they emerged from the shadow, I was less impressed. I thought it was kind of boring. Amber and Maks strike me as the couple that will light the ballroom on fire, and I thought that was going to happen with this dance. But it was just okay. I have hope for future fireworks though. I think the judges see her potential as well. Okay, so if she hates her costume, why did they have her wear it? I'm shaking my head. The judges gave her 6's across the board.

end of part 1

librarianintx

Speechless Episode 1

The premiere episode is already available online, so I watched it. While I thought it was pretty heavy-handed and awkward at times, I'm willing to give it a chance. The fact that a major network has a comedy with a disabled character played by a disabled actor is big and important and I want to support this show.

But there was quite a bit of the show that left me shaking my head. Some of it was just so over the top. Maybe it was supposed to be. Maybe it was hyperbole. The school that was trying so hard to be inclusive had the only ramp at the back of the school by the dumpster? The only black guy at the school used the word "crippled"? The school had a planetarium?  The girl who was the lone member of the astronomy club is dating a football player? Ok, cool in a way, but I'm sorry, not very realistic. And if she's that smart, why is she dating a jerk? If they're dating. She said "friend."

But I digress.

The technology aspect was a little behind the times. Why does JJ need an aide to speak for him? Why doesn't he get a speaking AAC (communication device)? Because the family can't afford it? That would make sense. They're not cheap. But there is funding available. Maybe this will be addressed in a later episode. Even if he has a talking AAC device, he would likely still need an aide for assistance,  so that would still fit with the storyline.

Am I being nitpicky?

I don't think I'm being nitpicky on this point. The family needed a disabled parking placard for their van. I know the scene was supposed to be funny, but that bothered me. They deserved to get a ticket, disabled son and all. The woman in the car was portrayed as both meddling and trying to out-disable the kid in the wheelchair, but she was actually right to call them out. It was a poor lesson that Maya was teaching JJ, that being in a chair allowed him to ignore the law.

Still, a lot of it did work for me. Minnie Driver is great as Maya, the Advocate Mom from Hell. I especially like Mason Cook as the younger son, Ray. I think the portrayal of a boy dealing with a sibling with a disability, adjusting to yet another new school, etc, was spot on. He could be the breakout star of the show. I also enjoyed John Ross Bowie as the dad, Jimmie.

I think there's room for improvement. But I WAS entertained. So in that respect, "Speechless" was a success.

librarianintx

Regret

I was talking to a friend the other day about regret. Specifically I was saying that I don't think anyone should regret anything in his/her life. Who you are friends with, who you are romantically involved with, the jobs you have, the hobbies you enjoy - all change and evolve as you go through life. That doesn't mean that you should regret the time, money, energy you spent liking someone or something. Unfortunately its easy to say, "Oh, I spent five years with that person, and he/she broke my heart. What a waste!" Or, "I was such a huge fan of this band, and now I'm into a totally different style of music. I wasted so much money on their concerts and merchandise." But all of these experiences help shape you, make you the person that you are. Regret is an emotional wasteland. There is no benefit in regret. Don't wallow in it. Instead, try to focus on the good times, how happy and excited the person or thing made you feel. Think about the experiences you had, the memories you made, what you learned from the relationship or hobby or job. Everything you do in life has meaning and purpose. Perspective is key.

librarianintx

#noprocrastination

For day one of a five day vacation, I've been reading, I mailed cards to all my nieces, I unloaded the dishwasher, I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and I went out for a nice lunch with friends. I had the cards written and the kitchen cleaned up before I took my shower.
#noprocrastination

librarianintx

SYTYCD Next Generation

Monday is the performance finale of So You Think You Can Dance: The Next Generation. I wasn't going to watch at all this season. I though the idea of child dancers performing with the All Stars was a bad idea. But it has been a very entertaining season. These kids are TALENTED! And surprisingly humble. We haven't had to deal with stage parents, or unnecessary drama. The eliminations have not been painless by any means; there have been a lot of tears. But Cat, the judges, the choreographers, and the All Stars have been very sensitive to the fact that they are working with 8 - 13 year old kids. The rehearsals look like a lot of fun. The critiques have been mostly glowing. And the eliminations have been mercifully quick, with a lot of praise for the dancers who fall short of the finale.

I think all of the kids are very good, and every single one of them could have been in the finale, and I would understand why. Having said that, however, the final four are not the ones I would have personally chosen. It all comes down to what style of dance you prefer. Tap is my least favorite style of dance. But that doesn't mean that Emma isn't great, or doesn't deserve to be in the finale. JT is super adorable, and I have loved his performances with Robert. But is he a better dancer than Tahani, or Ruby? But this has always been the premise of SYTYCD, and I absolutely agree with it: "The search is for America's FAVORITE dancer." Not necessarily America's BEST dancer. The winner will be the young person that the majority of the people who vote liked the best.

Who was my favorite this season? Impossible to say. I honestly do like them all, and I'll be pleased with whoever wins. They all have strengths, and they all deserve to have long, successful careers. As I've said before, I was thrilled to have THREE ballroom dancers this season, and I think they were all terrific. I also really enjoyed watching Tahani. There was wonderful interaction with all the pairings of kids and All Stars: laughter, tears, hard work, learning together, sharing their gifts with the audience and with each other. They have all made friends for life for sure. 

librarianintx

Consistency

It felt so good to walk out the door this morning, heading out of town after work for a five day vacation, to know that I accomplished just about everything I wanted to before I left. Sure, I was putting clean laundry away five minutes before ride arrived, but I got it done. Did I take of everything? No, but darn close. And I'm okay with that.

Still, I struggle so much with consistency, and I don't like that about myself. What's the problem? Do I set unrealistic goals for myself? I don't think so. Why is it so hard for me to do the things that I want to do every day? Why can't I get in two servings of fruit? Why don't I read at least twenty pages of a book? Why is is so hard for me to blog every day? To journal? Some days I accomplish what I want to, the goals that I set for myself, and I'm so happy when I do. But then the next day, I fall short, and then I'm upset with myself. Maybe my goals should just be: "Try to do "X" every day." Try to drink at least one glass of water. Attempt to exercise. Make an effort to do a journal entry. But don't beat myself up if it doesn't happen.

Easier said than done.

My reasons for coming up short are several. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fatigue. Difficulty concentrating. Not enough hours in the day. Spending too much time worrying. Trying to do too much. One task taking much longer than expected. But usually nothing I'm trying to do takes me as long to accomplish as I think it will. Maybe I just have too many goals to achieve in one day.

But I keep plugging away. I had two servings of fruit yesterday. I doubt I'll have any today. I didn't have any water yesterday, but maybe today. I think I read a few pages yesterday; I'll likely have more time today. I blogged yesterday AND today! Hey! A two day streak!

Maybe consistency just isn't in the cards for me. Maybe I need to be okay with, "Do
'X' as often as I can." Celebrate on the days that I achieve my goals, and on the days I don't, shrug, smile, and say, "I'll try again tomorrow."

librarianintx

Second quote from Facebook

My mantra for today.

librarianintx

Quote from Facebook

In my case, there is usually the urge, the desire, to be productive - but procrastination and fatigue often win the day.

librarianintx

DWTS Season 23 Cast - My Thoughts

In just about every season of DWTS, there are contestants that I don't like, and ones that I don't know. I still love the show, and of course I will watch. This season it seems there are even more contestants that I don't know, and two in particular that I wish were not going to be on the show.

Here's the list of celebrities and their professional dance partners:
Maksim Chmerkovskiy & Amber Rose
Valentin Chmerkovskiy & Laurie Hernandez
Artem Chigvintsev & Maureen McCormick
Sasha Farber & Terra Jole
Derek Hough & Marilu Henner
Witney Carson & Vanilla Ice
Lindsay Arnold & Calvin Johnson
Jenna Johnson & Jake T. Austin
Allison Holker & Babyface
Sharna Burgess & James Hinchcliffe
Emma Slater & Rick Perry
Cheryl Burke & Ryan Lochte
Gleb Savchenko & Jana Kramer

Who did I have to look up on Wikipedia?
Terra Jole
Jake T Austin
James Hinchcliffe
Jana Kramer

I guess four isn't too bad, but it is rather high for one season. I have heard of the Little Women of LA so I sort of know who Terra Jole is, but I've never watched the show. They have paired her with the shortest male dancer, but I think this will still be quite a challenge for Sasha. Still, I'm all about DWTS featuring differently-abled contestants, so I'm all for this. From what I know of the show, Little Women of LA has a cast of strong, sassy, independent females, so I say bring it Terra!

I think you can guess which two contestants I'm upset about: Rick Perry and Ryan Lochte.
Rick Perry - really? Poor Emma. Is she ever going to get a decent partner? I know, I haven't seen him dance. I don't need to. I know he will be terrible. Sorry, but he will. I have lived under his governorship for years. I don't want to see him on my favorite television show. End of rant.

And Ryan Lochte? The Ryan Lochte who disgraced our country at the summer Olympics? "Lyin" Ryan is going to be on my favorite show? Do I know what actually happened in that gas station in Rio? No, I don't. But he has admitted wrongdoing. Even if he didn't lie about being held up at gunpoint, he still vandalized a bathroom in a foreign country, then fled back to the United States and let his teammates take the blame and get detained. I understand that he probably signed a contract before all of this came to light, and DWTS doesn't want to deal with a lawsuit. But he does not belong on this show. It will be very interesting to see how the live audience reacts to him. And if anyone decides to vote for him.

As for the professional dancers, I'm very happy to see Cheryl Burke back on DTWS. And Maks too - as a dancer. I did not enjoy Maks as a judge.

So, I'm ambivalent about some of the contestants, and supremely irritated about a few others. But its my favorite show, and I'm going to enjoy it. Season 23 - here I come!

librarianintx

Sugar rush

It has been the week of sugar at work. A dizzying amount of the white stuff. A donut AND a brownie on Tuesday. A chocolate chip cookie on Wednesday. Chocolate ice cream on Thursday (swoon). And this morning - carrot cake with very sweet frosting AND another scoop of chocolate ice cream. I'm surprised I'm not hopping around the office like a kangaroo. OMG, it was all SO good, but I'm also feeling very guilty. I have seriously fallen off the sugar wagon. More than fallen. I've rolled off and been run over repeatedly. I need to get back on track. Even when I was eating sugar daily I RARELY consumed two sugary snacks in one day. I have now done that TWICE in one week. And I just found out that there is an ice cream festival in town tomorrow.

No. Absolutely NOT.

librarianintx

Bare feet

I have sensitive, delicate feet. I like pedicures, but don't enjoy the part where they scrub the bottom of your feet. That always makes me squirm. I don't walk outside in bare feet. I can't handle walking on twigs or rocks or anything like that. Even when I'm inside I'm usually wearing socks. For awhile I would even wear my shoes inside the apartment. I would get home from work but not take my shoes off until I went to bed. Weird, I know. I finally stopped doing that. These days, though, I'm enjoying going barefoot in the apartment. I'm not sure what's changed. But it feels good. It feels relaxing. I think for some reason when I was younger, my feet used to sweat a little and stick to the carpet. But that's not happening anymore. I'm sure many people would view this as a strange post. Why is she talking about how going barefoot makes her happy? For me, being able to walk around barefoot is a feeling of freedom. My feet needed to be covered by something at all times - socks, shoes - but now they can be unencumbered, and it feels good.

librarianintx

Weird Dreams

Have I mentioned before that since my CO2 is coming down and the bipap is doing its job, my dreams are more vivid and I remember them more often - and many of them are so bizarre.

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was at some restaurant / museum that was in a swimming pool. I know, right? Crazy. I love to swim, but it was a bad situation for me because the water was freezing, and I can't handle cold water. So there were stations with all this delicious food, but you had to swim to each station, and I was stuck at the entrance to the place, watching everyone else eat and being able to smell how good everything was. There was also all this adorable butterfly stuff that you could buy - shirts and posters and mugs - but again you had to swim to a station.

At one point a friend tried to put me on his shoulders and get me to a station, but my balance was too poor, and I started to fall backwards. I got scared, and he put me back on the steps at the entrance.

At the end of the dream, the water suddenly drained, and I was able to eat and buy butterfly stuff.
So there was a happy ending at least.
But really - so strange!!

Luckily, even though some of the dreams are disturbing, I usually wake feeling fairly refreshed. So I'll take the weird dreams and be exceedingly grateful for how good the bipap is making me feel. Extremely appreciative. 

librarianintx

Things I tend to lose

I haven't reached that stage in life when I lose things frequently - yet. I am to the point when I walk into a room and don't remember what I needed there. I have misplaced my keys a time or two, and I've left my phone at home twice. That is a big deal, because I am very attached to my phone, as many people are. The first time I forgot my phone it was quite an ordeal, because I was going to Houston for the weekend. I didn't have a way to contact my friends or family there. I was at the bus station, stressed out and fretting, and left a semi-hysterical voicemail for my roommate using the phone in customer service, asking him to text my mom and my friends and explain the situation. About thirty minutes later, I was on the bus, feeling like I was missing a limb because I didn't have my phone in my grasp. I look up from my perch in the front of the Greyhound, and there is my dear roommate, holding up my phone, with a big grin on his sweet face. I burst into tears of relief and appreciation. He heard my voicemail, left work, went home, found my phone in the odd place I left it, and brought it to me. Weekend saved.

There are two things, however, that I do tend to misplace: sunglasses, and the butterfly ring that I wear nearly every day. Okay, be honest, girl, you don't misplace sunglasses: you lose them. This is because I usually have them in my hand and lay them down somewhere, like in the Metro Access car or in the grocery store. When I use a case for the sunglasses, I am less likely to lose them. Luckily I don't have prescription sunglasses. I buy the $5 Walmart sunglasses because I lose them so often.

I tend to misplace my ring because I am actually trying to take care of it, so I take it off when I wash my hands or am doing dishes. Its very delicate, a rope band with the butterfly hanging down from the ring, so I think if its exposed too much to water and soap the butterfly will eventually detach from the ring. But the problem is, instead of using the ring holders that I have, I tend to put the ring on the counter, and then I don't remember where I put it. One time I put it on top of a can, and when I picked up the can, the ring went flying across the kitchen. Once again, my roommate came to the rescue and found it.

These days I am using the ring holders more often than not, so I am misplacing the ring less, which makes me very happy. This morning however, the ring holder became part of the problem. The holder was very close to the sink, and in my haste to separate the ring from the holder, the ring again went flying, and this time landed in the disposal! Crap! My driver had already arrived and I needed to leave, but I couldn't leave my ring in the disposal. I would have had OCD all day at work. I could see it, but it took me a minute to dislodge the ring from the disposal. Luckily there wasn't anything yucky down there. The ring was saved once again.

My mom went through a terrible time of losing things when she went through menopause. She lost her keys several times, and had pretty legendary fits of rage. She also threw some checks in the trash. I hope these events are not in my future, but likely, they are.

librarianintx

Personal Care Attendant

For about a month, I had a great new PCA. She was dependable, helpful, and eager to please. She was early nearly every day, and never asked to leave before the end of her shift. She was a good cleaner, and enjoyed the praise I gave her when she wanted me to check her work, and make sure she was doing her job to my satisfaction. This PCA was only nineteen years old, and this was her first employment experience. Her age and the fact that this would be her first job gave me pause about hiring her, but I'm glad I decided to take a chance. We were able to accomplish much in one month's time. We arranged my bedroom closet and parts of the kitchen. We cooked together twice. For a month I felt organized and secure in the knowledge that I wouldn't have to struggle to do everything on my own - cooking, shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc. I appreciated the little things that she would do for me without even being asked. I enjoyed her youthful exuberance, and we chatted about music and cute actors. It seemed as if she actually liked coming to work, which was so refreshing. She didn't balk at anything I asked her to do, even cleaning the oven. She was patient on our long waits for the paratransit rides, even though she claimed she was not a patient person. She bagged the groceries herself at the supermarket, and insisted that she help me to my apartment in a downpour, covering me with an umbrella. "l'll just make a run for it," I told her. "Oh no!" she replied. "I'm not letting you fall down." She is actually an inch or two shorter than me, but she could reach high shelves in the store and carry heavy bags of cans and cleaning products. She tried tofu for the first time when we made spinach stuffed shells, and said she liked it. We were very different in age and cultural backgrounds, but we shared a fondness for chicken and potatoes in any variety. :)

And then the day after I returned from the Fourth of July holiday, an afternoon that she was supposed to work - bam. I get a text from her: "Bad news - I've moved to Houston." No warning at all. I was dumbfounded. I called and got her voicemail. I left a message, asking her to call me back. I just wanted to know what happened. I wanted closure. But she hasn't returned my call, and I know she's not going to. I contacted my case manager. Time to start the process again.

I'm not taking this personally. She did not quit because of me. She lives with her mother, and I firmly believe it was her mother's decision to move. My PCA may not have found out until the last minute. Still, she could have let me know, even if she had to give me bad news on a holiday. The sooner she informed me, the quicker I could begin a search for someone new.

I'm trying to look on the bright side of things. I'm grateful for the month we worked together, and all that we were able to accomplish. I enjoyed my time with her. I appreciated her hard work and dedication to her job. I will look back on our month together, and remember how good it felt to have someone who was reliable and took her job seriously. I hope her life goes well for her. And I have to have faith that my next PCA will
have many of the same qualities that made the former PCA such a pleasure to work with.

Everything in life happens for a reason. 

librarianintx