The actual topic for this writing challenge is relationships, but I've decided to write about friendships. I wrote in an earlier blog that the most important thing in life is motivation, and I still believe that. But friendships are very important too. Unfortunately, they can be hard to find, and even more difficult to maintain. Some people have friendships that endure for most of their lives. They meet as children, grow up together, grow old together. Those are very lucky individuals. Other people struggle to make and keep friends, for a number of factors.
When I was very young, my family moved frequently, so it was next to impossible for me to maintain friendships. Until the age of 10, I moved four times - from Orlando, Florida, where I was born, to Sherman, Texas; then to Corpus Christi, Texas; then to San Antonio, Texas; then finally to Houston, Texas.
Unfortunately, my school and college days made it hard for me to develop friendships. I have a disability and chronic illnesses, so I spent much of my high school years on homebound and half-day programs. I didn't go to football games, movies, the mall, the beach, and out to eat like other kids. I lived in the dorm in college, so I did develop friendships there, but I had to concentrate more on my classes and projects than most students because of my health issues. I also went home every weekend when I was an undergrad, so I missed out on any weekend social activities. Graduate school was a time when I was the most social. I lived in a different city from my family, so I didn't go home every weekend. Dorm life had it's challenges, but for the most part I loved it, because I could hang out with people without having to get anywhere. We would have parties in the common area, gather in rooms for television shows and movies, order pizzas, etc. On weekends we would go to clubs, movies, and out to eat. I was concerned when I started graduate school that my disability would keep me from making friends, but the friends I had were very accepting, and treated me like everyone else.
As an adult, I have had to focus on work, doctor appointments, and taking care of myself and my surroundings. There isn't much energy or time left for a social life. I envy co-workers and other people I know who can go out on weeknights - dinners, parties, movies, concerts - and make it to work the next day. I have joined a few meet-up groups, but many of the activities occur during the week, so I can't go. My weekends are often spent catching up on rest and doing chores that I couldn't get done during the week. I also have a caregiver who comes at least three times a week, so I have to keep a schedule with her.
Maintaining friendships when you have a chronic illness is very difficult. People like to go out and do social activities - few people want to come over and just hang out at your apartment. Making plans is tough because I don't know how I'm going to feel and if I'm going to have the energy to do anything. Transportation is another huge hurdle for me. It can take literally hours for me to get somewhere to attend a function. Many people do not like to give rides - it takes up their time and maybe they're worried about liability as well.
I do have friends, and I do have a social life to a certain extent - I go to concerts and movies occasionally, and I have attended a few meet-up events. My roommate and I have friends who come over for television shows and special events like the Academy Awards. We also gather for friends birthdays. But I would like to have more social interaction. My health is better than it used to be, and if I had better transportation and was more connected to people I think I could get out more, especially on the weekends. It's something I'm working on, and definitely not giving up trying to achieve. I also endeavor not to focus on my lack of friendships. That only causes frustration and depression. I fight my fatigue and fill my time as much as I can with solitary pursuits that I enjoy - reading, blogging, journaling, and playing games.
librarianintx
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