SYTYCD: TNG Episode 3

I still like it. As a big ballroom fan, I was thrilled to see all the ballroom couples, especially since there was a dearth of ballroom last season. I felt so bad when the boy made it to the academy and his female partner didn't,  but I think the judges made the right decision. The boy is a very good dancer.

I don't know how they are going to whittle down this group from 100 dancers to just 10. This is an exceedingly talented bunch of young people.

librarianintx

SYTYCD: TNG Episode 2

I still think the show is charming. Even when the young dancer threw up on Paula. "She just squeezed me so tight that all the happiness came out ... on her jacket." You have to admit, that's a darn cute way to describe vomiting. Paula was very sweet and handled the situation with class.

My gripe with this episode - the outfits these girls were wearing! Honestly, I'm not a prude, but yeesh. I experienced a few Jon Benet Ramsey moments. The revealing costumes, the make-up ... too much. Even the boys - they were dancing contemporary, but being shirtless isn't a requirement for that genre, or any style of dance.

librarianintx

So You Think You Can Dance: The Next Generation

I finally watched the first episode. I actually liked it. The kids are quite talented. The parents and families were not annoying. Neither were the judges. I was entertained. The only cringy moment for me was at the end of the episode, when the young ballroom dancer cried and begged for her and her partner to have a second chance. After letting her get semi-hysterical for dramatic effect, Nigel consented, and the pair went through on the second attempt. Too much unnecessary drama there, and I think allowing some contestants to have more than one audition sets a bad precedence.  Otherwise, the show gets a surprising thumbs up from me.

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars finale

I'm not going to write a traditional recap since the show ended weeks ago. I'll just say that it was a wonderful season as usual. Although I'm so proud of Nyle for winning and believe he is worthy of the title, I can't help feeling that Paige was robbed. She was SO strong all season. She is the whole package - dance ability, sex appeal, athleticism, and a great backstory.

I have to admit that I was underwhelmed by the competition part of the finale. Usually the freestyles are so exciting, so innovative, and I was honestly disappointed by all of them. In my opinion, Nyle's WAS the best, and often the person who performs the best freestyle wins the competition. I expected Paige's freestyle to blow me away. Given how outstanding all of her routines were this season, I was waiting for a "rock my world" performance with daredevil tricks and spicy moves. Her freestyle was lovely and intensely personal for her and Mark, but unfortunately it didn't affect me as much as I hoped it would. Nyle's freestyle was very powerful and it did move me, but overall I still wasn't as excited as I wanted to be.

The only routine I truly enjoyed that night was Paige and Mark's salsa. I loved the Pitbull song, the dress change, the way the dance floor exploded in a burst of red and orange that resembled fire. Paige was super sexy and the tricks were awesome. I yelled at the tv when Len said she didn't have enough hip action. Then I watched the routine a second time, and I could see what Len was saying...kind of. I think there was a lack of hip action because of the lifts and partnering. Still, I adored the routine. I thought it was caliente! That dance DID NOT deserve a 9!

Thanks for another entertaining season, Dancing with the Stars! See you in the fall!

librarianintx

So You Think You Can Dance

The new season has started, but I haven't seen any episodes yet. I'm two behind so far. I'm trying to decide if I want to watch this season. It's a given that I'm going to watch Dancing with the Stars every season. It's one of my favorite shows. But So You Think Can Dance has been waning for me over the years.  A big reason why are the judges. I've never been a fan of Nigel, Paula annoys me, and although I enjoy Jason Derulo as a singer and dancer, I don't think judging is his strong suit. This year the show is trying something new: So You Think You Can Dance kids edition. All of the dancers are young, not 18 and over like usual. I'm hesitant to start watching. Part of me thinks I won't like the new format. Part of me is afraid I WILL like it, and then I'll have another show to watch, when I'm trying to cut down on tv. Each episode has only been an hour so far, so maybe I'll give it a try. But I'm still waffling. Maybe I'll catch up this weekend. Maybe not.

librarianintx

Body washes

I have a mild addiction to body washes. I already have a few from Bath & Body Works, but whenever I get a coupon for a store brand, I buy another bottle. There are currently four in my shower, and a few more in the cabinet. My favorite scents are vanilla sugar, sweet pea, and orange. This morning I tried mandarin for the first time. I like it! I'm all into my surroundings smelling good. My mom gave me a butterfly nightlight that you can put scented oil in. It lasts for about three months, and wow, does my room smell great!

A friend was in my bathroom recently, and laughed at all the bottles in my shower. I don't mind. Variety is the spice of life. I enjoy choosing a scent based on what I'm wearing. I have a bunch of body sprays and lotions too, but i don't use the lotions much.

I've been through times in my life when taking a shower was an anxiety-producing experience. So I appreciate and relish the days when showering is the relaxing and rejuvenating activity that it is intended to be.

librarianintx

Shoes

A few years ago I found these great shoes at Payless. I was going to the Ms Wheelchair Foundation - a fancy affair at an upscale hotel in Houston. I was wearing a new pink dress and needed shoes to wear with it. Clothes are hard enough to find in my size, but shoes are even tougher. I typically wear a size 2 - that's a child size! It has been next to impossible for me to find adult-looking dressy shoes. And I can't handle anything with a heel because of my weak ankles and poor balance.

And then I found the dressy shoe of my dreams - peep toe, a wedge I can manage, cute little bow, but still adult-looking shoes - and I found them in pink! Hot damn! To my even further euphoria, I discovered they also came in black, brown, and red, and secured those a few weeks later.

These are the best dressy shoes I have ever had. Comfortable, attractive, and useful. I have worn the hell out of the black ones because I wear a lot of black.

So I guess I jinxed myself. I received multiple compliments in one day about the shoes, and I gushed about how comfortable they are. I wasn't lying. They ARE comfortable. But when you wear the same shoes for three days in a row, for 12+ hours a day, in the Texas heat, with no panty hose - yesterday my feet HURT, and I noticed the inside of the shoes had small spots of blood on them. I loved the shoes so much I tried to kill them - and my feet - by wearing them too much.

I am hoping I can clean them, but in the meantime, luckily I found another pair in black and in my size, and I ordered them online. I could not find them in any of the other colors I have, so I will have to be very careful with those.

After a good night's sleep and a gentle scrub in the shower, my feet are somewhat better today. Lesson learned I hope. Don't love your shoes more than you care about your feet.

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars 2016 Semi-Finals 5/16/16

I was hoping to write weekly recaps for Dancing with the Stars, but my spring got too busy. What a great season of dancing we have been privileged to witness! Here is a quick recap of the semi-final rounds in order of my favorite dancers:

Paige
For the trio round, Paige and Mark teamed up with Alan. Duh, of course they did. Paige and Alan steamed up the ballroom in week three when Mark injured his back. For the trio round, the three danced an almost African-inspired Samba, and the result was...SMOKIN' HOT!! OMG! Paige totally went for it, and did not hold back. She was the absolute star of that dance. Her solo dancing was fantastic. The trio earned a perfect score of 30, and lots of grilling and innuendo from Erin about Paige and Alan's "friendship." The conversation was deliciously uncomfortable. :)

For round two, Paige and Mark danced an Argentine Tango, which made their first round trio dance look completely chaste by comparison. Oh. My. Goodness. This dance was almost illegally sexy. I think its the sexiest dance in the history of this show. It was basically a strip tease with brilliant choreography. Wow. WOW. WOW. H-O-T. I'm surprised they didn't hand out cigarettes to the audience at the end of this one. Holy Mother of Goodness. Damn. Carrie Ann and Bruno were orgasmic. Len said it was too spicy. Ah, c'mon Len! He gave them a nine. Travesty! That dance deserved a 50! Instead, they earned a 29.

Wanya
For the trio round, as is her usual MO, Lindsay chose Whitney as their third member. Their Paso Doble was dramatic and electrifying. In the Paso, the female dancer usually shines, but Wanya really worked it. He never phones in his dances. Wanya got a hug from a Carrie Ann, a standing "O" from Len, and a perfect score of 30 for his trio dance.

For round two, Wanya and Lindsay danced the Charleston. I loved everything about it - the bright costumes, the tricks, the fun, how light Wanya is on his feet, his musicality - everything. The judges loved it too. Wanya and Lindsay earned a perfect 30 for their second dance as well.

Nyle
For the trio dance, Nyle and Peta were joined by Jenna for a Jive. How cool that Jenna knows sign language and can communicate with Nyle! The dance was fun, energetic, and Nyle's musicality is absolutely insane! He did lose time a bit and Peta had a slight slip that Bruno and Carrie Ann noticed. Nyle and his ladies earned a 27 for their trio dance.

Nyle and Peta's second dance of the night was an Argentine Tango that resembled a contemporary number in my opinion. For a few seconds of the dance Nyle was blindfolded, which the audience went crazy for. It was a beautiful, sensual dance. I loved the part at the end, when he put his head in her lap. What a great partnership they have had. Nyle and Peta took home a perfect score for their second dance.

Antonio
Antonio and Sharna were joined by Hailey for their trio Argentine Tango. The dance was slow to start, but overall was good, and the lifts were the best part. The Argentine Tango is all about drama, and this dance had drama. The trio took home a score of 27 for this one.

Antonio and Sharna's second dance was a Contemporary routine. I loved how triumphant the feel was - no matter what place they finish in, Antonio has grown so much in this competition. He has become a dancer. I was waiting for that spectacular lift, and I was not disappointed. I also love the connection between Antonio and Sharna. Antonio earned his first ten with this dance, from Bruno! His overall score was 28.

Ginger
Ginger was the lucky girl who got to be the filling in a Val / Artem sandwich. What girl would say no to that? "Yes, please!" as Erin would say. Their Paso Doble was exciting and sexy. The music for all of the dances on this night have been so on point. The judges liked the dance, but Bruno pointed out that she lost her shape a bit. The trio earned a 27 for this one.

Finally, Ginger and Val danced a Quickstep. I have to interject a mini rant that I find it unfair that Ginger and Val was the only couple of the night to snag a famous singer on the floor with them (Leona Lewis). The dance had great speed, and I absolutely adore Ginger's spirit and enthusiasm.Unfortunately, Carrie Ann noticed that Ginger got caught up in her dress at one point. Because of that, Ginger and Val earned a 29 for this dance.

All five of these celebrity dancers are great, and I would have been happy to see any of them in the finals, but I was especially rooting for Paige, Nyle, and Wanya (even thought I didn't vote for anyone.) In the end, I got two out of three. Paige, Nyle, and Ginger will be in the finals! We had to say goodbye to Wanya and Antonio (sniffles).

librarianintx

Zach Anner

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/if-at-birth-you-dont-succeed-zach-anner/1121861958?ean=9781627793643

Last week I moderated an online discussion of Zach Anner's book If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny for a neuromuscular disorders Facebook group that I belong to. I had met Zach at his book signing in town, and asked him if he would be a part of the discussion. I was thrilled when he made it to event, and even more pleased that he stayed for the entire 90 minute conversation!

Zach was a co-winner of a reality show on the Oprah Winfrey network and won his own travel show called "Rollin' with Zach." He's also an Internet and youtube session, with several successful web series: "Workout Wednesdays," "Riding Shotgun," and "Have a Little Faith," the latter produced by Rainn Wilson's company Soul Pancake. Zach has never let cerebral palsy slow him down or stop him from being hilarious, resilient, and always looking on the bright side.

About twelve of us participated in the online book discussion, and it was wonderful to have an opportunity to ask Zach questions about his book and his outlook on life, and for members of the Facebook group to share some of their travel stories with him. 

The book is fantastic - laugh out loud funny, poignant in parts, with a super great message of turning negatives into positives and failures into success. For example, in one chapter he talks about his struggle in school physical education classes. He was terrible at sports, and strongly disliked having an adaptive PE teacher assigned to him who basically allowed him to cheat, which caused resentment among his classmates. But he turned that negative part of his life into a positive later on, as his web series "Workout Wednesdays" became his most successful online endeavor so far. 

The term "inspiration" can have a negative connotation, but to me Zach Anner is inspirational. He didn't plan to be a spokesperson for the disabled community, but simply by being an entertaining, hardy, open person, he is breaking stereotypes, expanding mindsets, and showing all of us how to find the humor and the grace in unfortunate events.  

librarianintx

Survivor Season 32 Finale

I finally watched the Survivor finale. My one word review: "Meh."

Michelle was not my pick to win. But I honestly didn't have my heart set on anyone winning. Cydney, Tai, and Aubry all did more strategizing and blindsiding than Michelle did. But I do agree that Michelle came on strong at the end with the challenges, and the other three seemed to fade a bit.

Still, I'm surprised that Tai didn't get any votes. I feel bad for him, because more than anyone he went against his principles to lie and blindside. But I think he is feeling a lot of love from the fans, so that should help him deal with the emotional aftermath of being a Survivor contestant.

Hopefully Tai is comforted by the knowledge that he managed to keep a group of starving people from eating his beloved Mark the chicken. And thanks to superstar Sia, he is now $50,000 richer because of his respect and care for all living creatures. So uplifting to see goodness rewarded.

Even though this was not a great season to me, Survivor remains one of my favorite shows (despite Jeff Probst). I had wanted to write recaps, but I didn't have time unfortunately. Maybe next season.

librarianintx

What makes me happy

Big things and little things make me happy.

Little things like a desk organizer make me happy, so I can keep my ballpoint pens, sharpies, and highlighters in separate sections, and have a tray for small paper clips and a pull out drawer for sticky note pads. As I've mentioned previously,  organization makes me happy.

And important events make me happy, like witnessing my middle niece graduate with honors from college.

Having a mom who will offer to eat the tough piece of shrimp and selflessly gives you more than your share of the soft crabmeat from the shared shellfish dinner makes me very happy too.

Yes, we're Jewish, and we're eating shellfish. (whispering )

librarianintx

On the road again

Megabus - ing my way back to H-town.

Shoes off.
Book in my lap.
Central Texas springtime rolling by.

But it's not as pleasant this time.

Reasons:
No A/C
Swollen feet
A moderate case of bus sickness.
Something black floating in my sippy cup of water. Insect remnants? Mold? Bits of plastic?

I'll just lean my head back and dream of a cool breeze and a refrigerated gatorade. And hopefully avoid thoughts of poisoning or cancer from whatever the hell is in this water.

This trip will be a success if I can avoid vomiting AND get my feet crammed back into my shoes.

Holy crap! A purple grape just rolled by me on the floor. I thought it was a roach. I think I'm hallucinating....

librarianintx

Adventures in solo shopping

My caregiver was let go from the agency about three weeks ago. She and I have been working together for about five years. I've had four caregivers, and by far she and I had the best relationship. I'm not happy to no longer have her, but rules are rules, and I can't fight the situation. I have to move on, and find someone else, even though I don't want to. One of the personality traits I appreciated most in my caregiver was her easygoing and non-confrontational attitude. I worry about conflict and strife with anyone in my life, and I don't want to deal with that with a new caregiver.

So yesterday it was off to the grocery store by myself. Luckily I'm pretty independent when it comes to shopping. I struggle with heavy items and I tend to get nervous at the check-out, especially if people are behind me in line. But I can get around by myself, and I rarely need to use a store scooter. I do have one problem though: there is usually at least one item on my list that is too high for me to reach.

Yesterday that item was milk. I could reach the half gallon, but I didn't want a container that big. I'm leaving town in two days, so a pint would be the preferred size. I could make two shakes with a pint of milk, and probably have enough left over for one or two shakes next week before I needed to buy more. I super hate to waste food, and I didn't want the milk to spoil before I used it all. Plus, the half gallon would be heavier. And since I never know how long I'll have to wait for my ride, I didn't want the added risk of a larger container of milk being out of the refrigerator for an extended period of time. At least I remembered to bring my insulated bag.

So I stood by the refrigerated case for a long time, staring longingly at the pints of milk on the top shelf, wishing I could reach one by myself, and knowing it was an impossible dream. I looked for other options - were there maybe small cartons of milk somewhere reachable, instead of the bottles? No. The small cartons were half and half, not milk. I could reach cartons of soy or almond milk, but again, they were larger size. And more expensive. And I don't like the taste as well as regular milk. There were small bottles of chocolate milk that I could get to, but I didn't want chocolate milk.

I stood there for a ridiculously long time. At one point I turned my cart around and started walking away. I gave up. I convinced myself that I could do without the milk. "You're leaving in two days," I argued silently. "Are you even going to have time to make a shake today or tomorrow? Just wait until next week. It's no big deal. Save your money. And your effort. And whatever emotional turmoil is making it so difficult for you to ask for help."

But then I got stubborn. Back I came to the milk case. A short, rotund HEB employee was stocking water in a nearby aisle. I asked him if he could reach something for me. He agreed promptly, with no visible signs of annoyance or frustration. I led him to the milk case, and ten seconds later the pint of the white stuff was safely in my grasp. Problem solved. Quickly, easily, with no conflict or animosity. Why did it take me so long? Why is it so hard for me to ask for help?

I went right home and the first thing I did after I put the cold items in the refrigerator was to make a shake. You better believe I will do everything in my power to drink every drop of the milk I struggled so hard to garner.

librarianintx

Standing

Building on my last post -

Standing. It's getting tougher.

Maybe it's more difficult these days because I'm enduring my typical inner ear Spring flare-up. That's the best case scenario - that I can tie it in with that and eventually it will improve.

Monday was a rough one. Work and then I had a doctor's appointment - with the inner ear specialist! It was just my yearly appointment to get my med refills basically. During the approximately four minutes that he's in the room with me, he typically spends three and a half minutes using a touch screen computer and the other thirty seconds looking in my ears. That's it. See ya next year.

The 30 minute window for my ride home began at 4:45. My appointment was done shortly after 3:30. So around 4:45 I went downstairs. And thus began the hardest part of the day. Because there is nowhere to sit downstairs. No bench or chair inside or outside. I can't sit on a curb because I can't get myself back up. And there are two entrances to that building. So I needed to be outside to make sure I didn't miss my ride. This is what curb to curb service means.

So there I stood for nearly thirty minutes, trying not to lose my balance; trying not to worry about how bad my thin hair looked blowing in the hazy wind of a humid afternoon; trying not to cry as people exited the building, slid into their cars, and drove off; trying not to worry that I looked like a homeless person asking for a donation.

Since standing next to something can somewhat help my balance, I was near a car, but not leaning up against it in case it had an alarm. And suddenly guess who's standing next to me: my doctor! Guess who is the owner of the car that I chose to help me attempt to stay upright?

"Waiting for your ride?" he asked.
It's already one of our longest conversations ever.
"No, I'm just choosing to hang out in this parking lot by myself," I replied inside my head.
"I'm about to take your leaning mechanism away," he said, or something to that effect.
"Yippee!" I thought.
Of all the cars to pick.
Thank goodness I saw the van pulling into the parking lot at that moment, and I waved my arm as high as I could manage.

Relieved, I hoisted myself into the seat. I rode home with a lady and her gorgeous long-haired golden retriever dog guide. Too bad it was a guide dog and not a therapy dog. I could have used a big nuzzle and some wet kisses.

My appointment was at 3:30. I got home around 6.

librarianintx

Waiting for the bus

After a nice Mother's Day breakfast at Denny's, where Mom and I were surprised by an anonymous person paying for our meal, we headed to the Megabus stop for another Sunday of my journey home. This is a ritual that takes place at least once or twice a month. Mom and I go out for breakfast and then she waits with me at the stop until the bus comes.

I used to ride Greyhound, but a few years ago the local bus company, Kerrville, was taken over by Megabus. Greyhound is still operating, but now they only stop at the downtown bus station in Houston. They do not pick up or drop off in any outlying areas. If you have ever been to the downtown Houston Greyhound bus station, you know why I avoid it all costs. Despite security presence, the place is dangerous, especially just outside the building. The last time I was there, some guy threatened another guy with a crowbar. The Megabus stop in downtown Houston is a parking lot with a temporary building offering restrooms, limited seating, snack machines, and protection from the weather. Somehow it feels safer than the sturdy Greyhound station. I've had a few pandhandlers approach me on the Megabus grounds, but no one has had a crowbar - yet.

Megabus is way better when it comes to disability accommodations, which is another reason why I prefer it. I don't love waiting outside in the elements, especially in Austin, but there are plans to move the stop to another location which will feature a small building so we can wait inside and have easy access to restrooms.  When you purchase your tickets online with Megabus, you click a button that says you're a disabled passenger, and then specify what kind of assistance you need. Your name and reservation then appear on the driver's manifest, and you are able to board first if you want to. With Greyhound, you are supposed to call a a toll free number and give an operator your information. Maybe the situation has improved by now, but when I was riding Greyhound, the driver rarely received that information. The workers at the Austin Greyhound station were usually nice and tried to be helpful. They would have me wait in a customer service office and then someone would retrieve me when the bus arrived so I could board first and not have to stand in line. Except they would often get busy or somehow forget about me, and I would be trying to get myself and my luggage to the bus as everyone else was boarding.

But the real problems came at the Houston station. I would check in at the customer service desk, then have a seat and someone was supposed to escort me to the front of the line before the other passengers started to board. Except again, they often forgot about me. So me and often my Mom would be trying to get to the front of the line when the bus arrived. And people who had been waiting in that line were not happy to see someone cutting their way to the front. Not happy is an understatement. One time we caused a near riot. A man was furious and when my mother, who is sometimes a little too brave in my opinion, shot back that I was disabled and that's why we were cutting, the man retorted, "I don't care if she's disabled. She needs to wait in line like everybody else." Other people in the line agreed with him and started heckling us. He was pissed, my mom was pissed, other passengers started to get mad, and I was terrified. No Greyhound employees or security personnel came to our aid. I begged my Mom to get someone to walk her to her car, fearing some kind of retaliation, but she didn't, and luckily she was okay.

So I have some PTSD about waiting to board a bus. Luckily I've never had a problem with Megabus. Until last Sunday. At least this time the situation was extremely minor. People were lined up at the stop while Mom and I waited in the car. It was a windy, drizzly day, but it wasn't just the weather. The unfortunate fact is that I am having an increasingly difficult time standing. I'm walking decently, but my poor balance is making standing in one place very hard. So when we saw the bus, Mom grabbed my luggage while I scooted across the street and managed to position myself as first in line. Mom had caught up with me in time to hear a lady say with annoyance, "Excuse me, the line is back there." My mom immediately said, "She has special seating." At that point, the driver recognized me and motioned me over to board first. That was the end of it. The woman didn't say anything else. Crisis averted.

But I still feel unsettled about it. I can honestly understand the woman's frustration. No one likes to see someone cutting in line, especially when you've been following the rules and waiting with at least some level of patience. She doesn't know me and she doesn't know my circumstances. Maybe she would have been more understanding if I had rolled up in a wheelchair or pushing a walker. I could get one of those walkers that opens into a seat, and then I could wait in line like everyone else and not have to stand. But I'm not ready for a walker yet. And if I had a walker, it would be another thing that I would have to physically deal with on my trips, in addition to the bipap and my luggage.

If I don't board first, then I run the risk that the downstairs part of the double-decker Megabus will be full by the time I get on. Then the driver would have to ask someone to give up their seat and move upstairs. I'm obviously nervous that such a scenario would cause even more annoyance and frustration.

I'm not trying to ruin anyone's day or ask for unnecessary special treatment. I'm just trying to get on a bus.

librarianintx

Keys to my success today

Not counting my earlier post regarding my co-worker, here is what I think helped me get through the day today:

Going to bed early last night
Drinking water
Eating protein
Being organized
Staying calm
Persevering

librarianintx

Staying calm in an emergency

Today a co-worker, I'll call her D., was talking to me in my cubicle when she aspirated on the cough drop or candy she was sucking on. I think most of us have been there before - suddenly you've got saliva in your windpipe, and every time you take a breath you make a gasping noise. It's more scary than serious, at least in the short term. For most healthy people, they can clear their airway and cough productively to prevent  pneumonia.

D walked away from my cubicle, and then stood a few paces away, gasping. I feel very guilty that I stayed in my cubicle at first, rooted to my chair in my fear. By the time I went around the corner, another co-worker, LJ, had walked from halfway across the room. Without a word she stood by D and started gently rubbing her back. Her presence was so calm and comforting that within a few seconds D's gasping slowed and then stopped. By then, three more co-workers had walked over. We formed a circle around her, and she was able to talk and say she was okay. Relief was evident, and we all said we've been there before and know how scary it feels.

I marvel at LJ's quick but calm approach that in my opinion brought the situation to a swift resolution. I think her gentle reassurance helped D. to relax and clear her airway more rapidly. Aspirating has always been a frightening occurrence for me because I am more susceptible to pneumonia than the average person. I have always had a big fear of choking. I wish I had been there more for my co-worker, and not become frozen in fear. I'm glad she's okay, and grateful that someone was there who can be brave and strong in an emergency.

librarianintx

Mother's Day

I'm not a mother, and I don't think I ever will be. I don't see myself marrying a man with children still to raise. When I was in high school, I fantasized about a home and children with my then - boyfriend,  but that's all there was to it - a fantasy.

Yes, women with disabilities raise children, but I knew this was not the life I would lead. You have to possess so much physical and emotional fortitude to be a parent - and my stamina in both realms is often sorely lacking.

My father died when I was very young, so I was mostly raised by my mother. She was my everything for so many years, and leaving her daily physical presence to build a life in another city was the hardest thing I've ever done. Raising me and my sister by herself was of course the toughest thing she's ever done, and she did the best she knew how to do. I see her often and we talk on the phone almost daily. I know how difficult it is for her that I live away from her, and I hope she understands that it was a decision I had to make in order to become self sufficient and maintain my independence.

So to all the moms out there - I hope you enjoyed the day set aside specifically to celebrate you and ALL that you do for your families.

librarianintx

The Arts

Touching on a theme from my post the other day - I have rather poor balance, and no sense of rhythm. There are many activities I wish I could do - sing,  draw, play an instrument, especially the piano- but I think if I could choose one hobby that I could physically do - I would want to dance. Well, maybe playing the piano and dancing are tied on my wish list. Of the two, playing the piano is a more feasible possibility. My roommate has a keyboard - maybe someday I can take some lessons. My hands are fairly weak and I have a poor sense of timing, so I'm doubtful about a successful foray into playing the piano.

Dancing is even more of a dream. I know that's why Dancing with the Stars is one of my favorite shows. And daydream I often do, especially when I'm on the bus or using Metro Access. Then I see myself floating across the floor in an elegant waltz, kicking and flicking in a high energy jive, shaking my ass in a sexy samba, or being lifted over the head of my partner in an emotional contemporary performance. I know it will never happen, but still I dream. And every season I see celebrities work hard to achieve their dancing dreams, and I cheer them on from my living room couch.

Dreaming is fine, but having realistic goals is important. There are hobbies that I can be successful at, and those are the ones I should focus on. If you spend all your time being upset about what you can't do, you miss out on the opportunity to cultivate that which you can achieve.

librarianintx

On the bus

On the Megabus earlier today: shoes off, temperature just right, munching on a mesquite-smoked chicken (hormone, nitrate, and preservative-free) and havarti sandwich while rolling through the Central Texas countryside awash with wildflowers and a clear blue sky and mobile blogging about last night's concert - it was a good day.

And yes, the above is a run-on sentence. I know this. I am an English major. I'm asking you to call off the Grammar Police and focus on the emotion the words are intended to convey.

librarianintx