Adventures in solo shopping

My caregiver was let go from the agency about three weeks ago. She and I have been working together for about five years. I've had four caregivers, and by far she and I had the best relationship. I'm not happy to no longer have her, but rules are rules, and I can't fight the situation. I have to move on, and find someone else, even though I don't want to. One of the personality traits I appreciated most in my caregiver was her easygoing and non-confrontational attitude. I worry about conflict and strife with anyone in my life, and I don't want to deal with that with a new caregiver.

So yesterday it was off to the grocery store by myself. Luckily I'm pretty independent when it comes to shopping. I struggle with heavy items and I tend to get nervous at the check-out, especially if people are behind me in line. But I can get around by myself, and I rarely need to use a store scooter. I do have one problem though: there is usually at least one item on my list that is too high for me to reach.

Yesterday that item was milk. I could reach the half gallon, but I didn't want a container that big. I'm leaving town in two days, so a pint would be the preferred size. I could make two shakes with a pint of milk, and probably have enough left over for one or two shakes next week before I needed to buy more. I super hate to waste food, and I didn't want the milk to spoil before I used it all. Plus, the half gallon would be heavier. And since I never know how long I'll have to wait for my ride, I didn't want the added risk of a larger container of milk being out of the refrigerator for an extended period of time. At least I remembered to bring my insulated bag.

So I stood by the refrigerated case for a long time, staring longingly at the pints of milk on the top shelf, wishing I could reach one by myself, and knowing it was an impossible dream. I looked for other options - were there maybe small cartons of milk somewhere reachable, instead of the bottles? No. The small cartons were half and half, not milk. I could reach cartons of soy or almond milk, but again, they were larger size. And more expensive. And I don't like the taste as well as regular milk. There were small bottles of chocolate milk that I could get to, but I didn't want chocolate milk.

I stood there for a ridiculously long time. At one point I turned my cart around and started walking away. I gave up. I convinced myself that I could do without the milk. "You're leaving in two days," I argued silently. "Are you even going to have time to make a shake today or tomorrow? Just wait until next week. It's no big deal. Save your money. And your effort. And whatever emotional turmoil is making it so difficult for you to ask for help."

But then I got stubborn. Back I came to the milk case. A short, rotund HEB employee was stocking water in a nearby aisle. I asked him if he could reach something for me. He agreed promptly, with no visible signs of annoyance or frustration. I led him to the milk case, and ten seconds later the pint of the white stuff was safely in my grasp. Problem solved. Quickly, easily, with no conflict or animosity. Why did it take me so long? Why is it so hard for me to ask for help?

I went right home and the first thing I did after I put the cold items in the refrigerator was to make a shake. You better believe I will do everything in my power to drink every drop of the milk I struggled so hard to garner.

librarianintx