A moment

That moment when you've delayed returning a call from a patron because you figure he's going to be angry about what you need to discuss with him...

And then you're on the phone with him...

And he is totally chill and understanding about everything...

Relief!
Happy day!
:-)

Librarianintx

Amazing Race finale

I'm not four for four. Adam and Bethany came in third on the Amazing Race. I'm sure they were disappointed. They came in first on several of the legs, and were very strong in the finale. But the final challenge was very difficult, and Bethany struggled.

As I expected though, they took third place in stride. They have every reason to hold their heads high and be proud of themselves. They ran a great race, they weren't dirty players, and they worked exceedingly well as a team. We never once saw them argue or get frustrated with each other. They encouraged each other and faced every challenge with enthusiasm and positivity. They were a joy to watch.

Thanks for a great season Team Surfers!

Survivor, and other reality tv season finales

I am very pleased with who won Survivor last night. I was rooting for either Natalie or Keith, but I really wanted Natalie to win. To be honest, I found her and her sister rather annoying when they competed on the Amazing Race, but I liked her on Survivor, and I definitely think she did more than enough to deserve the win. She gave up rewards to further herself in the game, she volunteered to go to Exile Island, she found an immunity idol, she won a few challenges and came close in others, and she made several huge moves at Tribal Councils: single-handedly flipping the game to get Alec out before Keith, working with others to get John out, and in the biggest move of the season, giving her immunity idol to Jacqui so they could get Baylor out. That was such a huge move, because it broke up the mother-daughter alliance, and I think she knew that if she could get Keith out after Baylor, then she would be left with Jacqui and Missy, and neither one of them had done enough to deserve the win. And that is exactly what happened. Natalie made the big, sometimes tough plays, and that's what you have to do to win Survivor. I admire Missy and Baylor for understanding that Natalie had to make that strategic move. I know they weren't happy about it, but they didn't hate her for it.

I know this is old news, but I didn't have a chance to blog about it until now. I am very happy with who won Dancing with the Stars as well. I was rooting for Alfonso and Whitney the whole season. They were so much fun to watch. Janel and Val was my second favorite team; I was disappointed that they ended up in fourth place. But they Top 4 teams were so strong this year, that I honestly would not have been that disappointed to see either Sadie or Bethany win as well. I am not a Duck Dynasty fan at all, but I think Sadie is a sweet girl and I am very impressed that she made it to runner up with absolutely no dance experience.

And going even further back, I was also happy with who won Big Brother this summer. Derek played a masterful game, right up there with some of the greats. I really wanted Donny to win, but I knew he wouldn't. I'm so glad he won fan favorite; I figured he would. Frankie was another favorite of mine early on, but he got too full of himself as the game went along. He was entertaining though, that's for sure. Derek definitely deserved the win. Overall this season was so much better than the previous summer; the contestants were so much more likeable - even Devin. Zach got on my nerves sometimes, but evidently many people liked him because he was in the running for fan favorite. I thought I would hate Caleb because of the pre-show press about him, but actually I liked him. I felt bad that he was blindsided so badly, and I also felt bad that Amber didn't have feelings for him. But in the end I am very happy that Derek won.

Now if Bethany and Adam win the Amazing Race tomorrow night, I will be four for four for the reality television year! I don't watch the Amazing Race every season like I do the other shows; I watched this season specifically because of Bethany. She rocks!! If only I could be as brave and strong and beautiful inside and out as she is. Fingers crossed for Team Surfers!

librarianintx

Fingernails

Actually, this post is about thumbnails. My two thumbnails. Odd subject for a blog post? Yes.

When you have a disability, compensation is a big part of your everyday life. My hands and neck are the weakest parts of my body, so without even noticing I accomplish certain tasks by compensating for my lack of hand strength. I use my thumbnails to put my necklace on, to do zippers, to open my case for my retainers, to punch pills out of a blister packet, etc. So now that both of my thumbnails have been torn off "at the quick" as my mom says, I don't have them available to me, and I'm not sure how long it will be before they grow back sufficiently to use again. A few weeks probably. I say "without even noticing" because until I started to put on my necklace in the morning and was having a lot of trouble fastening it, I suddenly realized, "Wow, I use my thumbnails to do this." I was able to get the necklace on, but it took longer than usual. Likewise with the zipper, retainer case, and pill packet.

Even though I have a disability, I am exceedingly fortunate that I can do just about everything for myself. I have trouble with opening bottles and jars, changing my bed, pushing a vacuum cleaner, taking heavy pans out of the oven, etc. But I can bathe, dress, feed myself. I can cook and wash dishes. I am pretty independent. I always, worry, however, what will happen if I can't use one of my arms. One is not strong or agile enough to do the work of both.

Several years ago one of my hands got caught in a CAT scan bed. I didn't break it, thank goodness, but it was badly bruised, and I didn't have the use of it for two or three days. So I found out quickly how more disabled I am when I only have the use of one hand. Suddenly I had great difficulty dressing, bathing, and making food for myself. Even going to the bathroom was difficult. I have a caregiver, but she only works for me nine hours per week. Friends and family said to me, "Just ask your caregiver to work more hours for a few days." But it doesn't work that way. Not the managed care that I have. She COULD work more hours for me, but she wouldn't get paid for it. I would have to hire someone else, or hire her, and pay out of my own pocket.

I made it through those few days. From what I remember, I ate mainly sandwiches that my caregiver prepared in advance, I wore pull-on sweatpants that made going to the bathroom easier, and I probably didn't wash my hair. I don't think I was able to work, if I was working at that time. I survived my bruised hand. I also survived being stung on my hands by a wasp a few years later. I am very fortunate that these incidences lasted only a day or two. My fear involves breaking an arm, hand, leg, or hip, which would result in weeks or maybe even months of increased dependence.

So I am grateful that I have only lost the use of my thumbnails, and this is a temporary situation that will resolve in a short period of time. I can still do the tasks that are usually accomplished with my thumbnails, I just have to take more time and have more patience. A tiny problem in comparison to what many people face on a daily basis.

If I had more resilience, though, I wouldn't have even thought to write a blog post about this.

librarianintx

President Obama's Address

I'm not going to discuss President Obama's plan on immigration. What I want to talk about is the television networks deciding not to carry his address to the nation.
I think that's wrong. And I would say that no matter who is president. A presidential address to the nation should always be carried by the four major networks. Obviously I watch a lot of tv shows, and I was just as excited as anyone to watch the mid-season finales of Grey's Anatomy,  Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. I didn't want the shows to start late, which meant I would get to bed late.

But I think the leader of our nation should always take precedence over entertainment. Always.

It might be hard to believe, but there are people in this country who do not have access to cable news stations. There are people who do not have Internet access at home. Many, many people cannot afford a smartphone with a CNN or yahoo app.

When I said this to my mom,  she replied, "Well, it will be in the newspaper tomorrow. " My response: "Newspapers aren't free. Unless you read them at the library. But if you're working two and three jobs to make ends meet, when are you going to have time to go the library?"

Like it or not, television is the best medium for disseminating information to the people of our nation. Some apartment complexes offer basic cable as part of the rent. Maybe that would include CNN,  maybe not. But it would definitely include the local ABC,  CBS,  FOX, and NBC affiliates. They should have carried President Obama's address to the nation.

Librarianintx

Survivor Blood v Water II

Wow, Julie took the coward's way out, didn't she? First she hoarded food, which is a big no no of course. She didn't apologize or try to explain herself. And then she just quit. She quit, even after she was told that people were willing to work with her, that they weren't planning to vote her out.

I think it shows that Julie wasn't interested in being a team player. She had to know how wrong hoarding food is in this game, but she wasn't willing to apologize or make amends to anyone. She didn't want to work with anyone.

So she cried to Jeff that she was homesick for her controversial boyfriend John Rocker. I have to say, Jeff was surprisingly easy on her. It kind of irritated me that he was so nice to her. I remember, I think it was one of the all-star seasons, when someone's mother was dying, and she wanted to go home. Jeff was such as tool to her, basically called her a quitter, and had all the contestants gather together to discuss their thoughts about her decision.

He made me so mad. Seeing her mother before she died was more important to her than a million dollars. Don't shame her for that. And quit wasting her valuable time. Let her get on the plane and get home to her mother. You can hold a discussion about it after she left if you felt you must, because you think you're king of the show. The contestant did make it home in time to say goodbye, thank goodness.

I wonder if Julie will be on the reunion show.

librarianintx

Another Dancing with the Stars note

The most disappointing contestant for me this season - Antonio Sabato Jr.  I feel bad saying that, because I know he's a good guy, and he really tried hard to learn the dances.

I just had high expectations for him. He's such a hot guy; I thought he and Cheryl would sex up the dance floor like she and Gilles Marini did.

But alas, such was not the case. They worked really hard, but Antonio never figured out how to use his hips. He almost figured it out on the salsa, but not quite. I still think he was better than Tommy Chong and Michael Waltrip, but as we fans know all too well, the worst are not always eliminated first.

So good try, Antonio. And don't worry, you are still all kinds of hot.

I also have to say again, I love Erin Andrews! She is far and away the best hostess the show has had. I enjoy the post-dance interviews now. And she and Tom are great together.

librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars

Nearly every season I hesitate about watching "Dancing with the Stars." Especially when it was on for two nights every week. It's such a big time commitment, and I already watch so much television. So I usually try to talk myself out of watching. "I don't know very many of the contestants. Maybe it won't be that good this season." But every season I watch it, and every season I so enjoy it. If there is one thing I wish I could do, I would want to dance.

This season there have been more bad contestants in my opinion, and a few of them are often pretty painful to watch, bless their hearts. There is a real gulf between the good and bad contestants that remain in the competition. The good ones are really great, and the bad ones...are just not going to improve. In my opinion, Lea is the only star that's somewhere in the middle. There is no doubt that she can dance, and she has had moments of greatness, but her nerves often get the best of her. Unfortunately the judges' comments haven't helped her comfort level. The one week where she looked the most relaxed and sexy, the judges told her she was trying to be someone else and she should be herself. Huh? Lea is sexy!

I think anyone in the top four - Alfonso, Janel, Sadie, and Bethany - have the capacity to take the Mirrorball trophy. There is a good chance it will come down to who executes the best freestyle in the finale. History would tell us that Derek and Bethany have the greatest odds in that case, followed by Mark and Sadie. Whitney has never choreographed a freestyle, and Val's freestyle with Zendaya a free years ago resulted in their second place finish.

It's a race to the finish, and I look forward to the next few weeks. I haven't voted yet, but I may start next week. I really like both Alfonso and Janel, so I may have to split my votes. I could vote on my land line for one and my mobile phone for the other.

librarianintx

The Time is Now

The time for resiliency is now.
The time for productivity is now.
The time to combat procrastination is now.
The time to combat fear is now.
The time for me to be happy is now.

librarianintx

Negative thinking

Negative thinking is probably my biggest obstacle. It pervades every aspect of my life. Now that I've realized this (shocking that it took me forty six years to do so!) maybe I can chip away it. Negative thinking keeps me from being the resilient, motivated, accomplished person that I want to be.

Yesterday I began what it is for me a pretty strenuous activity - sweeping the patio. I like to do it because it is a good form of exercise for me, and I like the feeling of satisfaction when the space looks nice and tidy.

Halfway through the sweeping, though, I noticed how negative my thoughts were as I was working. "You're doing a bad job today." "The patio isn't going to look as good as it has in the past." "I'm too tired today." "I feel weaker than usual." "Why am I bothering? I'm not going to be happy with the results."

What the heck? Why am I always so hard on myself? Why do I always set myself up to be at the least disappointed in myself, and at worst feel like a complete failure? So I worked on my thinking. I said to myself, "I'm doing the best I can." "I can do this." "I think it's going to look okay."

It was a fairly windy day, so I knew I would not get the patio devoid of leaves and dirt, and that should never be the goal anyway for an outdoor space. When I put the broom down and scooped the leaves and as much dirt as I could into a plastic bag, I surveyed the area. Not a bad job, I thought. I didn't reach every corner and crevice, but I never do. I think I did about as well as usual, and that is pretty good. The patio looked nice.
And I didn't give up.

Negative thinking can steal so much of the positivity available to you in life. If you have a critical voice in your head, and I suspect everyone does at times, silencing it can be a time-consuming and tiring task. But definitely necessary.

Overall, the weekend was quite productive. I accomplished almost everything on my list. I feel more organized, and that always makes me feel happier and calmer.

librarianintx

Blog about Mindfulness

Nine Ways Mindfulness Helped Me Deal With Chronic Illness

http://blog.healingwell.com/2012/02/9-ways-mindfulness-helped-me-heal-with.html

Mindfulness was not a term I was familiar with when I was diagnosed with chronic illness 17 years ago. Looking back, I wish I had known more about how to practice it in my life. It would have saved me a lot of worry, distress, and hopelessness. I've since learned that mindfulness is a set of skills for healing, intuition, insight, calmness, focus, resilience, and hope that you can use to counter the inevitable adversity of chronic illness.

Psychology Today defines mindfulness as:

"a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."

Like so many of you, I've dealt with my share of disappointments, heartache, pain and tragedy, many of which have followed from being chronically ill. A few years after my diagnosis with chronic illness, I was rear ended in a car accident that left me with chronic pain in my head and neck (officially known as occipital neuralgia). It often left me with debilitating headaches that made even everyday tasks seem overwhelming. At the same time, my wife and I were expecting our first child in a few months and I was was trying to finish graduate school. The stress of chronic illness, injury, impending fatherhood, and my dim career prospects weighed heavily on me. I didn't think I could survive it. It was too much. I didn't bargain for this.

This was not in my life plan!

I soon found myself spending a lot of time involved in catastrophic thinking. I was caught in a self induced whirlwind of anxiety where I imagined irrational worst-case scenarios for just about everything. What if I end up permanently disabled? How can I be a good father if I'm always sick? What if my next treatment doesn't work and I get even worse? How can I even contemplate my career future if I can't even get through a day without blinding pain? This led to a state of fearfulness, anxiety, and depression where I constantly worried about the past and the future, sometimes simultaneously. I felt paralyzed. I was unable to find any hope for the future or move forward with any purpose.

Not much has changed in my physical symptoms since those days. I still have chronic head and neck pain after spinal surgery failed to resolve it. I still get migraine-like headaches that can feel at their worst as if the world is collapsing in on me. I still deal with the daily muscle pain and stiffness of Fibromyalgia and suffer from recurring painful "attacks" with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (which for years was misdiagnosed as Crohn's Disease).

But a LOT has changed for the BETTER in my life!

I'm now a father of 4 wonderful children. I have a satisfying career that has enabled me to develop professionally and support my family financially. I'm a lay leader in my local church with the opportunity to give rewarding service to others. I have a beautiful home and a loving wife. In short, I am blessed.

So what changed?

Mindfulness.

Practicing mindfulness is still a learning process for me. I'm by no means an expert. But over the years I've been fortunate to learn some of the basic skills of how to be more mindful. Here are 9 ways mindfulness has helped me heal with chronic illness and can help you too:

1. Be good to yourself, treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

2. Live life with awareness in the present moment.

3. Know yourself, don't let your illness define you.

4. Enjoy the beauty of things as they are, not as you wish they were.

5. Recognize and explore sources of healing, peace, spirituality, and calmness to develop your resilience for the hard times.

6. Seek healing by serving others around you.

7. Surround yourself with people that love, support, and inspire you, especially when facing adversity.

8. Let go of the life you had planned and accept the opportunities and hopefulness of the life that awaits you.

9. Be grateful.

It hasn't been easy. It's a rocky road sometimes. I still have moments of self pity, anxiety, depression, fear, and hopelessness. We all do. But I don't linger there long. The gratitude that mindfulness brings won't allow it!

Here are a few sites on mindfulness I hope you find helpful:
•Mindful.org - Living with Awareness and Compassion
•Tiny Buddha - Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives
•How To Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill
•Turning Straw Into Gold

End of blog article

This is a great article. I have only scratched the surface of trying mindfulness and meditation, but I'm already seeing a difference. When I start to worry / ruminate / obsess, if I say to myself, "Stop. Live in the moment. Right now everything is okay," I can short-circuit the anxiety loop. It still comes back, but I think the episodes are spacing out. I feel terribly sad that I have wasted so much time needlessly worrying and not enjoying the life I have been given. My catastrophizing skills are amazingly robust and creative. Life is so much better when you learn to put fear and self-loathing in a lock box and concentrate on being happy and appreciative. I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.

librarianintx

One More DWTS Note

Finally Dancing with the Stars has an entertaining female co-host! I have always enjoyed Tom, but none of the female co-hosts in my opinion could match him when it came to humor and personality. Thank goodness for Erin Andrews! This is the first season that I have actually enjoyed the post-perfomance chats. She is witty, charming, very comfortable with live television, and since she is a former contestant, she knows what both the professional dancers and the celebrities are going through. I hope the viewers enjoy her as much as I do, and that she is invited back next season. Good call, Dancing with the Stars! I am on Team Erin! And Team Tom too of course!

Librarianintx

Survivor - the Final Episode

Darn! Spencer didn't make it. I have very mixed emotions about the episode, and the reunion.

Did Tony deserve to win? I think he did. He definitely outplayed, outwitted, and outlasted his competitors. But its hard for me to support players who play the game as shady as Tony did. I do understand that Survivor is a game, and I realize that you have to lie and cheat at least a little in order to win. But it really bothers me when players swear on the lives of their loved ones, or on the graves of their deceased loved ones. Tony did all of that.

But once Spencer was eliminated, no one else was worthy of the title. I like Woo, and in my opinion, he was not a goat. He helped around camp. He worked hard to win challenges, although I think the only individual immunity he won was the final one. According to both him and Tony, Woo orchestrated Trish's exit, so he did have at least some game. And I appreciate his fighting spirit. He wanted to go to the end with the best that was left in the game, and that definitely wasn't Kass. But I figured he could have beaten her, and I was right.

What a class act Spencer is. A student of the game, a super fan to the core, his impassioned speech to the jury to vote for Tony was amazing. I wish Jeff would have polled them at the reunion to ask who, if anyone, changed their vote based on Spencer's plea. Maybe some of them wouldn't admit to it. But there sure was a lot of venom directed at Tony during that final tribal council, and yet Woo only got one vote for the win.

I am very disappointed that there was no fan favorite vote this season. Why? I think Spencer had an excellent shot at winning it. If he didn't win it, Trish might have. But I think it would have been Spencer.

Even thought it wasn't my favorite season, and I wasn't the biggest fan of Blood v Water either, I'll be watching in the fall. Bring it, Survivor!

Librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars - the Final Episode

America got it right! Meryl and Maks won the Mirrorball trophy. I'm so happy for Maks especially. He got the prize he's been working toward for more than a decade. And evidently, he got the girl too. They're very cute together. :-)

I liked parts of the two hour finale. I really liked Amber Riley's big production number. That was the highlight for me. I liked Arianna Grande too. But I didn't like the fact that so many of the performances were re-dos from the season. I like to see new stuff on the finale. And some of the contestants didn't get to perform. Granted, they were the ones that were eliminated early, like Diana Nyad and Billy Dee Williams. But sometimes the contestants that leave early come back in the finale with routines that are surprisingly entertaining. So that was a bit of a letdown.

But as always, it was a fun season. Thank you Dancing with the Stars! And congratulations Meryl and Maks!

Librarianintx

Suvivor Finale

I haven't been glued to my seat during Survivor this season...until last week. I think this is one of those seasons where two people really deserve to win, for different reasons.

Tony has dominated in the strategy department. He has been the leader of the majority alliance, and his alliance has stuck with him, surprisingly, considering that he has flipped on at least two occasions. Still, he has always returned to his core alliance of Kass, Trish, and Woo. For awhile it looked like Tony was going to follow in Cochran's footsteps and take two women to the finale who did not deserve to win. But then Trish was voted out. Still, there is no doubt that Tony will make it to the final three. He has the hidden immunity idol with the special powers. He's a lock. Right?

But Spencer also deserves to win in my opinion. He has had to scrap and scrape the entire game. He found a hidden immunity idol. He has won challenges, which Tony has not managed to do. Spencer has not been a mastermind. But he has survived against some very tough odds. I don't think anyone would have put their money on Spencer. Especially in the beginning, when the brain tribe was such a disaster.

Even though I haven't been super interested this season until now, I still love the show. But Jeff...mmmm. I'll stop there.

Librarianintx

Dancing with the Stars finale

In every season there is someone who doesn't belong in the top four. That's just the nature of reality shows. This season, I think it's Candace. However, I do think she has dancing ability. Her downfall is her nerves. She forgets moves and often looks quite scared during her performances.

In my opinion, Danica or Charlie belong in the top four more than Candace. But as I always say, reality shows are often more about popularity than talent. When you let the public vote, they are going to vote for who they like, not necessarily for who is the best. "The best" is obviously a very subjective term.

This season has a strong top four. James is quite good, especially with the latin dances. I expect his freestyle to have a lot of tricks. He is a strong partner. If no other week proved that Amy belongs in the finale, last week sure did. That quickstep was mind-blowing, and the jazz routine was great too. Her natural ability and Derek's amazing choreography have been a winning combination all season. Does she deserve to win the mirror ball? I would not be disappointed if she did. Of course I'm thrilled that a differently-abled dancer has made it this far in the competition. But we do have to remember that there are things she has not been able to do. Still, she has fulfilled the requirements of every dance she was given.

I do think Meryl is the strongest dancer this season, and she should win. And yes, it is time for Maks to win one as well. He deserves a mirror ball just for putting up with Julianne Hough and that Dance Mom judge. I'll stop there.

I haven't been voting, because I would be okay with Amy, James, or Meryl winning. I would have been okay with Danica and Charlie winning as well. But I think Meryl should win.

Librarianintx

N.H. Police Commissioner calls Obama the "N" word

http://news.yahoo.com/towns-white-police-official-calls-obama-n-word-204931723.html

I'm not going to copy and paste the article. Here's what happened. A resident overheard the police commissioner call President Obama the "N" word while he was at a restaurant. The town is small and predominately white. Residents are calling for his resignation, but he refuses to either resign or even apologize for his comments. The town manager says the Board of Selectmen do not have the authority to remove an elected official from office.

Here is the quote that spurred me to write this, uttered by a resident of the town:
"All this man did was express his displeasure with the man who's in office," Bader said."

Expressed his displeasure? By calling him a derogatory racial term? No. If you are displeased with someone, maybe you call him a jerk. You say you don't like how he's doing his job. You do not refer to someone's race, gender, sexual orientation, nation of origin, disability, and then claim that you're saying it because you're unhappy with the way someone is doing his job...or driving his car...or the condition of his house. When you bring things like race or sexual orientation into a conversation, it is discrimination. Pure and simple.

I had a discussion with a family member fairly recently about celebrity chef Paula Deen and her use of the "N" word. Paula claims that she uttered the word once, in reference to a man who held her at gunpoint during a bank robbery. My relative said, "If that had happened to me, I probably would have used that word too." I was speaking to a woman in her 70's, who had never appeared to be racist...until Obama was elected.

But I don't think I would do that. I just don't think I would. I would call him lots of names (not to his face of course), but not a derogatory term referring to his skin color. Because there are bank robbers of many different colors and nationalities. There are male and female bank robbers. I wouldn't dislike him because he was black. I would dislike him because he held a gun to me. Because he was a threat to my health, safety, and security.

Lots of people didn't like President George W. Bush when he was in office. Lots! And a lot of people didn't (and still don't) treat him with the respect that he deserves as a former president of the United States. I am guilty of that. But the level of disrespect and discrimination directed at President Obama has far exceeded that of President Bush, or any former president, in my opinion. The things people say out loud, the emails that have been sent, even the political cartoons have been outrageous. Some newspaper published a picture of President and Mrs. Obama with their faces altered to look baboons! Who would think it is okay to do that? The same people who refuse to apologize when they refer to the President as the "N" word. Because so many people believe that free speech should include the right to hate speech.

librarianintx

I love technology!

I am typing this post using my Samsung Galaxy S4 smartphone and my new wireless small keyboard. Now when I'm away from home, or just don't want to sit at my desktop computer, I can blog, send e-mails, etc, without having to use my phone keyboard. I do a fair amount of texting, but I am not proficient with an onscreen keyboard.

I love technology! Okay, I don't always love it. Sometimes it drives me crazy. But when I get something that makes my life easier, especially something that will help me be more creative and expressive, then I am super excited! Thank you to everyone who made this possible for me. You know who you are. Hopefully you'll see more blogs, goodreads reviews, and other writing because of this new technology.

Librarianintx

Knowing

The long wait for the families is finally over. These past few weeks of unanswered questions allowed hope, however minute, to persist in their hearts, and nourish possibilities in their minds. Where uncertainty exists, families can dream of holding their loved ones close again. The world can hold its collective breath and believe that a miracle could happen.

We now know there will be no homecomings. No joyous reunions. The passengers and crew of Malaysia Flight 370 are gone.

My brother - in - law travels internationally for work frequently. I can only imagine what it would be like to endure what the families have experienced these past few weeks.

There is solace in finally having answers. But we all wanted a different outcome. At one time or another, I think most of us allowed ourselves to indulge in the fantasy of a happy ending.

Librarianintx

quote from a book

"....He doesn't succeed, he doesn't triumph...unless success and triumph are measured in simple endurance, as they should be. He just remains...invincible."

from A Wilder Rose by Susan Wittig Albert

This really resonates with me. Success has been an ideal that I've struggled with my whole life. What is success? How do you define it? How do you quantify it?

I've never had any of my writing published. I've never worked as a paid writer. A few years ago, my niece had two poems published in a national anthology of writings by high school students. She didn't get paid, but her writing was submitted and accepted by a panel of people who pronounced it worthy of publication. When my mother called to give me the exciting news, she actually said to me, "Isn't it great? (Niece's name) has become the writer you never were."

The writer you never were. At the age of forty-something, my mother declared any hope of me ever becoming a *successful* writer officially over. Not gonna happen. No way. The torch has not been passed; it has been passed over. I had my shot, at some point, and I failed. Evidently.

Am I a failure as a writer? If you define success as being published in a book that other people read, then yes, I am a failure as a writer. Of course, she doesn't know that at least someone, at least a few someones, ARE reading my words. But its through cyberspace, not in a bound volume. She doesn't know about my blog.

I choose to define failure as a writer when I let my fear of writing stop me. When I let procrastination and rumination and mental and physical fatigue impede me from picking up my journal, or sitting down at the computer. Writing isn't easy for me. The thoughts don't flow as freely as I want them to. At least not usually. But writing is a muscle. It needs to be exercised. And even though it's not an easy process for me, I still have a yearning to write. And I feel happy when I push through the uncertainty and the discomfort, and I do it. I write. I create. I express.

I think most people want to succeed at something in life. Some people have more drive and determination than others. Some people know exactly what they want to do with their lives and they make it happen, while others are less focused. But everyone wants to be good at something. Everyone wants to be recognized for their talents and abilities.

I so enjoy watching the Olympics. The events are so exciting, the competition can be thrilling. What I don't like, however, is the disappointment faced by so many of the athletes. The mathematics are simple. Only a select number of them will win gold medals. Does that mean everyone else is a failure? I don't think so, but unfortunately it's the nature of competition that someone wins, and someone, usually more than one person, loses. I feel so bad when I hear an athlete say that they're brokenhearted when they won a silver, or a bronze, medal. Actually, it makes me frustrated sometimes. Of course you want to win the top prize. But out of all those other competitors, you came in second! Or third! Or even fourth. That is still something to be proud of! You did your best, right? You tried as hard as you could? You finished, probably. You completed the task you were given. So you succeeded. You just weren't quite as fast, or had just a little less flair. Michelle Kwan, one of the greatest ice skaters ever, won a silver and then a bronze medal. When she won the silver, people were consoling her because she didn't win the gold. Her reply? "I didn't LOSE the gold; I WON the silver." That's what I'm talking about!

But what about all those athletes that never even make it to the Olympics? What about all the writers that are never published? What about all the people that are working three jobs to make ends meet, so they never have a chance to play professional basketball or become an actor or compose a song that wins a Grammy? How do you measure success?

I think the only way you can determine success is to define it for yourself. Easy to say, very hard to do. Because we let others take those measurements for us. We let others pronounce us successes or failures.

Sounds cheesy I know, but I think success is about happiness. If you're basically happy with your life, then I think you are a success. At least that's what I think success should be about. Accomplishments are important, no doubt. Working toward goals and making them a reality are what we're on this earth to do. To leave a legacy to future generations. And still, even if all someone can do sometimes is simply exist, simply endure, isn't that still a triumph? Shouldn't it be? Everyone is here for a reason. Every single person will be remembered by someone.

I don't have to be a paid writer or a published writer to be a successful writer. I am a successful writer when I read what I have composed, and I am content with the result. I am successful when I am happy.

librarianintx