Fingernails

Actually, this post is about thumbnails. My two thumbnails. Odd subject for a blog post? Yes.

When you have a disability, compensation is a big part of your everyday life. My hands and neck are the weakest parts of my body, so without even noticing I accomplish certain tasks by compensating for my lack of hand strength. I use my thumbnails to put my necklace on, to do zippers, to open my case for my retainers, to punch pills out of a blister packet, etc. So now that both of my thumbnails have been torn off "at the quick" as my mom says, I don't have them available to me, and I'm not sure how long it will be before they grow back sufficiently to use again. A few weeks probably. I say "without even noticing" because until I started to put on my necklace in the morning and was having a lot of trouble fastening it, I suddenly realized, "Wow, I use my thumbnails to do this." I was able to get the necklace on, but it took longer than usual. Likewise with the zipper, retainer case, and pill packet.

Even though I have a disability, I am exceedingly fortunate that I can do just about everything for myself. I have trouble with opening bottles and jars, changing my bed, pushing a vacuum cleaner, taking heavy pans out of the oven, etc. But I can bathe, dress, feed myself. I can cook and wash dishes. I am pretty independent. I always, worry, however, what will happen if I can't use one of my arms. One is not strong or agile enough to do the work of both.

Several years ago one of my hands got caught in a CAT scan bed. I didn't break it, thank goodness, but it was badly bruised, and I didn't have the use of it for two or three days. So I found out quickly how more disabled I am when I only have the use of one hand. Suddenly I had great difficulty dressing, bathing, and making food for myself. Even going to the bathroom was difficult. I have a caregiver, but she only works for me nine hours per week. Friends and family said to me, "Just ask your caregiver to work more hours for a few days." But it doesn't work that way. Not the managed care that I have. She COULD work more hours for me, but she wouldn't get paid for it. I would have to hire someone else, or hire her, and pay out of my own pocket.

I made it through those few days. From what I remember, I ate mainly sandwiches that my caregiver prepared in advance, I wore pull-on sweatpants that made going to the bathroom easier, and I probably didn't wash my hair. I don't think I was able to work, if I was working at that time. I survived my bruised hand. I also survived being stung on my hands by a wasp a few years later. I am very fortunate that these incidences lasted only a day or two. My fear involves breaking an arm, hand, leg, or hip, which would result in weeks or maybe even months of increased dependence.

So I am grateful that I have only lost the use of my thumbnails, and this is a temporary situation that will resolve in a short period of time. I can still do the tasks that are usually accomplished with my thumbnails, I just have to take more time and have more patience. A tiny problem in comparison to what many people face on a daily basis.

If I had more resilience, though, I wouldn't have even thought to write a blog post about this.

librarianintx