Negative thinking

Negative thinking is probably my biggest obstacle. It pervades every aspect of my life. Now that I've realized this (shocking that it took me forty six years to do so!) maybe I can chip away it. Negative thinking keeps me from being the resilient, motivated, accomplished person that I want to be.

Yesterday I began what it is for me a pretty strenuous activity - sweeping the patio. I like to do it because it is a good form of exercise for me, and I like the feeling of satisfaction when the space looks nice and tidy.

Halfway through the sweeping, though, I noticed how negative my thoughts were as I was working. "You're doing a bad job today." "The patio isn't going to look as good as it has in the past." "I'm too tired today." "I feel weaker than usual." "Why am I bothering? I'm not going to be happy with the results."

What the heck? Why am I always so hard on myself? Why do I always set myself up to be at the least disappointed in myself, and at worst feel like a complete failure? So I worked on my thinking. I said to myself, "I'm doing the best I can." "I can do this." "I think it's going to look okay."

It was a fairly windy day, so I knew I would not get the patio devoid of leaves and dirt, and that should never be the goal anyway for an outdoor space. When I put the broom down and scooped the leaves and as much dirt as I could into a plastic bag, I surveyed the area. Not a bad job, I thought. I didn't reach every corner and crevice, but I never do. I think I did about as well as usual, and that is pretty good. The patio looked nice.
And I didn't give up.

Negative thinking can steal so much of the positivity available to you in life. If you have a critical voice in your head, and I suspect everyone does at times, silencing it can be a time-consuming and tiring task. But definitely necessary.

Overall, the weekend was quite productive. I accomplished almost everything on my list. I feel more organized, and that always makes me feel happier and calmer.

librarianintx