The Dreaded 'No' Finally Happened

A few years ago I started using Hitch to travel home to see my family. Hitch is like Uber, but its for out of town travel. Through an app, you schedule a ride and are matched with a driver. You can get a private ride that picks you up at your home, but that is very expensive. So I meet the driver at a public place, and there are usually two other passengers.

I have to travel with a heavy medical bag that is very difficult for me to manage by myself. I risk falling if I try to carry it, and I am already a fall risk. So when I travel I take paratransit or Uber to the meeting place. Then I ask the Hitch driver to put my bags in the car for me.

Yesterday, I texted the driver, and made my request.

Then I saw the dreaded word.

No.

Even though I knew it was a possibility, I was still flabbergasted to see it. I stared at the screen.

What he said and what I said is not the purpose of this post. 

This post is about "My problem and how I solved it"

My solution: I went into the Starbucks (public meeting place) and explained my situation to one of the employees. It was frustrating and embarrassing, but I got what I needed.

The Starbucks employee carried my bags to the car and put them in the trunk. And his kindness and willingness to help was rewarded. He got the tip that I usually give the driver.

I hope this doesn't happen again. But resiliency is about being faced with a difficult situation and finding a solution. Getting through it.

I got through it.

librarianintx 

Big Brother - My thoughts on the season

 I am one episode behind, but I got spoiled on who got evicted. 

I haven't seen the big 1000th episode yet. 

Boy, this season is bonkers. 

I'm loving it. 

Do I have a favorite? 

Not really. 

I like Dee and Devens, but I think they are playing a crazy game, continually burning their alliances. 

The closest person I have as a favorite is Taylor. 

She knows how to play the game, and I hope she can make it far, but at this point her alliance is very small. 

I also like Yash. 

One person that you might be surprised that I liked was Kamu. 

The main reason that I liked him was that he didn't take anything that happened personally. 

He was even tempered, and respectful. 

Even when Devens blindsided him, he shook his hand and said "it's just a game." 

He would have gotten revenge for sure if he had had the opportunity, but he never lost his temper or was difficult to be around. 

He even was able to poke fun at himself, admitting that he lost two physical challenges to women in their 50's. 

Haley needs to learn from Kamu. 

librarianintx

Big Brother Episode 7/30/26: SPOILERS!

 The agent of chaos has been evicted - by unanimous vote

Oh Jason. I hoped you would make it far in the game. 

You played a terrible game. 

But you are a good person. 

Big Brother is not easy. 

I wish you had been able to separate your emotions and your insecurities from your game play. 

I was impressed that Rome was able to handle his eviction with grace and not take anything that happened personally. 

For me, watching Jason's time in the Big Brother house was by turns awkward, funny, frustrating and painful. 

I am very glad that Julie told you were in the Top 3 of voting every week for America's Vote. 

I'm also glad she made the point that you are an icon too. 

Learn and grow from this experience, remember the good times, hold on the friendships you made, and start working on your next adventure.  

All my best to you.

librarianintx

Big Brother episode 7/15/26 - SPOILERS!

Jason, Jason, Jason...

I'm so disappointed.

You were one of my favorites. 

Listen, I am not an Angela fan. 

But she didn't deserve what you did to her. 

No one does. 

It was hurtful and unnecessary. 

Play the game, but don't play with people's emotions like that. 

Angela has cried a lot in the Big Brother house, but this time I understand her pain. 

You took advantage of her as an LGBTQ ally / family member, which is straight up horrible.  

Too bad for you that you bragged to the wrong person. 

You're safe this week. 

But your days in the house could be numbered. 

Never forget, Karma can be a bitch. 

librarianintx 

Big Brother 2026 - Premiere - SPOILERS!

 What a wild ride the first night of Big Brother was!

Yay for Rick Devens from Survivor crossing over to BB. 

I think he'll be a fun addition. 

Boo for Angela being added to the cast. 

I'll remove my booing if she decides not to be bully like she was the first time she played the game. 

And THANK GOODNESS Rachel is NOT a houseguest this season!!

Her brief appearance was more than enough for me. 

So, who is the third "celebrity"? 

Everyone is saying it's Dee from Survivor. 

I guess we'll find out tomorrow night. 

My early favorites from this season: 

Jason - yes, I know him as Selena from "RuPaul's Drag Race." 

Yay, the first drag queen on BB! 

I hope the houseguests are nice to him.

LaTrice - I gotta root for the oldest houseguest. 

She's close to my age, but she looks a lot younger!

I like her personality so far. 

I also have to root for the two Texas guys - Chuck and Barrett.

We'll see if I still feel this way a few weeks into the season. 

librarianintx

Fourth of July

Happy semiquincentennial!

If you are old enough, where were you on July 4, 1776?

I was in Estes Park, Colorado, on a driving trip throughout the state with my mom, dad, and sister. We also went to Denver, Colorado Springs, and Carson City, among other places. We visited the Mint, had dinner at the Broadmoor Hotel, and panned for gold.

I was eight years old.

We lived in San Antonio at the time.

The next summer we took another driving trip, this time to California. We visited Los Angeles, Bakersfield, and San Francisco among other places. We went to Disneyworld, saw the California redwoods, explored Fisherman's Warf, and saw the Pacific Ocean.

These trips were important and long-lasting family memories.

My dad passed away in December of 1977.

He was 41 years old.

Live life.

Make memories.

Love others.

librarianintx 

Antidepressant Part 2

This isn't a further political rant. 

I want to talk about something that I didn't expect my antidepressant to help with. 

It wasn't on my radar at all. (unintended pun) 

Antidepressants help with depression and anxiety. 

I didn't know they can also help with phobias. 

I have had a severe weather phobia for as long as I can remember. 

I know I have blogged about it previously. 

Was it a coincidence that my phobia improved when I started taking the antidepressant? 

I don't think so. 

My weather phobia made my life very difficult at times. 

Living in Texas, severe weather can happen year around. 

I would obsessively check weather forecasts, worry for days, and go to great lengths to make sure I wasn't alone during a storm. 

It was exhausting, frustrating, and negatively affected my physical and emotional health. 

I am not cured of my weather phobia, but it is SO MUCH better. 

I don't check forecasts like I used to, and I understand that forecasts can change, so there is no reason to worry days in advance. 

I rarely have the physical symptoms like a racing heart, restlessness, and feelings of fight or flight. 

I have finally learned to feel safe. The wind can howl and the rain can beat on the windows, but I know I am protected, even if I am alone. 

Weather doesn't rule my life anymore, and I am grateful every day for the calmness I can experience, even in the height of a storm. 

librarianintx

Antidepressants

 I don't usually get political in my posts. 

Not because I don't want to. 

I refrain for professional reasons. 

But a recent topic has spurred me to act. 

Transparency is important. 

Representation is important. 

Honesty is important. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 

So here goes. 

I have lived with anxiety my whole life. 

About five years ago I started taking an antidepressant. 

The effect has been life changing. 

I wish I had made the decision years ago. 

I would have lived so much easier and fully. 

My antidepressant medication has dramatically improved my anxiety. 

I can do so much more than I used to.

I am grateful for it every day. 

Now our government has begun a campaign to "deprescribe" SSRI medications. 

This initiative includes financial compensation for doctors who work with their patients to reduce or discontinue antidepressant medications. 

I understand that antidepressants are not for everyone. 

There are usually side effects with these meds, especially in the beginning. 

Sometimes it takes a while to find the right medicine at the right dose. 

But for many, these medications mean a fuller, happier life with achievements they hadn't thought possible. 

While I am a proponent of these meds, I am also a firm believer in holistic treatments and lifestyle activities to alleviate depression and anxiety. 

Yoga, Tai chi, meditation, acupuncture, breathwork, art, music, journaling, exercise - all fantastic and helpful for overall health and wellness. For some people, these might be all they need. 

But many other people need pharmaceutical intervention.  

What works for me is a combination medication and lifestyle activities. 

I take a medication, and I also exercise, journal, listen to music, draw, etc. 

These medications are all legal. 

Doctors are allowed to prescribe them. 

Patients are allowed to take them. 

The decision to taper or stop should be in the hands of the patient, not the government. 

Period. 

librarianintx

Dealing with an acute illness when you have a chronic illness or disability

I'm speaking for myself. 

Not all people with a chronic illness or disability

I have a very hard time with self-care when I have an acute illness. 

The general advice when you have an acute illness is to rest. 

Give your body time to recover. 

But resting can make me weaker. 

If I lay down too much, it takes me longer to get my strength back. 

If I sleep too much during the day, I mess up my sleep cycle. 

I've been exercising more consistently recently. 

And now, after only a few days of not exercising, I feel like I'm losing those exciting and important gains. 

I try to find a balance between getting some extra rest without losing strength when I'm sick. 

There's also the topic of over-the-counter medications. 

I am an adult who is very underweight, and I can't swallow most pills. 

So, I buy medications intended for children. 

I bought two varieties of pain reliever this time - chewable tablets, and liquid. 

Both were problematic. 

Even when I managed to cut through the wrapping and open the (expletive) childproof cap, the liquid was in a bottle that you had to squeeze to get the medicine out. Even when I squeezed as hard as I could, I only got a few drops at a time. I need 15 ml per dose. That's the equivalent of about 3 teaspoons. (Don't be impressed. I googled it.) 

The chewable tablets come in those blister packs. If you try to punch a hole in them with scissors or a knife, you're going to break the tablets into smithereens. I have to patiently tug on the corners of the blister pack, peel back the foil that DOES NOT want to peel, and work to get the tablets out of their little hole. Three of them per dose. 

My five-year-old great nephew would probably be more successful than I am with these childproof meds for children. 

Struggling with opening meds when you're sick is SO frustrating. 

At least the cough drops are easy to open. 

Please don't put those in a blister pack. 

librarianintx

Survivor 50 Finale: My Thoughts

 Honestly, I'm conflicted. 

So many people are saying that Abry deserved it. 

She played the best game.

But did she? 

Did she play a better game than Jonathan? 

That's what I'm struggling with. 

I think they were both strategic.

I think they both made big game moves. 

I think they both fought hard and made good points in the final tribal council. 

Abry only won ONE immunity challenge. 

But it was the last one. 

Arguably, the most important one. 

I think Abry was well-liked by the jury. 

Jonathan, not so much. 

We don't get to see what goes down at Ponderosa. 

We aren't privy to conversations and strategizing. 

Is it a disappointing season when the person who wins the show only wins one challenge?

I'm a huge fan of Cirie, and she never wins anything. 

I was thrilled that she won the fan vote. 

So why wasn't I thrilled that Abry won? 

In one sense, it's cool that someone can win without being a competition beast. 

The goal of Survivor is to "outplay, outwit, and outlast"

You don't HAVE to win challenges to accomplish that. 

One of my other favorite players of all time is Cochran. 

I think the only challenge he won in his two seasons was a gross food eating challenge. 

Yet he played a masterful game and won by a unanimous vote the second time that he played.

So, is it a popularity thing for me? 

Am I not thrilled that Abry won because I like Jonathan better? 

All I can say is that I think Jonathan played a better game. 

I also think he presented a strong case at the final tribal council. 

I was surprised and disappointed that he only got three votes. 

I liked many of the players this season: Cirie, Jonathan, Joe, Kamilla, Kyle, Q, Mike, Charlie, Kyle, Tiff, Cody

It was a fun season. 

librarianintx 

 

Survivor 50: Who will win? Who should win?

I'm down to the wire here.

Who will win?

I don't know. 

If Tiff can make it to final 3, I think she should win.

There are rumors, though, that Abry takes it.

As long as it's not Rizzo, I'll be okay with the results. 

But I am Team Tiff.

Jonathan would be my second choice.

So many players that I like came back for 50, so there were some tough eliminations.

Let's see how it plays out!

Librarianintx 

Hudson and Connor

In these trying times, the universe has sent us Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie. They are the stars of the Crave / HBO Max breakout show Heated Rivalry, about rival hockey players who (spoiler alert) fall in love.

The show is great.

I haven't read the book series that the show is based on, but I plan to.

Both Hudson and Connor are so charismatic, so engaging, not to mention so fricken hot. I love watching interviews with them. Their humor is effortless. They are personable and thoughtful. They are an interviewer's dream.

Separately they are a joy; together they are beyond that. Their chemistry is as strong offscreen as it is onscreen. They are men who are fearless in their friendship and affection for each other. Their bromance is addictive. They complete each other. 

Both of them are coping with their sudden fame brilliantly, at least in public. I hope becoming famous doesn't ruin them, as it has so many others. They are both so ridiculously talented. I hope they can navigate the complicated waters of fame with their integrity, sanity and friendship intact.

I'm grateful for them and I hope they both have long, successful careers. In this time of uncertainty and concern, Hudson and Connor are two of my delightful distractions. 

librarianintx 

John Davidson MBE and the BAFTA's

I'm going to say make a few comments about the controversy:

First, if you think he said the expletive on purpose, you need to educate yourself about Tourette Syndrome, specifically coprolalia, which is a tic disorder associated with Tourette. 

Number two, why was the expletive not bleeped or covered up? It was not a live broadcast. They took out "Free Palestine " from an acceptance speech, but not THAT?!

Number three, I think Mr. Davidson should have apologized. He should have apologized for the EFFECT that the word had. I didn't feel this way initially, but after reading some comments from other people with disabilities, I came to a different conclusion. 

Someone with epilepsy posted that they hit someone while experiencing a seizure. They apologized, even though there was no intent to harm

Something similar happened to a man whose CPAP machine malfunctioned during the night. He thrashed around, unable to breathe, and smacked his wife accidentally. 

Someone with cerebral palsy also posted about accidentally hitting someone. They apologized. 

Words can hurt too. They can cause trauma. 

Mr. Davidson's comments were about himself - his gratitude to those who understood his comments were not intentional. No mention about the effect that word had - on the presenters onstage, people in the audience, and those who viewed the broadcast. 

I'm not suggesting he apologize for having a disability. I'm asking him to think about that word in particular, it's history and significance in our society.

Lack of intent doesn't always mean no pain was inflicted.

librarianintx 

Driving with a Disability

If there is one piece of advice that I can give parents of kids with disabilities, it is this:

Let them learn how to drive.

Not only let them

Encourage them to learn how to drive

Don't let fear stop them, or you.

Yes, driving carries a certain amount of risk.

But so do many aspects of life.

Driving affords people with disabilities agency and independence.

They can go where they want, whenever they want, for as long as they want, with whoever they want.

Give them these important opportunities. 

They will live smaller with more stress if they have to rely on paratransit. 

And if they are wheelchair users, options like ride shares are limited. 

So, please, do what you have to do.

Research specialized driver's Ed if that's what they neeed.

Research funding options for vehicles and adaptive equipment

Start a savings account when they're born.

Know that if they are working or going to school, more funding options are available to them.

Encourage them to put in the effort.

They will thank you by having a busy, happy, enriched life.

The kind of life that everyone deserves.

librarianintx 

Allison and Twitch

Allison Holker and Twitch Boss, both alumni of the show So You Think You Can Dance, were married and appeared to have the perfect life - they were madly in love, successful, raising children - they were living the American Dream. 

Then Twitch died by suicide at the age of 40. 

He was a beloved celebrity - always smiling, always dancing - the picture of mental and physical health. 

Allison was devastated, and society rallied around her - the devastated widow with a teenager and two young children to raise alone. 

Then Allison wrote a memoir, that in part detailed Twitch's mental health struggles, drug use, and suggested that Twitch may have been a victim of sexual abuse. 

Many fans turned against her, saying she had no right to expose Twitch's life, and that she was trying to profit from his pain. Twitch never spoke publicly about any of this. 

Now Allison has announced that she is engaged. Her fiancé proposed to her on her birthday. She called it "the best night of her life" and gushed about him being her person. 

Again, the fans took to social media to express their outrage, saying she should have been more restrained in her enthusiasm, thinking about her late husband. 

It is a very complicated situation. I can see both sides. 

I believe with all my heart that Allision deserves to be happy. I am glad she has found another love. Life is short. I don't believe that someone has to grieve for the rest of their life to show that they love someone. You can feel grief and joy simultaneously. 

Still, as a fan of Twitch, who feels like I will never fully process his death, I do understand the pain that the fans are feeling. But do we have a right to feel this way? None of us knew the "real" Twitch. We know the Twitch that he presented to the world. And that Twitch was likely both perfect and flawed, as we all are. 

And Allison and Twitch's marriage was likely both wonderful and difficult as well, as most marriages are. Look at Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. They presented to the world an image of two people enjoying a long, happy marriage. Keith always looked completely in love with Nicole. And now they are divorced. Do we the fans truly know what happened? No. Is it our business? Definitely NOT!

Consider also the story of Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. They were figure skaters, married and madly in love. Sergei died suddenly in 1995 of an undiagnosed heart condition. In 2002, Ekaterina married skater Ilia Kulik and they had a child. Ekaterina had two great loves. I thought she and Ilia were still together. But no, they divorced in 2015, and five years later she married David Pelletier. She is still married to him. So, my point is, you can have more than one love in your lifetime. 

I still grieve for Twitch, even though I didn't know him personally. But my grief doesn't matter in this situation. As happy as she is now, I am certain that Allison still grieves too. I am glad she has found someone that makes her happy. I do not believe that anything she has done was done with the intention to hurt Twitch or besmirch his memory. In the end, you either believe in the goodness of someone, or you don't. I believe in Allison. 

librarianintexas

More Thoughts on the Olympics

The focus is so much on the medals.

Especially who wins gold.

But sometimes, the Olympics are about more than who stands on the podium.

Sometimes it's about falling down.

And getting back up.

Its about resilience 

Redemption

Facing failure

And trying one more time

To be the best that you can be

Even if the result isn't being named the best in the world.

Congratulations Amber Glenn.

You put Tuesday's disappointment behind you.

And you slayed that Free Skate.

You showed us what it means to never give up.

librarianintx 

The Olympics

I enjoy watching the Olympics.

Summer and Winter.

I get nervous sometimes when I want a favorite to win the gold.

I think competition can be good.

Competition pushes you to work and do your best.

But I feel sad when athletes win a medal and are devastated when the medal isn't gold.

Expectations put too much pressure on these athletes.

Expectations from experts in the sport.

From family and friends. 

From social media

From the athletes themselves 

Obviously, everyone wants to come in first.

They train for years

Make a lot of sacrifices

They don't do all of that to "settle" for second or third

But it's interesting to see how athletes react to what medals they win.

Last night the American ice dance team cried because they won the silver medal. They were disappointed. They were favored to win gold.

Meanwhile, the Canadian team cried tears of joy because they won the bronze. Their level of expectation was lower. They had less pressure to win gold.

In 1998, figure skater Michelle Kwan won the silver medal at the Olympics. In response to people consoling her, she replied, "I didn't lose the gold. I WON the silver." 

That is the pride and resilience I want to see.

However, at the 2002 Olympics, Kwan won bronze and cried tears of disappointment. 

She found success in silver, but failure in bronze.

Intellectually, I understand this phenomenon.  But on an emotional level, I feel sad that anything less than gold for some athletes means they are less than.

librarianintx 

More Thoughts on Bad Bunny's Halftime Show

I read a lot of comments on social media last night.

There wasn't any, "Well, it was okay."

People either loved it or hated it.

Not surprising, given the current division in our country. 

I think the people who wanted to hate it, did hate it.

They found things to complain about.

But I think that Bad Bunny could have given those people a lot more to bitch about, but chose not to.

Because his intention was to entertain, not to disgust or to shock.

There were rumors he might wear a dress.

He didn't. 

There were rumors he might kiss a man.

He didn't 

His female dancers were sexy and they certainly moved their bodies.

But there were no bikinis, no thongs showing, no boobs out. 

Others might argue with me.

But I thought it was tasteful.

There were two brief moments of men dancing together, but they were blink and you'll miss it encounters.

The only kissing was between a heterosexual couple, during an actual wedding ceremony!

And for all the people complaining about the Spanish - y'all, he threw you a bone. A big one - an uber-popular, immediately recognizable, straight, lovely, (occasionally blond) woman named Lady Gaga - who sang in English! 

So honestly, what was there to complain about? What was controversial? 

If you don't like his music, okay, fair enough.

But to say it was the worst halftime ever?

Please.

I remember when Justin popped Janet's boob out, everyone was screaming that the halftime show should be family friendly. That children are watching. 

How would you rate Bad Bunny's show on a family friendly scale?

I would rate it highly.

Again, no super suggestive clothing or gyrating.

There were scenes depicting family life, community, celebrations, inclusion, unity.

I think young children would be interested in the scenery, the men on the utility poles, the flags.

The show was colorful. 

There was a lot to take in.

I think about when you go to the opera (for those that do). Many operas are sung in a foreign language. So you dont know what the characters are saying. But the emotion in the music plus the movements on stage are what connects you to the performance. The feeling  tells the story. And that's what Bad Bunny's halftime show did for me.

If it didn't work for you. I feel bad for you.

You missed out on fifteen minutes of what this country desperately needs.

Joy.

Bad Bunny's Halftime Show: My Thoughts

I have been using Duolingo for over a year to learn Spanish.

I'm improving on reading and somewhat on comprehension, but I still can't speak the language. 

When it comes to Bad Bunny's performance at the Superbowl, my learning Spanish did not help me. I could not understand what he was saying.

But that didn't bother me. Because for me, his show was much more about FEELING than about knowing a language and song lyrics. 

This was a celebration of country, culture, people, history. This was about joy, pride, honor, respect. This was about family and generations. 

It was also about dance.

And it was about inclusion. His special guests were Lady Gaga and Ricky Martin - two worldwide superstars - one of them an LGBTQ+ ally and the other an out gay man.

At the end of the performance, Bad Bunny was reciting the countries that are part of the Americas. Again, it was about inclusion. America is about more than the 50 states and the District of Columbia. People born and raised in the US territories are Americans too. 

Focus on what unites us - the international language of music - not what divides us.

librarianintx 

Grammy's

I told myself I wasn't going to stay up to watch the whole show.

But I did.

Here were my favorite moments, in no particular order:

Trevor Noah killed it as always as host. I'm sad it was his last time to host.

Nikki Glaser and Teyana Taylor's presenter banter. Also, can we talk about Teyana's dress?! FIRE!!

Both of Bruno Mars' performances. He got everyone up and dancing. And he's FINE!!

Lady Gaga's performance. Mother Monster slayed yet again.

Gaga, Bad Bunny, and Billie Elish's acceptance speeches.

Quote of the night: "No one is illegal on stolen land" - Billie Eilish

Tribute to Roberta Flack - especially the Fugees part

Cher receiving a Lifetime Achievement award.

librarianintx