Shiny, happy people

"Feigning Normality: The Sweater Girl Lifetime Original Picture."

Its something everyone does at some point in their lives, I'm sure. Feigning normality. Some people do it a lot. Do I do it a lot?

I went to an InterFaith Community Service about a month ago. Over fifty clergy of a variety of faiths. It was wonderful. A rabbi gave the main address, the sermon if you want to call it that. I'm rarely good at concentrating on speeches, but he said something that seems to be changing my life. For most of my life I have often felt so angry at G-d...for taking my father when I was nine years old, for making my mother's life hard, for making my life hard. Even as I tried to be a good Jew (another title revealed), I struggled with anger. I can't say I don't anymore. But when Rabbi Baker said, "G-d isn't trying to hurt us...he suffers along with us," that reached me. Now when I start to get angry, I let those words wash over me. They comfort me. I don't feel so alone.

I know there are many many people suffering much more than me. I am so very grateful for what I can do and what I have and who chooses to be in my life. Still, there are days when my corner doesn't see a lot of sunlight.

My family plays the pain competition game. Feel sorry for me. I'm sick, I'm depressed, I have a hurt toe, everything went wrong today, we need to talk about me. A family member's favorite expression is, "Well, don't feel like the lone ranger," as she launches into her perils and maladies of the day. I adore games, but I detest the pain competition game. I was a contender when I was younger. Quite experienced at that one. But now, I ain't playin'.

I understand why she does it though. I don't like it but I comprehend it. She wants someone to listen. She wants someone to care. I do my best to listen. And I always care. But it probably doesn't come across that way very often. Especially given what I've just said. But I do care. Immensely.

*Searching for that sunshine on a cloudless Monday*...