Weather phobia

May 2015 was one of the wettest months ever in Texas. The good news is that all the rain ended the drought for most of the state, and replenished some of the lakes. But with the rain came severe weather, including some tornadoes. Overall I feel like I made at least a little progress in learning to manage my weather phobia. I won't say overcome, because I doubt I will ever totally conquer this fear. I still cannot deal with being my myself during a severe storm. But I was able to recognize my phobic tendencies and work on effective strategies to keep them under better control.

I know that my triggers are darkness and wind, plus knowing when a threat exists. Although I still checked the weather obsessively, I'm beginning to understand that forecasts and percentages are simply possibilities of what might happen. I figured out that the bright colors and strong language that meteorologists use to denote severe weather definitely plays into my fear. I have both a phobia and a fascination with bad weather. Even when my area is not under the gun, I find myself sometimes tuning in to the weather channel to watch the coverage of a tornado outbreak happening elsewhere. So I told myself this season that in order to work on controlling the phobia, I have to give up the fascination.

When a storm came up this spring, I learned to recognize my panic symptoms - fight or flight response, racing heart, headache, upset stomach - and I remembered to breathe, and tell myself that I was in a safe place and everything was going to be fine. I rarely feel protected no matter where I am, so I continually reminded myself that I was in a sturdy structure, and I had never been in a situation where the roof blew off or the windows shattered, and that probably would not happen this time either. If my area was under a tornado or severe thunderstorm watch, I tried to keep busy and not obsess about what might happen. Organizing, cleaning, and cooking were the activities I was most successful with, because they didn't take as much concentration as reading or watching a show, and I could move around and expend some of the nervous energy that the phobia generates.

My phobia is by no means eradicated. But I feel like I at least made some baby strides in learning to live with the fear more effectively. Fear of the weather can have a big effect on my emotional and physical well-being. It can affect my social life, and how I feel about myself. Constant worrying and dread can be exhausting, and cause physical pain as well. Always hoping that someone will rescue me from being alone during a storm makes me feel dependent and unstable. I want to be able to save myself during a storm. I want to be my own anchor. I'm not there yet, and maybe I never will be. But I'm still trying.

librarianintx