http://www.starnewsonline.com/article/20100126/ARTICLES/100129756/1177?Title=Social-media-opens-social-world-to-elderly-disabled-
Social media opens social world to elderly, disabled
by David Morrison
Social media is developing into more than a pastime for the elderly and disabled. If implemented properly, it could become their social lifeline.
For some residents at Davis Health Care Center and Champions Assisted Living in Porters Neck, this is already the case.
Davis recently installed computer stations equipped with Skype, a free software that allows users to “call” and see anyone around the world using a Web cam.
Twenty-three people of varying abilities at both Davis and the adjacent Champions Assisted Living have full access to computers. Staff hope to improve this figure through the installation of wireless Internet in all rooms when they remodel the facility later this year.
One resident, Vel Evans, 90, uses this system to speak with her daughter Deb Evans as often as they can. Deb, who Skyped her mom from her home in Texas last week, called the program “reliable” and said, “Skype is fantastic for when my husband and I are teaching in China.”
Not everyone at Davis has the capabilities to use a standard system, but that hardly stops them from accessing the information superhighway.
Sixty-nine-year-old Edsel Odom suffered two simultaneous strokes on May 2, 2003. He now uses a wheelchair and clicks a mouse with his single functioning thumb. To type, he uses an infrared device mounted on a baseball cap.
Odom uses all types of social media, including Facebook, Twitter and MySpace, and blogs.
“Of all the tools available, I enjoy MySpace the most. You really get a chance to know people there as opposed to the glimpse you get from looking at Facebook,” he said.
Social media is about more than just family and friends for Odom.
“I want to share my message with the world!” he said.
Others, like Laura Still, a 49-year-old Davis resident, just want to have fun.
Still was involved in a serious car accident 16 years ago that left her with brain damage.
Within the past five years, her true technological abilities have surfaced. She uses a fully functioning Macintosh computer set up in her room to play games, draft e-mail and listen to her favorite tunes.
Her message to others with disabilities is, “Never give up!”
As more and more people with disabilities enter the social media arena, disability resources and organizations are having to stay one step ahead.
For example, information from the Web site Disability.Gov, which provides resources on topics such as traveling with a disability or how to apply for benefits, can now be found on Facebook as well as Twitter.
Bethaney Ferguson, a sociology instructor at Cape Fear Community College, emphasized the importance of awareness about these tools. Now more than ever as society transitions into the post-industrial technology era, people must find ways to remain connected, she said.
“Social media provides isolated individuals of any age group with a socializing outlet. It is not uncommon for the elderly in our society to feel as if they have lost their social voice, and the use of social media restores this voice, oftentimes from the comfort of one's home. The value in maintaining this voice for the elderly individual is undeniable.” Ferguson said.
A person's age and work status might be barriers to that technology, a UNCW professor said.
Eleanor Covan, professor of gerontology and sociology at the University of North Carolina Wilmington, said people become used to the technology with which they grow up.
“Once people leave the workforce, they tend not to learn new elements of technology, and that is one reason why the oldest old are not likely to be on Facebook,” Covan said.
“This is the population that prefers reading a newspaper, rather than an electronic news report, no matter who authored the article,” she said.
At Davis Health Care Center, Vel Evans and Edsel Odom are among the exceptions, joining the 38 percent of those 65 and older who use the Web, according to 2009 Internet trend data from the Pew Research Center.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
Mind over matter
"Is this cockroach really hurting me in any way? " "Its simply like a butterfly; harmless and shaped different."
Saw this quote and is hopeful it will help me. I had to confront a huge, flying one in the apartment yesterday. Luckily he fell off the wall into a box and I got him outside.
But I'm still traumatized. Not exaggerating. I've had a severe roach phobia for about thirty years now. Its one of a few phobias I have. Last year I successfully killed a big, flying one in the apartment, and even though it was incredibly hard to do, I was hopeful that the experience had given me the courage to have some strength the next time I was faced with such a situation.
Didn't work. I had a panic attack. My heart pounded. My hands went numb. More than 24 hours later, I'm still nervous and jumpy.
But I do like that quote. I'm going to say it to myself when I feel scared. Because I love butterflies. Obviously.
librarianintx
Saw this quote and is hopeful it will help me. I had to confront a huge, flying one in the apartment yesterday. Luckily he fell off the wall into a box and I got him outside.
But I'm still traumatized. Not exaggerating. I've had a severe roach phobia for about thirty years now. Its one of a few phobias I have. Last year I successfully killed a big, flying one in the apartment, and even though it was incredibly hard to do, I was hopeful that the experience had given me the courage to have some strength the next time I was faced with such a situation.
Didn't work. I had a panic attack. My heart pounded. My hands went numb. More than 24 hours later, I'm still nervous and jumpy.
But I do like that quote. I'm going to say it to myself when I feel scared. Because I love butterflies. Obviously.
librarianintx
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Librarian 2.0 Step 3: Cloud Computing
My thoughts on Cloud Computing:
The idea of cloud computing is both fantastic and concerning for me. I think it is fascinating that so many people are so trusting that their information is going to be kept private and secure. I think this concept goes hand in hand with the idea of anonymity on the Web. Some people feel they can say anything (and they do!) because they believe they are posting anonymously.
For me cloud computing is so exciting because its all about access. Knowing that I can access the information I want and need from any computer or smartphone is a very important invention. This means I don't have to try to carry a laptop with me, or pay for Wi-Fi. It means I don't have to carry papers back and forth from home to work, or clog up my email with partially completed documents. It means if I don't finish something at work, I can pick up where I left off at home, without having to configure my home PC. It also means the home PC is not cluttered with work documents that I then might forget to email back to work.
For me cloud computing means increased mobility, greater independence, ease of use, and a more efficient use of my time, all of which are extremely valuable to me. Knowing that I could possibly get into Google Docs from my smartphone, add information, then upload it to my blog, all while I'm sitting at the doctor's office, or waiting for a ride, or enduring a ride, is like a dream come true, and I'm not exaggerating. I am constantly searching for affordable and accessible options to make better use of the time wasted in transit.
Do I worry about privacy and security? Yes. Do I worry about lost information? Yes, and losing the information is actually more worrisome to me than the privacy and security issue, which isn't smart, I know. But the emphasis that I place on ease of access would overrule my security concerns the majority of the time. For me, the information I would place in cyberspace is not highly sensitive. I'm talking about general work information and journal/personal opinion type of posting. No government secrets or the recipe for Coca-Cola or anything. Yes, I worry about identity theft, but that can happen to anyone. A friend had their identity stolen when someone took mail out of their mailbox. And when it comes to losing information, that can also happen in or out of cyberspace. Papers can get thrown in the trash. Water leaks, flooding, or other kinds of damage can occur. So information isn't 100% safe anywhere, really.
Many aspects of life carry some amount of risk. I have a friend who uses a wheelchair. She now has an automatic lock in her and her husband's lift-equipped van that eliminates the need for her husband to physically tie down her wheelchair. She just rolls right in, and the device locks her wheelchair in place. For her it means greater independence. For her husband it means relief for his knees and back. For both of them it means saving some time. The downside is that in the event of an accident, the lock would disengage more readily than the conventional tie-downs would. For my friends, the ease and access of the locking device outweighs the risk that might occur in the event of an accident.
Life is about constant judgement decisions.
Something extra:
This link is actually not part of the 12 Steps of Web and Library 2.0, but I thought it was germane to the conversation about societal divisions in social networking:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/10/13/social.networking.class/index.html
The idea of cloud computing is both fantastic and concerning for me. I think it is fascinating that so many people are so trusting that their information is going to be kept private and secure. I think this concept goes hand in hand with the idea of anonymity on the Web. Some people feel they can say anything (and they do!) because they believe they are posting anonymously.
For me cloud computing is so exciting because its all about access. Knowing that I can access the information I want and need from any computer or smartphone is a very important invention. This means I don't have to try to carry a laptop with me, or pay for Wi-Fi. It means I don't have to carry papers back and forth from home to work, or clog up my email with partially completed documents. It means if I don't finish something at work, I can pick up where I left off at home, without having to configure my home PC. It also means the home PC is not cluttered with work documents that I then might forget to email back to work.
For me cloud computing means increased mobility, greater independence, ease of use, and a more efficient use of my time, all of which are extremely valuable to me. Knowing that I could possibly get into Google Docs from my smartphone, add information, then upload it to my blog, all while I'm sitting at the doctor's office, or waiting for a ride, or enduring a ride, is like a dream come true, and I'm not exaggerating. I am constantly searching for affordable and accessible options to make better use of the time wasted in transit.
Do I worry about privacy and security? Yes. Do I worry about lost information? Yes, and losing the information is actually more worrisome to me than the privacy and security issue, which isn't smart, I know. But the emphasis that I place on ease of access would overrule my security concerns the majority of the time. For me, the information I would place in cyberspace is not highly sensitive. I'm talking about general work information and journal/personal opinion type of posting. No government secrets or the recipe for Coca-Cola or anything. Yes, I worry about identity theft, but that can happen to anyone. A friend had their identity stolen when someone took mail out of their mailbox. And when it comes to losing information, that can also happen in or out of cyberspace. Papers can get thrown in the trash. Water leaks, flooding, or other kinds of damage can occur. So information isn't 100% safe anywhere, really.
Many aspects of life carry some amount of risk. I have a friend who uses a wheelchair. She now has an automatic lock in her and her husband's lift-equipped van that eliminates the need for her husband to physically tie down her wheelchair. She just rolls right in, and the device locks her wheelchair in place. For her it means greater independence. For her husband it means relief for his knees and back. For both of them it means saving some time. The downside is that in the event of an accident, the lock would disengage more readily than the conventional tie-downs would. For my friends, the ease and access of the locking device outweighs the risk that might occur in the event of an accident.
Life is about constant judgement decisions.
Something extra:
This link is actually not part of the 12 Steps of Web and Library 2.0, but I thought it was germane to the conversation about societal divisions in social networking:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/10/13/social.networking.class/index.html
Librarian 2.0 Step 2: Blogs: My Thoughts
A co-worker and I are working on something called "A Dozen Ways to Two Step" from the Texas State Library. Here's the link about it:
http://www.tsl.state.tx.us/ld/12things/
We're learning about all kinds of emerging computer technologies, and getting hands-practice with tools such as Google docs and readers, facebook, youtube, podcasts, etc. I am really enjoying this training. I have a lot of thoughts, which I will now be transferring from my google doc account to here.
Here are my thoughts from Step 2:
Change for me has always been scary. I am learning to view change as more exciting and sometimes just a little scary.
The landscape is changing so fast; keeping up with the dynamic environment is a challenge. I've never been very interested in being a leader and I still don't consider myself leader material. But I find the prospect of librarians being at or at least near the forefront of this technological revolution fascinating and thrilling. I have always been worried in everything that I do that I won't be able to "keep up with" everyone else. i still worry about that. But I'm also excited to try. I don't have a scientific mind; I don't understand how things work in a mechanical sense. But I don't think I have to know that kind of information. I just need to know what's out there and the basics of how to use it. The challenge is and will continue to be the ability to stay abreast and informed of constantly evolving technology, updated versions, and new systems. In a way it feels a little disappointing, because when I find something new I like to use it and enjoy it for awhile. But in this environment, I think many items and systems will become outdated, out of fashion, or possibly even obsolete in a short amount of time.
Take "MySpace" for example. It was "the big thing" not too long ago, and now most people have moved on to Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social networking sites. Its not really "cool" to be on MySpace anymore.
Another example could be the cell phone industry. The more you can do with a cell phone these days, the more attractive it is in today's mobile, impatient, active society. We need information, we need it fast, and we want it all in one gadget if possible. For some, one type of phone fulfills those needs. For others, another type fits the bill. I would use brand names, but that would prove my point. A few months after I mention them, people who read this might say, "Oh, those aren't the most popular phones anymore." In today's society, people desire the "it" product, the item that everyone is talking about. If you have the best cell phone, the computer with the biggest hard drive, the newest car, the awesome new "toy," then you have status; people are interested in you.
This also plays into the problem of the digital divide; the "haves" vs the "have nots." I think this problem could potentially deepen over time. Even though efforts are being made to ensure that children have access to computers and technology in schools, they will not be provided items as adults. Luckily the prices for computers are much lower than they used to be, and many applications are available for free. But popular gadgets aren't usually low in price. Those who cannot afford technology usually, thought not always, are the least likely to be informed about technology. So the divide widens if you can't afford what's out there, you don't even know it exists, you don't know how it works, and you won't know when it gets upgraded or is replaced by something else. This is a much bigger problem than simply a question of social status and mobility, although those ideals are important too. I'm also thinking about access to information, which can be critical. More and more in my work, I'm noticing that organizations don't provide phone numbers for the public. If you need to contact a company or a non-profit, you have to send an email, or fill out a form on their website. Which is difficult to do if you don't have a computer. Yes, you could go to a public library and use the computer there. But you probably don't have an email address for them to contact you. Or a cell phone. Or the time or transportation to get to a public library, if you work two jobs and take the bus. For many in our society, the digital divide has potentially serious consequences.
As librarians, I think there is at least some work we can do to bridge the digital divide. Look at what we've done in our library. Seniors and people with disabilities are learning to download books from the Internet, sync the books to mobile devices, and burn them to disks. They are learning to use digital audiobook players, many of which are portable and offer additional features such as notetaking, file storage, and access to music. They are also becoming informed about assistive technology and sources for funding. All of which is making this segment of the population knowledgeable, employable, empowered, and in many cases more independent and mobile than they otherwise would be.
http://www.tsl.state.tx.us/ld/12things/
We're learning about all kinds of emerging computer technologies, and getting hands-practice with tools such as Google docs and readers, facebook, youtube, podcasts, etc. I am really enjoying this training. I have a lot of thoughts, which I will now be transferring from my google doc account to here.
Here are my thoughts from Step 2:
Change for me has always been scary. I am learning to view change as more exciting and sometimes just a little scary.
The landscape is changing so fast; keeping up with the dynamic environment is a challenge. I've never been very interested in being a leader and I still don't consider myself leader material. But I find the prospect of librarians being at or at least near the forefront of this technological revolution fascinating and thrilling. I have always been worried in everything that I do that I won't be able to "keep up with" everyone else. i still worry about that. But I'm also excited to try. I don't have a scientific mind; I don't understand how things work in a mechanical sense. But I don't think I have to know that kind of information. I just need to know what's out there and the basics of how to use it. The challenge is and will continue to be the ability to stay abreast and informed of constantly evolving technology, updated versions, and new systems. In a way it feels a little disappointing, because when I find something new I like to use it and enjoy it for awhile. But in this environment, I think many items and systems will become outdated, out of fashion, or possibly even obsolete in a short amount of time.
Take "MySpace" for example. It was "the big thing" not too long ago, and now most people have moved on to Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social networking sites. Its not really "cool" to be on MySpace anymore.
Another example could be the cell phone industry. The more you can do with a cell phone these days, the more attractive it is in today's mobile, impatient, active society. We need information, we need it fast, and we want it all in one gadget if possible. For some, one type of phone fulfills those needs. For others, another type fits the bill. I would use brand names, but that would prove my point. A few months after I mention them, people who read this might say, "Oh, those aren't the most popular phones anymore." In today's society, people desire the "it" product, the item that everyone is talking about. If you have the best cell phone, the computer with the biggest hard drive, the newest car, the awesome new "toy," then you have status; people are interested in you.
This also plays into the problem of the digital divide; the "haves" vs the "have nots." I think this problem could potentially deepen over time. Even though efforts are being made to ensure that children have access to computers and technology in schools, they will not be provided items as adults. Luckily the prices for computers are much lower than they used to be, and many applications are available for free. But popular gadgets aren't usually low in price. Those who cannot afford technology usually, thought not always, are the least likely to be informed about technology. So the divide widens if you can't afford what's out there, you don't even know it exists, you don't know how it works, and you won't know when it gets upgraded or is replaced by something else. This is a much bigger problem than simply a question of social status and mobility, although those ideals are important too. I'm also thinking about access to information, which can be critical. More and more in my work, I'm noticing that organizations don't provide phone numbers for the public. If you need to contact a company or a non-profit, you have to send an email, or fill out a form on their website. Which is difficult to do if you don't have a computer. Yes, you could go to a public library and use the computer there. But you probably don't have an email address for them to contact you. Or a cell phone. Or the time or transportation to get to a public library, if you work two jobs and take the bus. For many in our society, the digital divide has potentially serious consequences.
As librarians, I think there is at least some work we can do to bridge the digital divide. Look at what we've done in our library. Seniors and people with disabilities are learning to download books from the Internet, sync the books to mobile devices, and burn them to disks. They are learning to use digital audiobook players, many of which are portable and offer additional features such as notetaking, file storage, and access to music. They are also becoming informed about assistive technology and sources for funding. All of which is making this segment of the population knowledgeable, employable, empowered, and in many cases more independent and mobile than they otherwise would be.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Helen Keller quote
"Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."
Very nice quote. She was so amazing. One of my heroes. Wonderful sentiment, but sometimes hard to put into practice, unfortunately.
librarianintx
Very nice quote. She was so amazing. One of my heroes. Wonderful sentiment, but sometimes hard to put into practice, unfortunately.
librarianintx
Marsh
Marsh
Originally uploaded by DMA68
Yea, I figured it out! Turned out it was easy (of course!) :) When you click on an image in your account, there are clickable buttons just above the image, and one of them says "blog this." Its the same way when you find an image on Flickr. For some reason I didn't see those buttons when I was trying to post over the weekend. Can't imagine how I missed them. But anyway, now I know, and its easy. So exciting when I figure something out on my own! :)
Against the Colors
Against the Colors
Originally uploaded by tropicaLiving
Okay, so this is how you add an image from Flickr. Yea! :) But I still haven't figured out how to post an image that I have put on Flickr to my blog. Maybe you can't do that. Maybe you have to post it from your computer. But what if you're not at home and don't have access to the images on your computer?
Still working on this.
Beautiful picture anyway. :)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
First image post!
Okay, my first posting of an image on blogger. Yea me. :) But I'm not too excited yet. Because I tried first to upload an image to this blog from my new Flickr account, but it didn't work. This image was posted from my computer. Still got the job done. But I need to figure out how to do it in Flickr too.
This type of butterfly is called a West Coast Lady. I am really getting into butterflies. Love the concept of a metamorphosis. Love the freedom of flight.
librarianintx
Monday, August 03, 2009
Something else I strive for...
Resilience.
People might say I'm a resilient person, but I've never felt like I was. I'm striving for that now. Resilience. Resilience and balance.
I had it on Saturday. A long day, the longest car ride I've experienced in years, to be a support system for a friend. It was a day that ended a long week of stress and planning and concern. What a relief that the day went well, and the task was accomplished. I did what I set out to do, and I did it without an utterance of complaint or discomfort. Because there was none.
I was resilient on Saturday. And my friend had a big weight lifted from his shoulder. It was a very good day.
librarianintx
People might say I'm a resilient person, but I've never felt like I was. I'm striving for that now. Resilience. Resilience and balance.
I had it on Saturday. A long day, the longest car ride I've experienced in years, to be a support system for a friend. It was a day that ended a long week of stress and planning and concern. What a relief that the day went well, and the task was accomplished. I did what I set out to do, and I did it without an utterance of complaint or discomfort. Because there was none.
I was resilient on Saturday. And my friend had a big weight lifted from his shoulder. It was a very good day.
librarianintx
Friday, July 31, 2009
Lyrics
"My hands are small I know
But they're not yours,
they are my own
But they're not yours,
they are my own...
I am never broken"
"Hands"
by Jewel
But they're not yours,
they are my own
But they're not yours,
they are my own...
I am never broken"
"Hands"
by Jewel
Thursday, July 30, 2009
At some point...
At some point I need to stop feeling responsible for everyone else's feelings. A wise friend of a wise friend came up with a brilliant quote recently: "My intentions were pure, and your feelings are not my responsibility." I overextend myself constantly in order to keep everyone happy. Which of course doesn't actually happen. People still get upset. Crap still happens.
At some point, I'm going to figure it out.
librarianintx
At some point, I'm going to figure it out.
librarianintx
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
A Brief History
See, the problem is, when I was younger, I was convinced I couldn't do much. In fact, I believed I SHOULDN'T do much. I was weak, I was disabled, it was dangerous for me to overdo. So to make sure I didn't overdo, I "underdid." Plus it helped that I had a mother who felt she had to overprotect me and do everything for me. Before I knew it I was 28 years old, living in my own apartment for the first time, and I barely knew how to do anything. I had very limited experience with cooking, shopping, and managing my own money. I had never done my own laundry. I was tweny-five when I took my first out of town bus trip by myself, and that was just to visit family. When I was faced with something I didn't know how to do, all I had to do was ask my mother to do it for me. Actually, I rarely even had to ask. She would already know, and just do it for me.
But now I'm learning what a good feeling it is to do for myself, and to figure things out for myself. Its qute a high for me. I'm also learning that within good reason, its good for me to be active. Yes, I do need rest, but the more I use my muscles, again within reason, the better my physical and respiratory health will be. And its true, thanks to certain medications and other medical interventions, I am accomplishing more in a day than I ever thought possible. And that feels GREAT! But again, the problem is balance. How much, how often, for how long? And what activities should I focus on? What are some things that I'm doing that it would be healthier for me to give up and let someone else do? What are some daily activities that I can give up control over for my health?
But now I'm learning what a good feeling it is to do for myself, and to figure things out for myself. Its qute a high for me. I'm also learning that within good reason, its good for me to be active. Yes, I do need rest, but the more I use my muscles, again within reason, the better my physical and respiratory health will be. And its true, thanks to certain medications and other medical interventions, I am accomplishing more in a day than I ever thought possible. And that feels GREAT! But again, the problem is balance. How much, how often, for how long? And what activities should I focus on? What are some things that I'm doing that it would be healthier for me to give up and let someone else do? What are some daily activities that I can give up control over for my health?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Balance
I feel like I'm going to search for it forever...work toward it and never completely achieve it.
I'm doing more than I've ever done before to achieve health. I have a big problem with procrasination, and rarely do everything that I'm supposed to in a day. Part of the problem, of course, is that I have too many things I need to do for health, and not enough energy and time in the day to get it all done. Breathing exercises, physical exercising, eating right, taking meds, routine hair, skin, and tooth care, etc. Plus keeping my environment and equipment clean...
Although I'm doing quite a bit in the physical health realm, I'm not faring as well in the emotional health area. All the orange juice, broccoli, cantaloupe, fish, and low fat milk are great, but the improved diet is counteracted by stress, frustration, the ongoing saga of my complicated interpersonal relationships. Every day I'm trying to balance the desire to engage in activities I enjoy with the responsibility of making myself available to the people in my life who need me. My body is almost constantly on a hair-trigger, waiting for some disaster to strike, big or small. I want to fix everyone's life, including my own.
I am not powerLESS to change this. I am powerFUL. But a part of me refuses to alter the status quo. It is that part that gets the pay-off, that feels a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, the satisfaction that the mind and the body has done as much as they possibly could to keep everyone and everything, including myself, as happy and running as smoothly as possible. That part, however, doesn't feel what the rest of me feels...frustrated, overwhelmed, lacking, never enough. Not every day, luckily, but too often.
Balance is the constant brass ring.
librarianintx
I'm doing more than I've ever done before to achieve health. I have a big problem with procrasination, and rarely do everything that I'm supposed to in a day. Part of the problem, of course, is that I have too many things I need to do for health, and not enough energy and time in the day to get it all done. Breathing exercises, physical exercising, eating right, taking meds, routine hair, skin, and tooth care, etc. Plus keeping my environment and equipment clean...
Although I'm doing quite a bit in the physical health realm, I'm not faring as well in the emotional health area. All the orange juice, broccoli, cantaloupe, fish, and low fat milk are great, but the improved diet is counteracted by stress, frustration, the ongoing saga of my complicated interpersonal relationships. Every day I'm trying to balance the desire to engage in activities I enjoy with the responsibility of making myself available to the people in my life who need me. My body is almost constantly on a hair-trigger, waiting for some disaster to strike, big or small. I want to fix everyone's life, including my own.
I am not powerLESS to change this. I am powerFUL. But a part of me refuses to alter the status quo. It is that part that gets the pay-off, that feels a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, the satisfaction that the mind and the body has done as much as they possibly could to keep everyone and everything, including myself, as happy and running as smoothly as possible. That part, however, doesn't feel what the rest of me feels...frustrated, overwhelmed, lacking, never enough. Not every day, luckily, but too often.
Balance is the constant brass ring.
librarianintx
Friday, November 07, 2008
YES WE DID
Yes we did.
Slightly more than four years ago, I watched Barack Obama make his keynote address at the DNC for John Kerry. I had not heard of him before. After his speech, I stood up in my housemate's bedroom, tears in my eyes and pride in my heart, and declared "That man's going to be president. And I cannot wait!"
Turns out I didn't have to wait that long.
What a great night. Tuesday helped to lessen the pain of eight years ago, the stress of Florida and hanging chads and the Supreme Court decision. Of course I wanted Barack to take Ohio and Pennsylvania and Indiana, but more than anything else, I wanted him to take Florida. Florida was ours eight years ago, then it was stripped away, and I wanted it back. As it turns out, we didn't need Florida, and we didn't find out we had it until after we learned we won the whole country. So I guess for some it was anti-climatic that we took Florida. I was still excited.
We thought it was going to be a late night. But at 10:10 pm Central Time, that magic announcement flashed on our television screen. CJ and I hugged each other and hollered and broke open a bottle of sparkling apple cider for a toast. The phone calling began. The celebrating commenced. I asked CJ how he felt, and he answered simply, "I can breathe again."
to be continued...
Slightly more than four years ago, I watched Barack Obama make his keynote address at the DNC for John Kerry. I had not heard of him before. After his speech, I stood up in my housemate's bedroom, tears in my eyes and pride in my heart, and declared "That man's going to be president. And I cannot wait!"
Turns out I didn't have to wait that long.
What a great night. Tuesday helped to lessen the pain of eight years ago, the stress of Florida and hanging chads and the Supreme Court decision. Of course I wanted Barack to take Ohio and Pennsylvania and Indiana, but more than anything else, I wanted him to take Florida. Florida was ours eight years ago, then it was stripped away, and I wanted it back. As it turns out, we didn't need Florida, and we didn't find out we had it until after we learned we won the whole country. So I guess for some it was anti-climatic that we took Florida. I was still excited.
We thought it was going to be a late night. But at 10:10 pm Central Time, that magic announcement flashed on our television screen. CJ and I hugged each other and hollered and broke open a bottle of sparkling apple cider for a toast. The phone calling began. The celebrating commenced. I asked CJ how he felt, and he answered simply, "I can breathe again."
to be continued...
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
good description
"...and the bottom line for me was if I wasn't healthy, everything in my life stopped, including my independence. Making my health my number one focus forced me to ask for what I needed. And do you know what happened? Instead of taking my usual ten steps forward and then twelve steps back, I slowly and steadily advanced by taking baby steps in every area of my life - my health, my finances, my relationships, and particularly my need to be creative."
Amy Elizabeth Alexander, Exceptional Parent magazine contributing editor
Amy Elizabeth Alexander, Exceptional Parent magazine contributing editor
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Regret
One of our friends' cats passed away two days ago; we got the news yesterday. This passing was especially hard because the cat was friends with our cat (if cats actually can be friends, lol). They played in the courtyard of our former apartment complex together, and they would have "play dates"; they would lay on my bed and nap together. Our friends moved to another state several years ago, so I haven't seen the cat in a long time, but I still feel the loss. And I wonder how our cat felt when our friends moved away. She is a completely indoor cat now, and doesn't have any friends. I don't let any other animals in the house, because I'm concerned she will mark her territory. She is definitely an alpha cat, and I know we could not bring another cat into the apartment to stay.
Whenever anyone in my life passes away, person or animal, I always feel huge amounts of regret, believing that I wasn't good enough or nice enough to them, didn't help them enough or spend enough time with them. I replay in my mind the times that I was hard on them or fought with them or ignored them. I know it will be very difficult when our cat dies. This is my first time to raise a cat, and I have made many mistakes. She is stubborn, as all cats are, and unfortunately she also seems to have a mean streak. Maybe I caused her to develop that, I don't know. But I have been very hard on her sometimes, and she has been hard on me. She has mellowed as she's aged, and we have lovely times together. She sits on my lap sometimes. And she gets in bed with me every night; I fall asleep petting her as she curls up against my leg. CJ and I lovingly tease her about laying in the hallway between our rooms, and standing at the refrigerator door waiting for wet food. We have good times with her. But unfortunately, there has been a lot of bad times as well.
Our friends' cat was six months younger than our cat. Our cat just passed her tenth birthday. I was very busy around the time of her birthday, and have only recently realized that I completely forgot to celebrate her birthday. Ten years is a milestone, and yes, she is *only* a cat, but I still feel I should have done something. She would have liked a toy. If I had sung "Happy Birthday" to her, though, she probably would have bitten me. She hates it when I sing. Can't blame her on that one.
librarianintx
Whenever anyone in my life passes away, person or animal, I always feel huge amounts of regret, believing that I wasn't good enough or nice enough to them, didn't help them enough or spend enough time with them. I replay in my mind the times that I was hard on them or fought with them or ignored them. I know it will be very difficult when our cat dies. This is my first time to raise a cat, and I have made many mistakes. She is stubborn, as all cats are, and unfortunately she also seems to have a mean streak. Maybe I caused her to develop that, I don't know. But I have been very hard on her sometimes, and she has been hard on me. She has mellowed as she's aged, and we have lovely times together. She sits on my lap sometimes. And she gets in bed with me every night; I fall asleep petting her as she curls up against my leg. CJ and I lovingly tease her about laying in the hallway between our rooms, and standing at the refrigerator door waiting for wet food. We have good times with her. But unfortunately, there has been a lot of bad times as well.
Our friends' cat was six months younger than our cat. Our cat just passed her tenth birthday. I was very busy around the time of her birthday, and have only recently realized that I completely forgot to celebrate her birthday. Ten years is a milestone, and yes, she is *only* a cat, but I still feel I should have done something. She would have liked a toy. If I had sung "Happy Birthday" to her, though, she probably would have bitten me. She hates it when I sing. Can't blame her on that one.
librarianintx
Thursday, June 05, 2008
A pioneer in the field
Harriet McBryde Johnson died yesterday:
http://www.charleston.net/news/2008/jun/05/harriet_mcbryde_johnson_dies43458/
An example of a life lived fully, in truth, fearlessly. Lawyer, author, speaker, civil and disability rights activitist. Even though I may not have always agreed with her, she was an important voice for our cause.
librarianintx
http://www.charleston.net/news/2008/jun/05/harriet_mcbryde_johnson_dies43458/
An example of a life lived fully, in truth, fearlessly. Lawyer, author, speaker, civil and disability rights activitist. Even though I may not have always agreed with her, she was an important voice for our cause.
librarianintx
Friday, April 04, 2008
Sober
No, this post isn't about me "being on the wagon." :-) Actually, I don't drink at all. This is about the song I'm currently addicted to: Kelly Clarkson's "Sober." I'm still addicted to Natasha Beddingfield's "Unwritten" as well, and I also totally love Madonna's "Four Minutes" too.
"Sober"....wow. What emotion in that song! Its one of the reasons I love love love Kelly Kelly Kelly. She was my American Idol before Clay, and I still adore her. I just can't go to her concerts because they are SO LOUD! She's loud, the band is loud, unfortunately its just too much for me. I saw her and Clay together in 2004, and the difference in their sound was pronounced even then. I can only imagine how loud she is now. I don't even need earplugs at a Clay concert, and I really appreciate that. I want my hearing for as long as I can keep it.
Anyway, she might be too loud for me in concert, but I can listen to her songs all day (set at a comfortable level) The passion and the heart and soul that she puts into her music is so amazing; there's no "phoning it in" with Kelly. Its interesting because she comes across in interviews as this bubbly, carefree, chatty, sunny girl, and the majority of her songs are so full of pain, angst, agony, and heartbreak. "Sober" is a song about her surviving a devastating break-up. She starts out with a quiet melody, and the song builds as it goes along. By the end she is screaming. "Three months and I'm still sober....Three months and I’m still breathing...Three months and I still remember it...Three months and I wake up..."
I haven't ever had anyone break up with me, but that doesn't mean I don't resonate with those feelings. I've never been in a real romantic relationship, but I have felt the pain of love lost. I know what its like to wonder how you are still functioning with all the hurt you're carrying.
librarianintx
"Sober"....wow. What emotion in that song! Its one of the reasons I love love love Kelly Kelly Kelly. She was my American Idol before Clay, and I still adore her. I just can't go to her concerts because they are SO LOUD! She's loud, the band is loud, unfortunately its just too much for me. I saw her and Clay together in 2004, and the difference in their sound was pronounced even then. I can only imagine how loud she is now. I don't even need earplugs at a Clay concert, and I really appreciate that. I want my hearing for as long as I can keep it.
Anyway, she might be too loud for me in concert, but I can listen to her songs all day (set at a comfortable level) The passion and the heart and soul that she puts into her music is so amazing; there's no "phoning it in" with Kelly. Its interesting because she comes across in interviews as this bubbly, carefree, chatty, sunny girl, and the majority of her songs are so full of pain, angst, agony, and heartbreak. "Sober" is a song about her surviving a devastating break-up. She starts out with a quiet melody, and the song builds as it goes along. By the end she is screaming. "Three months and I'm still sober....Three months and I’m still breathing...Three months and I still remember it...Three months and I wake up..."
I haven't ever had anyone break up with me, but that doesn't mean I don't resonate with those feelings. I've never been in a real romantic relationship, but I have felt the pain of love lost. I know what its like to wonder how you are still functioning with all the hurt you're carrying.
librarianintx
Monday, March 17, 2008
Fear
I have a severe weather phobia.
I have had it pretty much all my life.
I am so tired of it.
I was born in Florida. The land of daily summer electrical storms. No one else in my family has this phobia. It wasn't passed down to me. I just developed it, and I have not yet been able to overcome it, although some years have been worse than others. It alters my life.
When I was younger, I would get hysterical during a storm. I would run from window to window, screaming. When I was really little, I would hide under my high chair.
In elementary school, I would find excuses not to go outside for recess or P.E. if I thought a storm was coming. One time we were outside for P.E. and the sky started to turn dark. The teacher didn't feel it was necessary to go inside. I asked to go to the restroom. When I got inside, it started pouring. The storm wasn't severe, but my class had to stay under the covered basketball area for what seemed like a long time. They thought it was fun. I was so relieved that I was inside and not trapped outside in the weather.
I live in Texas, so I have been through my share of storms. Apparently I went through an actual tornado when I was about four or five years old, but I don't remember. All the other times have been funnel clouds overhead, or straight line winds. I have never been injured due to weather. I have never been anywhere that sustained damage during severe weather, except for rumors of a few windows breaking in a dorm in graduate school. My roommate's grandfather was killed in a tornado in Illinois. I never met him. Oh, and my sister and brother-in-law's light fixtures in one of their bathrooms fell during a possible tornado in their neighborhood about fifteen years ago. They were not home at the time.
My point is, I have been through quite a few storms in my life, including two hurricanes and a few tropical storms, and nothing has ever happened to me. The probability of something happening to me is really quite small, especially since I'm usually not out in a storm. But the low probability doesn't help my phobia, unfortunately. I'm still scared.
Not much seems to help. I feel like I have tried everything. I am frustrated.
I am not as bad as I could be. I do leave the house on possible bad weather days. I don't hide in the closet all day. But I do check the online weather sites continuously on such days. Actually, I usually start a day or two before the bad weather is predicted. That is one of the most annoying features of my phobia. I can understand being afraid if the weather is imminent, but why do I get so freaked out a day or two beforehand? Sometimes forecasts change, and sometimes storms lose their punch before they even reach my area.
The absolute worst part for me is the fear of being alone during a severe storm. I really just can't do it. I am so much better if I am with someone during a storm. Having people around keeps me calm. Being in a big building where I can't see and hear what's happening is even better. My heart still pounds and I have trouble sitting still and concentrating and eating. But being alone is the worst.
I have improved in some areas. I am no longer afraid of ordinary thunderstorms. I have been able to pinpoint the crux of my fear. I am not really afraid of thunder, lightening, or hail. I am afraid of wind, tornadoes, and the darkness of a severe thunderstorm.
We have a chance of severe thunderstorms tonight. I was already afraid yesterday and am still today. Its only a slight chance, and that does make me feel a little better. I am really really trying to stay calm. I know that fear and anxiety aren't healthy for me. I have been doing so well at lessening my anxiety in other areas, and I am so much happier because of it. I am able to do so much more than I used to be able to. But the weather thing...I just can't seem to get past it. I am able to function, but barely. It definitely takes a toll on me, physically and emotionally. It takes a toll on my relationships as well. I ask the people in my life all the time to "save me" from the storm. I need to learn to save myself.
I have learned that you can't force anxiety to go away; anger and frustation directed at fear only makes the fear more tenacious. You have to allow the anxiety to exist, and that actually takes some of its power away. I am also working on recognizing and then reversing the physical symptoms of the phobia. When I hear the wind start to howl or the sky begin to darken, that is when the heart really starts to pound. So I try to calm myself down. Breathe. Relax. I am going to be okay. I try not to look out the window. I put on earphones or turn the tv up.
I was hoping that writing about it would help. Maybe it has. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm still scared. I'm just so tired of this. Its so useless. Worry is the most useless emotion there is. I keep scouring the Internet, looking for information that's going to help, that's going to make me feel better. I have found some, but not enough. I look to the people in my life to save me. I am running, always running from this fear. Phobias are all about a lack of control. I cannot control the weather. I can only control my reactions to it. If only I could.
librarinintx
I have had it pretty much all my life.
I am so tired of it.
I was born in Florida. The land of daily summer electrical storms. No one else in my family has this phobia. It wasn't passed down to me. I just developed it, and I have not yet been able to overcome it, although some years have been worse than others. It alters my life.
When I was younger, I would get hysterical during a storm. I would run from window to window, screaming. When I was really little, I would hide under my high chair.
In elementary school, I would find excuses not to go outside for recess or P.E. if I thought a storm was coming. One time we were outside for P.E. and the sky started to turn dark. The teacher didn't feel it was necessary to go inside. I asked to go to the restroom. When I got inside, it started pouring. The storm wasn't severe, but my class had to stay under the covered basketball area for what seemed like a long time. They thought it was fun. I was so relieved that I was inside and not trapped outside in the weather.
I live in Texas, so I have been through my share of storms. Apparently I went through an actual tornado when I was about four or five years old, but I don't remember. All the other times have been funnel clouds overhead, or straight line winds. I have never been injured due to weather. I have never been anywhere that sustained damage during severe weather, except for rumors of a few windows breaking in a dorm in graduate school. My roommate's grandfather was killed in a tornado in Illinois. I never met him. Oh, and my sister and brother-in-law's light fixtures in one of their bathrooms fell during a possible tornado in their neighborhood about fifteen years ago. They were not home at the time.
My point is, I have been through quite a few storms in my life, including two hurricanes and a few tropical storms, and nothing has ever happened to me. The probability of something happening to me is really quite small, especially since I'm usually not out in a storm. But the low probability doesn't help my phobia, unfortunately. I'm still scared.
Not much seems to help. I feel like I have tried everything. I am frustrated.
I am not as bad as I could be. I do leave the house on possible bad weather days. I don't hide in the closet all day. But I do check the online weather sites continuously on such days. Actually, I usually start a day or two before the bad weather is predicted. That is one of the most annoying features of my phobia. I can understand being afraid if the weather is imminent, but why do I get so freaked out a day or two beforehand? Sometimes forecasts change, and sometimes storms lose their punch before they even reach my area.
The absolute worst part for me is the fear of being alone during a severe storm. I really just can't do it. I am so much better if I am with someone during a storm. Having people around keeps me calm. Being in a big building where I can't see and hear what's happening is even better. My heart still pounds and I have trouble sitting still and concentrating and eating. But being alone is the worst.
I have improved in some areas. I am no longer afraid of ordinary thunderstorms. I have been able to pinpoint the crux of my fear. I am not really afraid of thunder, lightening, or hail. I am afraid of wind, tornadoes, and the darkness of a severe thunderstorm.
We have a chance of severe thunderstorms tonight. I was already afraid yesterday and am still today. Its only a slight chance, and that does make me feel a little better. I am really really trying to stay calm. I know that fear and anxiety aren't healthy for me. I have been doing so well at lessening my anxiety in other areas, and I am so much happier because of it. I am able to do so much more than I used to be able to. But the weather thing...I just can't seem to get past it. I am able to function, but barely. It definitely takes a toll on me, physically and emotionally. It takes a toll on my relationships as well. I ask the people in my life all the time to "save me" from the storm. I need to learn to save myself.
I have learned that you can't force anxiety to go away; anger and frustation directed at fear only makes the fear more tenacious. You have to allow the anxiety to exist, and that actually takes some of its power away. I am also working on recognizing and then reversing the physical symptoms of the phobia. When I hear the wind start to howl or the sky begin to darken, that is when the heart really starts to pound. So I try to calm myself down. Breathe. Relax. I am going to be okay. I try not to look out the window. I put on earphones or turn the tv up.
I was hoping that writing about it would help. Maybe it has. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm still scared. I'm just so tired of this. Its so useless. Worry is the most useless emotion there is. I keep scouring the Internet, looking for information that's going to help, that's going to make me feel better. I have found some, but not enough. I look to the people in my life to save me. I am running, always running from this fear. Phobias are all about a lack of control. I cannot control the weather. I can only control my reactions to it. If only I could.
librarinintx
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