I didn't coin the term "Hell's Front Porch" when it comes to Texas heat, so maybe I'm going to be sued for copyright infringement if I use it in my writing. So let me think of a new phrase. "Climate change hellfire?" "Blazing steam bath?" "Burning skin and brain cells?" Names and titles are not my forte. It was another ridiculously hot day, y'all. Period.
This was my post from Facebook that day, "I'm waiting for my ride in the 'Hell's Front Porch' Texas heat, so to distract myself I decide to start listening to Lizzo's new album 'Special.' I have earbuds in my bag, but I think to myself, "Oh it's just me sweltering out here; I'll keep the sound low in case anyone comes outside or walks up." So I press play on Spotify, and Lizzo starts singing, "Hey, mothaf**ka...did ya miss me? I've been home since... 2020....I've been twerkin'..."
Oops
Better listen later, Lizzo.
Or find my earbuds."
So now I've used "Hell's Front Porch" twice AND Lizzo lyrics, so how many regulations am I violating?
Anyway, there is more to the story of waiting for my ride on July 18 in the Year of Our Lord 2022.
I was in a Sophie's Choice sort of situation.
I had to make a decision between:
Risking heat exhaustion by remaining outside but having the ability to sit
Or
Fleeing to the air conditioning but having to stand for an undetermined amount of time
I made it for twenty minutes in the fiery sauna before I dragged my sweaty bones and bags into the library.
I stood in the doorway, watching and trying not to look unsteady, frustrated, and anxious.
Luckily the van pulled up at the end of the Fresh hell known as the thirty minute window. As I relaxed into the comfy, air conditioned vehicle, my driver said, "Its too hot for you to wait outside. Next Monday wait inside and I will come in and find you."
That was a lovely offer that should have resolved my problem and left me awash in relief.
But it was a promise that I could not rely on.
This driver USUALLY picks me up on Mondays, but that's not a guarantee.
If I roll the dice and sit inside to wait, I could get a driver who plays by the rules and leaves my ass because I'm not waiting outside.
It's not a risk I'm willing to take.
Not only would it delay me getting home, but I could also rack up "no show" points which could result in my suspension.
Then I would truly be f**ked.
End on Gratitude:
I don't have to work outside.
I just have to wait there -
30 minutes
Twice a day
Three times a week
Minus holidays
Paratransit wants us to live the motto of mail carriers - endure rain, snow, sleet, and hail - They need to add the rain-deprived, Saharan dust and oak pollen-coated, fireball-drenched, record-setting temps of a Texas summer.
librarianintx
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