Sunday, January 31, 2016

The Ups and Downs of My Grocery Store Experience

Sunday morning in Austin, Texas. A BEAUTIFUL last day in January. Temperatures in the 60's, on the way to a possible record high in the 80's.

Downside #1 of said shopping trip:
There was a re-stocking apocalypse in the fruit and vegetable area, which just happened to be the location of the majority of the items on my carefully crafted list. Evidently most of my fellow shoppers had a similar list, because that section of the store was teeming with frazzled mothers, impatient fathers, hungry children, distracted millennials, shopping carts acting like bumper cars, small dollies, boxes of produce, and harried HEB employees trying to do their job.

But there was an upside to this downside. A very nice female employee went out of her way to track down a black case filled with bags of kale, an important ingredient that I did not want to leave the store without purchasing.

Downside #2:
My driver was less than enthusiastic about helping me with my bags. It's her job, but that doesn't mean she has to like it, and she disliked it quite openly this morning. She was cranky when I politely gave her directions to my apartment, and reminded me that she has picked me up several times from the store. In fact, she seemed to be more than implying that she wished I would shop at a time and day when I would not be on her schedule. Like I can make THAT happen. She actually said  to me, "Do you shop EVERY Sunday morning?" Yes, I do, lady. I shop every Sunday morning for the specific reason to make your life difficult. Actually, I don't shop every Sunday morning.

Related downside to downside #2:
I had to pee like I was nine months pregnant. The kind of needing to pee when your lower abdomen is causing you significant discomfort, and all you can think about is the fact that it might be as long as thirty minutes before you have access to a bathroom. And when you finally get on the bus and you find out that the driver has another pick up before you get to go home - further prolonging what has become a code yellow pee emergency - you can't seem to concentrate on any subject except your brain repeating I HAVE TO PEE like an old record player with a stuck needle. Have I now lost anyone born after 1990?

And now for the upsides of downsides #2 and #2.5:
I killed the driver - WITH KINDNESS PEOPLE! I killed her with kindness. Yeesh. I thanked her profusely when she helped me carry my bags to the door. I smiled and said, "Thank you SO much, and I hope you have a great rest of the day."

Also, I made it to the bathroom without peeing myself. Definitely the biggest accomplishment of the day. Even bigger than walking out of the store with the elusive bag of kale.

But I have one more upside to the grocery store experience, and there is no downside associated with it, which is very exciting. Somehow, even though I am four foot eleven and there are items that I cannot reach, this morning my stretching ability was enhanced. I was able to secure the jar of pickle relish, the box of shredded wheat, AND the usually completely unattainable pack of two black markers from their high perches. Today I did not have to stand in a deserted aisle and stare forlornly at each needed thing, hoping that someone would come around a corner and I would summon the nerve to ask for help. No help required today. An end of January miracle happened there.

librarianintx


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