Sins, part 2

It took me so long to work on my earlier blog that I had to leave for a party before it was done, and I was afraid I would lose it, so I posted it. Let me see if I can succinctly make my point (yeah, right) :)

My mother was not given adequate information and support. My sister was not given adequate information and support as a sibling of a person with a disability. My sister's husband of now twenty plus years is a healthy, adventurous, fun-loving man with a low tolerance for "whiners and worriers." I endured three very difficult trips to stay with my sister and brother in law when they lived out of state shortly after they were married. Even though life and our relationships have changed over the years, I still refuse to spend even a night at their house because of what transpired more than twenty years ago, even though they have three daughters now and live only about ten minutes from my mother's house. I visit them all the time when I am in town, we are close, but I do not spend the night. I do not give them that much power over me.

Which brings me to the parents of Ashley X. Obviously what that child has endured far and away exceeds anything that I have experienced. That should go without saying. Yet I do not consider her parents to be monsters. I can understand on an intellectual level that they love their child and believe they did what was best for her. What I cannot understand is how doctors, and how society, can believe that what was done to her was okay. Yes, it is the sins of the parents because they are the ones that pushed for all of this. But its also the sins of the doctors who said yes, who not only AGREED to these surgical procedures and medical interventions, but BELIEVED that they were the right course to take. And it is the sins of society, who should step up and say, "This isn't right, this shouldn't be done, this is a child who has a right to her body, a right to keep her female organs, a right to grow to normal height and weight, and instead of stunting her growth and taking out her organs to keep her small and lightweight, let's help these parents, lets give them personal assistants and respite care and teach them how to care for their daughter that will prevent injury to themselves and still allow them to lead as normal a life as possible."

There is good and bad in everyone. We are not one-dimensional beings. We can, and often do, change and grow. My relationship with my family is good now, for the most part. That does not mean that I forget what happened in the past. But I can understand it better now.

librarianintx