One of our friends' cats passed away two days ago; we got the news yesterday. This passing was especially hard because the cat was friends with our cat (if cats actually can be friends, lol). They played in the courtyard of our former apartment complex together, and they would have "play dates"; they would lay on my bed and nap together. Our friends moved to another state several years ago, so I haven't seen the cat in a long time, but I still feel the loss. And I wonder how our cat felt when our friends moved away. She is a completely indoor cat now, and doesn't have any friends. I don't let any other animals in the house, because I'm concerned she will mark her territory. She is definitely an alpha cat, and I know we could not bring another cat into the apartment to stay.
Whenever anyone in my life passes away, person or animal, I always feel huge amounts of regret, believing that I wasn't good enough or nice enough to them, didn't help them enough or spend enough time with them. I replay in my mind the times that I was hard on them or fought with them or ignored them. I know it will be very difficult when our cat dies. This is my first time to raise a cat, and I have made many mistakes. She is stubborn, as all cats are, and unfortunately she also seems to have a mean streak. Maybe I caused her to develop that, I don't know. But I have been very hard on her sometimes, and she has been hard on me. She has mellowed as she's aged, and we have lovely times together. She sits on my lap sometimes. And she gets in bed with me every night; I fall asleep petting her as she curls up against my leg. CJ and I lovingly tease her about laying in the hallway between our rooms, and standing at the refrigerator door waiting for wet food. We have good times with her. But unfortunately, there has been a lot of bad times as well.
Our friends' cat was six months younger than our cat. Our cat just passed her tenth birthday. I was very busy around the time of her birthday, and have only recently realized that I completely forgot to celebrate her birthday. Ten years is a milestone, and yes, she is *only* a cat, but I still feel I should have done something. She would have liked a toy. If I had sung "Happy Birthday" to her, though, she probably would have bitten me. She hates it when I sing. Can't blame her on that one.
librarianintx
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
A pioneer in the field
Harriet McBryde Johnson died yesterday:
http://www.charleston.net/news/2008/jun/05/harriet_mcbryde_johnson_dies43458/
An example of a life lived fully, in truth, fearlessly. Lawyer, author, speaker, civil and disability rights activitist. Even though I may not have always agreed with her, she was an important voice for our cause.
librarianintx
http://www.charleston.net/news/2008/jun/05/harriet_mcbryde_johnson_dies43458/
An example of a life lived fully, in truth, fearlessly. Lawyer, author, speaker, civil and disability rights activitist. Even though I may not have always agreed with her, she was an important voice for our cause.
librarianintx
Friday, April 04, 2008
Sober
No, this post isn't about me "being on the wagon." :-) Actually, I don't drink at all. This is about the song I'm currently addicted to: Kelly Clarkson's "Sober." I'm still addicted to Natasha Beddingfield's "Unwritten" as well, and I also totally love Madonna's "Four Minutes" too.
"Sober"....wow. What emotion in that song! Its one of the reasons I love love love Kelly Kelly Kelly. She was my American Idol before Clay, and I still adore her. I just can't go to her concerts because they are SO LOUD! She's loud, the band is loud, unfortunately its just too much for me. I saw her and Clay together in 2004, and the difference in their sound was pronounced even then. I can only imagine how loud she is now. I don't even need earplugs at a Clay concert, and I really appreciate that. I want my hearing for as long as I can keep it.
Anyway, she might be too loud for me in concert, but I can listen to her songs all day (set at a comfortable level) The passion and the heart and soul that she puts into her music is so amazing; there's no "phoning it in" with Kelly. Its interesting because she comes across in interviews as this bubbly, carefree, chatty, sunny girl, and the majority of her songs are so full of pain, angst, agony, and heartbreak. "Sober" is a song about her surviving a devastating break-up. She starts out with a quiet melody, and the song builds as it goes along. By the end she is screaming. "Three months and I'm still sober....Three months and I’m still breathing...Three months and I still remember it...Three months and I wake up..."
I haven't ever had anyone break up with me, but that doesn't mean I don't resonate with those feelings. I've never been in a real romantic relationship, but I have felt the pain of love lost. I know what its like to wonder how you are still functioning with all the hurt you're carrying.
librarianintx
"Sober"....wow. What emotion in that song! Its one of the reasons I love love love Kelly Kelly Kelly. She was my American Idol before Clay, and I still adore her. I just can't go to her concerts because they are SO LOUD! She's loud, the band is loud, unfortunately its just too much for me. I saw her and Clay together in 2004, and the difference in their sound was pronounced even then. I can only imagine how loud she is now. I don't even need earplugs at a Clay concert, and I really appreciate that. I want my hearing for as long as I can keep it.
Anyway, she might be too loud for me in concert, but I can listen to her songs all day (set at a comfortable level) The passion and the heart and soul that she puts into her music is so amazing; there's no "phoning it in" with Kelly. Its interesting because she comes across in interviews as this bubbly, carefree, chatty, sunny girl, and the majority of her songs are so full of pain, angst, agony, and heartbreak. "Sober" is a song about her surviving a devastating break-up. She starts out with a quiet melody, and the song builds as it goes along. By the end she is screaming. "Three months and I'm still sober....Three months and I’m still breathing...Three months and I still remember it...Three months and I wake up..."
I haven't ever had anyone break up with me, but that doesn't mean I don't resonate with those feelings. I've never been in a real romantic relationship, but I have felt the pain of love lost. I know what its like to wonder how you are still functioning with all the hurt you're carrying.
librarianintx
Monday, March 17, 2008
Fear
I have a severe weather phobia.
I have had it pretty much all my life.
I am so tired of it.
I was born in Florida. The land of daily summer electrical storms. No one else in my family has this phobia. It wasn't passed down to me. I just developed it, and I have not yet been able to overcome it, although some years have been worse than others. It alters my life.
When I was younger, I would get hysterical during a storm. I would run from window to window, screaming. When I was really little, I would hide under my high chair.
In elementary school, I would find excuses not to go outside for recess or P.E. if I thought a storm was coming. One time we were outside for P.E. and the sky started to turn dark. The teacher didn't feel it was necessary to go inside. I asked to go to the restroom. When I got inside, it started pouring. The storm wasn't severe, but my class had to stay under the covered basketball area for what seemed like a long time. They thought it was fun. I was so relieved that I was inside and not trapped outside in the weather.
I live in Texas, so I have been through my share of storms. Apparently I went through an actual tornado when I was about four or five years old, but I don't remember. All the other times have been funnel clouds overhead, or straight line winds. I have never been injured due to weather. I have never been anywhere that sustained damage during severe weather, except for rumors of a few windows breaking in a dorm in graduate school. My roommate's grandfather was killed in a tornado in Illinois. I never met him. Oh, and my sister and brother-in-law's light fixtures in one of their bathrooms fell during a possible tornado in their neighborhood about fifteen years ago. They were not home at the time.
My point is, I have been through quite a few storms in my life, including two hurricanes and a few tropical storms, and nothing has ever happened to me. The probability of something happening to me is really quite small, especially since I'm usually not out in a storm. But the low probability doesn't help my phobia, unfortunately. I'm still scared.
Not much seems to help. I feel like I have tried everything. I am frustrated.
I am not as bad as I could be. I do leave the house on possible bad weather days. I don't hide in the closet all day. But I do check the online weather sites continuously on such days. Actually, I usually start a day or two before the bad weather is predicted. That is one of the most annoying features of my phobia. I can understand being afraid if the weather is imminent, but why do I get so freaked out a day or two beforehand? Sometimes forecasts change, and sometimes storms lose their punch before they even reach my area.
The absolute worst part for me is the fear of being alone during a severe storm. I really just can't do it. I am so much better if I am with someone during a storm. Having people around keeps me calm. Being in a big building where I can't see and hear what's happening is even better. My heart still pounds and I have trouble sitting still and concentrating and eating. But being alone is the worst.
I have improved in some areas. I am no longer afraid of ordinary thunderstorms. I have been able to pinpoint the crux of my fear. I am not really afraid of thunder, lightening, or hail. I am afraid of wind, tornadoes, and the darkness of a severe thunderstorm.
We have a chance of severe thunderstorms tonight. I was already afraid yesterday and am still today. Its only a slight chance, and that does make me feel a little better. I am really really trying to stay calm. I know that fear and anxiety aren't healthy for me. I have been doing so well at lessening my anxiety in other areas, and I am so much happier because of it. I am able to do so much more than I used to be able to. But the weather thing...I just can't seem to get past it. I am able to function, but barely. It definitely takes a toll on me, physically and emotionally. It takes a toll on my relationships as well. I ask the people in my life all the time to "save me" from the storm. I need to learn to save myself.
I have learned that you can't force anxiety to go away; anger and frustation directed at fear only makes the fear more tenacious. You have to allow the anxiety to exist, and that actually takes some of its power away. I am also working on recognizing and then reversing the physical symptoms of the phobia. When I hear the wind start to howl or the sky begin to darken, that is when the heart really starts to pound. So I try to calm myself down. Breathe. Relax. I am going to be okay. I try not to look out the window. I put on earphones or turn the tv up.
I was hoping that writing about it would help. Maybe it has. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm still scared. I'm just so tired of this. Its so useless. Worry is the most useless emotion there is. I keep scouring the Internet, looking for information that's going to help, that's going to make me feel better. I have found some, but not enough. I look to the people in my life to save me. I am running, always running from this fear. Phobias are all about a lack of control. I cannot control the weather. I can only control my reactions to it. If only I could.
librarinintx
I have had it pretty much all my life.
I am so tired of it.
I was born in Florida. The land of daily summer electrical storms. No one else in my family has this phobia. It wasn't passed down to me. I just developed it, and I have not yet been able to overcome it, although some years have been worse than others. It alters my life.
When I was younger, I would get hysterical during a storm. I would run from window to window, screaming. When I was really little, I would hide under my high chair.
In elementary school, I would find excuses not to go outside for recess or P.E. if I thought a storm was coming. One time we were outside for P.E. and the sky started to turn dark. The teacher didn't feel it was necessary to go inside. I asked to go to the restroom. When I got inside, it started pouring. The storm wasn't severe, but my class had to stay under the covered basketball area for what seemed like a long time. They thought it was fun. I was so relieved that I was inside and not trapped outside in the weather.
I live in Texas, so I have been through my share of storms. Apparently I went through an actual tornado when I was about four or five years old, but I don't remember. All the other times have been funnel clouds overhead, or straight line winds. I have never been injured due to weather. I have never been anywhere that sustained damage during severe weather, except for rumors of a few windows breaking in a dorm in graduate school. My roommate's grandfather was killed in a tornado in Illinois. I never met him. Oh, and my sister and brother-in-law's light fixtures in one of their bathrooms fell during a possible tornado in their neighborhood about fifteen years ago. They were not home at the time.
My point is, I have been through quite a few storms in my life, including two hurricanes and a few tropical storms, and nothing has ever happened to me. The probability of something happening to me is really quite small, especially since I'm usually not out in a storm. But the low probability doesn't help my phobia, unfortunately. I'm still scared.
Not much seems to help. I feel like I have tried everything. I am frustrated.
I am not as bad as I could be. I do leave the house on possible bad weather days. I don't hide in the closet all day. But I do check the online weather sites continuously on such days. Actually, I usually start a day or two before the bad weather is predicted. That is one of the most annoying features of my phobia. I can understand being afraid if the weather is imminent, but why do I get so freaked out a day or two beforehand? Sometimes forecasts change, and sometimes storms lose their punch before they even reach my area.
The absolute worst part for me is the fear of being alone during a severe storm. I really just can't do it. I am so much better if I am with someone during a storm. Having people around keeps me calm. Being in a big building where I can't see and hear what's happening is even better. My heart still pounds and I have trouble sitting still and concentrating and eating. But being alone is the worst.
I have improved in some areas. I am no longer afraid of ordinary thunderstorms. I have been able to pinpoint the crux of my fear. I am not really afraid of thunder, lightening, or hail. I am afraid of wind, tornadoes, and the darkness of a severe thunderstorm.
We have a chance of severe thunderstorms tonight. I was already afraid yesterday and am still today. Its only a slight chance, and that does make me feel a little better. I am really really trying to stay calm. I know that fear and anxiety aren't healthy for me. I have been doing so well at lessening my anxiety in other areas, and I am so much happier because of it. I am able to do so much more than I used to be able to. But the weather thing...I just can't seem to get past it. I am able to function, but barely. It definitely takes a toll on me, physically and emotionally. It takes a toll on my relationships as well. I ask the people in my life all the time to "save me" from the storm. I need to learn to save myself.
I have learned that you can't force anxiety to go away; anger and frustation directed at fear only makes the fear more tenacious. You have to allow the anxiety to exist, and that actually takes some of its power away. I am also working on recognizing and then reversing the physical symptoms of the phobia. When I hear the wind start to howl or the sky begin to darken, that is when the heart really starts to pound. So I try to calm myself down. Breathe. Relax. I am going to be okay. I try not to look out the window. I put on earphones or turn the tv up.
I was hoping that writing about it would help. Maybe it has. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm still scared. I'm just so tired of this. Its so useless. Worry is the most useless emotion there is. I keep scouring the Internet, looking for information that's going to help, that's going to make me feel better. I have found some, but not enough. I look to the people in my life to save me. I am running, always running from this fear. Phobias are all about a lack of control. I cannot control the weather. I can only control my reactions to it. If only I could.
librarinintx
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Sins, part 2
It took me so long to work on my earlier blog that I had to leave for a party before it was done, and I was afraid I would lose it, so I posted it. Let me see if I can succinctly make my point (yeah, right) :)
My mother was not given adequate information and support. My sister was not given adequate information and support as a sibling of a person with a disability. My sister's husband of now twenty plus years is a healthy, adventurous, fun-loving man with a low tolerance for "whiners and worriers." I endured three very difficult trips to stay with my sister and brother in law when they lived out of state shortly after they were married. Even though life and our relationships have changed over the years, I still refuse to spend even a night at their house because of what transpired more than twenty years ago, even though they have three daughters now and live only about ten minutes from my mother's house. I visit them all the time when I am in town, we are close, but I do not spend the night. I do not give them that much power over me.
Which brings me to the parents of Ashley X. Obviously what that child has endured far and away exceeds anything that I have experienced. That should go without saying. Yet I do not consider her parents to be monsters. I can understand on an intellectual level that they love their child and believe they did what was best for her. What I cannot understand is how doctors, and how society, can believe that what was done to her was okay. Yes, it is the sins of the parents because they are the ones that pushed for all of this. But its also the sins of the doctors who said yes, who not only AGREED to these surgical procedures and medical interventions, but BELIEVED that they were the right course to take. And it is the sins of society, who should step up and say, "This isn't right, this shouldn't be done, this is a child who has a right to her body, a right to keep her female organs, a right to grow to normal height and weight, and instead of stunting her growth and taking out her organs to keep her small and lightweight, let's help these parents, lets give them personal assistants and respite care and teach them how to care for their daughter that will prevent injury to themselves and still allow them to lead as normal a life as possible."
There is good and bad in everyone. We are not one-dimensional beings. We can, and often do, change and grow. My relationship with my family is good now, for the most part. That does not mean that I forget what happened in the past. But I can understand it better now.
librarianintx
My mother was not given adequate information and support. My sister was not given adequate information and support as a sibling of a person with a disability. My sister's husband of now twenty plus years is a healthy, adventurous, fun-loving man with a low tolerance for "whiners and worriers." I endured three very difficult trips to stay with my sister and brother in law when they lived out of state shortly after they were married. Even though life and our relationships have changed over the years, I still refuse to spend even a night at their house because of what transpired more than twenty years ago, even though they have three daughters now and live only about ten minutes from my mother's house. I visit them all the time when I am in town, we are close, but I do not spend the night. I do not give them that much power over me.
Which brings me to the parents of Ashley X. Obviously what that child has endured far and away exceeds anything that I have experienced. That should go without saying. Yet I do not consider her parents to be monsters. I can understand on an intellectual level that they love their child and believe they did what was best for her. What I cannot understand is how doctors, and how society, can believe that what was done to her was okay. Yes, it is the sins of the parents because they are the ones that pushed for all of this. But its also the sins of the doctors who said yes, who not only AGREED to these surgical procedures and medical interventions, but BELIEVED that they were the right course to take. And it is the sins of society, who should step up and say, "This isn't right, this shouldn't be done, this is a child who has a right to her body, a right to keep her female organs, a right to grow to normal height and weight, and instead of stunting her growth and taking out her organs to keep her small and lightweight, let's help these parents, lets give them personal assistants and respite care and teach them how to care for their daughter that will prevent injury to themselves and still allow them to lead as normal a life as possible."
There is good and bad in everyone. We are not one-dimensional beings. We can, and often do, change and grow. My relationship with my family is good now, for the most part. That does not mean that I forget what happened in the past. But I can understand it better now.
librarianintx
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Sins of family or society?
I had intended to blog about my milestone birthday, but I'll get to that.
I saw an article online the other day about the Ashley X saga. It was an update of sorts, with the family emailing CNN to let them know that their "pillow angel" is doing well, and they consider all that they had done to their daughter to be both a success and hopefully an example to other families who want similar treatments for their children.
The article outlines the controversy without reaching a definitive conclusion on "rightness" or "wrongness." Interestingly, I had not heard before that one of the doctors who authorized the treatment has committed suicide. A friend of the family says it was not because of the Ashley treament.
I bring this up because as you know if you have read my blog before, I have strong opinions on this subject. But I also bring this up because of a meeting I was at yesterday. I am a member of an advisory board that assists a domestic violence organization with issues relating to persons with disabilities. This domestic violence organization does amazing work period, and their work in the field of disabilities is especially exemplary. They assist individuals who are victims of abuse (spouse, caregiver, attendant, family, or institutional) and they also train service providers and other domestic violence organizations staff on how to effectively assist individuals with disabilities who have disabilities.
In the meeting yesterday we were discussing information provided by participants of a series focus groups on both abusive and healthy relationships. The staff person was outlining a list of abuses that people discussed in the groups. The members of our meeting were shocked and upset by much of what we heard, myself included. However, as the staff person continued talking, I realized with surprise that many of these activities were done to me as a child and teenager. I have never thought of myself as a victim or family members as perpetrators, and I still really can't. And I can definitely say that I what I experienced was very mild compared to what other people with disabilities go through. The fact is, it still happened. And while I am so grateful that I am finally coming to terms with my past and learning to move on from it, I wish I had been able to forge ahead years ago. I have spent way too many years lost in fear, anxiety, and worry.
So which parts of the list did I identify with?
1) threats of being put in a mental institution (due to ongoing phobias)
2) denial of disability
3) denial of possible serious illness
4) lack of nutrition
5) refusal to provide or use assitive devices
6) recklessness when using assistive devices
7) teasing about appearance
8) being labeled lazy or stupid in response to fatigue issues
Yes, this was done by family members. And of course I blame them for their actions. But I know they are not evil, hateful people. My family loves me. What I am realizing now is that they did what they did because of ignorance, not because of ill will. Ignorance and fear and frustration. My mother didn't do what she did because she didn't love me. She did it because she was ill-prepared to be a widow at the age of thirty-six, raising two daughters, one of which has a disability. She did it because even though the extended family tried to provide assistance, she was still faced with big economic and social pressures. She didn't know about services that were available to assist me until I was nearly out of high school.
I saw an article online the other day about the Ashley X saga. It was an update of sorts, with the family emailing CNN to let them know that their "pillow angel" is doing well, and they consider all that they had done to their daughter to be both a success and hopefully an example to other families who want similar treatments for their children.
The article outlines the controversy without reaching a definitive conclusion on "rightness" or "wrongness." Interestingly, I had not heard before that one of the doctors who authorized the treatment has committed suicide. A friend of the family says it was not because of the Ashley treament.
I bring this up because as you know if you have read my blog before, I have strong opinions on this subject. But I also bring this up because of a meeting I was at yesterday. I am a member of an advisory board that assists a domestic violence organization with issues relating to persons with disabilities. This domestic violence organization does amazing work period, and their work in the field of disabilities is especially exemplary. They assist individuals who are victims of abuse (spouse, caregiver, attendant, family, or institutional) and they also train service providers and other domestic violence organizations staff on how to effectively assist individuals with disabilities who have disabilities.
In the meeting yesterday we were discussing information provided by participants of a series focus groups on both abusive and healthy relationships. The staff person was outlining a list of abuses that people discussed in the groups. The members of our meeting were shocked and upset by much of what we heard, myself included. However, as the staff person continued talking, I realized with surprise that many of these activities were done to me as a child and teenager. I have never thought of myself as a victim or family members as perpetrators, and I still really can't. And I can definitely say that I what I experienced was very mild compared to what other people with disabilities go through. The fact is, it still happened. And while I am so grateful that I am finally coming to terms with my past and learning to move on from it, I wish I had been able to forge ahead years ago. I have spent way too many years lost in fear, anxiety, and worry.
So which parts of the list did I identify with?
1) threats of being put in a mental institution (due to ongoing phobias)
2) denial of disability
3) denial of possible serious illness
4) lack of nutrition
5) refusal to provide or use assitive devices
6) recklessness when using assistive devices
7) teasing about appearance
8) being labeled lazy or stupid in response to fatigue issues
Yes, this was done by family members. And of course I blame them for their actions. But I know they are not evil, hateful people. My family loves me. What I am realizing now is that they did what they did because of ignorance, not because of ill will. Ignorance and fear and frustration. My mother didn't do what she did because she didn't love me. She did it because she was ill-prepared to be a widow at the age of thirty-six, raising two daughters, one of which has a disability. She did it because even though the extended family tried to provide assistance, she was still faced with big economic and social pressures. She didn't know about services that were available to assist me until I was nearly out of high school.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Update on the "fierce boy"
Yes, I'm sad. Danny got voted out. But I expected it. I had a lot of respect for Chekezie last night, as he unabashedly hugged and comforted a shaking and tearful Danny for much longer than most men would have done. Ryan called him, "One of the most courageous performers we've had on this show," and Danny got to strut his stuff one more time without being played off. I wish he could have at least lasted a few more weeks so he could have made the tour, but it was not to be. I hope good things happen for Danny in the future.
librarianintx
librarianintx
Thursday, March 06, 2008
My "fierce boys" of reality tv
Yea Christian from Project Runway!! Here are some comments I made on a message board about him:
I love Christian from Project Runway too; I'm so glad he won. I think he's adorable and I love his "chutzpah." I got all misty eyed when he started crying. I honestly don't think that show is about making clothes for "everyday women." Its about high fashion and coutre (spelling?), and I think most of us would never imagine wearing the clothes these designers create. Items created for the runway are the kinds of things someone like Christian creates: dramatic, intricate, artistic, and yes, over the top. Honestly, I wish he had used more color in his designs. But I thought the two-toned dress at the end was absolutely amazing. And I thought he was spectacular all season. I thought he definitely deserved to win.
It was actually a shock to me that Christian is as popular as he is; I was very surprised that he won the fan favorite award. He looked stunned as well! I thought liking him would put me in the minority (I'm used to that.) I thought his attitude would turn people off. But I've been intrigued all season with the juxtaposition of his "puppy dog" eyes and his "fierceness," how he can be helpful one minute and so caustic the next, and the final episode really got me with his anxiety and tears at the end. I think for all of his brashness and "I'm the best" attitude, I think he was really afraid at the end that he would be runner-up. And I was afraid he would be as well, because my favorite usually does come in second place. :-)
My other "fierce boy" of the moment...Danny Noriega from American Idol. With this one I think I'm definitely in the minority. Many comments on message boards find him annoying, rude, and not a good enough singer. I think he's interesting, funny, and talented...not the best singer in the competition, but definitely not the worst. Again, like Christian, I see a very complex personality. He's got a ton of moxie, and a "devil may care" attitude, but there is a vulnerability in his eyes, if you look beyond the pout and the head snaps. I agree with Randy that he is holding back vocally; he needs to channel some of that uber confidence he displays in his performance to his voice. Usually I am highly irritated when contestants yap back to Simon, but I find Danny and Simon's exchanges highly entertaining. And Danny's wilting "mmm mmm" comment to Ryan about not noticing the purple streaks in his hair was the funniest moment on that show in a long time. On the other end, I got choked up witnessing Danny's tears when the girls were eliminated last week. All for show? Could be. But it got to me.
Usually I really can't stand self-centered, "full of themselves" people. But I think that's the point I'm trying to make. I think Christian and Danny come across that way to a lot of people, but I just don't see them that way. I see them as unique and complex individuals. I also have respect for the fact that they aren't afraid to be themselves. I think because in many ways I fear showing my true self to the world, as I get older I am intrigued by people who put themselves out there and have such personal conviction. I am especially amazed that they are so young. But some would say that is part of their problem; they are impetuous and have no respect for authority. One person on a message board said Danny wouldn't last a day in a recording studio with his attitude. She could be right. I guess all I can say at this point is that I am enjoying watching and seeing what happens next. Christian and Danny definitely live up to my definition of reality tv. They are talented and entertaining. Go boys! Ya'll are FIERCE!
librarianintx
I love Christian from Project Runway too; I'm so glad he won. I think he's adorable and I love his "chutzpah." I got all misty eyed when he started crying. I honestly don't think that show is about making clothes for "everyday women." Its about high fashion and coutre (spelling?), and I think most of us would never imagine wearing the clothes these designers create. Items created for the runway are the kinds of things someone like Christian creates: dramatic, intricate, artistic, and yes, over the top. Honestly, I wish he had used more color in his designs. But I thought the two-toned dress at the end was absolutely amazing. And I thought he was spectacular all season. I thought he definitely deserved to win.
It was actually a shock to me that Christian is as popular as he is; I was very surprised that he won the fan favorite award. He looked stunned as well! I thought liking him would put me in the minority (I'm used to that.) I thought his attitude would turn people off. But I've been intrigued all season with the juxtaposition of his "puppy dog" eyes and his "fierceness," how he can be helpful one minute and so caustic the next, and the final episode really got me with his anxiety and tears at the end. I think for all of his brashness and "I'm the best" attitude, I think he was really afraid at the end that he would be runner-up. And I was afraid he would be as well, because my favorite usually does come in second place. :-)
My other "fierce boy" of the moment...Danny Noriega from American Idol. With this one I think I'm definitely in the minority. Many comments on message boards find him annoying, rude, and not a good enough singer. I think he's interesting, funny, and talented...not the best singer in the competition, but definitely not the worst. Again, like Christian, I see a very complex personality. He's got a ton of moxie, and a "devil may care" attitude, but there is a vulnerability in his eyes, if you look beyond the pout and the head snaps. I agree with Randy that he is holding back vocally; he needs to channel some of that uber confidence he displays in his performance to his voice. Usually I am highly irritated when contestants yap back to Simon, but I find Danny and Simon's exchanges highly entertaining. And Danny's wilting "mmm mmm" comment to Ryan about not noticing the purple streaks in his hair was the funniest moment on that show in a long time. On the other end, I got choked up witnessing Danny's tears when the girls were eliminated last week. All for show? Could be. But it got to me.
Usually I really can't stand self-centered, "full of themselves" people. But I think that's the point I'm trying to make. I think Christian and Danny come across that way to a lot of people, but I just don't see them that way. I see them as unique and complex individuals. I also have respect for the fact that they aren't afraid to be themselves. I think because in many ways I fear showing my true self to the world, as I get older I am intrigued by people who put themselves out there and have such personal conviction. I am especially amazed that they are so young. But some would say that is part of their problem; they are impetuous and have no respect for authority. One person on a message board said Danny wouldn't last a day in a recording studio with his attitude. She could be right. I guess all I can say at this point is that I am enjoying watching and seeing what happens next. Christian and Danny definitely live up to my definition of reality tv. They are talented and entertaining. Go boys! Ya'll are FIERCE!
librarianintx
Monday, January 07, 2008
Liars Club
I just find it a sad commentary on life when people feel they have to lie to get what they want. And then when they're caught, they very rarely take responsibility. They usually say, "I wasn't aware," "I didn't realize," "I never meant to mislead," "I didn't understand."
Please.
Two cases currently in the news. Well, actually they're a bit old now. But anyway. I'm not going to provide links because probably by the time I find links they'll be outdated by tomorrow. But the first case is the contestant from "Survivor," the school cafeteria worker. Denise. On the "Survivor" live reunion show, she told the audience that she had been demoted to school janitor when she returned from the show, because she was "too famous." I watched the show. And I felt sorry for her. She painted herself as a hard worker, trying to make ends meet for her husband and kids. She played on the sympathy of the audience and the producers of the show, talking about having to clean toilets, and how the job made her feel emotionally. At every reunion show now, the viewers at home vote to give someone $100,000 as the "fan favorite" of the season. Denise was in the top 3 for the award, but she didn't win. When they returned from commercial, Jeff announced that the series creater, Mark Burnett, was "so touched" by Denise's story that he was writing her a check for $50,000. Denise beamed. The audience cheered. Denise's family looked like they were crying. A Hallmark moment.
Except the story was a lie. Oh, Denise really did become a janitor for the school. But she REQUESTED the job change, BEFORE she left for the show. The janitor job pays more than the lunch lady job. She wasn't demoted. She made the choice to take the job.
Did she really think the truth wouldn't come out? Did she think she could lie on national television, and her employers wouldn't be watching? So the truth came out, and Denise released a statement, saying she "didn't intend to mislead anyone." She also said she was planning to donate the money to charity. Goody for her, but is that supposed to make up for what she did? What kind of example is she setting for her children?
Which is a great segue for story #2. Short and sweet. A little girl wanted to see Hannah Montana in concert. A company was sponsoring an essay contest and the winner won two tickets and a makeover. The little girl wrote the essay about her father, a soldier who had been killed in Iraq.
Yep. Her father was not dead and not in the military. Her mother admitted helping her write the essay. Her excuse. "We didn't know it had to be a true story."
The prize was awarded to another girl. But this child lost a lot more than concert tickets. I can appreciate that the mother wanted to see her daughter's dreams come true. But to make her daughter complicit in any kind of lie, and especially in one of such magnitude....I just feel so badly for that child. I can only imagine what kind of torment she is facing, at school and in her neighborhood.
I guess that's one of the major problems in our society. People act first and think later. They want what they want and they go after it no matter what the consequences. And they don't consider the collateral damage...to their communities...their families...their children.
librarianintx
Please.
Two cases currently in the news. Well, actually they're a bit old now. But anyway. I'm not going to provide links because probably by the time I find links they'll be outdated by tomorrow. But the first case is the contestant from "Survivor," the school cafeteria worker. Denise. On the "Survivor" live reunion show, she told the audience that she had been demoted to school janitor when she returned from the show, because she was "too famous." I watched the show. And I felt sorry for her. She painted herself as a hard worker, trying to make ends meet for her husband and kids. She played on the sympathy of the audience and the producers of the show, talking about having to clean toilets, and how the job made her feel emotionally. At every reunion show now, the viewers at home vote to give someone $100,000 as the "fan favorite" of the season. Denise was in the top 3 for the award, but she didn't win. When they returned from commercial, Jeff announced that the series creater, Mark Burnett, was "so touched" by Denise's story that he was writing her a check for $50,000. Denise beamed. The audience cheered. Denise's family looked like they were crying. A Hallmark moment.
Except the story was a lie. Oh, Denise really did become a janitor for the school. But she REQUESTED the job change, BEFORE she left for the show. The janitor job pays more than the lunch lady job. She wasn't demoted. She made the choice to take the job.
Did she really think the truth wouldn't come out? Did she think she could lie on national television, and her employers wouldn't be watching? So the truth came out, and Denise released a statement, saying she "didn't intend to mislead anyone." She also said she was planning to donate the money to charity. Goody for her, but is that supposed to make up for what she did? What kind of example is she setting for her children?
Which is a great segue for story #2. Short and sweet. A little girl wanted to see Hannah Montana in concert. A company was sponsoring an essay contest and the winner won two tickets and a makeover. The little girl wrote the essay about her father, a soldier who had been killed in Iraq.
Yep. Her father was not dead and not in the military. Her mother admitted helping her write the essay. Her excuse. "We didn't know it had to be a true story."
The prize was awarded to another girl. But this child lost a lot more than concert tickets. I can appreciate that the mother wanted to see her daughter's dreams come true. But to make her daughter complicit in any kind of lie, and especially in one of such magnitude....I just feel so badly for that child. I can only imagine what kind of torment she is facing, at school and in her neighborhood.
I guess that's one of the major problems in our society. People act first and think later. They want what they want and they go after it no matter what the consequences. And they don't consider the collateral damage...to their communities...their families...their children.
librarianintx
Friday, January 04, 2008
O Iowa
Its OBAMA time in Iowa!!
I haven't blogged about Obama before? I know I've journaled about him. His speech at the DNC made me stand up in the middle of my roommate's bedroom and applaud. Without a doubt he is the politician of my life. I have never been so interested in seeing someone get elected, although I did stay up until 4 am when Gore "won" in 2000. I would like to get involved in his campaign, and maybe now that I'm feeling better I'll be able to. Last night was quite exciting. I know its "only the Iowa Caucus." There is still a lot of time for anything to happen. But history WAS made last night. And I loved watching it happen. He is such a brilliant speaker. Of course I worry about his inexperience. And to be perfectly honest I have expected more of him from the debates. But like I said, there is still time. He's got huge momentum, and he needs to maintain it. Next stop: New Hampshire!
librarianintx
I haven't blogged about Obama before? I know I've journaled about him. His speech at the DNC made me stand up in the middle of my roommate's bedroom and applaud. Without a doubt he is the politician of my life. I have never been so interested in seeing someone get elected, although I did stay up until 4 am when Gore "won" in 2000. I would like to get involved in his campaign, and maybe now that I'm feeling better I'll be able to. Last night was quite exciting. I know its "only the Iowa Caucus." There is still a lot of time for anything to happen. But history WAS made last night. And I loved watching it happen. He is such a brilliant speaker. Of course I worry about his inexperience. And to be perfectly honest I have expected more of him from the debates. But like I said, there is still time. He's got huge momentum, and he needs to maintain it. Next stop: New Hampshire!
librarianintx
Monday, December 31, 2007
Another one
I've got one more for ya...
"Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season."
This was sent in an e-card to me from an acquaintance. I'm sure I've mentioned to him more than once that I'm Jewish. But maybe I didn't. Or maybe he didn't care. He was going to get his point across anyway.
If you're confused, read the entry before this one.
librarianintx
"Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season."
This was sent in an e-card to me from an acquaintance. I'm sure I've mentioned to him more than once that I'm Jewish. But maybe I didn't. Or maybe he didn't care. He was going to get his point across anyway.
If you're confused, read the entry before this one.
librarianintx
Monday, December 17, 2007
Joy to the World
On Thursday of last week I answered a reference call at work, and assisted a very nice man. We discussed his request and I told him about the information I would be sending him. He complimented the program I work for and the friendly staff, and I thanked him for his comments. As is my custom at this time of year, I ended the call by wishing him "Happy Holidays." He thanked me and then cheerily said through the phone line, "Keep the Christ in Christmas!"
This line reserved for clearing my throat.
This line reserved for pulling out my stepstool.
This line reserved for dragging my crippled ass up on my soapbox.
Its very simple really. I am not Christian. But I understand that I live in a Christian society. A melting pot of religions? Or the acceptance of people with no religious beliefs? Please. As if. Yes, we have the FREEDOM in this country to persue whatever religion we choose to, or to refrain from any religious pursuits. And that is certainly very important. But in everyday life, Christianity is pervasive in this country. People just naturally assume that everyone is Christian, and everyone celebrates Christmas. People might occassionally say, "Happy Holidays," like I do. But way more often its "Merry Christmas!" "How is your Christmas shopping going?" "Are you ready for Christmas?" "What are your plans for Christmas?"
I don't want to be rude to people. They are trying to be friendly, conversational. In some cases if its a salesperson talking to me I know they have been mandated by their employers to say "Christmas" rather than "Holiday." Wal-Mart is an example. Wal-Mart, the epitome of American capitalistic society.
Only on a rare occassion, when I've really had enough, do I say, "My Hanukkah was great, thanks." Or "I don't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Hanukkah." Sometimes when someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, I want to say "Happy Hanukkah" to them. But I usually don't. Because that's my point. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I pretty much figure that they don't celebrate Hanukkah. Two wrongs don't make a right.
In my brain, "Happy Holidays" is the perfect term to use during this time of year. Its inclusionary, not exclusionary. "Holiday" could mean Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or even the Winter Solistice. Problem solved...in my opinion.
But of course not everyone thinks like me. And why should Christians think like me. They're in the majority. They're running the ship. They are in charge. And for them, any voice of change is not seen as an agent of inclusion, but an agent of destruction. They don't see a shift from "Christmas exclusively" to "Holiday inclusionary," they see a denial of their right to freedom of religion and freedom of speech. People like me are trying to "take away Christmas." That's why there's this "Put the Christ in Christmas" campaign.
I don't think the two sides will ever be able to see each other's viewpoint. I'm not trying to take away Christmas; I am simply trying to make the season a time when everyone feels included. That really is what its all about for me.
Let me just tell you a bit about what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Door decorating contests at school where Jewish symbols weren't allowed. Art projects that involved making Christmas tree ornaments. My sister and brother-in-law's neighboorhood mandating that everyone line their driveways with Christmas lights and erect Christmas symbols in their front yards (they lined their driveway with blue and white lights, and found a giant star and dreidel somewhere (Home Depot? Garden Ridge?) to put in their yard, after initially refusing to comply with the mandate.) The school Christmas parties. The dorm Christmas parties. The office Christmas parties. The nativity scene in the dorm cafeteria. This is what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Or for those who celebrate Kwanza. Or for those who do not celebrate any of the three.
I have a couple of close friends who are Christian. And as I've said before I am a big Clay Aiken fan, and he is a devout Christian. I have learned much about the true Christian spirit from these people. They have helped to heal some of my wounds regarding Christianity. My struggle goes much deeper than Christmas, and is a topic for future blogs. My friends understand that I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I'm trying to make room at the table for everyone.
I often feel like an outsider in life. I haven't found a place where I feel like I truly belong. This time of year unfortunately serves to magnify those feelings.
Happy Holidays.
librarianintx
This line reserved for clearing my throat.
This line reserved for pulling out my stepstool.
This line reserved for dragging my crippled ass up on my soapbox.
Its very simple really. I am not Christian. But I understand that I live in a Christian society. A melting pot of religions? Or the acceptance of people with no religious beliefs? Please. As if. Yes, we have the FREEDOM in this country to persue whatever religion we choose to, or to refrain from any religious pursuits. And that is certainly very important. But in everyday life, Christianity is pervasive in this country. People just naturally assume that everyone is Christian, and everyone celebrates Christmas. People might occassionally say, "Happy Holidays," like I do. But way more often its "Merry Christmas!" "How is your Christmas shopping going?" "Are you ready for Christmas?" "What are your plans for Christmas?"
I don't want to be rude to people. They are trying to be friendly, conversational. In some cases if its a salesperson talking to me I know they have been mandated by their employers to say "Christmas" rather than "Holiday." Wal-Mart is an example. Wal-Mart, the epitome of American capitalistic society.
Only on a rare occassion, when I've really had enough, do I say, "My Hanukkah was great, thanks." Or "I don't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Hanukkah." Sometimes when someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, I want to say "Happy Hanukkah" to them. But I usually don't. Because that's my point. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I pretty much figure that they don't celebrate Hanukkah. Two wrongs don't make a right.
In my brain, "Happy Holidays" is the perfect term to use during this time of year. Its inclusionary, not exclusionary. "Holiday" could mean Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or even the Winter Solistice. Problem solved...in my opinion.
But of course not everyone thinks like me. And why should Christians think like me. They're in the majority. They're running the ship. They are in charge. And for them, any voice of change is not seen as an agent of inclusion, but an agent of destruction. They don't see a shift from "Christmas exclusively" to "Holiday inclusionary," they see a denial of their right to freedom of religion and freedom of speech. People like me are trying to "take away Christmas." That's why there's this "Put the Christ in Christmas" campaign.
I don't think the two sides will ever be able to see each other's viewpoint. I'm not trying to take away Christmas; I am simply trying to make the season a time when everyone feels included. That really is what its all about for me.
Let me just tell you a bit about what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Door decorating contests at school where Jewish symbols weren't allowed. Art projects that involved making Christmas tree ornaments. My sister and brother-in-law's neighboorhood mandating that everyone line their driveways with Christmas lights and erect Christmas symbols in their front yards (they lined their driveway with blue and white lights, and found a giant star and dreidel somewhere (Home Depot? Garden Ridge?) to put in their yard, after initially refusing to comply with the mandate.) The school Christmas parties. The dorm Christmas parties. The office Christmas parties. The nativity scene in the dorm cafeteria. This is what its like to be Jewish during Christmas. Or for those who celebrate Kwanza. Or for those who do not celebrate any of the three.
I have a couple of close friends who are Christian. And as I've said before I am a big Clay Aiken fan, and he is a devout Christian. I have learned much about the true Christian spirit from these people. They have helped to heal some of my wounds regarding Christianity. My struggle goes much deeper than Christmas, and is a topic for future blogs. My friends understand that I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I'm trying to make room at the table for everyone.
I often feel like an outsider in life. I haven't found a place where I feel like I truly belong. This time of year unfortunately serves to magnify those feelings.
Happy Holidays.
librarianintx
Friday, December 14, 2007
Reality Show
Yes, when I first heard and read about the CBS reality show "Kid Nation," I was pretty shocked. Forty kids left in a desert ghost town for forty days by themselves? C'mon. There were injuries. Parents were claiming they hadn't been fully informed. There was discussion of the show violating child labor laws. On and on. I wasn't going to watch it. I'm all about most reality shows (I do draw the line at the Bachelor and Temptation Island, etc) , but it seemed like this one was really a bad idea.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/
But the producers urged the viewers to give it a try. Watch the first episode, and see if your pre-conceived notions turn out to be unfounded. So I watched the first episode. I missed a few along the way, but I was there for the finale....and I cried during the last thirty minutes of the show. It wasn't the first time I had shed a tear during the run of the show.
Overall I thought it was good. Was it the best show on tv? No. But it was funny. It was exciting. And it was heartwarming. Kind of Survivor meets the Waltons meets the Andy Griffith show. Not that the kids were angels or anything. There was arguing, sometimes a lot. There was near punching a few times. There was even some foul language! They got a little crazy sometimes. They're real kids!
But there were a lot of heartwarming moments. They really pulled together and helped each other. Many of the kids grew up right in front of our eyes. They had to make some tough decisions. When they won a reward, they usually had to choose between two rewards...one was something they needed, like a washing machine or fresh vegetables or clothes, and one was something fun, like pizza or a swimming pool or a giant stereo. In just about every case, they made the decision to go with what they needed over the luxury item. Not everyone was always happy about the decision.
There were big themes in Kid Nation, life stuff that everyone has to deal with at some point in their existence. They had to deal with socioeconomic, cultural, religious, and age differences. They had to exist in a class society, and often had to face the repercussions of people refusing to do their jobs. They had to work in order to earn money, and learned to go without what they wanted when they didn't have the money to buy items. They even had to deal with some issues that most people will never have to face, like killing a chicken if they wanted to eat meat, and repairing an outhouse if they wanted toilet facilities.
At the end of every episode the town council awarded one of the kids a gold star that was worth $20,000. My one regret of the show is that some of my favorite kids never got a gold star. I would have really wanted to see Mike and Laurel get one especially. I was definitely happy that Michael, Sophia, and Morgan each got one, and I think Sophia and Morgan also each won a second one at the end of the show. The three gold stars at the end were worth $50,000 each. In a way, though, maybe its fitting that some of the most deserving kids didn't win a gold star. Sometimes you work hard your whole life, you're a nice, good, deserving person, but you don't get a lot of recognition and nothing big ever happens to you. Such is life sometimes.
I don't know if there will be another Kid Nation show, but I'm glad I watched this one. I think those kids were afforded the opportunity of a lifetime to be involved with the show. I was impressed by the way they handled themselves. I think their parents will be as well.
librarianintx
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/
But the producers urged the viewers to give it a try. Watch the first episode, and see if your pre-conceived notions turn out to be unfounded. So I watched the first episode. I missed a few along the way, but I was there for the finale....and I cried during the last thirty minutes of the show. It wasn't the first time I had shed a tear during the run of the show.
Overall I thought it was good. Was it the best show on tv? No. But it was funny. It was exciting. And it was heartwarming. Kind of Survivor meets the Waltons meets the Andy Griffith show. Not that the kids were angels or anything. There was arguing, sometimes a lot. There was near punching a few times. There was even some foul language! They got a little crazy sometimes. They're real kids!
But there were a lot of heartwarming moments. They really pulled together and helped each other. Many of the kids grew up right in front of our eyes. They had to make some tough decisions. When they won a reward, they usually had to choose between two rewards...one was something they needed, like a washing machine or fresh vegetables or clothes, and one was something fun, like pizza or a swimming pool or a giant stereo. In just about every case, they made the decision to go with what they needed over the luxury item. Not everyone was always happy about the decision.
There were big themes in Kid Nation, life stuff that everyone has to deal with at some point in their existence. They had to deal with socioeconomic, cultural, religious, and age differences. They had to exist in a class society, and often had to face the repercussions of people refusing to do their jobs. They had to work in order to earn money, and learned to go without what they wanted when they didn't have the money to buy items. They even had to deal with some issues that most people will never have to face, like killing a chicken if they wanted to eat meat, and repairing an outhouse if they wanted toilet facilities.
At the end of every episode the town council awarded one of the kids a gold star that was worth $20,000. My one regret of the show is that some of my favorite kids never got a gold star. I would have really wanted to see Mike and Laurel get one especially. I was definitely happy that Michael, Sophia, and Morgan each got one, and I think Sophia and Morgan also each won a second one at the end of the show. The three gold stars at the end were worth $50,000 each. In a way, though, maybe its fitting that some of the most deserving kids didn't win a gold star. Sometimes you work hard your whole life, you're a nice, good, deserving person, but you don't get a lot of recognition and nothing big ever happens to you. Such is life sometimes.
I don't know if there will be another Kid Nation show, but I'm glad I watched this one. I think those kids were afforded the opportunity of a lifetime to be involved with the show. I was impressed by the way they handled themselves. I think their parents will be as well.
librarianintx
Monday, December 03, 2007
Observations
Yesterday I was at my Mom's-side-of-the-family Hanukkah party. We don't have a Dad's-side-of-the-family Hanukkah party. Even though most of my Dad's relatives live only about three hours away, we rarely see them. I'm sure part of the reason is because my father died many years ago. Then again, my mom is still alive, most of her relatives live in the same city as her, and yet we only gather together in any significant number twice per year, at Hanukkah and Passover. Last year we had to have the Hanukkah party in January because everyone was so busy.
I should re-phrase that next to the last sentence though. My mom's two brothers and their wives and families get together quite often, in various groupings. My aunts and uncles have been on vacations all over the world. My aunts go on spa trips with their daughters. The families travelled to Massachusetts to watch my cousin M. race in the Boston Marathon this year..
My mother, sister, and I are not included. The activities are mentioned in front of us. More than that. They are discussed, planned, dissected, and regaled in front of us. They're usually more than happy to share pictures and stories from their great adventures. But that is the closest we get to inclusion.
Luckily, my sister doesn't have to wait around for invitations that never come. She and her husband of twenty years are hard-working people. They have a nice house with lots of nice things, three beautiful, healthy daughters, and money for travelling. They have been on several trips across the country with their children. Last year just the two of them went to Brazil for their anniversary, and next week they will visit Italy for a week. My brother-in-law's job includes a great deal of travelling. He literally has seen the world: Canada, Singapore, Kuwait, China, Yugoslavia, India, Algeria. Sure, he's been to those places for work, but he has had opportunities to sightsee as well.
My mom is catching up. As a single mother that included raising a daughter with a disability, there wasn't money in the budget for travelling. Now as a senior, semi-retired, there still isn't really money for travelling. But she manages. Cruises are her thing. She has been to Canada, Alaska, the Carribean, Mexico. She also goes to Las Vegas at least twice a year. It still hurts her that her family never includes her. It more than hurts her. It has shaped who she is.
I have not left my home state in nearly twenty years.
Interestingly, that wasn't what I was going to blog about initially.
Back to the party. My middle niece gave me a t-shirt as an early Hanukkah present. Its perfect for me, pink with a picture of a cat on it. The youngest niece approached me as I was admiring the gift and thanking her sister. Of the three girls, the youngest one bears the closest resemblance to me. She looked at me and said sweetly, "I'm sorry, I don't have a present for you." Without needing to think, I replied "You don't have to have a present for me. All you have to do is love me. That's your gift to me!"
The words "have to" weren't spoken to imply force. The written word conveyed without tone and setting can have an altering effect. She understood what I meant. That material possessions aren't important to me. Its her love that means the most to me. She grinned and exclaimed, "I do," her smile made even brighter by her shiny braces with the blue wires. Orthodontia sure has come a long way since I had braces twenty years ago. You can now get colored braces. Of course that costs extra. But when you can afford two international trips, at least three continental trips, dish network, new floors, granite countertops, a new bed, fresh paint, and G-d knows what else all in the span of one year, what's the big deal about a few extra bucks for colored braces? Oh, I think there was a new sports car in there too. But maybe that was last year.
See? I keep digressing. It happens after I've been around my family. Some members of them anyway. My bag gets full. That's colloquial for: I've had enough of the shit.
Unfortunately, my spontaneous ranting has caused the crux of this post to appear completely untruthful. What I came here to explain today is that material possessions DON'T matter. Its the love that matters. And hopefully I can illustrate that point now.
My nieces love me. Yes, I give them small gifts at Hanukkah and their birthdays. But that's it. Okay, and at their Bat Mitzvahs (two down, one to go). But not really other times. They know I don't have money. They have seen my apartment. They know I don't travel. They know I only work part time, and that I'm not married.
But they love me. They love me because I spend time with them. Our time together is not perfunctory the way my relationship is with the majority of my relatives. With everyone else at the party, it was a peck on the cheek (maybe), a "how are you?" and a "how's work going?" That's it. Period.
Not so with my nieces. We play games. We listen to music and look at funny stuff on you-tube. I listen to them. I am interested in what they have to say. I send them cards to say hello. They are .49 cent cards. There are no money or gift certificates in the envelopes. Just a little note to say "hello" and "I'm thinking about you." I know that the middle niece likes cats and the youngest one is a fanatic for the color blue and the oldest one loves being in the marching band. Two of them are teenagers now, and the youngest one is almost there, and every day I think, "The next time I see them they are going to be in that 'rotten teenager phase' where they hate everyone, including me." It hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will. But what I came here today to say is that it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if one day they come to hate me. I will love them forever. Some people in your life are like that. There are people in everyone's lives that they will love for their entire existence. I have other people that I feel that way about. There is even one person that I have never met. But I believe I will care about him forever.
I actually developed this observation before this weekend. I was thinking about the relationship between my mom and my sister, and that is when I had the epiphany. My sister and my mom are cut from the same cloth. That is why I notice a tenfold rise in tension a majority of the time that they are in the same room together. They can't communicate. I keep thinking they would be much happier if they could.
My sister is very hard on my mom. Its painful for me to watch. As it was painful for me to see my mom be hard on my grandmother. But my mother will love my sister forever. As I'm sure my grandmother loved my mom.
I know that love can die sometimes. It can burn out in a flash or it can fizzle away. But I think in many cases it endures, through hardships and celebrations, through anger and reconciliation, through loneliness and shelter, through agony and comfort.
librarinintx
I should re-phrase that next to the last sentence though. My mom's two brothers and their wives and families get together quite often, in various groupings. My aunts and uncles have been on vacations all over the world. My aunts go on spa trips with their daughters. The families travelled to Massachusetts to watch my cousin M. race in the Boston Marathon this year..
My mother, sister, and I are not included. The activities are mentioned in front of us. More than that. They are discussed, planned, dissected, and regaled in front of us. They're usually more than happy to share pictures and stories from their great adventures. But that is the closest we get to inclusion.
Luckily, my sister doesn't have to wait around for invitations that never come. She and her husband of twenty years are hard-working people. They have a nice house with lots of nice things, three beautiful, healthy daughters, and money for travelling. They have been on several trips across the country with their children. Last year just the two of them went to Brazil for their anniversary, and next week they will visit Italy for a week. My brother-in-law's job includes a great deal of travelling. He literally has seen the world: Canada, Singapore, Kuwait, China, Yugoslavia, India, Algeria. Sure, he's been to those places for work, but he has had opportunities to sightsee as well.
My mom is catching up. As a single mother that included raising a daughter with a disability, there wasn't money in the budget for travelling. Now as a senior, semi-retired, there still isn't really money for travelling. But she manages. Cruises are her thing. She has been to Canada, Alaska, the Carribean, Mexico. She also goes to Las Vegas at least twice a year. It still hurts her that her family never includes her. It more than hurts her. It has shaped who she is.
I have not left my home state in nearly twenty years.
Interestingly, that wasn't what I was going to blog about initially.
Back to the party. My middle niece gave me a t-shirt as an early Hanukkah present. Its perfect for me, pink with a picture of a cat on it. The youngest niece approached me as I was admiring the gift and thanking her sister. Of the three girls, the youngest one bears the closest resemblance to me. She looked at me and said sweetly, "I'm sorry, I don't have a present for you." Without needing to think, I replied "You don't have to have a present for me. All you have to do is love me. That's your gift to me!"
The words "have to" weren't spoken to imply force. The written word conveyed without tone and setting can have an altering effect. She understood what I meant. That material possessions aren't important to me. Its her love that means the most to me. She grinned and exclaimed, "I do," her smile made even brighter by her shiny braces with the blue wires. Orthodontia sure has come a long way since I had braces twenty years ago. You can now get colored braces. Of course that costs extra. But when you can afford two international trips, at least three continental trips, dish network, new floors, granite countertops, a new bed, fresh paint, and G-d knows what else all in the span of one year, what's the big deal about a few extra bucks for colored braces? Oh, I think there was a new sports car in there too. But maybe that was last year.
See? I keep digressing. It happens after I've been around my family. Some members of them anyway. My bag gets full. That's colloquial for: I've had enough of the shit.
Unfortunately, my spontaneous ranting has caused the crux of this post to appear completely untruthful. What I came here to explain today is that material possessions DON'T matter. Its the love that matters. And hopefully I can illustrate that point now.
My nieces love me. Yes, I give them small gifts at Hanukkah and their birthdays. But that's it. Okay, and at their Bat Mitzvahs (two down, one to go). But not really other times. They know I don't have money. They have seen my apartment. They know I don't travel. They know I only work part time, and that I'm not married.
But they love me. They love me because I spend time with them. Our time together is not perfunctory the way my relationship is with the majority of my relatives. With everyone else at the party, it was a peck on the cheek (maybe), a "how are you?" and a "how's work going?" That's it. Period.
Not so with my nieces. We play games. We listen to music and look at funny stuff on you-tube. I listen to them. I am interested in what they have to say. I send them cards to say hello. They are .49 cent cards. There are no money or gift certificates in the envelopes. Just a little note to say "hello" and "I'm thinking about you." I know that the middle niece likes cats and the youngest one is a fanatic for the color blue and the oldest one loves being in the marching band. Two of them are teenagers now, and the youngest one is almost there, and every day I think, "The next time I see them they are going to be in that 'rotten teenager phase' where they hate everyone, including me." It hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will. But what I came here today to say is that it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if one day they come to hate me. I will love them forever. Some people in your life are like that. There are people in everyone's lives that they will love for their entire existence. I have other people that I feel that way about. There is even one person that I have never met. But I believe I will care about him forever.
I actually developed this observation before this weekend. I was thinking about the relationship between my mom and my sister, and that is when I had the epiphany. My sister and my mom are cut from the same cloth. That is why I notice a tenfold rise in tension a majority of the time that they are in the same room together. They can't communicate. I keep thinking they would be much happier if they could.
My sister is very hard on my mom. Its painful for me to watch. As it was painful for me to see my mom be hard on my grandmother. But my mother will love my sister forever. As I'm sure my grandmother loved my mom.
I know that love can die sometimes. It can burn out in a flash or it can fizzle away. But I think in many cases it endures, through hardships and celebrations, through anger and reconciliation, through loneliness and shelter, through agony and comfort.
librarinintx
Friday, November 09, 2007
A brief quote
"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they do"
Olin Miller, quote in In Motion magazine
For anyone who has struggled for years with image problems, self-consciousness, anxiety in public places...this simple quote speaks volumes. One sentence really can change your life...
if you let it.
librarianintx
Olin Miller, quote in In Motion magazine
For anyone who has struggled for years with image problems, self-consciousness, anxiety in public places...this simple quote speaks volumes. One sentence really can change your life...
if you let it.
librarianintx
Monday, June 04, 2007
Landslide
"I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changin
'Because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too
So, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down"
"Landslide"
by Stevie Nicks
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changin
'Because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too
So, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down"
"Landslide"
by Stevie Nicks
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Okay, really TWO book reviews this time
Let's get right to it, shall we?
Fallen Leaves: The Memoir of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter
by Adeline Yen Mah
Wow. Joan Crawford ain't got nuthin' on the stepmother in this book. Actually, the whole family is very dysfunctional. This book reminded me quite a bit of Memoirs of a Geisha, in that its amazing that the two women survived the emotional and physical trauma of their childhoods without losing their minds.
I was riveted; it was hard for me to put the book down. Since I read the back cover of the book before I bought it, I knew that she survives, and I knew what ultimately becomes of her. But the book was still engrossing, because there is much more to the story than her breaking free of the tyranny of her family. This is due to the fact that she never really does gain independence of them. For long after she is an adult, has a successful career and family of her own, and lives on another continent from much of her relatives, they continue to exert emotional torture on her. Her lifelong desire for love and respect from her family causes her to be susceptible to mental blackmail and financial difficulties. You have to read the whole book, because the person you think is behind the whole campaign against the author turns out to be only partially responsible for all that she goes through. As I said at the beginning, the stepmother is a real piece of work, but she isn't the only one. And even family members that the author insists are on her side make you wonder as you go through the pages.
And now for something completely different...
Be forewarned: Possible language/sexual content
Dork Whore: My Travels Through Asia as a Twenty-Year-Old Pseudo-Virgin
by Iris Bahr
How could I not buy this book? I had to buy it for the title alone. But it also has so many elements that interest me. She is Jewish, she was born in one place but grew up in another place, she has neuroses, its a biography, she is visiting foreign countries, she has a brother with a disability, and she is scared of sex.
My kind of book.
Its also absolutely freakin' hilarious. I was frequently laughing out loud as I read it. Its raunchy, its funny, its totally gross in places. Do not read this book if you are prude, or if you can't handle reading about bodily functions. I actually came close to gagging over one passage, even as I was laughing at the same time. Its that kind of book.
So now you're going to ask me, "So? Does she get laid by the end?" And my answer, of course, would be, "Read the book and find out!"
To tie in both of the reviews, people often ask me why I read what they consider to be depressing books. I read a lot of Holocaust literature, as well as the kind of books like Fallen Leaves, where someone is physically or emotionally scarred. But to me, they're not depressing books. I mean they are to a certain extent, but I don't read these kinds of books to focus on the bad stuff that happens. I read these books because they tell stories of people triumphing over adversity. "See what all she had to go through, and she managed to succeed. She beat the odds." I also read these kinds of books because they help me cut down on my bad habit of self-obsessing. When I read what others have had to go through in their lives, it makes my problems feel much less insurmountable.
librarianintx
Fallen Leaves: The Memoir of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter
by Adeline Yen Mah
Wow. Joan Crawford ain't got nuthin' on the stepmother in this book. Actually, the whole family is very dysfunctional. This book reminded me quite a bit of Memoirs of a Geisha, in that its amazing that the two women survived the emotional and physical trauma of their childhoods without losing their minds.
I was riveted; it was hard for me to put the book down. Since I read the back cover of the book before I bought it, I knew that she survives, and I knew what ultimately becomes of her. But the book was still engrossing, because there is much more to the story than her breaking free of the tyranny of her family. This is due to the fact that she never really does gain independence of them. For long after she is an adult, has a successful career and family of her own, and lives on another continent from much of her relatives, they continue to exert emotional torture on her. Her lifelong desire for love and respect from her family causes her to be susceptible to mental blackmail and financial difficulties. You have to read the whole book, because the person you think is behind the whole campaign against the author turns out to be only partially responsible for all that she goes through. As I said at the beginning, the stepmother is a real piece of work, but she isn't the only one. And even family members that the author insists are on her side make you wonder as you go through the pages.
And now for something completely different...
Be forewarned: Possible language/sexual content
Dork Whore: My Travels Through Asia as a Twenty-Year-Old Pseudo-Virgin
by Iris Bahr
How could I not buy this book? I had to buy it for the title alone. But it also has so many elements that interest me. She is Jewish, she was born in one place but grew up in another place, she has neuroses, its a biography, she is visiting foreign countries, she has a brother with a disability, and she is scared of sex.
My kind of book.
Its also absolutely freakin' hilarious. I was frequently laughing out loud as I read it. Its raunchy, its funny, its totally gross in places. Do not read this book if you are prude, or if you can't handle reading about bodily functions. I actually came close to gagging over one passage, even as I was laughing at the same time. Its that kind of book.
So now you're going to ask me, "So? Does she get laid by the end?" And my answer, of course, would be, "Read the book and find out!"
To tie in both of the reviews, people often ask me why I read what they consider to be depressing books. I read a lot of Holocaust literature, as well as the kind of books like Fallen Leaves, where someone is physically or emotionally scarred. But to me, they're not depressing books. I mean they are to a certain extent, but I don't read these kinds of books to focus on the bad stuff that happens. I read these books because they tell stories of people triumphing over adversity. "See what all she had to go through, and she managed to succeed. She beat the odds." I also read these kinds of books because they help me cut down on my bad habit of self-obsessing. When I read what others have had to go through in their lives, it makes my problems feel much less insurmountable.
librarianintx
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
A sad Survivor finale
I know...two posts in one day...shocking!! And I still need to do that second book review (thanks to the person who commented on the earlier review!)
But I have to rant about Survivor for a minute. Yeah yeah yeah, I know. "Its just a tv show." And "the motto of the show is 'Outwit. Outplay. Outlast." Or something like that. In other words, contestants are supposed to lie, cheat, and steal in order to win. Its the way the game is played. So why am I upset?
I am upset for several reasons. Number one, the best player did not win. Number two, one of the nicest people to ever play the game did not win. Number three, one of the nicest people who played one of the cleanest games did not win. Number four, two of the final three contestants, one of which was the winner, did not deserve to be in the finals in my opinion. Both of them were hangers on, letting other people figure out the strategies and win the challenges, while they voted as they were told to vote. Number five, the reason why Earl won, and by a unanimous decision for the first time in Survivor history, was NOT because he was the best player in the game. It was because his closest competitor in the final three, Dreamz, went back on a promise he made to Yau-Man. Yau-Man, one of the least likeliest people to win Survivor, was just about to do exactly that, when Dreamz destroyed all of Yau-Man's careful strategy and determination to win several challenges.
If you watched the season, you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, you probably don't care. So I don't think I need to go into the whole story. But I am really sad about the whole thing. I'm not really pissed off, I'm just sad. Its one of those moments that causes a neon "Remember, no one ever promised you that life would be fair" sign to flash before my eyes.
For me, the only thing worse to ever happen on Survivor (besides Rob and Amber's engagement right before she won, ewww) was Johnnie Rotten (or whatever his name was) pretending that his grandmother died so he could get some sympathy attention and perhaps keep from getting voted out. In Johnnie's case, I think he could be mentally ill, and I hope he gets professional help before he hurts himself or someone else. But Dreamz is not mentally ill. He is simply a liar. Yes, there was strategy in Yau-Man's decision to give Dreamz the truck in exchange for immunity later on. Of course there was strategy involved. But there was also goodness involved as well. Yau-Man knew that Dreamz desperately needed and wanted a car. He knew how Dreamz grew up. Dreamz was not shy about his rough upbringing. He played Yau-Man by promising to G-d that he would give up immunity if the situation came about. And he played everyone else by pretending to agonize over his situation. He even brought his son into the mix, saying he had to do right to set a good example for his child. But in the end, greed won out over goodness. And he couldn't even admit to the depths that he had sunk. "Oh, its ok," he says with a wave of his hand. "Its a game. Its not real life. Everyone else cheats and lies in this game. Its how you win."
The one thing I can be grateful for is that the members of the jury did not reward treachery of this magnitude. Dreamz did not receive a single vote, and he was skewered by several of his fellow contestants, especially when he claimed at the final tribal council that he would "use the money to do a lot of good." Good for who, Dreamz? And would anyone want money that was "earned" in the face of such betrayal? I think its also sad that again for the first time in Survivor history, all three finalists were individuals of color. That is a good thing. The sad part is that one of them got there by lying and the other two got there by letting others do all the work.
I hope Dreamz' son is proud of him. I hope Dreamz can sleep at night.
And I hope Yau-Man has good Karma for years to come. He didn't win a million dollars, but he won a whole bunch of respect, and a ton of fans. Life may not be fair, but I believe good things will come his way. Its always fun to root for an underdog, and Yau-Man was the reason I kept watching this season. Congrats Yau-Man!
librarianintx
But I have to rant about Survivor for a minute. Yeah yeah yeah, I know. "Its just a tv show." And "the motto of the show is 'Outwit. Outplay. Outlast." Or something like that. In other words, contestants are supposed to lie, cheat, and steal in order to win. Its the way the game is played. So why am I upset?
I am upset for several reasons. Number one, the best player did not win. Number two, one of the nicest people to ever play the game did not win. Number three, one of the nicest people who played one of the cleanest games did not win. Number four, two of the final three contestants, one of which was the winner, did not deserve to be in the finals in my opinion. Both of them were hangers on, letting other people figure out the strategies and win the challenges, while they voted as they were told to vote. Number five, the reason why Earl won, and by a unanimous decision for the first time in Survivor history, was NOT because he was the best player in the game. It was because his closest competitor in the final three, Dreamz, went back on a promise he made to Yau-Man. Yau-Man, one of the least likeliest people to win Survivor, was just about to do exactly that, when Dreamz destroyed all of Yau-Man's careful strategy and determination to win several challenges.
If you watched the season, you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, you probably don't care. So I don't think I need to go into the whole story. But I am really sad about the whole thing. I'm not really pissed off, I'm just sad. Its one of those moments that causes a neon "Remember, no one ever promised you that life would be fair" sign to flash before my eyes.
For me, the only thing worse to ever happen on Survivor (besides Rob and Amber's engagement right before she won, ewww) was Johnnie Rotten (or whatever his name was) pretending that his grandmother died so he could get some sympathy attention and perhaps keep from getting voted out. In Johnnie's case, I think he could be mentally ill, and I hope he gets professional help before he hurts himself or someone else. But Dreamz is not mentally ill. He is simply a liar. Yes, there was strategy in Yau-Man's decision to give Dreamz the truck in exchange for immunity later on. Of course there was strategy involved. But there was also goodness involved as well. Yau-Man knew that Dreamz desperately needed and wanted a car. He knew how Dreamz grew up. Dreamz was not shy about his rough upbringing. He played Yau-Man by promising to G-d that he would give up immunity if the situation came about. And he played everyone else by pretending to agonize over his situation. He even brought his son into the mix, saying he had to do right to set a good example for his child. But in the end, greed won out over goodness. And he couldn't even admit to the depths that he had sunk. "Oh, its ok," he says with a wave of his hand. "Its a game. Its not real life. Everyone else cheats and lies in this game. Its how you win."
The one thing I can be grateful for is that the members of the jury did not reward treachery of this magnitude. Dreamz did not receive a single vote, and he was skewered by several of his fellow contestants, especially when he claimed at the final tribal council that he would "use the money to do a lot of good." Good for who, Dreamz? And would anyone want money that was "earned" in the face of such betrayal? I think its also sad that again for the first time in Survivor history, all three finalists were individuals of color. That is a good thing. The sad part is that one of them got there by lying and the other two got there by letting others do all the work.
I hope Dreamz' son is proud of him. I hope Dreamz can sleep at night.
And I hope Yau-Man has good Karma for years to come. He didn't win a million dollars, but he won a whole bunch of respect, and a ton of fans. Life may not be fair, but I believe good things will come his way. Its always fun to root for an underdog, and Yau-Man was the reason I kept watching this season. Congrats Yau-Man!
librarianintx
Its O-fficial!!
Whoo-hoo!!!
The best show you're not watching is giving you a second chance to watch! NBC has decided to renew "Friday Night Lights"....YEA!!!!!!!!!!
If you go to www.nbc.com, and choose "Friday Night Lights" from the "shows" pull down menu, you can watch episodes from last season. Go! Get caught up now! The new season will be here before you know it. And make plans now to be home at 8 pm Central Time on Friday nights for Season 2 of "Friday Night Lights" (or Tivo or DvR it)
librarianintx
The best show you're not watching is giving you a second chance to watch! NBC has decided to renew "Friday Night Lights"....YEA!!!!!!!!!!
If you go to www.nbc.com, and choose "Friday Night Lights" from the "shows" pull down menu, you can watch episodes from last season. Go! Get caught up now! The new season will be here before you know it. And make plans now to be home at 8 pm Central Time on Friday nights for Season 2 of "Friday Night Lights" (or Tivo or DvR it)
librarianintx
Thursday, May 10, 2007
TWO book reviews
My appetite for reading has picked up again, and I am very happy about that. It took me quite awhile to get through the first book, but the second one I read in less than a week! Quite an accomplishment for me these days.
Book #1
In My Brother's Image: Twin Brothers Separated By Faith After the Holocaust
by Eugene L. Pogany
This was a long book, over 350 pages, and the first 75 or so were a bit arduous for me. I had some trouble getting into the story. But after that I really got immersed and had trouble putting it down. I have read a lot of Holocaust literature, from survivors in different countries and even of various faiths. This book was a different spin from others I've read because the main characters did not convert to Catholicism to escape persecution. They converted long before the war began, but were persecuted anyway because they had been born Jews. This book also helped me understand the bitterness that many people have toward the Catholic Church and the role it played during World War II. Although many priests did baptize Jews with the intent of saving them from persecution, some refused to, and the Catholic Church as a whole allowed itself to be railroaded by the Nazi Regime.
I think this book also resonated with me because my maternal grandparents converted to Christianity when I was very young. My grandfather converted when he was dying from cancer soon after I was born, and my grandmother remained a devout Christian until her death five years ago. Her religion was a source of great joy for her and much pain and consternation for the rest of the family. For many reasons I have harbored a disdain for Christianity my whole life, but I am coming to terms with religion now. Clay has been one source for my healing, as I see the love, the good works, and the sense of peace that spirit affords him. Close friends have been another source, as I have had some devout people in my life that are the kindest, generous, and most selfless that I have come to know. And books like this one has been a part of my journey as well. In the case of the author's grandmother, she was born a Jew, but always felt the spirit of Christ in her. When she converted, that is when she felt whole. And she remained a Catholic until the day she died. I have a close friend who converted the opposite way. She was born Christian, but wanted to be Jewish from an early age. She converted when she was in her early twenties. Her family had a hard time at first, but they are very accepting now. My friend is now around thirty years old, married to a Jewish man, raising three Jewish children, and she is way more Jewish than I have ever been. :-)
I heard a quote once that religion is responsible for most of the war in the world, and I do not doubt that at all. I think that is so sad. Having religion in your life can bring such joy and peace. I know it sounds pollyanna, but I wish we could just be happy for the way that anyone finds their path, either with or without religion, and not constantly battle over which religion is the right one. And certainly not persecute each other for being a different religion, or for not being religious at all.
Stay tuned for book #2.
librarianintx
Book #1
In My Brother's Image: Twin Brothers Separated By Faith After the Holocaust
by Eugene L. Pogany
This was a long book, over 350 pages, and the first 75 or so were a bit arduous for me. I had some trouble getting into the story. But after that I really got immersed and had trouble putting it down. I have read a lot of Holocaust literature, from survivors in different countries and even of various faiths. This book was a different spin from others I've read because the main characters did not convert to Catholicism to escape persecution. They converted long before the war began, but were persecuted anyway because they had been born Jews. This book also helped me understand the bitterness that many people have toward the Catholic Church and the role it played during World War II. Although many priests did baptize Jews with the intent of saving them from persecution, some refused to, and the Catholic Church as a whole allowed itself to be railroaded by the Nazi Regime.
I think this book also resonated with me because my maternal grandparents converted to Christianity when I was very young. My grandfather converted when he was dying from cancer soon after I was born, and my grandmother remained a devout Christian until her death five years ago. Her religion was a source of great joy for her and much pain and consternation for the rest of the family. For many reasons I have harbored a disdain for Christianity my whole life, but I am coming to terms with religion now. Clay has been one source for my healing, as I see the love, the good works, and the sense of peace that spirit affords him. Close friends have been another source, as I have had some devout people in my life that are the kindest, generous, and most selfless that I have come to know. And books like this one has been a part of my journey as well. In the case of the author's grandmother, she was born a Jew, but always felt the spirit of Christ in her. When she converted, that is when she felt whole. And she remained a Catholic until the day she died. I have a close friend who converted the opposite way. She was born Christian, but wanted to be Jewish from an early age. She converted when she was in her early twenties. Her family had a hard time at first, but they are very accepting now. My friend is now around thirty years old, married to a Jewish man, raising three Jewish children, and she is way more Jewish than I have ever been. :-)
I heard a quote once that religion is responsible for most of the war in the world, and I do not doubt that at all. I think that is so sad. Having religion in your life can bring such joy and peace. I know it sounds pollyanna, but I wish we could just be happy for the way that anyone finds their path, either with or without religion, and not constantly battle over which religion is the right one. And certainly not persecute each other for being a different religion, or for not being religious at all.
Stay tuned for book #2.
librarianintx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)