A Story from the "Be on Time" Chronicles

The "Be on Time" Chronicles is a new idea - humorous stories from my life as a para-transit passenger. Here is a story from this morning:

I'm barely on time this morning - an every day occurrence.
I always get my clothes ready the night before, and put them in the bathroom.
I had a suspicion last night that I grabbed the wrong pants, but I was tired and waved away any doubts.
Doubts were confirmed this morning.
I was wearing a blue and beige shirt, blue jacket, and I was about to don black pants.
No.
Unacceptable.
Luckily I had a pair of jeans in the bathroom as well.
Because the clock was ticking.
As I'm pulling the jeans on, I realize these are new jeans that I haven't worn before.
So they are stiff.
Hard to button.
Time is ticking.
I contemplate just putting my belt on without getting the jeans buttoned, but finally my fingers come through for me.
Tick. Tock.
I hurry into the bedroom, grab my phone and glasses.
Hurry up.
As I'm heading to the kitchen, something makes me reach back and touch my butt.
No, I'm not usually in the habit of grabbing my own ass.
There is a tag on my new jeans.
Not the sticky, easy to pull off kind of tag.
The kind of tag that I usually need scissors to remove.
Clock keeps moving.
Concern about missing my ride gives me unusual strength, and I rip that sucker off my butt without scissors.
I throw the tag on the kitchen table as I toss food into my bag.
When I sling said bag onto my shoulder, I feel something on my other butt cheek.
Son of a bitch, ANOTHER tag!
I rip off that one as I hurry for the door, dropping it on the living room table.
Pull open the door, walk through, lock it.
Success!
I'm outside right on time: 6:45 a.m.!
Whew!
And what time did my vehicle arrive?
About 7:05.
I stood outside waiting for at least twenty minutes.
In twenty minutes I could have accomplished so many things.
Including finding and wearing the right pants.
Such is life when you ride para-transit.
You know you have to be on time - but you're probably going to end up waiting.
Well, at least I'm wearing *A* pair of pants.
And a pair without tags.
Bonus points!

librarianintx